PUNCHING EYEBROWS OFF SINCE 1976

You clam-digging tree fuckers don’t deserve to read this blog anymore. I demand that you close out your browser and go back to your pornography, self-serving dogs (pun intended).

I made 0.9% today, as AGIO continues to place short sellers upon the gibbet, putting them on the old rope ride.

What else do you want me to do, short of coming to your place of business, punching your face retarded, break down your anatomy, forcing you to buy stocks?

We’re going higher.

If you don’t listen to me this is what’s going to happen. Ready?

Your wife is gonna divorce you for becoming poor. There isn’t a such thing as ‘true love’, only levels of comfort. Is she comfortable now with your income level and net worth? I bet she is. But, if you start acting sideways, betting against men in fucking time machines, all of your money will become mine–permitting me to open harems and shit–change my religion in order to take on 4 wives. All the while, your one dog of a wife will exit stage left and leave your broke ass, disheveled, in a heap of bankruptcy papers– all because you didn’t listen to “The Fly” on May 18th, 2015.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AhXSoKa8xw

I just added CYBR to my league of stocks that I am long. This stock is a fine accent to my FEYE position. While some of you might think Fly is long software security through these two names, you’re wrong.

What I am actually long is heinous data theft crimes to run rampant, like bullets over Chicago, over the next 12 months. We are just entering this era of globalized data sharing capabilities. I believe hackers will find a way to ruin it, or die trying.

This is a testament to man, a vile and corrupt creature, better suited for the front lines in a shooting gallery than to be in a chair, idle, amongst friends.

Good thing I sold JUNO, yes? Judging from the likes of my ADRO position, I might need to sell that too. Biotech is a brutal affair, viscous yet intoxicating all at the same time. You can either get your arms blown off and be strewn out, spread-eagle, across the pavement–like a jig-saw puzzle. Or, you can be long stuff like BLUE and AGIO and pretend to doctors, offering people medical counsel.

In case you’re wondering, yes, Le Fly suffers miserable from allergies this time of year. He is allergic to your planet and doesn’t like it when the flowers blossom. If left to me, I’d burn every single flower in the world and replace them with pictures of Dr. Benjamin Bernanke.

Things are going well for me this morning, money wise. I’d like to see the bears re-enter this tape with courage, in order to fleece them all later. But it looks like we’re just gonna keep gunning for new highs, merrily and fortunately banking coin along the way.

I am going to attack you now without provocation.

Most of you enjoy the way I use the english language, content with the wide array of words used, especially those of a profane nature. Others are “off-put” by it and find it to be reprehensible. Most simply believe this is how Fly talks, a sewered mouth from the borough of Brooklyn, a place where baseball bats were used to bash in skulls more than balls.

On this very night, on a balmy Sunday evening, I am going to reveal to you, the “reader class”, why it is that I use such fouled language.

A good friend of mine is a New York City police officer, narcotics, South of Bronx. He tells me stories of his adventures, things that neither you or I would ever dare to partake in. I asked him “are you ever able, old chap, to discuss reason with these people? Aren’t they interested in living a good life, one without wanton violence and indiscriminate acts of brutality?”

He replied “no, Fly. All they understand is the boot, so I give it to them.”

The same applies here. If, per chance, I were to go about my days on this blog like the gentleman that I was, none of you would listen or respect my words. I am forced to speak to you in a savage tongue because that is all you understand. Sure, I could say stuff like “oh, please, can you stop insulting me on this here blog, my family is very scared for my well being?” That would be retorted with screams from the peanut gallery of “he’s a pussy, let’s burn his fucking house down to the ground and CRUCIFY his wife and kids.”

Barbarous savages!

Instead, I am forced to warn you of inter-galactic warfare, violence on an unprecedented scale, and atrocities that can only be rivaled by the Lords in England, circa 13th century.

Now get the fuck out of here and be quiet about it.

So many of Wood Allen’s movies are great. For an actor, it is considered a great honor to be chosen for one of his films. Kevin Spacey has been trying to get into a Woody film for decades, to no avail. He even sent Woody a Netflix subscription so that he could view his work in House of Cards.

While filming, Woody is very hands off. However, if he doesn’t like the way the movie is coming out, he will fire an actor/actress without provocation. Because of this reputation, many A list actors/actresses have admitted to being scared of being fired during filming.

Now for my favorite Woody film of all-time: Annie Hall.

To watch this movie, you really need to set aside your conservative ideals and simply accept the fact that sexuality is something that Allen is both mature and liberal about. This movie is a masterpiece, one that speaks to the insecurities and intensity of relationships. We’ve all been in relationships and have experienced something great turn into pain or hatred. Just watch the movie and thank me later.

Other great Allen films of note include: Manhattan Murder Mystery (great!), Hannah and her Sisters, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Broadway Danny Rose, To Rome with Love, Whatever Works (Larry David, hilarious), Bullets over Broadway, Small Time Crooks, Anything Else, Melinda and Melinda, Sweet and Lowdown (Sean Pean, great!), Mighty Aphrodite.

