iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,783 Blog Posts

YOU DESERVE A COLLAPSE

I get a lot of pushback from you fuckers who want the party to keep going — cocaine fueled rampages throughout this economy of shit — all because of selfish reasons. I, on the other hand, want this to crash and fucking burn, for selfless reasons. I am completely detached from personal gain on this one and only want to see the Dow 10,000 points lower for the sake of my great grandchildren.

You selfish butt-plungers are just in this for a fast buck, then off to your parties and extravagant limousine lifestyles. “The Fly” is a man of steel, for the people, doing things for the people. The market is filled with froth and angst, inequality, and racism — which is why we need to crash eet now — leaving no survivors.

Sure, you can foray into the bids and profit from dips. You might even get to invest in an idea that pans out, like Tesla, and make a bundle. But the pyramid, lads, is upside down. The demographics are fucked, and so are the financials.

Starting tomorrow, I expect the market to buzz-saw the fuck lower.

Am I selling my stocks now?

Not all of them, for I am not retarded. But I do have cash and I am hedging. If you’re not thinking about playing defense with the 10yr at 1.64%, you’re mentally stupid and do not belong in this game here.

Listen to me: I am a Master Ace Stock Trade, doing fucking barrel rolls in the sky — defying the laws of gravity, providing the people in Exodus with stocks picks with balls the size of elephants. I lose some, but I win a lot more. If my intuition is telling me to sell short, I’ll do that. Do you know why — because that’s what winners do. We simply follow the trends and profit from the pain and misfortune of others.

In short, gold is the shit.

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Are We Entering a Horrific Bear Market?

The 10 yr treasury is down almost 10bps to 1.64%. This is Great Depression styled deflation, yet no one seems to care. In classic credit meltdown mode, a South American country blew the fuck up. Contagion is next.

Hong Kong is going to be attacked by China and Trump is going to bomb Beijing with our poisonous hogs. This is all very biblical shit, yet we’re barely off the highs because so many of you fat fucks buy dips. You just can’t help yourselves.

But a serious and pointed question needs to be pointed to you.

Is this the end of western finance as we know it and is gold the only logical investment for gentlemen of Wall Street?

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ARGENTINA ENJOYS 1929 STYLED BLACK MONDAY MARKET CRASH

In case you have some friends in Argentina, just know they’re all poor now, unless they were short stocks heading into today. The Merval is down more than 30%. Their banks trading here cut in half. Their currency is for shit — off by 25%.

This has resulted in a minor blip of a sell off here, 250 points, which most believe is due to the protests in Hong Kong.  As for me, I booked an 8.4% profit in DOYU and a 3% loss in LK — a win by my standards. No big deal.

Going forward, I am 25% cash, 25% gold — waiting in the tall grass for fresh meat (no homo).

No one gives a shit about Argentina.

BONUS

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Hong Kong Cancels All Flights; Futures Sink

The entire country is Hong Kong is melting the fuck down — because they really want our brand of Epstein-esque freedom — the same type of freedom so liberally delivered to Iraq and Afghanistan and many other countries who were fortunate enough to see the barrels of our tanks.

A little background, China has accused the US of fanning the flames — responsible for these protests.

A Chinese media shill posted a picture of a US agent meeting with Hong Kong protesters.

What does it all mean? THE ART OF THE FUCKING DEAL!!!

“The bear is alive and kicking. We think the failed breakout last week for the S&P 500 confirms we are still mired in a cyclical bear market,” Mike Wilson, Morgan Stanley’s chief U.S. equity strategist, said in a note on Monday.

The escalated U.S.-China trade war rattled the markets last week with the Dow posting a loss of 0.75%. Major stock averages suffered their worst days of the year on Aug. 5 after China allowed its currency to drop against the dollar below a key level unseen since 2008.

The intensified tensions caused Goldman Sachs to lower its fourth-quarter growth forecast by 20 basis points to 1.8% as the firm no longer expects a trade deal before the 2020 election.

