iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,593 Blog Posts

BOTTOM: Cramer Says ‘Oil is Collapsing’

Whenever I upload a video to Youtube with Cramer in it, the fagLORDS from NBC have it removed. I suppose Cramer is a very valuable person to attract ad dollars and NBC will be damned if the plebs get to enjoy his brand of propaganda anywhere but NBC. They own his ass.

The big news today: OIL ENTERS BEAR MARKET.

Cramer opines on that, providing some rationale, and paints a grim picture for crude.

Dare I say “BOTTOM”?

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Market is Now Resting

Day three of my crisis.

Dear diary

My quotes in Exodus aren’t operational, rendering most of the platform a useless piece of garbage. Since I am without tech, I am forced into the streets with a tin cup filled with money, offering it to the passerby codes-men to assist me. Every once in a while, I get someone to take some of my money — but they fail to fix it. My subscribers are getting restless and soon, I suspect, will begin picking at the castle walls with their rakes and shovels. I’ve tried to temper them with comedic acts and winning stock ideas, and that has worked for a short while — but I can tell tensions are rising and they’re beginning to hate my guts.

At the moment, I have two codes-men having a look at it and one is trying hard, the other, not so much. He does have a real job, after all, and the money in my tin cup isn’t much interest to him.

For now, I press on — very sad and downtrodden. I haven’t eaten in 10 hours and refuse to find pleasure in most things, instead opting for a punitive existence.

I guess markets are resting after yesterday’s ejaculation. Maybe it’ll go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, and then ejaculate again next week.

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MARKETS EJACULATE ALL OVER THE BEARS — CURB STOMPED SESSIONS, HILLARY IS GOING TO JAIL

What a glorious day. See how much better I am than you, as far as investments are concerned? I’m probably a better writer, faster reader, cook, cocktail maker, joke teller, and have a better sense of fashion too. But that’s as far as I’ll go. I lost my hair a decade ago and that was really sad; but now I don’t give a shit. People ask me, ‘Fly, if they cured baldness, would you slap some hair on that there cue ball of yours?’

The answer is, inexorably, no. Fuck hair and fuck your shampoo. That shit has cancer in it. I wash may head with god damned soap, a big old bastard bar of soap. I’m not at the shave your head baldness yet, as I like to pretend there’s still something there to maintain. But I don’t use no god damned shampoo.

My TLRY is +22 points from this morning. None of you can hold a candle to me, zero.

That being said, I’m here to help, your stock monkey who toils away at the hot laptop spitting out outrageous stock picks for absolutely no reason at all.

In other news, Sessions is gone. Good news for Hillary haters. Finally, that bitch can find herself into a prison cell. Thank God. Also, maybe Trump has Mueller arrested too?

Remember who called this shit, you ingrates.

Good times!

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FLY BUYS: GET IN HERE

My spirits are rising, with the good fortune of my stock purchases. Markets continue to rise, as predicted, heading towards, and herding tightly, Turkey Day.

I bought the following stocks this morning. Try and stop me. I’ll rip your arms and legs off.

SQ, TLRY, NEWR, HUBS, DOCU, DBX, TEAM.

Cash is 55%.

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Markets Surge — Fly is Back in For the Turkey Run

Don’t ever leave messages in the comments section alluding to GNC as a stock that might go higher. GNC will go bankrupt one day — because Amazon says so. I just bought a flurry of stocks, none of which is any of your concern. Like I said, dour mood and all that. My cash position is down to 55% now and the reserves will be left for safe keeping, just in case I’m suddenly wrong, after 21 successful trades in a row.

Right now I have a bunch of shit running through my heads, things I’d like to say to you, all very mean and cruel, but I won’t say them. I don’t really mean it anyways; I just have a warped mind that thinks darkly.

THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER AGAIN. All of the democrats in NY and LA are jerking off to pictures of Barack Obama. They have the house again and now Trump is really gonna get his due — that racist homophobic bastard.

I am 99.99999999% sure markets go up from here. As a matter of fact, if we’re not higher by Thanksgiving, I’ll donate this website to charity and let some homeless dude take over the mantle of The Fly. He’d probably trade better than half of you losers. There I go again, saying things I don’t mean.

I’ll have you know, I’m a really nice guy. Ask anyone who has ever worked for or worked with me, a regular charmer.

At any rate, if I’m right about the market and you’re wrong, I get to cut your throat and see you bleed out. Deal?

