iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,622 Blog Posts

LOOK AT ME — CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS

I felt the pressure to perform and came thru in fucking spades today. While most of you succumbed to market calamity — down 100 NASDAQS — Le Fly outperformed and thrusted his fucking knife into the faces of his many enemies.

Look at me.

VISL +19%
MARA +22%
NYMT +12.6%
SKY +10.8%
AA +8.4%
USCR +8.9%
OLN +6.8%
(SOLO -12.8%)
(WTRH -8.6%)

Those last two FUCKERS prove that I too am human. I have numerous other stocks on the sheets — all gains, and I move quickly into tomorrow’s storm with an umbrella. Nothing has been able to stop me. Believe me, I’m out here with a fucking lightening rod and the Gods spare me from excitement. I cannot lose no matter how hard I try — ’tis my curse to provide exemplary market returns for an unappreciative audience.

I caught 5 cancellations in Exodus this week — all for various reasons — mostly candidly stupid people who couldn’t tell the different between livestock or common stock.

Tomorrow I will report back here with more winners. This will continue until the end of time, or until I get bored of doing it.

UPDATE: NEW AND IMPROVED IBC TRUCKER HAT IS HERE!! Support your favorite fucking finance site, who is AD FREE, by placing gratuitous orders.

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Jobless Claims Total 42 Million Since March; Nasdaq Hits Record High

I fucking blacked out tired last night — can’t even remember when I fell asleep. After movie night at House Fly, I went upstairs — brushed my teeth and the next thing I remember I woke up AFTER the market opened. This quarantine end of world cities burning business is making me a slothful man. It’s time to get back on schedule and trade the market at 5am — like the gods intended.

Jobless claims were greater than expected, 1.8m or so — bringing the grande total to over 42 million since COVID-19 struck us. I’m so happy its been cured and we can all go out now and rip down the Washington Monument. The Nasdaq just hit a RECORD high — making COVID-19, essentially, a STUNNING SUCCESS.

Look, sacrifices had to be made for the betterment of the country. My Uncle perished in the Corona fires, or perhaps he was a crisis actor all along and is now nestled away on a Soros estate. Either way, we all got fat and rich — based off the fear.

The economy isn’t working. People are burning all of our cities down now — and markets are at RECORD HIGHS. What does that tell you?

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A Clarion Moment for the Black Community and Why I Support It

I grew up in a culturally diverse part of Brooklyn where many of my best friends were people of color. I’m married to a latina and my step-father is from Morocco. In spite of having 4 masters degrees and a Phd in mathematics, sadly, some people still probably look at him and wonder if he’s a terrorist.

In most parts of the world, we demonize one another for various reasons — mostly rooted in our own insecurities. Many of my white friends are reticent to support the Black Live Movement, not because they’re racist — but because of their own insecurities. It’s the same when women talk about women’s rights and some men are like “what about men?”

All of the looting being done is terrible and I view those people with malicious disdain. However, my heart breaks for the vast majority of black Americans out there, honorably trying to uplift their communities — who’ve been plagued by generations of poverty and disenfranchisement. Wouldn’t it be great to see that vibrant community free from the yoke of systemic crime and shine — displaying their talents without prejudice? Naturally. I don’t need to parrot what other’s have already said — the Floyd murder was unconscionable and that doesn’t mean all cops are bastards either. My sister works for the police and some of the best people I’ve ever known were cops. My brother in law is NYPD — tasked with breaking up human trafficking. Our world is filled with nuance — ebbing and flowing between good and evil is how most people end their lives — with very few saints amongst us.

Judging people should never be binary.

Here’s why everyone should support the ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement. This is a unique chance of heightened awareness to help your neighbors uplift themselves and to make sure they’re treated fairly.

A question was posed to me today — regarding celebrities searching out black businesses to support them.

“Why are they only helping black businesses? What about the best product?”

I get that and do not think this person is a racist for asking it. We’re all too god damned fast to label one another on low information. And truthfully, I hate it altogether. People change and I’ve seen it with my own eyes — turning hatred rooted from insecurities to love from friendship.

I said, “I think it’s a terrific idea to support a black business to show appreciation to a community who needs help now.” And it isn’t pandering or me virtue signaling to make myself feel better or perpetuate an image that can be viewed progressive by people I am trying to impress. It is not progressive to be kind to others and that’s the way I always try to live my life.

