HERE’S MOAR FISH

Some of the perks of being a member in the hallowed halls of Exodus.

For you home gamers, that 11.95% in 30 mins — for an annualized return of 1 billion percent. I am quite literally the best trader alive.

Why are trades only being offered inside Exodus now?

Because I gave them here for free for over a 12 years. I gave you fuckers a 12 year free trial and now that has come to an abrupt end. If you want access to one of the best god damned minds in finance, you’ll need to FORK UP $1.36 per day — you absolute fucking grifters.

I’m back to my same old routine of banking coin with ease and grace, the sort of poise one would expect from a gentleman of extreme proportions. I am to stock trading what Cary Grant was to male aesthetics. You can dick around and Humphrey Bogart your way thru life, punching people in the nose and tricking women with booze and cash to ingratiate your carnal desires, or you can simply Cary Grant the fucker and order suckling on demand.

What in the fuck am I talking about?

Why learn to trade? You people are ill equipped to do anything, let alone figure out high finance. To become good, an actual expert in something, you need at least 10,000 hours of practice. You have a better chance of dying in a fire than becoming proficient at this shit.

I OFFER YOU FISH.

Instead of learning, why not feed off the crumbs that fall off my grande table? I pick winners on a consistent basis and am rarely wrong on large directional moves. With my new Grande Druid rituals in place, nothing can stop me.

Today’s winnings.

AVP +4.3%
STMP +2.7%
BYND +2.3%

I took the BYND for an overnight gambit, the other two were 2 or 3 day holds.

I’m interested in short squeezes now, but have ~40% cash. I think the late stage rallies like this are the best, optimal opportune ahead!

I woke up in a miserable mood this morning, angry at the sun, the fucking dew on the grass and most definitely the fucking dogs. I used to be a dog person, up until I had some dogs. Now I gaze upon them in amazement, at how something so stupid can be viewed as wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, DOGFAGS, dogs are funny — real fucking knee slappers, up until the point they piss your bed and shit your rugs. And I know, that burden lies with the owner to properly train the dog, by locking it up in cages and wielding power moves over it with small pieces of fucking food. But if you’re not into that sort of thing, you get to clean up shit. Also, you get to walk two animals around town that attack everything in sight. Funny thing, they attack everything out of fear, so scared they’re afraid fo defecate in public, else some sort of lion might sneak up from behind and eat them up.

After the walk, I attempted to make myself a proper French omelette, but failed. The omelette got twisted and I got pissed off and ditched my efforts of perfection in exchange for stuffing my face with two eggs. I also made some dark roast coffee, French press of course, which is now lukewarm to cold. Nothing is worse than this beverage I am drinking now.

At least I have some classical music to soothe the savage beast in me, which is, by the way, intermittently interrupted by one of my fucking dogs barking at her shadow.

My JDST position was sold at the loss today — because I was under the ASSumption that gold had resumed its upward path. I even went as far as to buy some gold and silver miners. All of that was wrong, since gold gave up the gains and the 3x downside gold miner faggot of an ETF soared.

Not only did I misread the move today, I doubled down on my retardation by executing long bets.

The truth is laid bare, “The Fly” is yesterday, the one who knew gold miners were heading lower, is appreciably smarter than this rancid version, counterfeit and a fraud.

What to do now?

Just sit here and wait.

I am selling any losers on the books that aren’t moving with this tape. I booked a wash in one and -3.2% in another. Sure, I have stocks climbing and net net, I am making money. Let’s not forget, my Quant represents 75% of my investable money. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention losing on trades like this saps the life out of me and sends me into hibernation.

I’ve been long gold, on and off, since November of 2018. Last week I sold near the top and felt powerful, like my balls were made from steel, impervious to the market. So I got fancy and took a short position on gold, via JDST.

Today I got my pants lit on fire and, subsequently, my balls.

I sold JDST on this gold spike for an 8% loss. I also added two gold stocks on the long side to my trading account.

The lesson to be learned here, and I’ve already learned this lesson a few dozen times before and will probably learn it again a few dozen times before I go, is to avoid being fancy with trades.

Do you like AAPL?

Good, then don’t ever short it, no matter what. It’ll just conflict you and end up robbing you of your spirit.

Moving on, stocks look soft, but I’m brazenly optimistic for something wonderful to happen soon.

German 30yr bonds are yielding -0.11%. Swiss 10yr bonds are yielding -0.77%. These yields, apparently, are too high, so the ECB cut rates by 10bps today and also launched a new bond buying program. This is the definition of clownonomics. The ECB deposit rate is now -0.5%.