The People’s Bank of China (PBOC) on Monday set its daily midpoint for yuan trading at 7.0211 per dollar, the third consecutive session below the psychological level of 7 per dollar. It was also weaker than Friday’s session, but beat market expectations.

Dow futures -205. We’re fucked.

UPDATE: Argentinian FUD released!

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NEWS NARRATIVE: Trump is Ruining Markets!

In spite of the markets are record highs and the Chinese trade war having minimal if zero recognizable effects on the US economy, the media is running with “Trump is fucking shit up” headlines.

Enter Goldman Sachs, slashing growth and warning of, wait for it, RECESSION.

Goldman Sachs lowered its fourth-quarter growth forecast by 20 basis points to 1.8%, citing a larger than-expected impact of recent trade war events.

“The drivers of this modest change are that we now include an estimate of the sentiment and uncertainty effects and that ?nancial markets have responded notably to recent trade news,” said Goldman Sachs chief U.S. economist Jan Hatzius in a note to clients Sunday.

Goldman Sachs said it expects the new round of tariffs to go through in September and it no longer expects a trade deal before the 2020 election.

U.S. farmers lost their fourth largest customer this week after China officially cancelled all purchases of U.S. agricultural products, a retaliatory move following President Donald Trump’s pledge to slap 10% tariffs on $300 billion of Chinese imports.

China’s exit piles on to a devastating year for farmers, who’ve struggled through record flooding and droughts that destroyed crop yields, and trade war escalations that have lowered prices and profits this year.

“It’s really, really getting bad out here,” Bob Kuylen, a farmer of 35 years in North Dakota, told CNBC.

“There’s no incentive to keep farming, except that I’ve invested everything I have in farming, and it’s hard to walk away.”

And then you have the fucking farmers, the biggest recipients of government welfare, bitching and complaining about how fucked farming is for them. I’m sure these reporters are really hitting the hay bales in search of farmer angst — such an important demographic for this great nation.

What these farmers need to do, naturally, is shut the fuck up and grow less soy, in order to account for the trade war. Instead, they’ll keep growing at the same rate and then complain that China isn’t buying anymore — eventually settling for a government bailout for their unsold items.

What a fucking country!

Futures are flat. Everything is flat, even the globe.

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Hard Seltzer vs Beer

Who really likes the taste of beer? It’s all fucking swill.

Enter WhiteClaw and Truly — two of several hard seltzer beverages competing vs beerFAGS for casual alcoholic consumption.

My wife hates it — but I love the seltzer shit. 5% ABV at only 100 cals and zero sugar? Sign me the fuck up.

The alternative is beer at the same ABV and filling AF caloric content that takes three days to ingest. Classic menFAGS will defend beer and cast seltzer bros as beta male faggots, drinking ‘pretend beer’ that tastes like pomegranate. Truth is, if you’re not drinking whiskey or gimlets, you’re wasting time anyhow so might as well drink something that is both pleasant and least filling.

Prove me wrong.

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YOU DO THE MATH: The Chinese Will Bend to the Coffee Gods

This is an easy trade for the balance of your lives. Coffee is the best beverage in the world. Anyone who drinks tea is a fucking orangutan moron.

Here are some easy facts for you fence sitters out there.

Big ass’d growth in China to come for many years, as they get fixed on ‘the bean.’

The Chinese enjoy, as a people, to drink the bean. Starfucks has over 3,600 locales and Luckin’ Coffee, China’s largest domestic chain, has 2,300. With the trade war happening and getting hot as fuck, God can only hope that Starfucks will be shut the fuck down and their assets given to LK.

Even though the Chinese seem to love the bean, per capita, we haven’t even scratched the surface here. This is like buying Starfucks in 1790.