But it hasn’t always been that way — growing up in a broken household, poor, and limited avenues for growth — I often resorted to anger to fuel my passions. I suppose we all evolve with age, some of us faster than others and some not at all.

I felt the need to make my opinions clear because I’ve been outspoken about the riots and have been highlighting them on my Twitter feed. I see you black America for what this moment is really about — and hope we can finally see some evolution in the way we treat one another.

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MARKETS RAMPAGE TO THE UPSIDE; SHORTS THOROUGHLY LOOTED AND DESTROYED

You’ve been vandalized. I closed the session 90% long. I blew out of my gun stocks and other defensive plays. It appears the entire country needs to be rebuilt and this is how it will work. Follow my logic and indulge me.

THUGS BUST LOOSE AND KOOL-AID GUY INTO CHANEL TO TAKE EVERYTHING.
THUGS THEN SELL $25k HANDBAG TO NEIGHBORHOOD RICH GUY AND CAPTURES $10K IN PURE PROFIT.
$10K IS THEN USED TO BUY NEW CAR, FOOD, AND OTHER STUFF THUG LIKES TO ACQUIRE.
CHANEL FILES INSURANCE CLAIM AND RECEIVES $30k PER BAG
CONSTRUCTION CREW HIRED BY CHANEL TO REBUILD STORE.
CHANEL SUPPLIERS WORK OVERTIME TO RESTOCK THEM WITH NEW BAGS.
CONSTRUCTION CREW ORDERS NAILS, SCREWS, CONCRETE, SHEETROCK, WOOD ETC TO FIX STORE
INSURANCE CO GETS UNLIMITED MONEY TO PAY CHANEL VIA THE FED

FED GOES BRRRRRR

US ECONOMY POSTS +30% Q3 GDP.

The people bear witness to millions protesting around the world and are no longer scared of COVID-19.

Thank you for participating in our behavioral study.

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THE REBUILDING OF AMERICA IS HERE!

I think I speak for most investors on Wall Street when I say “thank you LOOTERS and ANTIFA and all of the other malcontents for RAIDING our urban centers and destroying them.” We needed a stimulus program following COVID-19 and this is just perfect. Most of the wares were INSURED and all of the people who stole shit will sell shit and put money back into their local economies. Sure, the little guy has been mangled and destroyed, but here on Wall Street we do not concern ourselves with the plight of the little guy. That is Main Street’s concern and it’s clear to all of us on Wall Street that you’d prefer MOAR Walmarts instead of those pesky little piece of shit local shops.

In exactly one month hence, you’ll all be back to your hovels and the unemployment benefits dissipated and your vacuous lives somewhat unexciting and moribund. But we’ll be on fucking boats popping champagne corks into each other’s faces — LAUGHING LIKE FAT PIGS all the way to the bank — CAVORTING with one another and telling tales about all of the profits we made in 2020 when the plebs thought it best to give us a reason to invest.

NOTE: I went long a series of infrastructure related plays today.

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MARKET MANSPLODES HIGHER AGAIN

Sorry I threatened to punch your face off thru your Chardonnay glass yesterday. I’m feeling much better today. I needed some rest and when I get tired, I tend to get grumpy and very dark. NO GREY MATTER spilled onto urine drenched floors, littered with your teeth today. Promise!

Big dicked, man move higher today. Nothing is flying in my holdings, however, except one or two things flying lower. No worries. The day is young and filled with promise.

I have errands to run this morning and sadly cannot be around for a few hours. My riot coverage on twitter produced some interested videos last night. Police tactics have changed and now circle around Sun Tzus Art of war, trapping the enemy, boxing them in, and then GASSING them. Quite incredible, really.

Looting continues, but has dissipated — so we rally to the moon on the specter of hope and REBUILDING!

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MAY THE FIRES BURN BRIGHT AND HOT AND INCINERATE YOU ALL TO ASH

Lots of internet chardonnay drinking edgelords in my comments section nowadays — men of privilege and comfort discussing matters of violence and chaos. You do not know what violence is — Mr. I’ve always lived in comfort. You laugh now and you root for the fires now — but you will not be happy when your head is being roasted on a grill for the purposes of consumption.

Those chardonnay glasses that you drink from will get punched through your black boxes and your teeth will spill out onto a urine drenched pavement, dripping red, followed by 100 consecutive head stomps until the grey matter inside of your skull gives way.

