Host: Next up a 5 star fund manager who thinks the market is ready to bottom. His 5 star flagship fund is down more than 75% year to date and he thinks stocks are cheap. Tell me, what do you like, what are you buying?
Guest: Well, on a price to book ratio, all stocks are extremely cheap here. We’ve been buying down here, for what we consider a buy of a lifetime. We like all stocks.
Host: Really? What do you hear out there? What are people saying?
Guest: Well, they’re not happy. Most of our clients have been torpedoed for their entire life savings, so it’s hard to tell. Our take at The Fucktard Funds is that stocks represent a better value than all other asset classes, including real estate, currencies, bonds and collectibles.
Host: Really? A lot of your critics say that you’re just plain ol’ vanilla gay and that your fund is some sort of sinkhole for America. What do you say to those critics?
Guest: Well, I have to say, we think they are wrong. If you look back, from the 1700’s, no market, in the history of markets, has gone down this much and not went back up. We at The Fucktard Funds think it is time to buy.
Host: Tell us, what stocks look good to you? There must be so many stocks that you like. I mean, even GE is in the single digits. We all know they are not going anywhere. What do you like?
Guest: We like GE and all of the big industrial names. We want to be long early cycle plays and buy them until our clients go blind. It really is a great time to have cash. We also like China. Anything related to China is as good as oxygen on planet Mars.
Host: Whoo, hoo! Finally we have a guest with a little spunk. We’ve been doing one interview after another with people predicting the end of the world. I must say, it’s very refreshing to hear a positive tone. Look at this market, it is well off its lows. We have a rally going on here!
Guest: We certainly do. We think this is the absolute bottom, which will never be seen or heard from again. That’s us at The Fucktard Fund. We always look for bargains and right now, based upon our research, stocks are cheaper than a dead donkey in Liberia.
Host: Absolute bottom! Dead Donkey in Liberia! I love it! Good to have you on, Joe Asshat from the Fucktard Funds. Next up on CNBC is Bill Gross from PIMCO.He will tell us why he is holding a loaded gun to America’s head. Stay tuned.
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