It’s 9:30am: Do You Know What Time it is?

It’s time to eat 2 1/2 inch thick rib eyes, heavily salted, lightly peppered. It’s time to drink some single malt scotch, neat. For the love of God and small nuclear devices, it’s time to bank coin.

News doesn’t matter, especially when peace activists are deploying AC-130 gunships to kill and maim for humanitarian purposes. The world as you knew it, as a kid, is over. Welcome to the new world, one where FOXCONN murders people to manufacture the cheapest iPAD device, so that AAPL‘s share price can soar even higher. Welcome to the world of high oil prices, higher gasoline prices and ridiculous as the mustache on your girlfriends face corn prices, dominating the investment memes of billionaire cocaine addicts.

Essentially, the little guy is fucked. So, it is your jobby, as a tax evading citizen of this 3rd rate nation, sans military machine, to avoid being “the little guy.” Take whatever resources that you have available to you and multiply it many times over, investing in the stock market. It’s so easy, even a fireman could do it.

With my money, I love the oil story. For the month of April, historically, oil and gas stocks do very well.

Let me keep it simple for you. I am long OXY, WFT, WNR and VLO in great size. To go with that, I am long DAL, LCC, MWW, FORM, X etc. There are many stocks on my watchlist, like food safety play NEOG (think Japan) or oil sands equipment play WG. However, for now, considering the run we’ve had, I am sticking with my holdings and will be taking profits whenever my pet alligator snaps at my shoes.

There is no better swing trading service out there, bar none. I put my reputation on the line with both Chess and Rc, both top shelf traders who know how to trade and teach.

Fuck basketball. I am interested to see who is going to win the annual iBC March Madness contest.

As you can see, “The Fly” won the 1st annual contest, in order to set the tone. He has been letting you retards win ever since. However, this year’s contest is especially meaningful since it started with 256 participants. And, I am also gifting $1,000 to the winner.

This rally is really fizzing out here, with just 62% of stocks in The PPT universe up. It’s also worth noting, we are, once again, at extreme overbought conditions. However, don’t let that get you down. There is plenty of shit that can go higher in a weak market, like oil and refiners. Hell, for my personal account, I sold out of DAL and added to my WNR. I wanted to make it longer. Going into merger Monday, it’s always a smart idea to be long acquisition targets, like WNR.

At any rate, it’s not the end of the world if we totally wash out here. Life is good. Go eat some snails and wash it down with some sparkling wine.

It’s Friday. Quit micro-managing your fucking 4 figure accounts.

Top picks: WNR, WFT, MWW, OXY

NOTE: The March Madness contest is boiling down to “The Final Four.” Remember, the winner will receive $1,000 from me, no strings attached.

I’ve been busy counting all of my money. As you could imagine, it took my awhile. I wasn’t fucking around when I said “I am going to show you something spectacular.”

Full disclosure: I sold half of my WNR, only in my personal account, yesterday. I sold some in order to finance other purchases, namely MWW and WFT. As of now, I am saddled with a mere 75,000 shares, fully leveraged, riding my car made from dynamite into the sun.

April fools day suckers. America ain’t got no damn jobs. However, futures are up anyway and people are snorting long lines of cocaine off unemployment checks.

I got good news and bad news.

The good news is, the economy is on fire, likely creating 1 million jobs in February. The bad news is, you’re all gonna starve anyway. ROFLMAOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Corn

But I have a solution. As we speak, “The Fly” is drafting up a 50 page power-point presentation, Bill Ackman style, regarding my proposal to peg the dollar to the price of corn. In other words, yes, I am suggesting we go on “the corn standard.” I will present this detailed plan on CNBC, as soon as I am finished.

I am confident this plan will resonate with policy makers and bearded clams alike. For one, it will bring stability to our whacky, third world style currency. We can walk around in sheep’s skinned coats, comfortably knowing and bragging about our currency being backed by “hard, tangible assets.” We make shit here and will be the envy of the world.

Secondly, the Federal Reserve, backed by The First Bank of Corn, can always ask the First Bank of Corn to simply plant more corn. The more corn planted, the more money we will have (i.e. “rich as fuck”).

Third, we can walk around with nibblets in our pockets and either pay for shit or have an afternoon snack. Win, win.

Lastly, after the corn standard is installed, we can control government spending by demanding those fuckers on capitol hill “show us the corn.” No corn, no tomahawks. Plain and simple.

Failure to adhere to my plan will result in the eventual starvation of 75% of you corn can fuckers out there. So, I strongly suggest you support my “creamed corn” plan to prosperity, else your bones will soon be used to fertilize my corn crops.

To celebrate my 12% return for Q1 of 2011, I took my space rocket to the moon and took some footage to show you fuckers how it’s done.

I don’t care what you fuckers think or say: nuclear technology was gifted to us by space aliens and they forgot to tell us how to shut the fuckers off. It’s like we’re kids wearing big people suits, throwing sea water on space aged technology. The term “space aged” is a stupid one, by the way.

Corn is going bananas to the upside, as idiots with rakes fuck up the food chain. Let’s not forget how our government is explicitly trying to create a food crisis by allowing the ethanol mafia take control of the food supply. I am not exaggerating when I say these things, as corn is America’s #1 crop and is used for EVERYTHING. Inputs have to go up and you silly suckers will be paying more at the pump too. Oh, how I long for the day when gasoline is $10 per gallon. The streets will be empty of vagrants and only the rich will drive.

Driving, like corn, is a luxury, not a right.

I think it’s fair to say, and I mean this sincerely, our government has failed us on every level possible. Having said that, when are we going to march on DC and demand the resignation of every single member of Congress, to go along with Mr. President?

Into radioactive clouds and depleted uranium craters, I love me some MWW, WNR, WFT, OXY with a DAL hedge.

Do you really want to know what I think? Nah, you don’t want to know. All you want is hot picks. You want to dip your beak in the hot oil and not get burned. Like chickens aimlessly walking around the farm, you have no idea what’s in store for you. Oh, don’t worry, I am not unique here, as I am willingly swimming in the pool filled with sharks. I will not pretend that everything is fine. The reality is, and this is just my flawed personality, I don’t care.

I do what I do because that’s what I do.

The very concept of QE2 is absurd. To think these Professors of economics endorse this course of action is so disingenuous it is laughable. It’s sort of like seeing a police officer picking some old ladies pocket, in uniform.

Look at this Dave Sokol idiot, from Berkshire Hathaway. This clown is worth more than $100 million, yet he threw away his career for a $3million windfall. He bought $10mill worth of LZ, then told his maniac/senile boss (Buffet) to buy his new stock position too. Well, his boss didn’t just buy some shares; he bough the whole fucking company. Someone give that man a rubber room and sleeveless dinner jacket.

Back to the subject at hand: we are building up another bubble, plain and simple. With my eyes wide open, I intend to milk this bubble until it pops. When it pops, I will lose money, initially. However, I have plans to take advantage of the final collapse— on the eyes of your favorite pastor.

Until then, let’s just smoke these opium pipes and drink the nectar of the Gods, while we bank so much coin our faces get numb.

Fun fact: WFT has been up 20 of 21 years in April, for an average return of 13% That’s 95 percentile jack.