Look, I really haven’t see an Allen film that didn’t have some redeeming qualities. All of them are witty and done with a distinct voice, something sorely missing in Hollywood today.

This concludes Woody Allen. I’ll start Hitchcock next week.

I sold JUNO into the bell. It was a 5% weighted position. I left the proceeds in cash, considering my two day underperformance. I ended the day down 0.5%, almost negating yesterday’s gains. I am not complaining, as I am up 25% for the year.

I am on guard, however, for a sentiment shift and will not permit any top holding to fall below the -10% threshold. I have zero regard for paper losses and will realize them immediately. Trust in this, your biggest enemy when trying to make money in the market will be your own hubris. Stocks are stocks, stupid letters and numbers on a screen. Unless you have an edge, pare losses quickly and move on, like a swarm of locusts (my favorite insect).

Heading into the warmer climes, seeing my software (Exodus) off to a great start and my year to date gains resplendent above all others, I will be celebrating this weekend over a pipe and some very good wine. I’ve been partaking in a lot of bad wine consumption as of late, mainly for the laughs. I do enjoy a horrible wine and marvel at its inadequacies, especially “disgraceful tannins.” If you didn’t know, I review most of my wine consumption on some little app called “Delectable”.

At any rate, thanks for reading this week. Be sure to tune in tomorrow– as I wrap up Woody Allen. I will try to mention all of my favorite Woody films. There are so many that I enjoyed, it will be hard to fit them all in.

(tips hat)

Utilities are running higher today and banks are down big. Do you know why? Of course you don’t.

These industries are very sensitive to rates. Now that bonds are rallying and rates are dropping, banks are down due to flattening yield curve and utilities are up because they are attracting yield hungry investors.

Very simple coward trade here: If you believe rates are heading lower again, fade the shit out of oil–because the dollar will likely strengthen. Also, get long bonds via TLT and your utility of choice. One of my favorites is ETR.

Historically speaking, utilities hold their butter during the arduous summer months, unlike many high growth sectors.

Naturally, I think this is a stupid trade. However, if you were heading out to summer in europe or somewhere exotic, unable to get to a telephone pole in order to connect to the internets, buying utilities here is not a bad idea. You could do a lot worse.

As for me, I’ve decided to raise a little cash, heading into the close. I am not interested in being beholden to any one stock, no matter the appeal.

My top positions are all down and I am losing money today, almost 1%! Clearly, there must be some misunderstanding. I am Senior Tropicana and I have reservations for 1 hedonistic dinner. These losses mounting in N, FEYE, JUNO and SBNY merely take me down a notch for the day. Most of those positions are still in the black for me. But I must admit to feeling somewhat apprehensive following yesterday’s vast underperformance, up merely 0.6% in a market that DEEBO’d bears.

Perhaps this is it? The great run of Le Fly has ended and I am now to be subjected to a depression in my portfolio values and subsequent exile into the reader class hobo camp, where bees will sting me in the face and snakes will chase me about the sewers.

Back in the early 2000’s my partner and I would blast The Cure in our office on Fridays. Other brokers, in adjacent offices, would go ape; but we didn’t give a shit. My partner would also walk around the office without a shirt, fully naked, in protest of the “unacceptable working conditions” due to the heat. Believe it or not, “The Fly” was, by far, the more diplomatic out of the both of us. I’d cringe during luncheons and dinners when he’d send back the food or that one time he took a glass of water and spilled it on the restaurant floor in front of the waiter, while proclaiming “this water is pink.” Or how he’d refer to everyone as “young man”, even though they were twenty years his senior.

One time a cold caller of ours was box watching too much, so during lunch my partner took his computer screen away and replaced it with a sticky, with hand-scribbled quotes on it. Needless to say, said cold caller was not happy and eventually quit on us. I will have you know, the moment he quit on us began his downward spiral towards mediocrity. Last I heard, he wasn’t doing too well these days.

If there is one good character trait that I have, which can be used to your advantage, is that I never give up, ever. I will fight until my hands are broken and cannot fight anymore. On occasion the market will trick me and I will make some bad calls. But I will always bounce back, as I am destined for extreme winship, almost at all times.

Times are good now. They won’t always be this way.

Who else was screaming from the rooftops, begging you to stay long? What top hatted gent told you to “stay in May”, declaring the beginning of an era of unbridled decadence and magnanimosity was upon us?

Did anyone else slap you in the face with a plumbers wrench, kindly asking for you to buy banks, 10% lower?

I gifted you with Exodus oversold signals in AGIO, AAPL and many others, all leading to hedonistic returns. And all I got from you clown-shoe cobblers is 100% horseshit rubbish.

Why don’t you try to tell me how my algo was wrong on NUGT for half of today?

You people, miscreants of the first order, have no idea how fortunate you are to have access to “The Fly” and his minions. When it’s all said and done, the reader class sort can never be trusted. Once again, you’ve all proven yourselves to be unworthy quill pushers.

Off to partake in post winship festivities.