iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,615 Blog Posts

On This Saturday In the Midst of Summer, I Grant Thee Gifts

Hot fucking day out there, believe me. So hot, it makes me want to send airplanes into Iran for purposes of bombing.

I realize ever since I stopped posting my FREE SUPREME ACE stock ideas here, many of you have gotten downtrodden and quite frankly depressed. Before you Cobain yourselves, rejoice in FREE GIFTS FROM Exodus.

Why does anyone need an algorithmically based system like Exodus? To save time and make money, morons. Instead of sifting thru charts like an imbecile from 1997, I do that work inside of seconds using our ranking system.

Top fucking stocks, top fucking industries.

That’s where the juice is, so get with the program. All included in the wonderful Exodus platform is The Pelican Room — a place and a time where Le Fly communicates with his underlings and insults them FREE OF CHARGE, and also pals around by offering FREE EGG RECIPES, how to cook like a proper gentleman, and random Hemingway quotes and the life and times of a certain F. Scott Fitzgerald. All of these things, and much much more, in addition to my Godly fucking stock picks, are given FOR FREE inside Exodus for a small fee.

On the agenda today: drinks and meats on the grill. Fuck going out and fuck driving.

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Oil Sucks, War With Iran or Not

*** QUIT BEING A FUCKING PIKER. JOIN THE LEAGUE OF DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN IN Exodus TODAY ***

Need I remind you that oil does not perform well during this time of year again?

Seasonality stats for oil exploration sucks this time of year. Keep note.

And here are the bullshit headlines. It seems Iran seized a British oil tanker or two. Didn’t they try to seize one a week ago and failed? What in the fuck do they think they’re doing out there? Crazy Trump is liable to unleash aircraft carrier onto their cities. Perhaps that’s the point — lure us into another war and get BOGGED down into it?

Jeremy Hunt “extremely concerned” after Iran seizes two British-owned oil tankers

One of the ships, which was Liberian-flagged, was allowed to continue its voyage

Iran’s state TV claims the vessel it is holding had turned its tracker off

UK Foreign Office has said it is urgently seeking further information

I was out all fucking day and haven’t had a chance to do anything. I have a headache and I don’t want to look at the fucking steering wheel for the rest of the day. I just want to drink some rum and listen to good music and tell people to fuck off.

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See Pal, This Is Who I Am and You’re Nothing

I just blew out of my CRWD position that I bought before the close yesterday for a +16.9% return. If you’d take your calculators out, you’d learn that I made 4,283% on an annualized basis. I know what you’re thinking: “Fly, how the heck can I annualize that return; that’s sheer madness.”

Fuck you, annualize it. I take out an overnight trade each and every day. My track record is astounding, quite frankly. Just the other day I kicked out of a day trade in APRN for +10.7%. This is easy for me, like mowing the grass — yard work that even a child could do. Some people have a difficult time peddling their bicycles or throwing a baseball, but not me. I can ride my bike without hands and throw a fastball at 95mph. See pal, that’s who I am.

What happens next — where do we go from here?

Stay tuned?

PS: How’s that gold/silver trade working out? Oh yeah, nailed that too.

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Let Me School You On Why Gold is the Truth

All jokes aside, the Fed is cutting rates into a smoking hot economy. This deviation is going to cause ripples in inflation, and not that bullshit crypto shit. With the perception of higher inflation, you should expect assets that protect against it to boom. The gold miners are trading at valuations not conducive with bull markets. The sector is trading in the ballpark of 1.5x sales. Back in 2006, it was trading 6x.

Does it means the miners can run 5x from here?

Answer: Yes

Your job is to make money, not have a bias. Gold is where it’s at, busting loose from a 6 year base. It cannot be defeated, as long as the Fed is leaning towards cutting rates.

You’re also gonna want to get long some value stocks — because lower rates is good for valuation expansion amongst shit companies that depend on financing to keep the lights on. My top distressed pick in all this, believe it or not, is GE.

Long a basket of high octane gold stocks — head out of the window with my middle finger up. Fuck off.

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Bitcoin to the Moon, Gold is the Truth, House Fly in Ruins, and Much Much More

Last night I was cavorting throughout the manor, enjoying a nice glass of cappuccino. The high ceilings permitted the orchestral music to permeate and echo throughout the halls — instilling a calming presence throughout the house — a bit haunting with the lights dimmed. Then all of a sudden, a lunatic storm approached out of nowhere, lightening and thunder with tornado styled winds — fucking up my yard in menacing fashion. I gazed out to survey the damage, but it was too dark and I didn’t want to walk around with all of those fucking trees swinging their dicks around.

This morning, as I sipped upon my cup of black coffee, I bore witness to a horrible specter. One of my fucking ash trees was completely destroyed and a 50ft limb snapped from the main part of the tree — crashing into my woodshed and completely destroying part of the fence 20 ft behind it. To make matters inexorably worse, House Fly is due for inspection tomorrow, which means I need to haul ass and get someone to remove the tree today, fix my fucking fence, and the woodshed, before the new owners start to think they’ve moved into a hazardous locale.

It could be me thinking all of this, but something inside of me thinks this fucking house has a vendetta against me. It has been twisting its knife inside of my guts for the better part of 7 years. I’ve dealt with all of its machinations, like the true gentleman that I am. But this shit, this fucking tree, is the final straw.

