Get in Line

I just got back from lunch and I must admit; it was quite decadent. Amongst the finger food snacks of Gruyere cheese, fresh basil and herb infused turkey, I was also privy to some high end balsamic vinegar—not the bullshit that you buy from Stop and Shop. Losers.

Truth be told, lunch was rather light, since I was rushed so that I may endeavor to get back to the desk, in order to do the Lord’s work, of course.

Speaking of which, I think it’s fairly obvious, as well as shockingly accurate, that Senor Tropicana is well on his way to greatness. Little ol’ XOM may not be down yet; but, believe you me, it shall drown in a muddy pool of pig vomit, before this week ends.

Earlier on today, I bought some Chinese shit, namely FXI and CHL, based upon an urge to get long real communism, as opposed to the ambiguous U.S. version. In addition, I needed some upside hedges.

The way I see it: the Chinese are stark raving mad. There is a possibility, although not likely, that I can make obscene amounts of coin long DUG, ERY, REW, SRS, while also making money long Chinese fuckery, based upon post Chinese New Years brainwashing.

Nevertheless, if you are trading against me, good luck, you’re certainly going to need it. I’ve been at this shit for too long, to lose out to some random loser who searches the internet for stock picks.

Top picks: Short XOM

I bought 7,500 CHL @ $45.77 and 5,000 FXI @ $25.05.

UPDATE: I bought 15,000 TS @ $20.85

Disclaimer: If you buy the stocks above because of this post, a rabid panda will bite you. And, you may lose money.

Boy are they gonna get Thain, huh? After a “few trill” in losses, NY Attorney General, Cuomo, is getting tough—opening up an investigation of sorts— against the man who likes to decorate his office with elaborate things. What a fucking joke.

How about Angelo Mozilo, Stan O’Neil, Sandy Weill, The Bear Sterns crew?

I have a novel idea: instead of going after the guy who bought the $1,400 trash can, how about going after the guy who destroyed the infrastructure of capitalism, via knee capping the banks with CDO’s and other financial tools of fuckery?

How about that guy?

While Dick Fuld, Jimmy Kayne and the boys sip pina coladas on some square beach, in the middle of nowhere, little ol’ Thain will be receiving uppercuts to the scrotum, via witch hunt.

Can you say scapegoat?

As for the markets:

It’s business as usual: oil is in the shitter and XOM is up. Nothing to see here, carry on.

I’m sick of rehashing the news for you ingrates. Go pick up the newspaper and find out what’s going on. All I care about are my positions and, thus far, they are not responding to the laws of reason.

Who buys commercial Re, in the midst of a commercial Re funding crisis? Who are these people?

Anyway, I have a lot of cash on the “sidelines,” a little more than 50%. So, there is a strong possibility that I may buy something, like TLT—a true Costanza trade.

Almost everyone I know is shorting t-bills. At the same time, I hear grumblings that the Fed is very unhappy with the recent spike in yields. As a result, they may take their communist printing press and use it to buy t-bills. Oh, what a mess.

Therefore, TLT may be worth a floater.

And, finally, I am a firm believer in buying DUG, ERY and SRS on dips.

Our Government will never allow capitalism to flourish again, willingly.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnjS1FSrwWg 450 300]

Many of you ball lickers are not familiar with my resume. Some of you are and still believe “The Fly” will eventually be wrong. Others are like “WTF, this man is a space alien magician; God forbid I bet against him.”

What you need to understand, and listen to me very carefully: you are not in my league, pal. You are over there, sipping on that bullshit aluminum can filled with Brisk Iced-T, trading in and out of 500 share lots. Pffffffffffffffffffff.

Do not compare yourself to “The Fly,” at anytime, in any venue.

“The Fly” is so much more superior to you, when he pisses, it hits your ceiling.

All of my moves today were executed flawlessly, with exception to an early FAS purchase.

All of my SRS, EEV, DUG purchases were Godly.

All of my UYM, PFG and FAS sales were pristine.

And there you are, yet again, betting against me, as if you know shit from moonshine about this here market.

Remember, if you are having a good day in the market, trading against me, I’m just handicapping your spasticly retarded brain, so that I can take your funds at a later date.

Oil is selling off here, despite a weak dollar and battered treasuries. Maybe it’s a little profit taking, maybe not. Either way, I am very much interested in betting against the pig called XOM, at these levels, via DUG.

Also, it’s worth noting, I have hardly any upside hedges right now. Early this morning I had more than 50% long. However, watching today’s tape, witnessing one sector after another go down, I opted to take on some risk here, by going net short.

At the present, I am 45% short, 5% long and 50% cash. It’s an egregious mix, one that can get me in a bit of trouble. However, I am pretty good at catching inflection points.

Gosh darnit, I think I found one right now.

NOTE: I will not be adding to any of my short position, throughout the day. Before I do that, I want to see Doe 8,000 breached, on a closing basis.

Selling out, despite buying more earlier. Fuck it.

I sold it all, between $9.15-9.50

UPDATE: I will hold 90% of the proceeds in cash. With the other 10%, I will leg into more DUG, ERY, EEV and SRS.

Come on already with the fucking incessant XOM buying. Assholes, XOM is not the safe haven you make it out to be.

Cash you say?

Let’s do a screen for companies, with a market cap of $50 billion or more, with net cash per share/price ratios higher than XOM, shall we?

We shall

Here are the results:

AAPL- .30
CSCO- .20
STO- .16
INTC- .15
GOOG- .14
MSFT- .11
QCOM- .10
PFE- .09
and finally
XOM- .08

Question for you XOM lovers:

How did the stocks with better net cash per share/price ratios fair, over the last 6 months?

Once again, I want to sell short XOM, especially if it has the audacity to break $80. I know the technicals are terrific. Hell, even The PPT is bullish on big oil.

My approach to XOM is longer term. I am looking down the road on this fucker; and, I see all sorts of brainless “safe haven seekers” with their pockets turned inside out, deballed from betting on the fucking fraud, better known as Exxon.

UPDATE: I changed my mind: I sold out of my PFG position just south of $16.15.

CAT is firing 20,000 people because growth in China is non-existent. Despite a zero interest rate policy by the Fed, mortgage rates have been soaring over the past 10 days; and t-bills have been getting mud stomped.

And, despite all of the bullshit, the market is ripping to the upside.

Whether you like it or not, the market is going higher because it is tired of going down. Instead of sacrificing your bullshit portfolio for your beliefs, play the upside.

As you know, as of Friday, I had a slight bias to the downside. However, after seeing the market respond to this mornings horrific news, I added to my FAS position. Without doing the math, I am probably equally balanced long and short.

I see oil/gas stocks are running with their socks off. However, there is no way I am buying them, ahead of their numbers. XOM is overvalued on so many levels, now constituting more than 30% of the DUG. I must hold down my short oil bias, even if it’s a short term painful one, for the sake of all that is good and reasonable about mankind.

I am really digging the action in the banks, particularly the European ones: BCS, DB and IRE. But, I question the sustainability of this move. I’d rather hold onto, and possibly add more to, my Godly FAS position. And, let’s not forget, PFG, another position of mine, has $20 written all over it.

In short, the bulls are playing with their imaginary friend, Mr. Reflation. They believe he is real and will save them from the angry, fire breathing, dragon in the cave down the road. For now, I will play along and see if it can make me some money, as opposed to digging in my heels. However, at the end of the day, understand, that dragon will come and scorch the faces off of those who are against it.

UPDATE: I sold out of my UYM position, around $13.22