Where Were You When the Great Big Ute Rally of 2018 Began?

The comments section of this blog is teeming with faggots. There was once a time, not too long ago, when laughter was prescribed and readily accepted here. Those were simpler days, before all of this Twitter nonsense, and I was happy to have been here, living thru it. Now, the discourse on blogs is more or less shit posting by escaped mental patients. I can hear their dogs barking as I read their missives.

The top sector for the day is utilities, an industry as retarded as the people who depend on them most. But there is some potential upside here, especially when the markets crack against the coral reef and the ship begins to take on water and sink. Then the Utes will be glorious, spectacular investments for those seeking safe haven.

According to the Exodus OB/OS oscillator, it is at the bottom of its range, angling sideways and out for a move to the upside.

Inside of this moribund sector of nothingness and emptiness lies zero secrets or anything remotely interesting, just power generating robber barons getting rich off coal.

Look at that there sexy chart, better than any naked model you might find in your neighborhood disco-diner. Might I add that the entire lot of stocks in that sector is too boring to invest into; you’re better off barreling into it with some verve by way of XLU, the designated ETF for this sector.

I bought some today.

Other happenings: I just had some smoked salmon, avocado and a singular slice of tuscan bread, larger than fuck jug of black coffee, and a small piece of black chocolate. My caloric intake is less than 2k per day, of which ~150g comes in the form of protein — 5gs worth of creatine. I am still a numale weakling, in comparison to my previous highs in athleticism, but I’m feeling better and look forward to winding down this cut cycle in about 6 weeks to be replaced by a bulk that will result in shattered jaws and faces, along the eastern seaboard this summer.

If I see you looking at me sideways this summer while in Newport, I’ll make sure to punch your ears off.

There are a lot of things to like about Dan Loeb. For one, he was once an anonymous poster on the Yahoo message boards dubbed Mr_Pink_esq. Truth of the matter is, that poster was largely influential for my writing style and passion about expressing thoughts online. I used to stumble across Mr. Pink’s posts and was captivating by the energy in them, the fuck you style of the prose, and I sought them out all the time. At the time I was short some stock and so was Mr. Pink, so I always looked forward to his rants about how XYZ was barreling towards zero as Mr. Pink and Mrs. Pink sipped on some fine bubbly off the coast of Monaco.

Then there’s this epic piece by Vanity Fair, which I believe marked the beginning of Bill Ackman’s troubles. In it, Dan Loeb poleaxed Ackman in an ‘ill fated’ bike ride to Montauk. Fucking hilarious. “His mind wrote a check that is body couldn’t cash.”

And George Clooney can’t stand him because Loeb had the balls to go after Sony.

Then there’s the decades of outperformance of Third Point, one of the few large funds still relevant in today’s lexicon of market talk. Like many old legacy funds, his recent struggles with the market have been duly noted and derided by all of the debt laden thousanaires on Twitter.

But maybe Mr. Pink has another trick up his sleeve?

Loeb is increasing his bets against stocks, citing chicanery. But it should be noted, he isn’t net short like Dalio — he’s merely increasing some hedges, which is what hedge fund managers should be doing.

“Investors have become increasingly concerned about multiples, particularly since after many years of low rates, there finally was an alternative to equities in the form of relatively riskless two-year money,” he added.

Indeed, the quarter marked a number of changes, with rising bond yields being one of the biggest market movers.

In the years since the financial crisis, the search for yield had forced most investors into higher than normal stock allocations, fueling a nine-year bull market run that had seen few interruptions. However, major indexes have seen multiple dips into correction territory so far in 2018, and allocations to bonds have been rising as government yields have hit multiyear highs.

However, he said an equity short allocation returned 2.4 percent, “and we intend to further increase short exposure to fundamental single names and quantitative-derived baskets in 2018, and less on market hedges to dampen volatility and reduce net exposure.”

Stock pickers such as Loeb generally like periods of market volatility as it presents pricing opportunities.

“Looking ahead, we still see S&P growth in the U.S. supported by fiscal stimulus in 2018,” he said. “We remain focused on maintaining a portfolio that can deliver compelling risk-adjusted returns across market cycles and will opportunistically adjust the portfolio across expected further waves of volatility.”

Loeb said the firm also is watching the economy “to see if a recession, which we don’t think is close, might be getting closer.”

I’ve got the most mentally ill people in the world reading my blog — absolute faggots, absolutely. And to answer a question in the previous post, “fly, you’re encroaching on 42 and training to enter into physical altercation now?”

I am a man of extreme peace, aside from all of the offensive actions I partake in, and would prefer to live out the rest of my days listening to big band era music, smoking my pipe to a slow sizzle. However, if I ever felt the need to dislocate someone’s jaw, I’d like to be able to do that too. Can you feel me?

Markets are full retardo to the upside and I just did a leg day, which means I’m half handicapped now. Seeing that I am, once again, taking an ax to the brain in SOXS, and today DUST, I did what it says to do in the stock broker almanac. I sold a winner, in order to hang onto a loser.

I kicked out of YINN for a ~$3 gain and will now sit back and watch the market correct and crash, correct again, and then crash even lower.