Let the games begin.

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The Giant Circle Jerk Continues

We’re set to rip higher, and no this isn’t some sort of trap. The gains will stick and the people who buy today will be happy tomorrow. The pageantry of the elections is finally over and now people can get back to focusing on what’s really important: stuffing their big fat faces with copious amounts of turkey and turkey gravy, cranned berried sauce, and mounds of mashed potatoes.

The day we began killing the Indians for good fast approaches and the country is tired of selling off, worrying about distant trade wars. People just want to unwind. Know what I mean? Drink White Russians and watch Netflix, kick up their feet, and gain lots of pounds.

I remain in a miserably dour mood and it’s work related; but I’ll push thru for the benefit of mankind and history and continue to provide the people with good stock ideas — companies worth investing in for the purposes of extreme profit.

I’m going to stop writing now and maybe go downstairs for a tall glass of water, perhaps nibble on an inedible piece of hardened and black toast. I’ll reappear when the market opens with my buy orders.

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GRIDLOCK

The mid-term elections are over and it went as expected. The dems took the House. The repubs kept the Senate. Gridlock is the buzz word, and Wall Street loves that shit.

I was a coward, hiding in the corners at 90% cash. I will redeploy tomorrow and join the cavalcade of buyers, who will assuredly bid stocks up.

Without question, having the elections behind us is a net positive for stocks and having a split government is good, as it checks Trump and his trade war against China.

Nasdaq futs are +50.

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Not Buying Anything, As Is My Constitutional Right

Everything was miserable for me today, even the taste of the coffee I made. My day was wholly ruined due to a tech malfunction at Exodus, which couldn’t be resolved because I’m in between techFAGS. I don’t want to drag any of you down into my brooding and black mood, but all is lost and buying into this horrible tape, into a miserable elections, can only lead to catastrophic results.

You’d be wise to step aside and go to cash, protect your almonds from the greatest ball busters of our time — politicians.

A GOP win means we will ravage China for the next two years. Stocks should clown punch lower.

A Democratic win might mean impeachment proceedings, risking the god damned tax cuts. Under that scenario, stocks will clown punch lower.

Either way, we clown punch lower.

I know this is a totally different take from yesterday, which makes me look partly or wholly insane, bio-polar or manic depressive. But I had a change of heart. I don’t know why — but I did. Truth is, we’re all pissing in the wind here, spitting balling it and hoping our piss doesn’t catch a breeze and spray back into our faces.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well. My money is scared, so it’ll remain indoors and protected by steel vaults.

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Not Chasing This Shit

I’m in a dreadfully sour mood this morning, partly because my bed is a piece of shit and very uncomfortable; but mainly because I’m, once again, having tech issues at Exodus.

It’s raining here in NJ and I hope everyone heading out to the polls slips and gets struck by lightening. I really don’t have an regard for the process of voting and what it brings with it, indecorous clown fuckers and shoe cobblers uniting to form clown cobblers.

Stocks are higher and I’m mad about that too. Whenever I think I’ve transcended into this zen person of unlimited patience, a day like today presents itself and I revert back to the guy who used to punch holes through his office sheetrock.

You can’t chase an +50 open on the Nasdaq and get away with it. It’s not often we get a slow burn upward throughout the day. Typically, you’ll get a big open, drift, and then one last power move towards the end of the day.

Go eat some sandwiches and avoid slipping on the wet concrete and getting stricken by lightening bolts.

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Today’s the Big Day

Morning lads.

How do I start my day? I’m a very typical American hero. I usually start my day with a short stack of panned cakes, bacon, made by my own hand — black coffee and some classical music. I ferry the kids to school when they miss he bus and then I read the economic headlines for the morning and make a determination on how to trade the day’s news.

Today is the big faggot election parade, lots of noise and morons running around telling other people to vote. No thanks pal — there will be no voting in this household, as I view voting to be a waste of time and energy. Voting inside of a two party system is like only being able to trade FB or SNAP. Both stocks suck and I don’t want to trade them, so why are you forcing me?

FUCK OFF.

I am hoping the emotions of the day will cause people to sell due to uncertainty. We got some weakness in tech yesterday, but not enough. God willing, we can see a substantial sell off into the afternoon session and I can allocate maybe half of my 85% cash reserves.

Since the market is trading as a convoy now, I will likely opt for ETFs over stocks.

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