Today’s Tape Sucks — Prove Me Wrong

Utes and tech are leading the way up. Fuck you.

Breadth is a paltry 62%, yet this is the shit on CNBC.

Here’s breadth per sector.

Basic Materials: 63%
Financials: 52%
Consumer Goods: 50%
Healthcare: 55%
Industrials: 35%
Services: 55%
Tech: 70%
Utilities: 68%

If you weren’t long an egregious amount of electricity stock or semis coming into today — you’re losing money. I fact, right now most of you are feeling like complete shit — seeing the market up and your portfolios doing dick.

Am I right?

This is designed to demoralize you in order to get you to make a stupid move, in order to steal your money. Do not let them do it. Tell them to fuck off and to give blow jobs to donkeys.

Might I add, this is a fine time to remain short, especially asshole tech stocks and biotech. But that’s just me talking my book.

Aside from that, I am fine long OSTK and NUGT — both performing admirably in an otherwise rancid day for longs.

The market looked weak early going, with trannies holding her back — but now things are in full hard cock mode — sprinting with alacrity.

Over in crypto land, things are looking popping. My favorite sector in cryptos has been and always will be storage cloud based services. Today, SC, STORJ and ELF are beasting to the upside — and there’s nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it. Both SC and STORJ are up 30% and 20%, respectively — a proper move for a proper set of coins.

The big story of the day has to be the turn in CMG. Much of the earnings beat is due to mobile. I suppose this trend could be confirmed by the share price performance of GRUB. Isn’t it odd how GRUB beat YELP to the punch on food delivery? The people from YELP should fucking kill themselves for missing out. They should’ve owned that part of the business. Instead they’re stuck dicking around with scam artists leaving fake food reviews.

Americans are very fat and also very lazy, which is why PZZA and DPZ go higher every day. Find a stock that sends food to Americans and I will show you a higher stock price. Privately held Panera is getting into food delivery in a big way. I’m convinced that the only way to thrive in this environment is to cater to the comfort demands of fat faced Americans.

Banks and industrials are not participating today. It’s all about tech, select basic resources, and some REITs bouncing off their tombstones.

I’m kind of frozen here watching SOXS and LABD punch my face off, only partially offset by OSTK. In my quant portfolio, I’ve got big dicked gains of 1.2% for the day — led by SJW.

Now we sit back and perform Voodoo rituals, eagerly awaiting for a most egregious reversal in the markets — helping HORATIO CLAWHAMMER come out of hibernation and into the limelight of blogging stardom.

We’re so fortunate to have our own natural resources in the shales so that oil prices could be artificially flung higher, taxing Americans of their coin, for the benefit of a very select group of people. If $100 WTI saves a few million Venezuelans from starvation, I’m all for it. But the oil spike was never about that — it’s a tax and a rover baron scheme.

Did you know there are many states, like Connecticut, who tax by gross amount of gasoline sold? It is literally in their best interest to see higher oil prices. With that being said, I don’t think the oil sector is reflecting this new normal, as WTI moves towards 4 year highs.

A spate of good earnings and feelings has futures sharply higher this morning. I’ll be getting clubbed down in my SOXS and LABD today. Hopefully, some of my other longs can offset the carnage. I have lots of cash and I have an idea where I want to put it — so hopefully I won’t fuck it up.

Year to date, Exodus has performed sublimely — responding to each oversold signal with absolute success.

If you’re unaware, we have a new tool in Exodus, Sharpe ratios, which can be used on an individual stocks basis, portfolio, or in this case sector. It’s incredibly useful for any asset planner, especially when trying to put together a portfolio. Here are the top industries, ranked by our Sharpe ratio, as of yesterday.

That’s the 252 Sharpe, but we also run a shorter term one too, for swing trade ideas. I’ll be putting in Sortino in May.

Here are some other headlines.

A certain bond salesman just got beat the fuck out.

Not only did FB crush numbers — they also reported victory over ISIS. Their AI is humming along, eliminating ISIS-shills with robotic precision.

The stock is up 7% in the after-hours.

Related: AMD crushed earnings and is +9% in after-hours. I am prepared to get curb-stomped in my SOXS position tomorrow morning. Nasdaq futures are +75.

Now that the 10yr is above 3%, the newest and latest obsession is the 2 year yield — because fake news has to print something.

It’s a beautiful narrative, spawned by the devil himself. No matter what happens, paint it as bad news. Rates drop — sell stocks. Rates rise — sell stocks even more. The purblind always see things through a distorted prism because their minds are addled by hormone imbalances and narcotics.

