NASDAQ POSTS 15% RETURN FOR APRIL; GO AWAY IN MAY?

In the midst of unprecedented chicanery and global chaos, markets climbed the ladder and over the wall of worry, registering its best monthly return in decades — posting +15%. Words cannot express how dumbfounding those numbers are — but it doesn’t matter.

The market is a casino and it’s rigged.

However, heading into May, I suspect we are faced with a brand new set of challenges: reality. Gone are the whispers of REOPENING the economy and FLATTENING of the fucking death curve. We will be faced with DISASTROUS consumer behavior that will light the faces of bulls on fire.

That being said, I am open to suggestion. But heading into May, I an overtly short, and with vigor.

I made a fairly expert series of trades this morning. At the open I saw stocks down 300, but there was an uneasy feeling amongst BEARSHITTERS and I could sense their weakness. I began liquidating my overnight holds after 20 mins of trade and during the unwind — prices improved. I was down 5-10% at the open on them and ended up pretty good. Here were the results.

XAN +4.2%
HUD +1.1%
MAC +2.1%
(ARI -2.4%)
(SABR -1%)
SPR +0.5%
(MIDD -4.5%)

At the same token, I had a double sized position in triple inverse FANG ETF FNGD, which I tripled down in because tera caps just don’t move all that much. Plus the FB and GOOGL earnings were already out. I seriously doubt there is much more upside to these fucking stocks. I also am short gold via DUST from yesterday and I initiated a position in FAZ today — because banks are weak. I normally do not impose my stock ideas here anymore, due to Exodus privileges, but I felt it was important to illuminate you to the fact that stocks are, in fact, rolling over.

There is a very obvious weakness persisting in banks today and I intend to exploit that weakness to my advantage. Aside from bankrupted DO, now trading under DOFSQ (+50% since yesterday), I have one healthcare stock, 15% in FNGD, 5% in DUST, and 5% in FAZ, 5% in REYN — the rest reserved in cash (60%).

I may or may not buy some more towards the end of the session and my rolling over opinions might dissipate into dust, should we stage a rally. But make no mistake, my brain says we retest the lows and more. My heart isn’t in it yet, however.

The Dow is off 350, Nasdaq -60.

It looked like we were going lower — but now things are firming up. I would not say we’re out of the woods yet and all is clear, because the news is horrible. Another 3.8 million claims, bringing us to a grande total of 30 million LOST JOBS in a month. At this pace, we will have no jobs left at all inside of 6 months. There are no silver linings to speak of, aside from possible vaccines coming out by year end.

Consumer spending dropped by 7.5% last month — the most in 60 years. No big deal.

Everything is plunging, but that was YESTERDAYS NEWS. Now we’re reopening. Oh yes indeud. We are reopening and everyone can’t wait to PACK IN TIGHTLY into long lines at Macy’s and crowded amusement parks and airlines and train stations.

BRING YOUR KIDS TO DISNEY and enjoy the wonders of 2 hr lines to ride wondrous attractions and elbow into long BUFFETT STYLED food lines to feed your retarded family. I know what you’re thinking. These business models no longer work. Wall Street hasn’t figured it out yet, because it doesn’t have to. Everything now is fun and wondrous and nothing is real, so stocks get bid up. We’ll be in danger once the economy reopens and businesses do no recover because people have PTSD and prefer to stay HOLED UP at home watching Netflix.

As for me, I have several irons in the fire. I have several down stocks to deal with this morning and haven’t decided which way to go yet.

The Nasdaq was down 50 and now it’s up, so go figure.

I bought 9 stocks today, including one bet against gold. I am not a particular fan of gold here, with everything reflating to the moon. The knee-jerk reaction to this rally is to hate it, but I cannot because it’s making me money. If something or someone treats you well, do you hate it because they’re disingenuous? It’s an interesting paradox, but based purely on selfishness, I am a fan of this rally — in spite of it’s visceral malevolence towards Main Street.

We are literally celebrating the destruction of small businesses with higher stock prices and popped champagne corks into each other’s fat faces.

Look, Italian crime is down 66.6% the past month.

Banks have set aside $66 billion for bad loans.

Iran is going to lose 6 million jobs.

We have complete control now and nothing can stop the buying, unless we want it to happen. Hedges are smart here, as I have mine. But the market is likely to press hot irons into the faces of bears yet again tomorrow.

Stay tuned for even more winship.

My trades the past two days.

AMC +23%
SKT +15.8%
KSS +13%
MITT +11%
MGM +3.9%
NYMT +1.9%
GOOS +1.3%
RRGB +18.6%
BLMN +15%
HA +15.6%
SIG +14.1%
KIM +7.3%
ELF +3.6%
LB +1.6%

In the past, the mean reversion oversold signal was often lauded in these halls as the next great big dick. In recent years, due to market calamities, that signal has been going through courrections. It’s not the algorithms fault. After all, black swan events are by definition UNFORESEEN. So now the algos are simply adjusting to the new normal and identifying stress points as we go. But the overbought signal is UNDISTURBED, thanks to a decade plus of wanton degeneracy in this American bull market.

But we do not use this signal for mean reversion — since markets ripping higher rarely, if ever, pause. Instead, I use it as a momentum indicator, the green light that says “SHORTS ARE ON THE RUN, EXECUTE THEM.”

