Web poll is being retarded. Fill in the blanks.

I will discuss this later. But the internet has failed me today. It’s almost impossible to embed a good web poll into WordPress.

Fuck the internet.

Here is a picture of Bill Ackman, who actually cried during his ‘short HLF to zero’ presentation today.

I’ve seen my share of odd moments during annual meetings, but until Thursday I’d never seen a grown man cry during one. O.K., maybe “cry” is a bit of an overstatement for what happened. Still, it was pretty startling when, in the middle of his speech to Target Corporation shareholders, William A. Ackman, the hedge fund manager who had waged an expensive, high-profile proxy fight against the company, suddenly choked up and stopped speaking. He wiped away a tear.

Source: NYT

Montauk Bill Ackman embarrassed himself today. After alluding to what would be ‘proof of fraud’ yesterday, the JCP turn around specialist all but eviscerated himself and his partners at Pershing Square today, by throwing gasoline onto the shares of HLF thanks to a fucked in the head short thesis presentation–leading to an epic 25%+ one day surge in the shares.

At this point, Bill should just do his partners a favor and resign as CIO of Pershing Square. It’s bad enough he’s getting taken to the woodshed on his HLF deal. But it’s a whole different story that he’s spent upwards of 50 million dollars ‘researching‘ it.

May you remember these days for the rest of your lives. Right now is the time to grab the bull by the horns and drive it straight into your enemies chest cavities. For the rest of you, lying in the tall grass, waiting for an opportunity to present itself, I hope to dear God you are struck by lightening–at the hands of Zeus himself. Or perhaps a plague might infect the grass you seek comfort in, exposing you for the asshole that you truly are–leaving you awash in misery.

As for everyone else, pretending to be Montauk Bill Ackman, embarrassing yourselves in short positions: you’re better than that. I am sure your parents paid for your college tuition and prodded you to study hard, to become the best damned professional that you could be. Stop playing games and cover your shorts and join the orgy.

There is a god damned cocaine party breaking out and everyone is invited. Failure to adhere to my warnings will lead to catastrophic losses and personal humiliation.

Gentlemen,

I am in possession of a time machine. Whether or not you believe me is immaterial. I am not attempting to merely convince of you this untenable fact: I am telling you what you need to be told.

EXHIBIT A

Oh, look at that. See how the market went up IMMEDIATELY after my algorithms flagged oversold, you stupid shits? Oh, you think it’s an aberration, some sort of parlor trick, a get lucky and duck scheme?

WELL HAVE A LOOK AT THIS!

That was my 12 month track record. Well, actually, it was my algorithms’ 12 month track record in The PPT. Isn’t it nice?

Now you’re like Dracula looking in the mirror, trying to fix his fucked up hairdo. But guess what? Dracula cannot see his reflection in the mirror because he’s invisible to it.

I am the mirror and you are the blood sucking vampire with a fucked up hairdo.

Get ready for the melt up.

The 7th annual iBC dinner is right around the corner. Well, it’s actually the 6th since I canceled the meeting last year due to being pissed off at the world. That was a mistake–because I work with great men on this site. There is never a question of talent or work ethic when managing this group. Believe you me, it used to be harder than this. But enough of about that; now let me tell you what has to happen now.

The July lull presented itself and has to go, else we’re going off course. The rally must commence now, as in immediately. The buy list might include your usual suspects: high beta oil and tech, mixed in with a little biotech. There are plenty of names that are cheap. Here are a few.

Stocks listed with 2 week returns

PETX -28%

EOPN -28%

MOBL -28%

NLNK -25%

INFI -25%

LL -25%

CHUY -24%

DRNA -23%

RUBI -21%

There are others and I do not condone holding any of the above stocks into earnings. But something has to give. Either we squirrel our way back down the sewer pipes into hell. Or, we resurge, leaving short sellers dead in the streets by the billions.

May the Gorilla Run commence now.

I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to find something to buy. I am practically begging to reinvest my cash. But  the answer keeps coming up the same: “Fly, why don’t you go out for a walk or do something other than bother to find something to buy–BECAUSE THERE ISN’T ANYTHING WORTH BUYING NOW.” In case you’re wondering, those words came directly from my urinal shadows.

I really, really like how the fracking sector is performing, especially my SLCA. But I already own it. I am tempted to buy EMES, but not really. There are a slew of small caps worth a shot–but I already own too many. I was going to get long WFM–but not before earnings.

Essentially, I am stuck here waiting for my current positions to pan out, a sure sign that the market is unappetizing. I hope that I am wrong–but I rarely am.

Let’s see what the last hour of trade can produce.

As long as TLT keep go higher, this market will be hostage to this range. With all of the liquidity around the world, all of the reasons to get long stocks due to corporate profits, we are being handcuffed by what seems to be a panic trade into bonds. The safe haven/harbor allure of government bonds has gotten to the point of absurdity. I told you this would happen, as it always is the case this time of year. People get scared towards the end of summer, into the Fall. It’s a little early to bulk up on TLT; but I suppose the Israeli-Russian storyline has the cowards spooked.

That being said, oil stocks are better fear trade alternatives– because it’s based upon reason and profits. Names like SLCA, FANG, OAS and CXO should continue to outperform, not to mention ethanol plays.

This is a giant week for earnings and many of you are down in recent weeks. My sole advice to you is get out of your stocks before they report earnings. Unless you have an edge or a long term point of view, turning a trade into an earnings gamble makes you a microbe.

I have to go now. Don’t expect the market to do what you expect it to do today. Monday’s is a day for the idiot trade, bedraggled by a long weekend of illegal narcotics and alcohol. Do yourselves a favor and go take a nap. Get back to me after 1pm.

I believe the market is about to go on a ‘gorilla run’ to the upside. Anything is a buy. That being said, James Gardner, hollywood actor, passed away recently. I’ve always found him to be a likeable person on the screen. My favorite movie of his is Barbarians at the Gate. I remember coming up in the brokerage business, circa late 90′s, watching this premier on CNBC. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, do yourself a favor and watch it now.