Skirmish Before the War

Even though I am cautious ahead of “The Hole,” I still believe this is a long only market. I’ve said that on several occasions. If you insist on having shorts, pair them with longs to accomplish neutrality.

With the market running again, despite my defensive nature, I’ve managed to gain nearly 0.3% intra-day, thanks in large part to LOGM and VHC. I should have purchased APKT yesterday. It had the look and still does.

I added to my meat trade, gobbling up shares of PPC like a turkey on bath salts. I am fairly certain PPC will be a winner. However, my position will be built slowly, as I enjoy to braise the shorts before eating them (no cannibalism).

YELP is a lunatic on the run, escaped directly from the asylum itself. I am speechless.

Last night I was going over Mrs. Fly’s portfolio, which consists of retail and restaurant names of her liking: absolutely outrageous.  I can tell you this for certain: she definitely knows her shopping. She’s a big fan of ULTA, SBH, TGT, COST, LTD,  FRAN,  KORS, AEO, CMG, AAPL–just to name a few. I queried her for beaten down plays, uninterested in chasing retail up here. The only stock she liked that was down is GES.

Top pick: Long the Bearded Clam

The market is flat and I am up a smidge. However, there is a lesson to be learned from today’s trading session in the shares of YELP.

All of you little creatures of the night, wannabe Einhorns and Ackmans, went short YELP ahead of the lock-up period expiring, which happens to be today. How do you feel about that now? The stock was down a dollar this morning, but then reversed– CONSTANZA STYLE– and is now murdering shorts by the dozen, up almost 4.

Nothing is a given, always remember that.

I have meetings today and will be checking in from time to time. I don’t anticipate much action ahead of the Fed.

You should take this time to stress test your portfolios and prepare for extreme volatility.

This portfolio was built by me (no Obama).

(In size order)

CASH

MCK

NFLX

HDGE

LOGM

Would you like to know what #6 and up is?

I bet you would.

Okay, I need to go buy a new fireplace, travertine and a little cultured stone. I’ve done plenty of damage to my “wait and see” mentality today, through aggressive buys. I still have a decent cash position and HDGE hedge; but I’ve squandered my neutrality because I am a fucking addict.

Naturally, before I put the pipe down, I will take one or two more tokes, buying some more LOGM. But then I am done for good, or for the day.

Truth be told, I can’t help myself.

I bought a little NAK, just in case Romney gets elected and shuts down the EPA. If you are unfamiliar with the story, go read about it. They have rights to mine in one of the largest copper/gold mines in the world; but the EPA is cock blocking them. Should Romney reign in the pigs over at the EPA, we will all get to enjoy black water and much higher stock prices in NAK.

My top five positions are MCK, VHC, NFLX, LOGM and HDGE.

http://youtu.be/qnOmOsQkyKE

I closed out a dark chapter in my life by selling out of MRVL. I lost 12% on the trade. More than that, I lost decency and honour amongst the top hatted gentlefolks at the local whole foods (a place where intelligent life beings congregate to discuss worldly matters, as well as purchase high quality foods).

So, I’ve made it my duty to redeem myself with three new buys, as well as an additional (FUCKING BONUS!!!) idea.

I bought PLCM, LOGM and PPC. The first two are value plays and the third is an egregious play on meat. Do you like meat?

Well, SAFM reported better than expected earnings today, buoying the whole sector. Mind you, this means great things for TSN, HRL, PPC and SFD, all plagued by the CORNACOPLYSE that has stricken them through drought.

I intend to make a great deal of money, or none at all.

Here is the FUCKING BONUS.

APKT is breaking out of a classic “cock and balls” formation and is now threatening to shower short sellers with fire. Keep a close eye on that one, as well as the names mentioned above–for they are built from win.

Europe is down between 0.5-1%, yet our futures are barely changed. There seems to be a complacency issue with American investors. It’s almost as if we’re all mesmerized by giant steaks, unable to sell stocks because we’re too hungry. You can focus on the elections, or The Jackson Hole; but I’m only interested in one thing.

Where will stocks be one month from today?

AAPL is worth nearly $700 billion. How fucking ridiculous is that? It’s cartoon-like, frankly.