When will the U.S. yield curve invert?: https://t.co/rVouFq84Fg by @MishGEA $TLT $IEF pic.twitter.com/R4ZtUoSTSH

— Jesse Colombo (@TheBubbleBubble) April 25, 2018

Nevertheless, I am net short in my trading account now — because of the mentality that seems to be sweeping my peers into jam jars filled with poison. I’ll happily buy their margin liquidations and leave a single rose upon their freshly dug graves.

Donald Trump and Kanye West bonded today — much to the chagrin of the Hot 97 morning crew — hosted by ‘Ebro’ and ‘Rosenberg’ — both of whom are complete imbeciles.

You don't have to agree with trump but the mob can't make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don't agree with everything anyone does. That's what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

we got love pic.twitter.com/Edk0WGscp6

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

Thank you Kanye, very cool! https://t.co/vRIC87M21X

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 25, 2018

Aside from Kanye, another Trump fan is that new Rainbow Hair’d rapper — 6ix9ine. Here’s a clip from an old interview with the fat fuck named Joe.

So what does it all mean? Absolutely nothing, other than the fact the culture has a glitch in its matrix.

The chaos Gods are smiling.

Top picks: SOXS, LABD

I bought SOXS at about the highs of the day — when the Dow was -150. Now that the Dow is flat and the Nasdaq is barely down, I can officially admit to be played like a fucking electric guitar. This is some bullshit right here. The 10 yr yields are still at 3.02%. Isn’t the market supposed to accelerate to the downside, now that all is lost and that yields should be ripping higher — because MUH technicals?

On a separate note, cryptos are ridiculous to the downside, in jelly-fish to the face trading action. Who gives a shit anymore? Buy them when they go down — sell them when they go up. Rinse and repeat until you’re out of money.

What the fuck do I care?

God willing, and I mean this in the most religious way possible, I hope by the time you finish reading this the market is sharply lower again and everyone is fish out of water suffocating to death.

But that’s just me.

I hope you enjoy your lunches. Try not to choke on any of them fish bones.

I sold out of most of my longs in my trading account and bought SOXS.

This is why.

Although I think it’s utterly ridiculous to fret over a 3% 10 yr, I know you’re scared of it. Like Pennywise, I am merely playing off your emotions, hoping to float a few fuckheads and make some profits.

I stepped into some SOXS — because the semis are now in a secular bear market. Good luck trying to prove me wrong — you can’t.

This is a market that was designed to break you. It’s almost May, small plebs, go away.

Here, take a look at the latest fake news from CNBC.

Implying that technical analysis applies to the sovereign bond market

If you’re new to this business, the first day on the job, get used to retards like in the above CNBC shitpost feeding you with sensationalist clickbait articles, purposely designed to trick you. An old partner of mine used to scream at CNBC during work, swearing they were trying to ‘fuck him on purpose.’ I’d say, ‘why the fuck would they want to do that?’

He’d reply ‘because they’re fucking jamokes that’s why.’

If you were hoping to glean some wisdom from my former partner, I am sorry to disappoint. But the point remains, they’re quite literally the worst people on the face of the planet.

Moving on.

Look, the Dow Jones Industrial average is going to crash because the 10yr bond is above 3%. That’s it — end of discussion. This has nothing to do with Chinese trade wars, or new treasury depleting wars in the Middle East. All that matters the swing off the resistance line and subsequent circle jerk and battle du jour between chart chomping motherfuckers.

Side thought: Why is Stocktoberfest East in April?

Carrying on, I think I will sell everything now and go 100% short in my trading account.

As you were.

This is all you need to know.

The market is a collection of morons trading against one another in a never-ending whir of emotion.

I spent the day embedded in the natural degeneracy that is NYC. Amidst the smell of homeless man bum and Chanel stores, Le Fly found respite in a wide varietal of fatty foods. I’ve been eating like an absolute savage since getting off from my vegan exploits. The way I see it, I’ll be living in the gym soon and I might as well get it out of my system, especially since I’ve been injuring myself and serving penance on the altar of asinine dietary plans.

Let it be known, “The Fly is drinking more than ever — mostly, gin — eating gigantic steaks, eschewing the faggotry world of politics like the plague, and winning like an olympic gold medalist in these here markets.

On Friday, my trading account closed flat. Today, it traded down 0.25%, all the while the lot of you were beaten with shovel, racked and ruined, for at least 2%.

BEHOLD.

I step into tomorrow’s tape a proper man, one without heavy losses and instead in a great position to fleece you of your margin liquidations.

Good nite.