18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
15,575 Blog Posts

Let the Panic Begin: Media Actively Promoting Market Uncertainty; Asian Equities Flush Out

Bank of America Merrill did a survey last week, which was picked up today by Bloomberg, expressing the reticence of fund managers — because MUH valuations appear to be stretched.

Seemingly, record numbers of panic filled managers view U.S. markets as most oversold — a narrative being delicately woven by the media shills in an ardent effort to talk down markets.

BofA’s Chief Investment Strategist, Michael Hartnett, penned a useless note to clients,  showcasing this survey as incontrovertible evidence that markets are, hilariously, most overvalued since 2000. On the flip-side of this shit-libbed survey, a record number of participants, likely pooled from the San Francisco bathhouse scene, view European markets are most undervalued. In other words, we’re going to tank, dot com bust style, all the while migrant impugned Europe escapes the horrors and ends up raping and pillaging shorts for the remainder of 2017.

Good luck with that, fucked face.

Subsequently, Asian markets are reeling lower, led by the NIKKEI -2%, the resource heavy S&P ASX, -1.6%, and the Hang Seng -1.2%.

DAX futures are off by 0.75% and Nasdaq futs are down by 15.

Prepare for broken elevator cable pin action.

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The intelligence quotient amongst these people in power is below retard level. Here is the dumbest person to ever soil the halls of Congress, Maxine Waters, tweeting to get ready for impeachment — less than 3 months into Trump’s presidency.

Here’s the case Maxine made for building a consensus around removing the President of the United States. Please listen and try not to laugh too hard when she says Putin is advancing into Korea.

Look at the eyes on that empty vessel — vacuous and without a soul. These are the troglodytes that seek to lead us down the road to Damascus — splintering and breaking this country into an irreversible dystopian state of rack and ruin. The neocon agenda of war by any means is a philosophy shared on both sides of the aisle. Maxine Waters doesn’t have any thoughts of her own. Like Pelosi, she’s genetically incapable of exerting real leadership and instead regurgitates whatever her bosses tell her to disseminate.

The world has always been a dangerous place. Couple the inherent risks with the fact that both the GOP and the DNC are filled with trollops like this, an outside observer begins to understand why America voted for a man who is, quintessentially, the exact opposite of what we’ve come to expect from Washington.

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Well, the Trump administration kept bragging about the stock market successes, now they’re gonna have to fall victim to the odious true nature of it — a wild unkept beast whose only goal is to eat the testicles of those playing inside of it.

The rare air of tumult is abundant today — with the Dow Jones falling by more than 240 and the fag-heavy Nasdaq off by 110. It’s a good thing $SNAP was afforded the opportunity to come public and get liquid on all of the middle aged men who wanted to be a part of the social fabric that is shill-heavy Americana. These are the culture wars, after all. You’re either one of them, or everyone else. The good news is, there’s time left to jump over the transom and back into reality — far away from the vainglorious bedlamites who hover over us like ravenous vultures — and into the less servile quarters.

Bitcoins were higher by 6%, gold nearly 1% and everything else sharply lower.

Major losses were invariably big in almost every sector — especially banking, biotech and basic resources. Standouts included $HCLP, $SID, $CLF, $KITE, $ALNY, $JUNO, $X, $SGEN and $VALE.

Breadth stood at a pathetic 16% and the Bubble Basket found in Exodus was drowned by -4%. Since we’re running free trials through Wednesday, some of you might truly get to embrace the algorithmic winship inherent in the platform.

As far as I’m concerned, my all in position, $WLK, shed nearly 3% — leaving me in a forlorn recalcitrant mood into what could be an extended whorish move lower. Instead of permitting the market to fribble away at me like this, I might just do something about it tomorrow — via downside hedges or a full liquidation of the position. I have zero qualms about losing when the markets are hard. I do, however, feel that to lose for an extended period of time, in the face of undeniable truths, is inexcusable.