I have a few stocks under $5 that I am watching closely. Other than that, I am in box-watch mode, waiting for Federal Reserve resolution this Friday. Without a doubt, the biggest winners in a QE3 environment will be basic material stocks. However, they’ve been dead in the water. It seems to me, at least in the short term, the risk is weighted to the downside.

When the clock strikes 3:10 am, the blogger network will be closed to new members. It’s not that I do not appreciate the drivel you pass off as commentary, but the proverbial line needs to be drawn somewhere.

This is not Seeking Alpha, where dickless vagabonds roam in search of attention, pumping and dumping without restrictions. This is iBankCoin, fuck ball, and I will not tolerate third tier shit.

After this evening, all new blogs will need to be manually approved by myself or another member of the legendary iBC board. If I was you, I’d take advantage of the generosity I am displaying by securing a blog tonight, even if you do not intend to use it immediately.

CLAIM YOUR VERY OWN IBC BLOG HERE.

Now that the iBC Blogger Network is being closed to the unwashed public, indefinitely, I envision active blogs will be sold in the black market for millions of dollars, sold to highest bidders at exclusive Sotheby’s auctions, alongside edible meats of near extinct animals and reptiles.

Today’s market was very ungentlemanly. If I was long in any large degree, I’d be vexed to the point of murderous rage, after today’s tomfoolery. For the day, I managed to make 0.1%, in other words flat. My picks are entirely unimportant. What’s worth noting is the manner in which my wine bottles are stored, all polished and maintained at a specific temperature, away from the denizens of iniquity.

If you are reading iBankCoin and ponder its meaning: look no further than this blog. I do not need your money, only your attention. Since the age of 10, I’ve been playing in the stock market, figuring out how this game works. From time to time, I will go cold and lose money on a few errant ideas gone haywire. But at the end of the day, I fucking win, all the time, even when I appear to be losing.

We do offer premium services at iBC; but it not the culture of the site to only cater to those who are willing to hand over small sums of change to us. This is a passion of mine that will conclude at a time of my choosing, without notice or warning. One day you will wake up and I will be gone.

That is the way of the world, so do not worry about the longevity of these halls.

One hundred years from now, these halls will be polished and maintained by gentlemen of the first tier, as it is today.

As for the market, nothing matters until financial matters are dealt with at “The Hole.”

Good day.

Ahead of “The Hole,” “The Fly” is sidelined, bulked up in steroided fashion with 35% cash and HDGE. Literally, if the Fed were to surprise and hike rates by 10%, I could not be hurt. On the stars of the milky way, I cannot be damaged, as currently situated.

As you sit out there, holed up in homeless man tents, eating beans from a tin can, Le Fly is living a luxuriant lifestyle, accustomed to the finest things made available to the “non-working class.” As you know by now, it is my god given right to do so, blessings sent down from above so that I might explore unchecked hedonism.

How is all of this possible, you query?

Space rocket trading, fucked face.

I’ve been banking coin, continuously, for more than a decade. When I was a small lad, plebbing it up in the brokerage firm boardroom, I always tried to fix my attention on research. I’d laugh at the arch salesmen blow their books up in furious manners, all the while I plodded along–sticking knives into the top of their skulls as I passed them by.

One decade later, they are still cold calling and I am being cold called. See how that works?

Into the hole, I remain defiantly neutral, resilient in all things except the hardiness of my opinions that have helped me outstrip you for so long.

Look at TLT rip tits to the upside, alongside stocks, as if this shit was some sort of fantasy land made from angel dust. In this life there are three sure things: 1. death. 2. taxes. 3. VXX to zero.

My three largest positions are doing just fine, NFLX, VHC and MCK. However, there are things in life I don’t do, such as buying stocks at highs, ahead of JACKSON HOLE.

If Ben wanted to demonstrate his pimp hand, he’d implement the biggest form of QE, right now, ahead of the elections, at the highs. Oil woild lift to $200 inside 6 months and stocks would trade up by 30%, which is the average return of stocks during QE1 and 2. Another round of QE here would all but guarantee an Obama 2nd term, as well as another 6 months of stock market ecstasy.

Bold.

Top picks: MCK, cash, HEDGE