Draghi to the Rescue; Markets Set to Climb

Unlike our Fed, who seem to believe raising rates is the elixir to cure all of this deflation (fucking morons), the ECB is looking to print some more of those funny monies, pointing to a probably extension of QE in December.

“Concerns over growth prospects in emerging markets and possible repercussions for the economy from developments in commodity markets signal downside risks to the outlook for growth and inflation,” the European Central Bank president told reporters in Malta on Thursday after a meeting of the Governing Council. “The degree of monetary-policy accommodation will need to be reviewed at our December meeting when new macroeconomic projections will be available.”

Growth concerns should equal an easy monetary policy. What our Fed sees in our economy, post energy sector collapse and continued weakness in retail, is beyond me.

It appaears Euro-land will continue to outperform world markets for the foreseeable future.

s&p futs up 6, gold flat, oil up 1.5%, europe mildly higher

Higher

Kick ass earnings: SQNS +23%, OCLR +21.7%, PFPT +16.4%, ELY +9.1%, ASPS +8.6%, TXN +7.7%, EBAY +6.7%, CTXS +6.6%, MCD +6.5%, ORAN +5.1%, LVS +4.6%, LOGI +4.6%, DNKN +4.5%, TSCO +4.3%, WFT +4.1%, XRS +4.1%, TBI +3.8%, DOW +3.7%, STBZ +3.6%, EEFT +3.2%, URI +3.1%, ADPT +2.8%, CYTX +2.8%, BPFH +2.7%, TRST +2.5%, DPS +2.4%, LUV +2.3%, PRLB +1.6%, LAZ +1.6%, CBU +1.5%, DGX +1.5%, SN +1.4%, UNP +1.4%, LLY +1.3%, GGG +1.2%, MLNX +1.1%, USG +1.1%, NWE +1%, WCC +1%, RCI +1%

CIT +6.6% (looking to sell commercial air biz; Thain retires), BUD +1.4% (nonsensical rumors)

Semis strong, since every day is a new buyout: LLTC +2.6%, STM +1.5%, ARMH +1.1%

Miners reovering from yesterday’s tragedy: AU +3.5%, RIO +2.6%, BHP +2.1%, GFI +1.1%

Oil men are out strong this morning: SDRL +2.7%, BP +2.5%, WLL +2.1%, RIG +1.5%

ZFGN +11.9% (we haven’t killed anyone lately), CANF +11.9% (looking to provide men with erect penises, just like viagra), VBLT +9.7% (phase 2 propaganda ), SUNE +6.3% (not dying today), EFII +5.8% (lawsuit success, earnings), KORS +3.3% (Einhorn bought some), FEYE +3% (dead cat bounce), STX +1.7% (bunch of bullshit ), MSM +1.4% (divvy hike), TSLA +1.4% (Musk defends his cars on Twitter)

Analyst nonsense: SNH +0.7% (upgraded to We think this is good from Crap burger at Wells Fargo)

Lower

Embarassing earnings: CYH -20.5%, EVHC -15%, CNMD -12.8%, FTK -10.2%, MKSI -9.5%, RCKY -8.3%, KMI -6.1%, DLB -5.9%, MJN -4.8%, CLB -4.4%, APOL -4.2%, AXP -4.1%, NOW -4.1%, PH -4.1%, RHI -3.8%, CAT -2.2%, BTG -1.6%, PDS -1.3%, AMP -1%, KNX -0.8%, EFX -0.8%

RLYP -12.4% (FDA approval, with a twist), THC -10.9% (following CYH in the sewer pipe), VRX -8.1% (Citron might’ve taken more screen shots of alleged fraud), HCA -6% (following CYH into the garbage can), UHS -5.9% (following CYH into the sea), LPNT -5.2% (following CYH into the nuclear reactor), IPXL -4% (announced FDA approval; no one gives a shit), TEX -1.8% (CAT done fucked up their swag)

Analyst horseshit: PSO -6.1% (downgraded to Meatless Meatballs at JP Morgan), SBH -4.1% (downgraded to Vegan burgers from Outperform at Wells Fargo), CS -3.4% (downgraded to PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT at Bankhaus Lampe)

I am very sorry if you’re a cubs fan tonight. Let’s be clear, you were humuliated by an underdog team, arrested by a certain Daniel Murphy, who single handedly crushed your faces in.

Mr. Murphy set a MLB record by hitting a homerun in 6 straight games. Despite only willing 90 games in the regular season, the Mets are, by far, the best team in the National League.

They aren’t the best because they have the best stats, the coolest players, or the gnarliest beards. They are the best because they wanted it most, and because I said so.

I haven’t been interested in baseball since the NY Mets collapse of 2008. Consider me a fair weather fan. “The Fly” doesn’t have time for losers. But now that the Mets are winning again, I shall call upon ancient spirits (extra mum-rah) to assault and annihilate whichever half-tarded AL team that is presented before the feet of deGrom, Wright, Cespedes and Familia.

Let’s go Mets, your future MLB world series champs.

The iBankCoin 2nd annual and motherfucking last conference will be held this Saturday, October 24th, 2015. The event will be held at the Yale Club, NYC–a venue that 99.9% of you clowns will never be permitted inside of, lest you were invited by someone like me.

