I Miss The Dot Com Era

Once upon a time, I woke up to sunshine in my eyes and an automatic sense to euphoria. I had just turned my life around, from zero to hero in a matter of 3 months, landing some pretty big accounts and benefiting from the seemingly endless rally on Wall Street, thanks to internet stocks.

I was way ahead of everyone else, early to invest, knowing full well the potential power of the internet and how it would affect commerce. I was positioned in all sorts of gems, from BCST to AMER to MSPG to ELNK to BYND to ONSL to GCTY to motherfucking ATHM.

I could not be stopped, only contained.

I was new to the business and had the energy of a fucking coked up monkey, running sideways throughout the streets of Manhattan. I took accounts from 250k to 1 million inside a few months. Times were great and everyone knew it.

Lunch consisted of oversized 2 1/2 inch cowboy cut ribeyes, cooked medium rare, heavily salted, lightly peppered. I had my own office; so naturally we got drunk. After work, we’d just throw money around, buying drinks for everyone, feasting like Kings.

Life was easy back then, at least until the market crashed. Back at the firm, brokers would just hang around, bragging about their market exploits, each story more ridiculous than the prior. Even sales assistants were making 6 figures, due to the impressive production runs coming from the brokers.

Let’s not forget all the times we’d send the lowly coldcallers out on Starbuck runs.

Gleefully, clients would come to the firm, impressed with everything they saw, almost honored to be in the presence of such Godly managers of money, who made them rich.

The market was so bullish and so easy to trade, nearly everyone I knew was invested, even my barber. People would just hang around the television and wait for Joe Kernen (CNBC) to highlight some “hot stocks,” then bid them up into the close. Everyone knew the gains were unsustainable. However, there were so many overzealous internet analysts (Blodget), who helped keep the parade going, people thought the market would go up forever, spearheaded by “the new economy.”

That fucker(Blodget) made me so much money with his AMZN call, I would kiss him, in a very non-gay way, if I ever met him.

I was into buying watches and diamond studded cuff links. Naturally, all of my work attire was tailor made, and my shoes were egregious, always shined.

Those were the days, 10 years to the day, when America was proud of itself and innovation made the market run.

NOTE: Here is a news article, penned a decade ago, highlighting how much we (Americans) kicked ass.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d12EI3xNiqE&feature=related 450 300]

Just a quick closing thought, before I run along. Now that all of the life insurance players are going out of business, MET, TMK, SLF, LNC etc, who is going to pay for the coffins and burial rituals?

Answer: The Government.

Prepare for Government Sponsored Burials.

In other news, your variable annuities are fucked too. All of the insurance morons took your deductibles and went long, son—stocks that is.

UPDATE: Denninger has a wonderful, heartfelt, essay regarding the current state of affairs.

Naturally, many of you asslickers are besides yourself with unfettered joy, thinking “The Fly” is getting sacked. Well, according to the unbendable laws of science, that is an outright impossibility.

Nonetheless, who cares about science and math when there is fiction and stupid games of “jungle gym”?

Maybe I need to be less clear, when I say “assholio, I have more than 70% of my book in cash.” Maybe I should say: “Buckfutter, buy stocks and get your johnson clubbed the fuck off.”

If you are worried about the country, you are a douchebag. The stock market meltdown is NOT scary. To steal one of my twitter lines, it’s funny like a sunny bunny with a grenade.

The real scary shit will present itself in the form of starvation and armed robberies, at your fucking country club.

Going into the close, I will laugh at the stock market, while preparing to get drunk. After all, if the shit is going to hit “le fan,” I might as well enjoy it.

Before I go nuts, go check out Jon Stewart’s attack on CNBC, an instant classic.

As you see from the early morning tape, banks and commercial re are getting hit again. But, after having extensive discussions with my Voodoo Doctor, I must report to you that it is a suckers bet to short stocks down here. Look, there are plenty of asshole companies that are going all the way to zero. However, before that happens, we will have a rally that will punch your jaw loose. Do you hear me you fucking faggots?

With that being said, “The Fly” is conducting himself like a gentleman, of the distinguished variety, this morning. I have a nice warm cup of Earl Grey tea and crumpets by my side; and I am pretending to be an avid reader of The Financial Times. Also, at the present, I am in a 70%+ cash position, with a long bias.

Here’s what you need to watch:

GE and WFC.

If both of those fuckers go green, this market will chop the cocks off those who are short. If not, oh well, it was nice knowing you.

With my money, I will not add to any longs, unless of course an insane buying opportunity presents itself. And, there is no fucking way I am shorting down here, not even with Howard’s money.

NOTE: Currently, I have long positions in UYM, TNA, ISRG, CY and JRJC.

UPDATE: Back in January, I penned an article, “New Stocks to Zero.” How am I doing on that Godly list so far?

Good times.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f03zZA___Ho 450 300]

Good times, part II
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGgzW9r0QrM 450 300]

NOTE: “The Fly” is all about conspiracy theories, after midnight. During work hours, not so much.

UPDATE: Change is NOT a comin’! Fuck this country. I’m withholding taxes. Go ahead, try to make me pay.

Just so you know, Vincenzo is one of the many IT guys that iBC has under its tutelage. Vincenzo is well known for having unbelievable accidents in iBC’s server rooms, such as dropping balsamic vinegar on hardware or even entire bowls of “gravy” with meatballs.

At any rate, he lives in MN.

Enjoy.

After you are done with that, watch this vid and catch up on the queer state of California.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=put0KLV5gmE 450 300]

The yen is weakening on a daily basis. Money is fleeing treasuries on a daily basis. And, Chinese related names are robusto, as if they were built from parmigiana and basilico.

My position on the banks, as always, is best displayed by the clip below.

If you are trying to play this bounce, via the garbage, you have no right managing other peoples money, let alone your own. This rally will be led by non-financial related names.

Stocks like JRJC, PCU, FCX, CY, MT, FLR, ISRG or SIGM.

I do not mean to come off like a SHAM-WOW salesman, not to say anything is wrong with such people, but The PPT can help you losers become better men, at home and in the office, via making helping you bank coin.

QUIT BEING A LOSER; ACT NOW!!!

I have to run along and do some errands, I’ll have you know. I am in the midst of a major career move and will not have inordinate amounts of time to waste with you fucking ingrates, over the next 2 weeks.

However, while I am touch and go, feel solace in knowing “The Fly” is winning, all the time. He wins when you are awake. He wins while you are asleep. He wins when you are down. He wins when you are wearing a frown. He wins in the cold. He wins by kicking the old. He wins in math. He wins inside a rich bath. He wins in jest. He wins so much, people grate him for “winning zest.”

Do not fuck with “The Fly,” for he is what you are not. You are silly and stupid, watch what you say on iBankCoin for you can get shot.

While it’s true, the greatness that America once had is gone, like the Dodgers in Brooklyn or Khan in Mongolia. It’s also true that we are setting up for one hell of a stupid rally, barring an outright rout in GE.

The General Electric Corporation is operated by big booted ball lickers, who are more interested in selling military equipment to the idiots of Iran, than having their share price go higher.

Mostly everyone I know, “smart guys,” are betting against this rally, mainly because their balls are small and they do not want to be whipped to death by Mother Market.

I say “fuck you” to Mother Market. I take her whip and hit my trader/servant with it, while furiously eating large sandwiches of roast beef and potato latkes.

In case you were wondering, despite the irresponsible/unprofessional tone of this post, I am not out there in the market, with my hairy chest and brass knuckles, punching shorts in the trachea.

No.

Instead, “The Fly” is hiding under his desk, with a 70% cash position, dressed in camouflage, armed with a rambo knife.