iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,376 Blog Posts

GODZILLA RAPED

I have nothing to discuss with the likes of you. “The Fly” warned you there would come a day when the funnel was so narrow, those who were left long stocks would have their skulls kicked in. Ladies and Gentlemen, today was that day.

To recap:

I covered most of my shorts, with exception of a little DUG, DRR and CPT. Erroneously, I nibbled, like a steel rat inside a sugar box, at TNA. But, for the most part, I am out of the market, with more than 70% of my capital in a well deserved cash position.

All of you fuckers, who were betting against HORATIO CLAWHAMMER, got Godzilla raped today, rightfully so.

UPDATE: Pay up, Cramer.

Update II: Left wing conspiracy theory, besmirching Santelli, destroyed.

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ALL HOPE IS LOST

This is it. Quit loving America, for she most certainly does not love you. Sure, you love your fucking neighbors/family and that stupid lake that you used to visit when you were a kid. That’s different.

I’m talking about the idea of America. It’s dead, friend. All of the bullshit that you thought you knew is in fact NOT bullshit, if that makes any sense to you. The stewards of our money and security failed us on an epic level and now there is no turning back.

Most of the people that I meet, who are down massively, attribute their losses to “betting on America’s long term viability.” So many people are like Kudlow, bunch of jingoists, who regularly suck the pants off their respective political parties.

Take yourself out of the matrix and see what they are doing to you. Or else, the next thing you know, some zombie motherfucker will sneak up from behind and eat the brains right out from your stupid skull.

LOL UPDATE:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REtmym2e3PI&feature=subscription 450 300]

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I’m Out

I covered all of my oil shorts, except for a token 5,000 shares of DUG. And, I covered my ESS and FRT shorts. Moreover, I sold out of my SDS position.

Basically, I am 75% cash right now, with a little DUG, DRR, short CPT and REW.

In short, I kept my longs (15% of assets), rung the register on shorts and now find myself, in my high end chair, eating a sandwich.

UPDATE: I bought 10,000 TNA @ $13.55.

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CNBC Interview with The Fucktard Fund Manager

Host: Next up a 5 star fund manager who thinks the market is ready to bottom. His 5 star flagship fund is down more than 75% year to date and he thinks stocks are cheap. Tell me, what do you like, what are you buying?

Guest: Well, on a price to book ratio, all stocks are extremely cheap here. We’ve been buying down here, for what we consider a buy of a lifetime. We like all stocks.

Host: Really? What do you hear out there? What are people saying?

Guest: Well, they’re not happy. Most of our clients have been torpedoed for their entire life savings, so it’s hard to tell. Our take at The Fucktard Funds is that stocks represent a better value than all other asset classes, including real estate, currencies, bonds and collectibles.

Host: Really? A lot of your critics say that you’re just plain ol’ vanilla gay and that your fund is some sort of sinkhole for America. What do you say to those critics?

Guest: Well, I have to say, we think they are wrong. If you look back, from the 1700’s, no market, in the history of markets, has gone down this much and not went back up. We at The Fucktard Funds think it is time to buy.

Host: Tell us, what stocks look good to you? There must be so many stocks that you like. I mean, even GE is in the single digits. We all know they are not going anywhere. What do you like?

Guest: We like GE and all of the big industrial names. We want to be long early cycle plays and buy them until our clients go blind. It really is a great time to have cash. We also like China. Anything related to China is as good as oxygen on planet Mars.

Host: Whoo, hoo! Finally we have a guest with a little spunk. We’ve been doing one interview after another with people predicting the end of the world. I must say, it’s very refreshing to hear a positive tone. Look at this market, it is well off its lows. We have a rally going on here!

Guest: We certainly do. We think this is the absolute bottom, which will never be seen or heard from again. That’s us at The Fucktard Fund. We always look for bargains and right now, based upon our research, stocks are cheaper than a dead donkey in Liberia.

Host: Absolute bottom! Dead Donkey in Liberia! I love it! Good to have you on, Joe Asshat from the Fucktard Funds. Next up on CNBC is Bill Gross from PIMCO.He will tell us why he is holding a loaded gun to America’s head. Stay tuned.

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Readying to Cover

This is it for “The Fly.”

I have little desire to suck the blood from asshole dip buyers any longer. The market has crashed into a titanium wall for about the 100th time now. I sense it is time to cover my shorts, go to cash, and go eat a sandwich. If the market crashes even further, disturbing the lower depths of hells floorboards, I am prepared, as a man and a tax paying citizen of this bullshit country, to miss out on such said events.

For the record, my longs have been lit aflame this afternoon, amidst stupidity on a grand scale. However, my short positions, particularly in oil, have made up for any deficits and more, putting my year to date returns upward of 17%.

Just so you know, my short positions include: DUG, ERY, REW, SDP, CPT, ESS, FRT and a little DRR.

As for my longs: I have not sold any of them, despite their “knifeward” action.

More on this later.

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6 HANDLE

Today’s theme includes:

Buffett is an old jackass.

AIG is milking you.

And, finally, oil sucks cock.

Developing…

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Welcome to the Bottom Up Economy

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpUtWEt4AgE&feature=related 450 300]

Sure it’s cool and fulfilling to make fun of “those fucking Wall Street guys” for messing up the world. Let’s castrate them, shall we? All of the low IQ union workers, sanitation guys and regular blue collared humps point fingers at bankers and laugh, exclaiming “boy are those guys ovah there dumbs.”

Wrong asshole.

They’re not dumb. They’re fucking brilliant. Let me tell you, the fuckers who blew up the world banking system are not stupid; they’re just liars. If you talk to them in private, they are fully cognizant of what is going on. However, you put those fuckers on tv, they are going to talk their book, every single time.

Now, much to your children’s chagrin, society has delved into a very dangerous place, where stupid losers, who have never run a business or a lemonade stand, are put in charge of the “recovery efforts.” Look, people on Main Street are low morons of the first order, with their high cholesterol diets and designers clothes.

If this country is going to come out of this depression, we will need a lion on Wall Street to tell Congress to go fuck themselves and to leave the business of business to the businessmen. It’s almost as if these executives have lost their balls. They allow themselves to get grilled by Congressmen, who have the business acumen of a 6th grader.

I’m sick of hearing about Joey Bag ‘O Credit Cards’ problems. I am sick of talking about bailing out dick-faced factory workers, who make asinine products.

Either Wall Street steps up here soon and offers some real leadership, through a strong voice, or your fucking food rations will be administered by calypso dancing jackasses.

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Propaganda Parade

I’m sorry. I don’t give a fuck what the perverts from Playboy say: The Santelli Rant was NOT staged.

Rick has been railing against the out of control spending for ages. To suggest that it was staged, by evil doing right wingers is, well, disingenuous and reeks of plain ol’ vanilla left wing propaganda. No offense to left wingers of course.

“The Fly” despises both left and right wingers equally, some more equally than others, of course.

I mean, really, just because Rick made mention of a “Chicago Tea Party” should not, in any way, negate or minimize all of his valid points, which in fact are 100% consistent with his previous CNBC rants.

Fuck off Playboy. I hope you die and your stock goes to below zero. It’s worth noting, The PPT ranks PLA a strong fucking sell.

May your pervert mansion get foreclosed on and Hefner fall off a cliff, him and that stupid robe.

Indeed.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiCOb49vVVM&feature=channel_page 450 300]

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