iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,227 Blog Posts

$ZM Comes Public — So Morons Bought $ZOOM on the Grey Market and Jacked It

This is to document human stupidity. This wasn’t algos or some quant with a fat finger. This is a fat headed fool buying ZOOM on the grey market instead of ZM — because the name of the company is Zoom. God damned these people — fuck off.

Looks like the stock rampaged higher by 130%, before collapsing after buyers found out they were in the wrong stock. Taking a gander on Twitter, I see plenty of people confusing the ticker. Let’s document them now, shall we?

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Slow Crawl Towards Holiday — Made a Swap

I often think about life and wished it was more like trading. Unhappy with job, house, friends? — swap them out for something more appealing — immediately. No need to fuck off and sit around with bad friends, or for some of you unhappy with your spouses — NO NEED FOR THAT EITHER. In my perfect world, we’d just trade them out, like a stock, and move on towards greener pastures.

I’ll be selling my house soon and that’s a fucking headache of monstrous proportions. It’d be nice to just trade this house on the spot for something down south. Wasn’t the blockchain supposed to do this shit for us — record transactions and cut out the middle men? Why can’t I used the god damned blockchain?

Markets are doing much better than I had expected and I had a stock up sharply, VIOT, so I sold it for +12% and with the proceeds I bought DAVA.

UPDATE: I sold RIOT for +7.3%

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Fly Buy: $PD

*** LAST TRADING DAY OF THE WEEK FUCKERS *** Take an Exodus Free Trial now.

New issue, SAAS play, specializing in AI and machine learning. Hard to see how I can possibly lose here. This being the last trading day of the week, I suspect more nothing and probably a terrible tape. You really need to be tough to trade stocks — sturdy and insane.

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Peak Feminism: Pinterest to Come Public Today

My wife loves Pinterest. I think it’s a giant piece of shit and waste of time. Fuck off with your crafting ideas and redecorating schemes. According to the internet, 80% of users on Pinterest are female, which is gender insensitive if you think about it — since men are women now and women are sometimes men. Alas, the point being — it is used by beta cuck fagLords and also women who like to waste time online learning how to bead.

Because the VC whores opted to get liquid on Joe Public — it is coming public today. I suspect they’ll jerk it off on CNBC in an attempt to make it ejaculate into all of your faces today — but it’ll be a flop. See, men, real men, hate Pinterest and we’ll never use it. What sort of social media site only caters to one gender and thinks they can get away with it?

Pinterest does.

Cheers to peak feminism and the beginning of the destruction of the very odious matriarchy — who have been keeping good men down for too long. We will short this PINS down to the ground, burn it, and then get down from our horses, and then throw its remains down into the rocks for the vultures to pick at and clean.

Happy Thursday morning fuckers.

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Biotechs Feel the BERN

Big drop in biotech stocks today — probably thanks to this Bernie Sanders tweet.

Down 4% on a nice spring day is not something to gloss over. But the truth of the matter is, Bernie will be long buried in a pine box before America reforms its healthcare system. Sure, he can talk and make a lot of noise — but no one will listen. Same thing goes for gun control. You can say stuff — but nothing will happen.

You live under the direct rule of elite families, exactly like an aristocracy. Your socialist dreams of equality and fairness are fodder, hopium for the masses to keep them at bay — just like the Mueller report kept 50% of mouth frothing fucktards at bay hoping the report to come would assuredly lock Trump and his family up for good.

We march on through the fires and nothing changes, a criminal enterprise with designs to protect an empire built upon death and theft commences.

Now go pay your $1,750 per month healthcare bill and shut the fuck up about it — else Chase bank will close your account and all of the socials will exile you for the bastard you are.

Top picks: TUFN, BE, and CPE.

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Fly Buy: $TMV

Yields cannot stay down for long. The divergence between stocks and yields is a wide open void. It will close. Hence, I am long TMV — short bonds 3x.

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Bullshit Holiday Reversals

This is the sort of tape that makes one want to jump into a lit fireplace. No traction. Reversals to the downside, led lower by small cap. However, you’re being overly dramatic. See, small caps have crushed to the upside the past week, far outpacing the large caps. This is simply, dare I say, a reversion to the mean.

One could make a strong argument that I am being blind to a possible reversal in the indices and I admit that I am jaded beyond belief and barely know the difference between what is fake or real anymore. However, I do know this — leverage loans are doing ok, as well as junk bonds, and WTI.

I would’ve liked to lock in those gains in $TUFN this morning, but I didn’t and that’s life.

Oil isn’t down and small caps are merely in profit taking mode. Into a holiday, expect thin and disgraceful trading. If you’re placing hedges now, I do believe you’re making a mistake.

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Fly Buy: $BE

Easily defined FAGbox here. My stop is $12 — upside target 10% higher from here.

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Breaking Necks to the Upside

I’ve got the entire house booming with the sounds of The Nutcracker symphony and no one can stop me. My house is distant from the neighbors, just adjacent to woods and a vast landscape of forsythia, boxwoods, and magnolia trees, dotted with big ass ash trees and oak that I planted when I moved here 7 years ago.

Because of pent up energy and a seething rage inside of me, I’m always on the look out for new enemies. Often times, they are my neighbors, other times one or two fuckheads here on the site. But I always need someone to destroy and digitally maim — because I’m incorrigible really — shocked and surprised I am still married.

Futures are way the fuck higher and “The Fly” is a financial super hero — destined for great things — monetary victories for the ages. Some think it’s misguided to worship upon the altar of money and view the pursuit of it intensely evil and wrong. Fuck those people. They’re only saying that because they’re broke.

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New Plan of Attack: Buy All the IPOs

Wall Street is very fickle and trendy. When a trade works, fuckers dive into similar strategies in an effort to repeat their success. We’ve seen this happen in cannabis, blockchain, biotech, Chinese burritos, and any number of hot sectors running hot due to nothing but the mood.

Enter JMIA — ‘The African Amazon.’

The gains enjoyed in this stock happened so fast and with ease, it has replenished the coffers of many trader/degenerates trading fast and reckless. Those proceeds will not roll into PG or CLX, but into other fast sectors and stocks. I suspect the new trade will be recent IPOs. I’ve got screens running inside Exodus and have already nailed a few of these trades — presently betting on TUFN, VIOT and GSKY. There are others, mind you, and I am prepared to search for them until my eyes bleed.

The trade is simple. Find recent IPOs trading near 52 week highs and buy the fuck out of them.

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