We just had one the other day and I’d like to illuminate the fact that it is hitting a 83% win rate now for 5 days holds.

Could you fashion this on your own without having to choke up the debilitating cost of $59 per mo? Not in a thousand years can you reverse engineer it. Also, and it’s worth noting, if you cannot invest $500 per annum in your investment career, you have no business in the market. FUCK OFF.

I took some money and multiplied it. This is my haul from yesterday.

RRGB +18.6%
BLMN +15%
HA +15.6%
SIG +14.1%
KIM +7.3%
ELF +3.6%
LB +1.6%

It’s not all that hard to make outrageous returns when the NASDAQ is +250 I suppose my best attribute is knowing when to push the envelope. I moved it all to cash, presently holding bankrupt DO, which is higher by 60% today, some tinned foil, and my tera-cap short — which I double down on — 80% cash.

WTI is +32% today, so there’s always that. Wacky market and I hope you’re not trying to fish on your own anymore. Just sit down and eat the fucking fish I serve already. Exodus is still accepting new members, which I may need to halt until I launch Stocklabs due to the pressure being applied to the servers.

Long small caps, short tera caps.

I closed out the session 50% cash, ending the day with a flurry of buys — the very worst stocks money can buy. If you doubt my market hand and excellence, I implore you to fade me. Bet against me and end up on the ass-end of the soup line.

Recap.

Today’s booked trades, all overnighters.

AMC +23%
SKT +15.8%
KSS +13%
MITT +11%
MGM +3.9%
NYMT +1.9%
GOOS +1.3%

In case you still want to talk shit from the Peanut Gallery of obscurity, here are my last 25 trades.

GUSH – wash
(FAZ -3.8%)
PE +12.9%
TECL +3.6%
SQ +2.5%
KL +5.6%
AU +5.1%
BYND +2.7%
LPI +31.5%
NUGT +3%
RIOT +9.7%
(FAZ -3.4%)
(TZA -6%)
CAR +9.6%
NMRK +11.7%
FL +6.9%
DRH +2.5%
(BORR -6.5%)
AMC +23%
SKT +15.8%
KSS +13%
MITT +11%
MGM +3.9%
NYMT +1.9%
GOOS +1.3%

THAT’S WHO I AM and you’re nothing. Good Father? Fuck you — go home and play with your kids.

You can also buy some freshly minted iBC TRUCKER HATS, for those interested in HIGH FASHION. It’s important for all of you to wear our GARB whilst watering the lawn or partaking in random jostling with the neighbors, in order to spread my brand of propaganda. Of course I do this with a warm and kind and most generous heart, but sometimes I must scold you and perform acts of magic to awe the audience back into compliance. This is one of those occasions, as I feel nothing can stop me and I am quite literally impervious to market losses. My benevolence is without boundaries.

Good Day.

The Russell is higher by more than 2%, but mega caps are down. Some of you like to TALK SHIT because you’re soft and weak — fragile little bitches. I will tell you this now — trade better than me and then talk shit. You can post your ideas in the comments section below. My trades are posted and time stamped inside Exodus. We can do this every single day for as long as I live and you will never beat me. You’re mediocre men, at best, and can do nothing but gawk and sneer.

I will clue you in on something in today’s tape — the small crappers are running. Yes indeed. All you have to do is look into areas of the market hardest hit and position for greatness. The only setback to this stratagem is the fact it’s 1:45pm and markets can dive lower of the next hour of trade. Nevertheless, if this was 3:30pm, I’d have 10 stocks to buy now for an opening rip tomorrow.

I only talk shit because I can back it up. You can easily prove me wrong by fact checking me. I’m quite public with my ideas.

Yesterday I endured an extinction level event with DO, having filed bankruptcy and all. I was in it from Friday and endured the pangs of that singular misery. I see it’s trading on the PINKS today at 0.16 — not a very kind and generous price might I add. But instead of FOLDING and acting like a bitch, I STEELED myself and went back out into the rocky sea and braved the winds and came back with some fucking fish.

Here was my catch. All positions are equal weighted, 5% of portfolio a piece.

AMC +23%
SKT +15.8%
KSS +13%
MITT +11%
MGM +3.9%
NYMT +1.9%
GOOS +1.3%

Understand something, that was easy as a boy swinging in the park for me — a simple gesture from me to you that the market isn’t difficult to navigate. You just need to have some balls, discipline, and some capital to play in it. I am now 90% cash, taking it easy — might go back out into the sea later on today for more fish.

Here are some relevant headlines for you to peruse as you think about markets racing towards RECORD HIGHS.

This is just a morsel of the relevant news out there today, highlighting an indelible and horrific fact: the global economy is in a tailspin. US food supplies are now at risk of STARVING out KETO-FAGS and the idea that COVID-19 has been defeated is pure folly. Nevertheless, we must get on with business and the flu season, the traditional flu season, is waning, leaving more beds available for Coronavirus patients. We will be re-opening the economy soon and it’s because of that optimism do we see stocks rallying towards new highs. It does not make sense and if you try to reconcile it with reasons, you will go mad.

I closed the session with 55% cash, and a series of degenerate long bets rooted in illogic. Empty ghost theaters. Barren department stores. Dystopian themed casinos, etc., etc.

Good day.

The Dow closed higher by 365, WTI -23% under $13.