There’s actually nothing stopping it from going higher today, believe me. Hey, I’ve got that new BZUN taking off and hey look Ma, I swear, I own some SEDG in my quant account. Oh, I swear Ma, just have a look — I’m fucking up 1.3% there for the day. I’m sorry about the cussing, but I get so god damned excited over the stock market and especially when my neatly drawn out narratives take a detour. I’m grateful for detours, but would like to know in advance next time.

What else do I have going higher? Ooh, I’ve got some EVGN, thinly traded, mostly a piece of shit, but higher by 5%!

Ok, I’m gonna go now — time to eat something and drink something. We’ll chat later.

Everyone is obsessed with wearing sunscreen; I’m just the opposite. A person should aspire to posses a warm skin tone, especially when training. No one wants to see your ghostly flabby skin. Pro tip: take sun on both sides of your body, not just your front, otherwise you’ll look like a fucking retard. I know, MUH skin cancer, but that’s largely genetic. Take a fucking DNA test, for Christ’s sake. Also, and do yourselves a favor, and put some skin lotion on your face afterwards, otherwise you’ll age fast and begin looking like a prune by the age of 30.

A lot of men I know only work out their upper torso, manlets pretending to be strong because they have nice biceps. But if you have weak legs, you’ll get knocked the fuck out in a fight. Pro tip: never skip leg day. Last week I nearly killed myself on leg day and will do so today as well, not because it’s easy or because I like to do it — but because it’s hard.

Italian markets are getting hammered, off by 1.3%. I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m sure it’s political. Futures are flat, gold +0.4%, copper +1.6%, and WTI +0.5% — the highest levels since 2014. You can thank President Trump for that too, believe me.

There’s a bunch of big movers this morning. Here’s the scoop.

Just keeping you appraised of the situation.

In a nut shell, ISIS has been defeated in Syria. Plan B is underway and at the vanguard is Israel striking Syria on a daily basis. In response to ~20 Iranian missiles fired at Israel last night, Israel lit them on fucking fire.

The IDF struck last night dozens of Iranian military targets in Syria in response to the Iranian rocket attack on Israel at midnight. Quds force is behind attack&has paid the initial price.The IDF remains ready for various scenarios but does not not seek to escalate the situation pic.twitter.com/0Ono9IjpJ9

— Ofir Gendelman (@ofirgendelman) May 10, 2018

BREAKING: #Syria is retaliating against #Israeli strikes! Syria is launching MRLS at the Israeli occupied Golan Heights! pic.twitter.com/nGYNEYUWo4

— Partisangirl ?? (@Partisangirl) May 9, 2018

Iran has attacked Israel directly for the first time as it fired a barrage of rockets into the country from Syria early today raising fears of a war.

The attacks, which caused ‘minimal damage’ and no casualties according to Israeli officials, sparked a powerful response from the Israeli military.

The IDF (Israel Defense force) shelled Iranian positions in the Syrian town of Quneitra before launching air strikes on Damascus.

The dramatic escalation in tensions is the first time Iranian troops have directly attacked Israel rather than using proxies such as Hezbollah.

It came as Tehran vented its anger at US President Donald Trump tearing up the Iran nuclear deal a day earlier.

SYRIA

– Iran fired missiles at Israeli targets

– Israel striking Iranian targets near Damascus and Homs

– Over thirty missiles hitting sites around Damascus

– Syrian regime claims to have intercepted tens of missiles

– Israeli jets cross Lebanese airspace

— The Spectator Index (@spectatorindex) May 10, 2018

FOOTAGE: #IDF’s Iron Dome fails to intercept incoming #Syria|n missiles that target #Israel|i colonies in #Golan Heights.pic.twitter.com/bqQRJ6GwBL

— 24 Resistance Axis (@Syria_Hezb_Iran) May 9, 2018

Time in and again, companies are coming public with multiples that cannot be supported by revenue and sales growth. If you bought SNAP at it’s IPO — you paid an unsustainable 40x sales. Same with SHAK — best in class eatery but trading at an industry high 10x sales.

Three stocks have broken out this years, all of whom underwent harsh drawdowns, whilst still growing. The minor setbacks in their growth trajectory resulted in massive shareholder losses and multiple contraction. After hitting a certain level in valuation, said stocks were sopped up and bid higher. With a little earnings magic, they all took off to the races this year.

SHAK, TWTR, TWLO

So what’s next? I did a search for some high growth stocks in Exodus that underwent valuation consolidation and here are the names that stood out to me.

COHR, IRBT, SNAP, ULTA, YELP

Charts don’t matter in the long term, only valuation.

This rule applies to all companies except AMZN.

Does this mean anything to you?

The world’s largest hedge fund, run by Ray Dalio, is now net short of equities.

This just in from bearshitter in chief, Zerohedge.

All of which brings us today and a report from Bloomberg that shows Bridgewater is outperforming peers this year even after losing money in April… but it is doing it via a massive derisking…

The investment firm has gained about 4% in its Pure Alpha fund in the first four months of this year after a 1% loss last month, the person said, asking not to be identified because the information is private. Hedge funds on average returned about 0.3 percent during the first four months of 2018, according to Eurekahedge.