I see now there is a hysteria gripping the country — dangerous people led by Orcs — rampaging everywhere. This sickness has been festering for a decade and is now rearing its hideous head for the world to see with gratuitous amusement. Only in America do you have a citizenry cheering on destruction and violence from afar — no different from all of those chicken-hawks who sent our boys to die for worthless wars the past 30 years. The whole thing is rot and the issues that are important are of course ignored. Nevertheless, jog on with your pride and good sense of accomplishment — slicing oranges for the dregs of society.

I will of course document these events and trade these events and profit from these events — because what else can I do?

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APPLE PROMOTES ‘FUCK THA POLICE’ SONG BY NWA ON THEIR BLACK OUT TUESDAY PLAYLIST

In clown world, shitty rap songs that you liked when you were 15 — because they were daring and outrageous, get displayed as works of social art by the world’s largest company during the worst riots in American history. You’d think they would promote a more harmonious song, especially for their last ballad during a time when law enforcement are being shot and run over by the mob in America’s streets — but I guess Oliver Schusse — head of Apple Music — doesn’t think so and has chosen to side against police.

Apparently, we do not need police anymore. All prisoners should be released and only racist people punished. Rapists, pedophiles, murderers, and thieves are free to do as they like — in this NEW AMERICA of lawlessness and vengeance.

In other news, stocks are looking fantastic now — amidst the charred rubble and blown out cities and heaves of trash strewn out across the streets.

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FUTURES SOAR AFTER ANOTHER NIGHT OF MAYHEM IN AMERICA

I am a foremost expert in all things pertaining to riot. I can comfortably say, there isn’t a single person in this country who has researched these riots and all of its depravity more than me. I entreat you to view my Twitter page for details of the videos I’ve catalogued.

So you know, I’ve been up all night transfixed by them, intermittently entertained with other things — but mainly doing the riots. I know every street in every major city in America. I know what gangs hate one another and who is beating the shit out of one another on an hourly scale. It’s easy to ignore these events if you live in a nice little enclave away from the urban centers — but you’d be a fool to do that.

Now what I am about to say is incendiary and probably wrong, especially since I was wrong about selling stocks at the bottom due to COVID-19. I simply did not think the Fed would jerk us off so quickly. At any rate, by my best math — this country will be completely collapsed inside of 2 years — to the point of ferral creatures FORCED to raid your homes for food and supplies. See what’s happening now? Well, what do you think will happen when the supply chain breaks and food isn’t delivered? They will starve and resort to RAIDING homes, which is why you need to grip up immediately and prepare to shoot people into their skulls for attempting to take your mashed potatoes.

Because of this and other unsavory developments in America, it’s probably best you move out of the country all together. Perhaps I’m just being a reactionary fucktard. I hope this is just a fever dream and I didn’t bear witness to cops getting run over by cars and smashed with garbage cans last night and I can wake up to a country that is defined by dignity and order.

Alas, I’d like to offer a piece of advice — do not be the hero. It is not your job to defend your city. This is a popular uprising, like it or not, supported by all of your favorite celebrities and media personnel. No one is bashing the wanton criminality out of fear — just like in all previous revolutions since the beginning of time. But I will say it — FUCK THOSE PEOPLE ripping the streets apart. Nevertheless, it is the job of law enforcement and the government to ensure the safety of its citizens. If they cannot do that, it is a failed state. Failed states do not deserve credit ratings.

For now, futures are sharply higher, +150 Dow — because all of the inventory has been cleared — sneakers flying off the shelves — a real fucking barn burner out there.

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I LOOTED WALL STREET FOR FLOYD TODAY

Enough of you rich fuckers. I took to the internet and RANSACKED Wall Street in honor of George Floyd today. You can try to stop me — but I don’t think you can do it. I have a gang of traders in the Pelican Room and we’re like minded in our purpose to TAKE WHAT WE DESERVE and much more.

Here are today’s booked trades. I have many more on the books now and I intend on taking profits soon on those as well.

ETSY +2%
(AMC -5.3%)
(ASRT -3%)
OSTK +3.9%
GLUU +4.1%
INMD +1.3%
ALDX +6.4%

Truth is, this is the best thing to ever happen to America, at this current time. None of the inventory was moving due to COVID-19, so now we get to RESTOCK everything and insuranceFAGS will foot the bill. Everything melted up today — because the malaise of the quarantine has been SHOCKED out of us and now people don’t give a fuck about catching the airborne aids and have taken to the streets to destroy America.

Burn the fucking flag. Burn the streets and the buildings and tear down those god damned monuments. But know this, no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to raze Wall Street.

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