To that end, if you find yourselves in a state of ruin after this minor parlance into corrective territory, you’re likely doing it all wrong. Either way, make sure you can survive the broken elevator drops and be able to buy the blood and the pitiful state of your fellow trader — transferring his loss into your magnanimous gain.

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Bank Stocks Reel After Top Democrat Says ‘We Will Not Do a Wholesale Rollback of Dodd-Frank’

At a speech this morning, ranking member of the Senate Banking Committee, Sherrod Brown, said “what we will not do is a wholesale rollback of Dodd-Frank.” That would be counterproductive… the law is working.”

How does it feel Trumpsters? Your beloved leader is literally hopeless, unable to get nothing done in an establishment controlled house and senate. This utterly powerless democratic senator just beat out the fuck down.

“Big changes create uncertainty, which is bad for everyone,” he said.

In spite of Trump ordering a rewrite of rage bill and dismantling of its key components, Sen. Brown and his good pal, Republican Chairman of the banking panel, Sen. Mike Crapo, like it just fine. Sen. Brown even took time out to praise his colleague and tell the people who paid him to make his speech that they were very much interested in policy that could ‘foster economic growth.’

“The days of the Senate Banking Committee and its dysfunction and, let’s just say less than busy work ethic, I hope is behind us,” he said. “We both have a commitment to work on issues we can come together on.”

He didn’t exactly elaborate which policies he’d support to foster said growth, considering his strict adherence to normality and status quo, fearing change could upset the nice little apple cart he has set up for himself.

Bank ETF, $XLF, is sharply lower on this news.

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The yield curve has been tightening a bit, which has caused investors to chimp out and sell their bank stocks. At 115bps, the poor, idle, bankster is hardly able to make a living — doling out loans to stupid people at 32%apr.

Banks are off by 4% for the session. Crash mode.

Here are some larger capped standouts.

Bank stocks are reeling, off by 4%, as if the apocalypse was just around the bend. In addition to that carnage is a sharp and deleterious heart attack drop in Trump plays, like $CLF, $X and zinc stocks like $HBM.

On the upside, bitcoin and gold are higher, as well as utilities and bonds — a archetypical risk off Day.

The subsequent effect this is having on the overall indices is one of extreme harassment, sending the Dow much lower, alongside the very weak Nasdaq, which is filled with a sundry of weak numales running absurdly overvalued technology companies in Silicon Valley.

We at Ibankcoin hope that they die.

As an aside, Fed’s Kashkari was taking questions on Twitter today. I managed to squeeze one in.

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Markets Continue to Struggle; I Have No Fears Whatsoever

Hangin’ tight, not really moored to the same emotional tirades that used to drive me fucking nuts in the past. To think that I used to burden myself with the responsibility of handling and overseeing the net worth of so many people, most of which are some of the most horrible people I’ve ever encountered in my life, I can only appraise my life after money management as zen — turning yours truly into a peacenik — only interested in good times.

Markets just dumped out, but I don’t really give a damn about that. I’m going to make a King’s ransom in my $WLK position. Time is on my side.

The Euro is much stronger today. I suppose the shills are enthused by France’s Macron and believe populism is as dead as David Rockefeller. Can’t we just get back to FOXCONN slave factories and rapidly disappearing factory jobs in America — in an effort to funnel our unskilled labor into becoming wards of the state to do with as we please? The monarch would also prefer that all wards of the state be disarmed — in order to protect them from committing suicide with their loaded pistols.

Market breadth is under 40%. Director Comey is investigating Russia and Putin is getting ready to meet with Sec. Tillerson. President Trump is permitting his daughter live in the White House and muslims are no longer allowed to play with their iPads en route to America.


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Apple Releases Red iPhone for AIDS, Plus Cheap iPad

Good news for you Applefags today. Apple has unveiled their latest color and it’s blood red. All monies earned through the sale of the red iPhone will go towards programs for HIV and AIDS — because nothing says ‘fuck aids’ like buying a $750 red phone, making oneself look like a Russian communist Nazi bastard in the process.