However, the big news was that, separately, Bridgewater’s disclosed shorts against European stocks have now declined by a massive 80% from February to just over $4 billion, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.

So, the head of research claimed the $22 billion European short was not what you thought it was and now it has been, for all intent and purpose, fully unwound. Bloomberg notes that a spokeswoman for Westport, Connecticut-based Bridgewater declined to comment.

The last 11 disclosures in Europe by Bridgewater have shown the firm is reducing some of its bearish wagers. Three of those stocks were Intesa Sanpaolo SpA, UniCredit SpA and Telefonica SA, which have all seen their share prices rise this year. The Euro Stoxx 50 Index has gained about 2 percent in dollar terms this year, including reinvested dividends, meaning short wagers have not been a profitable trade.

Additionally, Bloomberg reports that the fund made money trading developed-market currencies and rates trading in April, while losing money on its equities and emerging-market currency bets, a second person said.

The strategy has also reduced its net long bets on U.S. equities to about 10 percent of assets from 120 percent earlier this year, that person said.

And finally, the entire fund – all $160 billion of it – is now, reportedly, net short equities.

I kind of, sort. of, empathize with his stratagem, which could very easily take on a Martingale approach as equities spin higher. After all, Dalio is a billionaire cocksucker and I’d much prefer to see him eaten by a zombie than succeed in this trade. However, since I own SOXS and just doubled down on it — I was hoping the proliferation of this idle piece of news might scare people to the point of selling their stocks and buying themselves inside 12 foot graves.

It takes a special sort of clown to get nailed to the wall in DRIP and again in OSTK and again in SOXS — all in a single day. Logic dictates I should shuffle myself sideways and into cash; but I won’t do that because MUH genius.

Yesterday I doubled down in SOXS and now I have a twelve foot grave.

This morning OSTK gapped higher by 7% and I declared supremacy over all homosapiens because of it. Now I’ve been smacked with the homohammer, as I waltz towards an elegant death.

What the fuck do I have going for me on the upside?

A little TZOO from this morning’s purchase, SSC, YINN, and DUST. All in all, it’s a giant exercize in futility. There’s no fucking way I’d tactically trade for clients anymore. You’ve got to be a god damned moron to put yourself thru the rigors of that, and for what!? Fuck around and catch a C level student from FINRA sending out activity letters to your best clients, pitching lawsuits to them.

Your job is to raise assets and grow them in the most cordial way possible. Pay attention to Sharpe ratios, allocations, diversification, and most importantly Exodus OS signals.

As I approach 42, I got to say, I don’t need this shit anymore — dicking around in volatile names like I was 22. There was a time and place when I’d do it and loved it and truly raped the market on a daily basis. As I matured, I learned there were better, more efficient, ways to skin the cat. Trust me when I tell you, the computers know best — and none better than Exodus.

Fuck this oil shit. I sold DRIP for the quickest 12% drop in my life and rolled the proceeds into a burrito named BZUN. Nothing can stop the great dogged nation of China from achieving supremacy. Ergo, I am very bullish on China, long BZUN, ZX,  and YINN to counteract my position in SOXS.

My OSTK is sprinting higher after reporting miserable earnings. That’s a key tell right there that the stock wants higher.

All in all, I hope the market crashes thru the floor boards and zeroes out the retirement funds of a certain Michael Cohen. But in the event that doesn’t happen, I’m prepared.

Oil is squeezing higher and it might stop and reverse from here — but I needed to draw a line in the sand in order to permit degeneracy to continue in my underwater SOXS position.

Lastly, I bought into TZOO, in spite of recent gains.

Here are the top rated stocks in Exodus right now.

ARWR, SKY, ENVA, TNDM, HEAR, GTHX, NIHD, TZOO.

My dog attempted to savagely attack another fellow house pet this morning. It’s awfully embarrassing, especially at 8am. The woman walking the fluffy little thing looked absolutely mortified, gazing into the teeth of my wild coyote. I’ll have you know, my new gym routine is going swimmingly, as I am partaking in all sorts of exercises and tracking each and every thing I eat via an app. My goal is for a 600 cal deficit per day, shred body fat down to ~12%, then bulk up to ~17%, then cut again down to 12%. This might sound retarded to some of you fat fucks, but it is the only way to build mass without having a fuckload of fat underneath it.

Futures are +100 and oil is screaming higher. I am prepared to have my balls boxed off in my DRIP today. I wanted to short oil because it just seemed too fucking obvious that it’d go higher. Normally the right thing to do is fade the herd, make a pile of cash, repeat. And this trade might still work out in the end. But for now, it’s elevator down.

Walmart is taking a majority stake in India’s Flipkart for $16b. That deal seems very risky to me. What the fuck does Walmart thinks it’s doing?

One small thing to keep track of in the corner of your eye are Greek bonds, up 8bps today to 4.23%. Their 10yr has been weak for a about a week and we all know how Greece likes to scare Europe into crisis every 3 years or so.

Here are other movers this morning.