On the matter of stocks vs bonds, choose gold. Us in the gold trade, professional gold traders, know and understand that FIAT CASH is shit. Soon you will able to buy falafel sandwiches with gold coins. Also, Bitcoin is rattling higher today. Nothing can stop that animal from cresting the fuck higher. I dare you to stand in front of it.

Net net, for most people today is a boring day. That’s because you have no idea what you’re doing. For those of us in the gold trade, we’re living the life and getting ready for LAMBO TIME.

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BOOM: Extracted More $$$ From the Gold Trade

This is what sophisticated gold traders do. We have some longer term holds, and also short term. You know — for the pocket cash, the hooker and adderall money.

I bought NUGT before the close yesterday, a trade talked about in real time in Exodus and not here where the homeless vagrants beg for slices of pizza — and I sold it here for a +3.8% gain.

See, that’s how this works. Buy low, sell high. Rinse and repeat.

Try to keep up.

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A China Trade Deal Could Happen At Any Moment

There’s good news everywhere I turn. Last night NFLX missed because their programming sucks. Today, more than 50 American companies are moving out of China due to the trade war.

Is that a real headline? Probably not. They keep telling me all of this trade war business is really fucking bad for the economy, yet stocks are at record highs. So how can that be? If I was just this dumb animal and went purely off instinct, I’d think Trump was the greatest President in American history and having trade wars equalled more food in my stomach. The more war the better. Now you’re telling me 50 companies will move production out of China. How is that bad news? That’s good news, isn’t it?

Stocks can’t go down, even if they tried. Most of my stocks are flat today, just sitting around, waiting for something interesting to happen. One of you bitches in the comments section had the audacity to say I jinxed the gold trade with last night’s post.

Listen to me. I am a fucking Master Ace gold trader. Don’t you ever step to me with outrageous claims. I have profits coming out of my fucking ears with profitable gold trades. What have you done? Exactly.

Gold and silver will do what I tell it to do: King Precious here — you can call me that from now on.

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LESSER MEN SELL THEIR GOLD HERE

I’ve got to be honest and let the cat out of the bag. I bought PAAS yesterday. There I said it. See how generous I am — providing you with only 1 day stale news? Blame yourselves, honestly. Had you been a member of the hallowed halls of Exodus — you would’ve been long and strong. Fucking powerful men punching down buildings with your bare-fists. Now look at you, shitting your pants and penniless, feasting on bad pizza.

Lesser men sell their gold here. Fly is going all in here. I’ve got gold coming out of my fucking ass and ears, 25% weighted in my trading account and 10% in the quant. You cannot fuck with me.

What did I buy today? Sorry, that information is confidential.

I’ll tell you this though, I’m a fucking man into this shit, patiently waiting like a lion in the tall grass to take a fucking chunk of flesh out of the first person who sells gold short. If you’re thinking about shorting gold, getting cute with DUST, you may very well get eaten and swallowed whole by Plutonium Petey.

I am not to be trifled or fucked with. I am a dangerous man.I’ll punch your house down with my bare fists!

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“The Fly” Is a Masterful Trader of Gold

Fuck Peter Schiff and all of the other gold insects.

Here’s the true rundown on gold.

Dead for 6 fucking years. Gold insects got stepped on and smeared across the pavement with the market’s heavy foot. “The Fly” steps in and NUGT is +95% over the past 6 months. Every one else said it couldn’t be done — that I’d get mangled on gold. Someone said it would be my Waterloo, my Little Big Horn — slain horribly by dollarFAGS and all of my subscribers mashed like potatoes.

WRONG AGAIN.

I am a masterful ace trader of gold. I am the only, as a matter of fact, authority on gold you should listen to.

Do a google search and read about my missives.

In my mentorship programme, I’ve been drilling it into people’s heads: GOLD GOLD GOLD. In Exodus, gold all day long. I do a little of this, little of that. One major day trade win here and there — but I always go back to gold. Always.

A few weeks ago I had a little “one dollar roll” play in NGD. Now it’s $1.40. No biggie. Today I bought another piece of shit junior miner and by the will of the Gods, I will anoint it and it shall run good and long. You were thinking cock, not me.

UPDATE:

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Stepping Aside For a Minute to Let Some Other People Win

You know how you slow down in a footrace with a child in order to let them win? Fake being slow in order to let this little person brimming with sensitive feelings win in order to feel great? That’s what I’m doing here by selling out one of my losers. BAM! I sold MOMO for an 8% loss. “The Fly” fucking sucks now. You’re the best — go book some gains and tell your followers that you’re better than me.

I’ll let you bask in the warm sunshine for a little bit until I snatch the crown back again, and resume my unworldly winning streak of profit.

Look at me, I’m fallible. I picked the Chinese GRINDR and got lit up in it. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing here, even though I just booked a fucking masterful day trade win in APRN yesterday. But we’ll forget about that and pretend it didn’t happen. We’ll also pretend that I’m not 9 for my last 12 trades with even more wins unrealized on the books. I’m thinking about taking the day off — because that’s what winners do. We take days off. We wake up whenever we want to wake up and bust out a few +$10k profitable trades, and then we drink Rum daiquiris all day long in the sun — basking in the sun.

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