The new ‘special ed’  phone will come in 128gb and 256gb configurations.

The (red) program that the new phone will help finance will only serve people in sub Sahara Africa. Ergo, if you live in America or Europe, South America or Asia and have aids — fuck off — for Apple only wants to help persons living below the Sahara desert.

Quit shilling

Also, they’ve launched a new iPad, which is just like the old iPad air2 with subtle upgrades. The main selling feature is the price — starting at just $329 for 32gb, even poor people can afford it.

It comes with an A9 chip, making it faster, 8 megapixel camera with 1080p video and 1.2 megapixel FaceTime cam with 720p vid recording.

What are you waiting for? Head out to the mall and buy a few.

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U.S. Issues Airplane Electronics Ban in 8 Muslim Countries

Not all muslims blow up airplanes. But all airplanes that have been blown up have been done by muslims. Ergo, the Trump administration has ordered that any electronic device larger than a cellphone must be stowed away in the luggage, so that it might blow up there and instead of inside the cabin where people might get hurt.

Eight airports, all within Muslim countries, have fallen victim to the latest spate of Trump’s neo racism,

Here are the guidelines. Those who do not adhere to these rules shall not be permitted to fly into the United States.


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RUSSIAN SPY ALERT: Sec. Tillerson to Skip NATO Meeting In Order to Visit Mother Russia

Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, is skipping the useless NATO meeting scheduled for April 5-6th, in order to visit red China and then his good friends in Moscow, Vlad Putin and his diabolical band of hacking Kingmakers.

Tillerson is going to actually miss his first opportunity to meet with a group of autocrats in Brussels, in favor of a communist zealot in China and an inscrutable thug in Moscow. Can you believe it?

Advocates for the secretary might argue that the 28 nations that make up NATO are useless shills, milling about Brussels in search of good pizza — whereas negotiating with China and Russia could quite literally mean the difference between trade war and a physical one — something that is not in the best interest of the American people.

Source: Reuters

“It feeds this narrative that somehow the Trump administration is playing footsy with Russia,” said one former U.S. official who spoke on condition of anonymity.

“You don’t want to do your early business with the world’s great autocrats. You want to start with the great democracies, and NATO is the security instrument of the transatlantic group of great democracies,” he added.

I’m not exactly sure which democracies this unnamed ‘former US official’ is speaking of when referring to the cabal of European nations that make up NATO. Perhaps he’s talking about the ‘democratically elected’ leader of Turkey?

Nevertheless, expect the mayne stream meteor to chimp out on these awfully grim revelations of Sec. “fuck the press” Tillerson opting to ignore NATO in favor of relevant countries who could use some diplomacy to set things right.

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Newt Rips into Comey, Calls Today’s Testimony ‘Pathetic’

We all knew the shills at the FBI were ‘investigating’ Russian phantoms, hoping to find more nothing. If we learned anything at all from today’s morose testimony by James Comey it is that he’s unwilling to confirm investigations were underway, or even considered, to reveal the leakers that keep disseminating sensitive information to the press. Bear in mind, this is a felony punishable up to 10 years in ape raping prison, yet no one seems the least bit interested in who was committing them.

We can hardly conclude that Comey is a democratic shill, considering he was instrumental in making Hillbot look like a literal prisoner one week before the elections — with the announcement of his pointless investigation which he later redacted.

Newt weighed in on the matter which he described as ‘idiotic’ — confounded at the juxtaposition of Comey freely admitting to investing Russian phantoms, but unwilling to even say he might look into the leaks.

Pray tell me, why?

What sort of game is Comey playing anyway? As far as I can tell, he’s a bull in a China shop just making a mess and a lot of noise — but doing nothing other than that. Lots of accusations are flying on both ends, but nothing is ever revealed or concluded. He’s probably the most universally hated man in America, from both sides of the aisle, yet there he is shilling away.

How can anyone believe a word coming out of this man’s mouth?

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