“The Fly” just got done doing “stress tests” on the market and the results are in: this shit isn’t strong enough to chase.

I want to chase some ag names here, based on the Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) (POT: 124.94 0.00%) news. However, I am resisting the temptation by eating sandwiches.

On a separate note, Briefing.com is reporting Dril-Quip, Inc. (DRQ: 62.38 0.00%) for Flotek Industries, Inc. (FTK: 1.37 0.00%) takeover rumors. As much as I would like to believe that, being long a million shares, Briefing can go fuck themselves, with their asshole rumors. Seriously, those coffin stuffers disseminate false rumors daily. NEVER buy into them.

If you have been long, take profits and enjoy the weekend. If you have been sitting out this rally, too bad fuckface. You missed it: better luck next time.

With (TLT: 90.36 0.00%) and (VXX: 23.90 0.00%) about to go green, Le Fly is heading back to his bear cave for a little nap.

Before you eat your strudel (invest in stocks), I insist that you wait for the creme (see if the rally can hold). I am holding off on any moves until after 10:00am.

Thank you.

Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) (POT: 124.94 0.00%) just guided way the fuck up tonight. Seriously, I would tell you all how I am playing this, but too many retarded money managers read me and front run my trades.

8:24 ET 3/11/10 POT Potash guides Q1 EPS to $$1.30-$1.50 vs prior $0.70-$1.00 and Reuters $0.94 ($116.93) Company notes that the upward revision reflects a sharp rebound in potash demand that is expected to drive a record quarter for North American sales volumes and strong offshore shipments, as well as higher-than-expected margins in nitrogen and phosphate. Adds that any revisions to annual guidance will be addressed in its Q1 news release on 29-Apr. Note that the current Reuters consensus for 2010 EPS is $5.12. “

Needless to say, I will be deploying capital to the ag sector, immediately, based upon this massive shift in the potash market. It appears, as I have discussed before (check my archives), farmers are no longer starving their soil, in order to save a few bucks. To do so would endanger future yields. As you can see with these Potash numbers, it’s time to milk the farmer again.

I will take 5-10% of assets and buy a basket of ag stocks, starting tomorrow morning.

My 5 year old son asked me this question today. Naturally, my reply was: “no son, he is very much alive, indeed.”

Be sure to tune into Scott Bleier’s video update today at 4:30, regarding this wacky tape. The trial is free, so quit being such a lazy ‘tard and sign up.

NOTE: Merlin was last seen playing with his rubics cube, while mumbling to himself.

“The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER has decided to go for a spin in his space saucer, with every intention of abducting some dumbass brokers, then dropping them into random FINRA OTR’s. Additionally, my trading is done for the day, as I have been buying massive quantities of (VXX: 23.90 0.00%) . I know, you little bitches out there will exclaim: “but, guy, the VXX is inferior to ordinary options, pfff, pfff, pfff.”

You fucking nerds need to go bark up another tree, else I will break your respective jaws with my g-force.

So what am I looking at here?

I am looking at your stupid mug telling me to buy an extended tape and I DON’T LIKE IT. I don’t like it one fucking bit, so quit doing it. By the way, a “special fuck” goes out to all of you talking heads who said “we are in a new era of volatility,” when the VIX was trading above 50. Considering I am buying it at half the value of where you liked it, you need to remove yourself from the industry.

Thank you.

Top picks: (TLT: 90.36 0.00%) , (VXX: 23.90 0.00%) , (TAN: 8.35 0.00%)

Continuing my theme of betting against the market by not really betting against it, I am allocating 10% of my assets in (VXX: 23.90 0.00%) , under $24.40.

Disclaimer: If you buy (VXX: 23.90 0.00%) because of this post, the next time you visit the zoo, an ostrich will kick you in the face. And, you may lose money.