Dress code is entirely up to you. I imagine some of you might show up in sneakers and underwears. Some of you might spruce it up a bit with a jogging suit. I do believe, however, that you’d be best served with business casual.

Breakfast will be served at 8:30am, lunch at 12:30pm, break at 2:30pm.

Guest speakers include our very own Jeff Kohler aka The Option Addict, who has been working tirelessly on a special presentation. For those of you who attended last year’s event in Vegas, Jeff intends to top his near perfect presentation this year. If Ragin Cajun is up to it, he’ll be your mc. And, Jeff Macke and Josh Brown “the Reformed Broker” will also provide our captive audience with some mind blowing commentary (no one will be killed at this event). Last year’s LULU recommendation by Macke was probably the best call in retail all year.

The VIP cocktail party will be held in the library room, from 7pm-10pm, entertained by a live quartet with lots of food and high end spirits. We are still ironing out the final details and these things are always a hassle; but I hope to make this memorable and useful, especially given the current manic state of the markets.

See you there (but you won’t know it’s me).

So far this week, the bears have attacked two former bell-weathers, BOFI and VRX, and won. The mood is especially somber, after coming out of September with guns blazing; October is looking like a fucking bust.

Biotech and commodity related stocks are in a special sort of hell, one that roasts its inhabitants at accelerated temperatures, all the while dropping anvils on their skulls.

Today, I’ve been crushed into dust. Being fully long, exposed to the easterly winds, I am down 1.85% for the day. This is a sordid affair. My top 3 positions are BIDU, GILD and TWTR. I have other positions down a lot more, such as CNX (fuck coal), BWLD, PANW and MU.

Listen to me. I thought we were good; we’re not. We’re fucking doomed. Giant insects are going to swoop down and eat our faces, lift us into their nest, then rip apart our arms and legs. Dust storms will develop, clown raping farmers, forcing them to commit ancient human sacrifices in futile attempts to save their crops. The market will cease to exist, after Citron Research and Bronte Capital dot blogspot dot com, issues new scathing reports, suggesting life is a lie and the market is filled with shell companies who don’t really transact business, but instead are merchants of illusion. They will support said claims with a series of website screen shots, effectively sealing our fate to the depths of hell–where centaurs will kick our chests in and goats will impale us with their horns, then gnaw away at our lips.

Hopefully the market will rally tomorrow.

CNBC reported that Bill Ackman bought another 2 million shares of VRX today, saying that “he believed in the company.

When confronted with the Citron allegations of fraud, Valeant said called the report ‘erroneous.’

“There is no sales benefit from any inventory held at these specialty pharmacies and inventory held at the Philidor network pharmacies is reflected in Valeant’s reported inventory levels,” said the release.

In an apparent effort to clarify confusion about the relationship between Philidor and R&O, the company said in the release that “Philidor Rx Services is a pharmacy licensed in Pennsylvania and also provides back-end services, including call center, claims adjudication, IT and logistics support, as well as compliance/HIPPA regulation guidance, to other pharmacies, including R&O Pharmacy.”

Valeant’s shares hit a low of $88 today and have recovered mightily, now trading above $120.

Being that the stock of $VRX is single handedly destroying my favorite hedge fund manager, the entire biotech sector, and portfolios of countless investors, I thought I’d share the news with you.

Citron Research, a bearshitting evil website whose sole purpose is to destroy value in the companies they talk about, is out with–yet another–research note, princely timed, accusing VRX of ‘Enron-Like” fraud.

In short, Andrew Left is accusing Valeant of creating ‘phnatom sales’ via a network of nefarious pharmacies, all backed up with a series of screen shots from websites.

At current prices, according to recent filings, Bill Ackman’s Pershing Square stands to lose almost a billion dollars in their VRX position…TODAY.

For the love of Christ, Bill Ackman needs it.

Any takers?

Top picks while stirring myself in the boiling cauldron: SLCA, BIDU, GILD,  SHAK

I hope you’re enjoying yourselves, bulls and bears alike. In an amazing feat of genius, the market has managed to fuck both longs and shorts at the same time.

The Dow is up more than 70, while the S&P and NASDAQ are flat. But underneath the surface, stocks are getting their fucking socks knocked off, led lower by biotech.

I fully admit to finding the decline in VRX humorous. The idea that Pershing Square and their 20 million share position having to refresh their browsers to see if some fucking blogspot web page had updated their short VRX to hell thesis is outrageously funny. Ackman might’ve lost $800 mill today in VRX, all because some misfit at Citron decided to shit on the stock, retweet his adventures, all the while laughing and eating cheesed doodles.

Do you know how many times Ackman could’ve killed those fuckers, with $800 mill? At least 10 million times.

My losses have moderated; but I am not counting my chickens just yet. I am sure some wolf will soon enter my coop to eat them all.

For some reason, this makes me feel better about my plight.

So, based on the math, Bill Ackman’s Pershing Square L.P. is down an astounding $500-$600 fucking million, in his VRX position, for the day.

As an aside, Mr. Ackman is a billionaire and likely will not be in the streets, fucked without shoes, like all of you.