European Markets Edge Higher, Crude Up, U.S. Lower

The fuckery really is real.

European markets are flat to up, with Nazi Germany being the strongest, after the ECB admitted that they couldn’t raise rates…ever.

The wheel-barrow dollar is trying to make a come back, once again weaker vs the euro. This, of course, lends confidence to crude markets, which are higher by 0.7%. Gold, however, is lower because it’s stupid.

U.S. futures are indicating a lower open by 0.3%. But that shit is as reliable as pissing in the wind and calling it a compass.

Apparently, a 4.5% move higher in the Shanghai wasn’t enough. I believe the whisper number for the clowns who whisper was for a 15% jump at the open. European and U.S. futures are off about 0.5%.

Gold is also down 0.45% and crude is higher by 0.4%. Both the NIKKEI and Hang Seng are off by almost 1%.

The people who control these markets are fucking assholes.

NOTE: iBankCoin will be launching a new design tonight. For a look at our previous designs, have a look at the Wayback Machine.

This would be one of the biggest mergers in tech history, upwards of $50 billion. Granted, it would be a merger of two losers, whose dominance in their respective markets have waned considerably in recent years. Nevertheless, it points to a much more important dynamic that is often forgotten about in this market: cash.

EMC has a market capitalization of $50 billion, meaning that any such deal could rank as one of the largest tech-industry mergers. Chip maker Avago Technologies Ltd.’s pending $37 billion agreement to buy Broadcom Corp. is the largest pure-tech takeover ever struck. There has been a raft of tech and other takeovers this year, and merger volume overall is running at a near-record pace. Still, market volatility could slow down the overall merger market and pose a threat to the EMC-Dell talks, one of the people cautioned.

There is a fuckload of cash on the sidelines waiting to buy back stock and to be put to use for mergers.

It’s also worthing noting that there is upwards of $2 trillion of US corporate cash parked overseas, due to our inane taxation laws. Should some sort of tax holiday get passed by our incompetent government, I suspect that would do wonders for market sentiment.

EMC is up 7.8% on the news.

Bet against “The Fly”, you lose the portfolio, house, cars, golf clubs and the kids. Life is about to foreclose on you. Markets want higher, not because the economy is great. No one gives a shit about the economy. Markets want higher because liquidity dictates it.

I finished the day +1.52%, straight bowling balling on you mother-llamas. My positions are somewhat subdued, all spread out, no one position more than 7% of assets.

All of my positions are listed inside Exodus, which by the way, absolutely nailed the market’s oversold ranges these past few months. If you’re not a member due to frugality, you’re doing yourself a grave injustice. Invest in your business and stop being a piker.

I cannot say if markets will soar again tomorrow. All I know is what I’ve been told (urinal shadow): the Nasdaq will increase by 10% in absolute value during the month of October, at which time Le Fly will sideline himself and prepare to stuff his face with gratuitous amounts of turkey.

I started a new position in NK, courtesy of The Devil.

This is precisely what I wanted to happen. As the market dipped into the red and all appeared to be lost, Le Fly picked up his Morals and Dogma book and spent his time educating himself about the perfidy of man.

It didn’t take long before the bears were captured and then kicked into sewer pipes. Markets are ignoring weakness in crude and driving liquidity back into biotech, tech and everything in between.

Truth be told, breadth isn’t exactly inspiring and there is some work left to be done. But on the whole, this is ideal, a market built and made to destroy anyone who bets against it.

TWTR is shooting through the rood and BIDU through the floor boards. It’s a tale of two markets and I own both.

For the day, I locked in my AMCX gains, added to BIDU and SLCA and bulked up on GILD–making it my 2nd largest position.

As everyone seems to be getting prepared for end of days scenarios, stockpiling food, guns, ammo, living inside of concrete holes, Le Fly (as he is popularly known in France) ignores it and goes about his days unfettered.

Why?

Here are the 9 main reasons (I’d provide you with a slideshow if I knew how to construct one, for maximum waste your time effect).

1. I don’t give a shit.

2. For real, zero fucks given.

3. Just in case you missed it, I don’t care.

4. Zero fucks, shits, and all of that stuff.

5. Still don’t care.

6. Nope.

7. I wake up and I breathe in and breathe out, saying with a yawn “I don’t give a shit.”

8. I care less now than when I began this stupid article.

9. Save yourselves some valuable bunker time; Le Fly just doesn’t think life is that interesting to save.

The market halved its gains following oil inventory numbers. Is that where we are now, dependent upon meaningless data to embolden us to be brave?

Russia is sending war ships to Syria, firing off missiles, and I hear people call Obama a coward. So what exactly would you have him do, engage the Russians or send ground troops to rout out ISIS?

We’ve been at war since 2001, carrying the mantle of freedom and honor to a savage people in a barbaric land. Let the Russians have their fill. We’ve dropped 14 years worth of ordinance on those bastards. Russia does it for 1 week and the internet is back to cradling Putin’s balls again. Please.

If you haven’t noticed, the content is flowing out of iBC these days. It’s part of a new strategy to completely annihilate whatever finance blogs are left in the fray. Also, be on the look out for a total redesign of the site, sometime this week.

Back to stocks. It looks like my call for a crazy faced rally was a bit pre-mature, with the NASDAQ negative now. Still, I am doing fine in CLX, UNFI, FCX, TWTR and recently sold out of AMCX.

Should we close lower, I will concede that might bode very poorly for tomorrow’s tape. The day is young. Let’s see if the bulls have it in them.

I sold out of my AMCX position. It was my largest. I am chagrined, greatly, by BIDU. I am sure there’s a reason why it’s lower. Maybe they sell beakless chickens to YUM on the side. Nonetheless, I remain a shareholder.

Surveying the field, I see dead bears strewn everywhere. Commodity related names are up 20,30, 50% over the past week, which makes it hard to buy. But I did so, nevertheless.

I added to my SLCA position, not giving a single fuck about the oil inventories that just came out. This isn’t a fundamental story, but liquidity driven squeeze.

Also, I bought GILD down here. I realize biotech is hated. Good thing this isn’t biotech, but instead, one of the most profitable and innovative major drug company on the planet, selling at an absurdly low valuation of 10x earnings.

I understand it’s very chic to hate on China. All of the ugliest hedge fund managers (Chanos) are short and we are told often about how much they’re fucked.

Just a quick reminder here: The United Steaks has $19 trillion in debt. And China has…

$3.5 trillion in reserves. Granted, thanks to Yuan devaluation and subsequent market calamity, that number has dropped by over $100 billion, as of late. But who’s counting, really?

The hyper growth phase in China is over. Now is when they mature and become consumers, like us. Bear in mind, 90% of the companies listed here, from China, are 100% shit. So if you want exposure, you’re probably best served buying an ETF, like FXI, or one of the mega caps, like BIDU.

Markets are off to the races. The NASDAQ will rise by 10% this month. It has been written. Therefore, it shall be so.