Back in My Place

I was up 2.5%, now I’m down. This is what happens when you taunt the stock Gods with boastful talk of leverage and fat faced gains.

You get them taken away, beat to the chin and eyebrows, tossed in the streets.

I like my chances here, leveraged long, very long, into Halloween. That’s right, ladies and gents, “The Fly” is leveraged long at 130% of assets, pushing the envelope as far as he can, for the explicit purposes of gluttony. I want MOAR gains and I want them now. I don’t want to wait for them to fall into my lap; I want to snatch them, like a purse–from an elderly woman  in a wheeled chair.

Don’t read any further than the next sentence. My largest positions are YELP, BALT,TRLA, MODN and NSTG.

Now get the hell out of here.

Hip-hip-hooray, the homosexuals in congress opened the government and abandoned their hopes to default on our debt. How courageous of them! They’re all heroes.

More importantly,  I want all of you to know that I’ve been drinking excessive quantities of coffee again, more so than early grey tea, believe it or not. Before you shame me with idle facts, such as: coffee is the preferred beverage of homeless men worldwide and how it dramatically lowers the dinstinguishability [sic] of the person in question. You must understand, my best returns were had during my most caffeinated moments. Ever since I switched to the earl grey, my returns softened and my will-power degradated. I rarely yelled at my underlings and I let people get away with murder.

Now that I’ve been drinking coffee again, I’ve been punching people in the face, threatening my neighbors with arson and crushing the market like a fat man atop a bag of twinkies. If I could mainline this stuff, I would. But I can’t, so I’ll settle for grotesquely large mugs of coffee, as black as the night, without sugar or effeminate creams. I accept my coffee like America likes its Presidents and criminals: decidedly black.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piDIzwpk2h8

The markets have spoken. I am sure many of you will do the inverse of what the markets wants, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

I appreciated the theatre. Many of you are true entertainers, reminiscent of olde fashioned minstrel shows. But it’s time to get to work again, banking coin in the stock market like a thief in the night, inside of an unsecured museum of fine arts.

I was +3.2% for the session.

I upped my leverage into the debt ceiling lottery, starting a large position in HK.

At the time of this post, I am up nearly 3% for the day, thanks to some sagely stock picks (TRLA, BALT, YELP) and a little leverage.

It appears Senator Cruz will not filibuster the resolution to save the US economy from ‘the reddest hell ever.’ The net result from this retarded show of stupidity is a collapse of the republican party, split in two, with the newest branch being filled with Tea Partying gerrymanderers.

Congratulations for all of you who were disheveled with grief over our two party system. You now have a third wheel.

Barring a classic ‘sell the news’ event, I do believe we have cleared all obstacles and the market shall take the path of least resistance, which is higher.

I remain long and steadfast, while smoking my pipe filled with the remains of my archest of enemies.

I am trying to introduce a little levity into the internets of finance and you penis grabbers have ruined it by casting aspersions, defending the art of religion and discussing Nazi affairs.

Look here, friendo, if you’re unable to comport yourselves like gentlemen investors, you will be asked to leave the premises.

In the meantime, DJ Teddy Cruz is on the 1’s and 2’s today, dedicating this trendy tune to the American people.

I am leveraged 110% long, which is a light position for me, considering I’ve made it a priority to be 130% long most of the time. But you people are kidding yourselves if you think there will be a debt ceiling deal tonight.

Ted Cruz will filibuster it and sing Amazing Grace, alongside his little Mexican friends, as US markets plunge into the reddest hell ever.

Nevertheless, I am not selling. For the sake of sport and personal honour, I shall ride into the fires of hell with sword in hand, even though I am more an  “axe guy.”

“The Fly” welcomes the fire and isn’t concerned, whatsoever, that Chinese burrito accounting scams are ripping 30% per day. In no way does Le Fly believe this sort of perverted Chinese action portends a crash scenario to come.

Everyone gather around the bible and pray. Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0FIIFkDMJ8

As the Tea Party caucus in Congress sang “Amazing Grace“, mezzo-soprano, the debt ceiling was breached and the Unites States of America missed its first interest payment.

Back at the office de Fly, stocks were drowning like pigs in quicksand. Using his new powers of brute strength, “The Fly” punched a giant hole in his computer, ripped the tower from his stupid desk, and proceeded to smash it to the smallest of pieces, slowed down only by his knuckles breaking under the pressure of his thrusts.

Panic gripped Wall Street, 1929 style, with traders and investors alike sky-diving out from their office windows, sans parachute.

The news channels were very busy, very busy indeud. In the midst of all the fuss, Charles Gasparino, from the Fox Business news channel, was caught on camera masturbating to the carnage. James Cramer knocked out Bob Pisani on live teevee and David Faber broadcasted the news completely in the nude.

Dennis Kneale was killed by an errant rocking chair.

The internet was rampant with schadenfreude, spearheaded by the bitCoiners and Gold bugs. Zerohedge revealed his true identity in a live webcast in front of the NYSE, as it burned to the ground–lit aflame by angry TSLA shareholders crashing their trendy cars into the complex.

Back at the office de Fly, the masked man took to the streets to incite riot, burn people alive at the tip of his stick over flaming barrels of garbage, like marshmallows at a camp fire. The transition from gentleman investor to revolutionary cannibal was complete–all in a day.

The White House was eerily quiet, with The Obama clan, gingerly and quietly, enjoying a match of bowling, over large bowls of fried rice and chicken wings.

Rick Santelli was so happy over the ensuing tragedies, he cried on teevee, then died of a massive stroke.

By the end of the trading session, miraculously, stocks recovered all of its losses, following a surprise telecast from Benjamin Bernanke.

In a dimly lit room, sitting with his legs crossed in a Victorian era chair, whilst smoking a large philly blunt brimming with Jamaican marijuna, Dr. Bernanke said: “I got you bitches again. I bought that shit, motherfuckers, all of it.”

Poltergeist.

The Tea Party is being explicitly directed by Heritage Action for America, who in turn is being led by a 31 year old punk kid, Michael Needham, who has probably never invested a red cent in the stock market, let alone understand how important the US debt market is to the world.

I know it’s hard to believe; but they’re telling you straight to your face. If you disagree with Heritage, small republicans of the congress, they will primary your dumb ass with someone ‘extremely insane’ this November, which will bode well in new “gerrymandered” uber conservative districts.

In short, the perverts on Capitol Hill have been ‘gerrymandered’ by a certain Michael Needham, who is most likely playing Black Ops or HALO right now, drinking Pabst beers and eating Doritos out of a bag, whilst us suckers worry about the fate of the US debt markets.

UPDATE: Caine Thaler penned a masterpiece. Must read!