In short LK is a lifetime hold. I cannot promise you immediate gains or even satisfaction, but I can easily demonstrate a trend to the upside. The bean will grab a hold of the Chinese by their necks and force them to consume, get them all jittery and shit, and then make them spend inordinate sums of money for shopping mall shit tier Joe. The added bonus of LK is that it’s entirely domestic. They tell Trump to fuck off with his tariffs all the time — because they do not export anything here. They’re simple bean salesmen trying to supplant and subvert an American chain trying to addict its citizens to a chemical property that they feel is their God given right.

UPDATE: I’ve been exposed.

Sometimes it sucks that I have such dedicated readers, as I am unable to forge a new persona for this younger generation. All of you old FUCKERS document my missives like it was Hemingway. It’s worth noting, I did at one point stop drinking coffee in favor of Earl Grey tea, but only because I felt I had nothing in common with homeless people who widely accepted coffee as their favorite go to beverage, after cheap whiskey. I did abstain from coffee for more than a year, only absolving this habit after I rediscovered my fondness for the bean.

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Markets Do Not Bottom On Friday’s

Why are you surprised? Tough week and an even tougher Friday. I woke up to my face on fire with this REAL. No idea what the news was and I don’t care. All I know is that any stock -15% is getting sold. I don’t have to see the news to know something is fucked up with this company. I took a 23% loss on it — bad pick.

My overnight trade was SHAK, which I booked for a profit of just 0.45%. Sometimes we get monster trades, sometimes little small ones. The bottom line is, it was a win and that’s better than having gasoline poured all over my face by this REAL shit.

Most of my other stocks are doing good, heavily invested in gold — countering this downtrend with supreme cache.

Lots of trade war jitters now. What is Trump going to say next? What will China do over the weekend. I don’t care.

All I know is that I have 20% in cash and I have 1 job to do today — pick a stock to hold over the weekend and nail it. Maybe it’ll be a long, maybe a short. Who knows? My holding period is 1 day — buy the close, sell the open on these fuckers. The biggest fucking moves happen after 3pm and on the opens, so why bother with intra-day positions and getting tricked when you could take a clear headed position at the close?

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THIS IS WHO I AM AND YOU’RE NOTHING

See pal, this is who I am — booking +6.66% insta-day returns on my way to the Grande Druid Lodge to participate in ritual — and you’re nothing. You’ll come here and talk shit — but you cannot compete.

In short, I booked two overnight trades from last night, OKTA and ZS for 3% gains, and STMP for +6.66% in a matter of hours. I allocated almost all of my cash into the end of the day — because I’m bold and my balls are the size of cantaloups.

This is who I am.

Also, my Quant is up 170BPS today. Also, my Quant was +150BPS yesterday.

This is who I am.

At my core, I am a gold man, always have been and will be. I have 25% of my money long the shiny metal, into a Zimbabwe-esque meltdown of monumental proportions. My end of day pick has been selected and it is, sadly, for members of the Exodus platform only.

Go in peace and fuck off.

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GOLD TRADERS: GET READY TO BUY LAMBOS

Listen to me as if I had a loaded shotgun to your heads.

Everything you see is temporary but gold. Long from now, Amazon and Google will be bankrupted corporations, destroyed by their own hubris — but gold, pure fucking gold, will still retain value.

Long ago, aliens from outer space cracked whips on Africans to mine for gold. They needed it for jewelry and for their atmosphere. Since then, humans have assigned a value to the shiny metal. Wars have been fought over it, whole continents subjugated and conquered for it. Today, those who believe in it are on par with those who wait around for the Great Pumpkin on Hallow’s Eve night, dismissed and called “bugs.” The days of being ridiculed and discarded like pieces of shit are over, lads.

IT IS OUR TIME TO SHINE NOW (DOUBLE ENTENDRE!)

The markets are shitting down severed heads today and one would think gold would sell off — but it’s not. It came all the way back from an earlier deficit and is now punching faces along the way higher.

I added a little something to my portfolio today, upping my gold miner exposure to 25%. I dare you to stand in front of my way. I’m inclined to rip your arms off and cut your torso in half with my samurai sword!

At any rate, I’ll be investing the balance of my 35% cash at the end of the day — because that’s what winners do.

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