18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,705 Blog Posts


Some of you derive from good stock and, amazingly, have a concentrated strain of stupidity in your DNA. Just because stocks are lower and people are saddened by their portfolios doesn’t mean they’re bound to head higher now. What is with your obsession to “fucking nail the bottom?” Are you fucking stupid or just retarded?

Why don’t you wait it out and grab the fat fucking middle.

Right now we only know about China and we know about Trump and slowing economies around the world, and caravans en route to Texas. But why the hell is WTI acting so bitcoin now and where is the respite for stocks this holiday season? All of these things are important questions and often times you’ll only find out after the fact.

As stocks sour and the mood darkens, things will begin to happen. A negative feedback loop will affect consumer confidence and in turn hurt business and eventually growth. I’ve seen this a thousand times before, as I am an ancient relic of immortal qualities. The auto-catalyst is upon you and all those angling to catch bottoms will be tossed into the empty vortex of blackness for all eternity.

Happy Sunday!

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Stocks with market caps over $10b, absolutely fucking REKT. Percent from 52 week high.

TTM -62%
JD -61%
GE -60%
PCG -57%
WDC -55%
DB -54%
NVDA -49%
CTRP -49%
WYNN -47%
DBX -47%
HAL -46%
FCX -46%
ALGN -44%
SCCO -43%
EA -43%
AMAT -43%
SLB -42%
MU -41%
CS -41%
AMD -40%
LFC -40%
LEN -40%
FB -40%
EBAY -39%

Great fucking market you have there. I can go on and on. In all, more than $5 trillion in market cap has been shed since the top in stocks with market caps over $10b. FUCKERS.

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Happy Blackened Friday — You Were REKT

Good afternoon lads. I report to you in a highly hungover demeanor. I drank copious amounts of gin last night and even skipped dinner. After cooking all day long, greeting guests, and scrambling to serve everything warm and fresh, I became disgusted by the food and instead chose a liquid Thanksgiving. Using my homemade grenadine, I drank some Jack Rose cocktails, then switched to East Sides, a few Dirty Martinis, 20th Centuries, and to top off the night — I imbibed myself with lots of Mojitos. When I ran out of limes, I switched to lemon and it went down just fine — mostly because everyone was too drunk to notice the difference.

When I woke up, around 12pm, I looked at the markets and didn’t give a shit. I saw them diving and my TMF position was doing good, TNA a little bad — but my Quant was unchanged, which makes me better than you and you know it. It must be an amazing experience for you to read this here blog, knowing full well that the author is a man of distinguishable qualities, circumstance, and grace.

For those out in the malls today, pondering over what to get family members for Xmas this year, might I interest you in two wonderfully written books by yours truly? After reading them, you would’ve expanded your vocabulary and gone thru the emotional tumult of stock market ebullience and horror.

I suspect markets will dive lower on Monday and you’ll be panicked to the point of irrationality soon. Margin calls are piling up and the average investor is getting rinsed. Don’t get rinsed — read Le Fly and learn about his space alien magician ways. I’ve navigated this tape better than most, not by my stock picks, which admittedly have been pedestrian, but by my position sizing and proclivity to raise cash and cut losses quickly. There’s a reason why I’ve been able to last in this market for so long, both personally and professionally. Live to fight another day should always be the central focus of any trader. If you’re attempting to make 100% off this decline, hoping to catch the upside, you’re probably gonna fail and wipe yourselves out clean.

Off to drink a pot of coffee.

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Happy Thanksgiving — You’re Gonna Get REKT Tomorrow

Good afternoon lads. I’m drinking Apple Jack’d today, cooking my world class winning stuffing. The bird nearly got burned and has blackened quite a bit, mostly because of the Apple Jack. But I think it’s still edible and even it weren’t, the Apple Jack will ensure that it is.

Moving on, I see European markets are being terrorized and our futures are down 162 points, which means you’ll be REKT tomorrow, rightfully so. I know what you’re thinking, “wait right there fucked face, don’t you move a muscle until you explain your TNA position.”

Fair point and I will explain it now.

When I was a wee lad my window used to face the front of the building where all of my friends played. When I was sick, I was tortured by the sounds of their laughter, pining to be out there swinging the bat and driving line drives into the faces of my best friends. Often times I’d trick my grandparents into thinking I was better and I’d head outside and play tag, manhunt, and all sorts of games.