ECB Decisions- Cuts rates 10 bps; changes forward guidance; adds tiered lending

At today’s meeting the Governing Council of the ECB took the following monetary policy decisions:
(1) The interest rate on the deposit facility will be decreased by 10 basis points to -0.50%. The interest rate on the main refinancing operations and the rate on the marginal lending facility will remain unchanged at their current levels of 0.00% and 0.25% respectively. The Governing Council now expects the key ECB interest rates to remain at their present or lower levels until it has seen the inflation outlook robustly converge to a level sufficiently close to, but below, 2% within its projection horizon, and such convergence has been consistently reflected in underlying inflation dynamics.

(2) Net purchases will be restarted under the Governing Council’s asset purchase programme (APP) at a monthly pace of €20 billion as from 1 November. The Governing Council expects them to run for as long as necessary to reinforce the accommodative impact of its policy rates, and to end shortly before it starts raising the key ECB interest rates.

(3) Reinvestments of the principal payments from maturing securities purchased under the APP will continue, in full, for an extended period of time past the date when the Governing Council starts raising the key ECB interest rates, and in any case for as long as necessary to maintain favourable liquidity conditions and an ample degree of monetary accommodation.

(4) The modalities of the new series of quarterly targeted longer-term refinancing operations (TLTRO III) will be changed to preserve favourable bank lending conditions, ensure the smooth transmission of monetary policy and further support the accommodative stance of monetary policy. The interest rate in each operation will now be set at the level of the average rate applied in the Eurosystem’s main refinancing operations over the life of the respective TLTRO. For banks whose eligible net lending exceeds a benchmark, the rate applied in TLTRO III operations will be lower, and can be as low as the average interest rate on the deposit facility prevailing over the life of the operation. The maturity of the operations will be extended from two to three years.

(5) In order to support the bank-based transmission of monetary policy, a two-tier system for reserve remuneration will be introduced, in which part of banks’ holdings of excess liquidity will be exempt from the negative deposit facility rate.

Gold is soaring on this news, up more than 1.1%.

European Central Bank, acting quickly, Cuts Rates 10 Basis Points. They are trying, and succeeding, in depreciating the Euro against the VERY strong Dollar, hurting U.S. exports…. And the Fed sits, and sits, and sits. They get paid to borrow money, while we are paying interest!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 12, 2019

DEVELOPING…

….on October 1st, we have agreed, as a gesture of good will, to move the increased Tariffs on 250 Billion Dollars worth of goods (25% to 30%), from October 1st to October 15th.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 11, 2019

Booked three gains, two losses, net result is nothing less but staggering.

JCP +16.3%
HOME +6.5%
PBYI +3.71%
(AMRX -7.7%)
(TVIX -6.6%)

I sashayed into several other names that will float higher tomorrow. I know this is difficult for you to accept, since we’re all striving for our best version; but you can’t hold a candle to me. Fuck off and stop talking shit in the comments section, else I’ll break your jaw for you.

On a separate note, I’m driving around in my car again, engine light on, fucked up intake valve, barreling towards disaster.

What do I do here?

I buy fucking trash and shit and issue The Shit Report each and every day.

Heading out now — WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!!

Most of you buy stocks fresh off the CNBC Cramer report. Me, I buy shit — the lowest of the low orphan stocks — bowl out flagging in the wind begging for porridge. Sure, it’s embarrassing to trade in low brow names. But when I take my lambo in for a tune up, the mechanic doesn’t know any better. Plus, I get the added bonus of winning in stocks that most mortals lose in, an added sweetener if you will.

But don’t get too sweet, otherwise all of your teeth will fall out and you’ll be left with a pick up truck, down in the deep south, with a crooked smile. Be smart and industrious. Sell your winners fast and your losers even faster.

Most online gurus offer you training courses to teach you how to trade. I’m not interested in teaching you a God damned thing. See, I’ve been a good trader my whole life — literally since I started trading at 10 years old. You cannot teach instincts, just like you can’t teach a fat slob how to run fast. You’ve either got it or not.

I only offer to feed you fish. If you want to pay someone that will pretend to teach you how to fish, good luck with that. If you’re hungry and require food for life, come to me — fucked faces. I’m serving fresh fish cakes 24/7 at Exodus.

I closed out my TVIX position for a 6.6% loss. I have several degenerate longs on the BBQ, hoping they’ll ignite late on today.

It was all fun and games until a miserable loss was booked. Over the past two days I’ve sashayed in and out of stocks like a fucking Roman gladiator sacking Gaul. My previous 12 trades.

GNC +4.9%
ENDP +4.2%
EXPR +5.5%
YRCW +7.6%
DF +8.6%
SIG +4.3%
GPRO +4.9%
GPRN +3.2%
TEVA +6.66%
JCP +16.3%
HOME +6.5%
PBYI +3.71%

Then this morning I threw on a few more and had to cut one out for a 7.7% loss. The stock was AMRX.

Moving on, I have about 6 stocks on the books now as being short term oriented trades. God willing, and this goes without saying, my good fortune hasn’t expired — but merely taken a brief sojourn into the moribund world of the uninitiated normie.

More later.