I don’t like missing out on fun and get envious of other people partaking in hedonism, which I feel is my right by birth. As such, whenever a party breaks out, I try to gain exposure. My TNA purchase on Friday was a 10% position — but I still have 75% in cash. Ergo, when markets open for trade tomorrow and you’re there lamenting over being lamb’d into a margin out moron portfolio, find solace in knowing there are smarter men out there, like Le Fly, 75% cash, dressed to the nines, imbibed with the elegant vapors of Apple Jack.

Happy Thanksgiving and drink well.

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Off to Slave Over a Hot Stove

I have many things to do today and will be cutting my trading day short. I acquired a 10% position in TNA to go with my 10% position in TMF. I have one other position that cannot be sold because it’s illiquid. The rest (75%) is in cash, awaiting bloodshed and carnage come Monday. If wrong, I will harvest profits in TNA and tip my hat to you a good day.

God willing, The Capstone Programme will be launched on Black Friday, although I’m reticent to commit to such a date due to last minute technical difficulties. For those just tuning in, this is the highest level of service I can ever provide for the plebs — a white glove, one on one, service to educate and mentor traders, correcting their hazardly ways and setting them onto the path of success.

Details will be forthcoming.

Safe travels and be sure to drink copious amounts of liquor and vast amount of turkey. For those who want to read it again, A Gentleman’s Guide to Thanksgiving Decorum.

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Discard today’s gains as a national obligation. I read somewhere that stocks trade up 85% of the time the day before Thanksgiving. Often times we rally and then trade up the day after Thanksgiving, only to be severely whipped at the gibbet the following Monday.

The issue with buying today is you’ll end up getting ravaged on Monday. I’ll be avoiding this session, playing spectator mode, preparing for National Feast.

Lost of stuff to do today, such as make stock, brown sauce, dark and blonde roux, slave away at the house in preparation for company. The day before Thanksgiving is always a busy one at House Fly and I’ll likely be up till 3am putting the finishing touches on things.

Enjoy today’s respite and use it to lighten up your exposure, especially if you’ve been hammered into the ground.

As an aside, tomorrow will be the coldest Thanksgiving in NY in 117 years.

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Beware of Holiday Induced Liquidity Traps

We’re oversold. We’re so oversold, it’s scary. Scary for you — I really don’t give a shit. We have a vapor locked menace taking place in the crude and equity markets and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

You might feel induced to buy dips and you might even enjoy a 100 point rally throughout the day; but the trend is, inexorably, lower. Those are the facts on the ground, losses on top of losses, an auto-catalyst that has taken the hopes and dreams of Turkey fevered Americans and CRUSHED THEM INTO THE GROUND.

The aspirational and the weak have been turned into pillars of salt, bearing witness to their portfolios being destroyed.

If you didn’t play this recent downturn perfectly and have losses, you’ve lost the privilege to buy into the blood. Got it? You blew it, myself included. If I was short more semis and had more cash and didn’t lose 4% yesterday, I could buy today. Instead, I am 85% cash, long 10% TMF, holding my dick — doing nothing.

I’m not buying this shit and I’ve been doing this forever. Markets do not respond well to illiquidity and poor technicals, which is exactly what we have now — a witches brew of indecorous ruin just around the bend.

If you’re reading this and have listened to me before and I’ve served your interests well, heed my warnings when I say “go eat a sandwich” and “stay the fuck away from the market.”

RIP 69. It was fun while it lasted.

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Everything about the open and the subsequent rally reeks of a bottom. You get an opening flush, the weak are disabled and killed, eaten by the strong — life goes on. But this drop in crude, although clownish in its demeanor and candor, is alarming.

There is a thousand reasons for the drop — but the only one that counts is economic weakness.

For the love of God, we’re about to get tagged with a $4 handle on WTI. How can you sit there idle?

I know, bull markets are often nourished with the blood of the coy and the stupid. This is how Commodore Vanderbilt made his fortune. But I must say, this does have a feeling of being too good to be true. I just got done selling out all of my stocks yesterday, so I think I’ll pass on buying the first dip.

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I bet Tom Lee was never mentioned in a headline with the Fed. Consider this a bucket list item for him.

First on Clown Lee.

Now on the Fed.

This from Cramer now.

“If the Fed moves in December, you’ll wish you sold at these prices,” Cramer said on “Squawk Box.” “There’s nothing good here.”

Agreed? I do. Bad opens like this sometimes cause a capitulation bottom. But words cannot express how important it is for Goldman Sachs, errr, the market, that the Fed halt hiking rates.

If the Fed hikes in December, markets die. Trump gets kicked into manhole. If Fed pauses, TLT shoots higher. Actually, I think the market will lift TLT regardless. The point I am trying to make is the days of the dot plot are soon coming to an end. Bonds are cheap and my $TMF is gonna lift today.

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