Less Than Stupid Ways to Hedge

If you’ve been following me, over the past 6 months, you made an incredible amount of coin. Unlike most 3rd tier bloggers out there, “The Fly” is not beholden to any mantra or ideologies that may interfere in his coin making process. See folks, the stock market is a place where stupid people get together and make a bunch of errors and/or try to predict the future. Most of the time, the market is correct, only because civilization is constantly advancing. The market embodies all that we are, from faulty airplane rudders to bullshit cures for obesity.

When participating in the stock market, always remember, the friendly folks at the Federal Reserve have a vested interest in jolting it (the market) higher. So, you and your loser friends, declaring [[FAZ]] a buy on the first sign of weakness, are just wasting time and money.

During the credit crisis, the Fed lost control of the situation, as panic struck America, like the dumb stick hit Brooklyn 100 years ago. The crisis was exacerbated by the media drumming up news stories, which in turn coerced Americans to pull their money out of banks and stock up on rice and beans— Glenn Beck style. Don’t get me wrong, the losses were real and the banks were deserving of “death by homo hammer.”

But it didn’t happen and here we are, in the midst of the biggest melt up in stock market history. Ho-hum.

With gains north of 75%, I am not motivated to time any potential tops or catch some downside trades. For me, I find peace in having a big cash position and waiting for better entry prices on the long side.

If the market is going to correct, instead of hedging via [[FAZ]] , [[SRS]] , [[DUG]] or [[REW]] , why not buy dollars, via [[UUP]] or treasuries, via [[TLT]] ?

Look at the charts, bozo. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand, when the market goes lower, dollars rise in value— as do treasuries. Granted, you may not make a gazillion dollars with this strategy. However, in the event you are woefully wrong and the market springboards into 2010, you won’t file for bankruptcy protection either, due to an erroneous, coke induced, trading strategy.

There are other softer ways to play the downside, which I will discuss later on next week.

The Overall PPT is officially in the 2.20’s—a reading where previous bottoms were formed. Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] got its lunch eaten, by “cock-burglaring” Apple lovers. And, to make matters worse, people are scared and shit, due to “October jitters.” All of these things, AND MORE, will lead to a sweet buying opportunity. For the day, I nibbled on a little ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] .

FYI, for you work gamers: It’s not a buy, unless you drop 250k on the name. Anything less, dear friend, is merely a “nibble.”

At any rate, most of you snail eating clowns have no fucking idea where the market is going, which in turn, makes my job that much easier, since I know exactly where it’s going and when (think time machine).

For the day, I believe my holdings were up a smidge; but who looks anymore?

See you fuckers on Monday.

I bought 5,000 ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] @ $24.70.

Do not bother “The Fly” with your petty quibbles, for he is enjoying the fruits of his labour [sic], by way of buying all sorts of meaningless shit—like new sunglasses, jeans, and you guessed it, CASHMERE sweaters. Just so you know, as predicted, I am missing out on the decline, and intend on “missing out” on all subsequent drops from here on forth.

It’s difficult to explain what I am going through, with regards to the market and how I am able to game it so easily. The best analogy I can offer is imagine “The Fly” is Babe Ruth, in his prime, batting against the current day Ny Mets. That’s all.

As for the market:

Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] is getting its cock eaten by the cock-burglars at Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] . I don’t care what the homos from RIMM say: Apple is eating their balls.

With that in mind, following another 1.5% dip in the market, I will begin buying ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] , Ceragon Networks Ltd. [[CRNT]] and TEKELEC [[TKLC]] —all three are iphone related plays. You must be asking yourself “hey, dick-burglar, why not buy [[AAPL]]?” Well, if you must know, I like to do things differently. Since young, I’ve always done things in unorthodox ways, investing is no different. My life, mind you, is defined by kicking my neighbor, competitor or enemy into empty manholes.

For those of you who are interested in seeing my “Dip List,” click here. For all you non-PPT players, this post is some sort of late night, fucked up, practical joke—so fuck off coffin stuffer.

Here listen to some Bing.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a78s9kV15fs&feature=related 616 500]

I was readying for a triple digit pullback today, yet all we got was a milquetoast 40 point laugher.

As much as I want a pullback, in order to buy cheap stocks and prove how incredibly awesome I am, there is a distinct possibility that it may not happen. I mean, everything is unprecedented these days, might as well have a rally of epic proportions, no?

For those of you who are interested in building a list, for purchase upon dips, I will unveil my list on The PPT—sometime tonight.

Yeah, just in case you didn’t know, I’m the fucking space alien magician aka King Cock, who drives in plutonium powered time machines, while you’re sipping on a pussified cup of late night tea.

Now, many of you are scurrying around, like a mouse chasing cheese, with regards to buying this dip. However, you are sadly mistaken.

Even the best bull markets ever, the ones that suck the pants off investors, feel the other side of the blade—on occasion. Back in 1999, I knew people who lost money in the market, long, due to erroneous timing issues.

So, my advice to you is: chill out and go eat a chocolate cake. You know, the sort of cake, like from Cheesecake Factory, that will put 3lbs on your ribs immediately.

On this dip, I am taking naps. Should the market dip another 2%, I will commence buying back in.

If you are like me, heavily in cash, waiting for a pullback, prepare a list of stocks that you would like to buy on dips. I know, looking at the market, it’s hard to imagine the eventuality of a market decline. Just in case you forgot the answers, try to remember all of the times the market ripped your face off. I think you will find, shockingly enough, it was directly following you buying before a decline. Rather odd, no?

My list is rich with foreign and 4g names. I want to own Amkor Technology, Inc. [[AMKR]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Fomento Economico Mexicano SAB (ADR) [[FMX]] , Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] and Cypress Semiconductor Corporation [[CY]] , just to name a few.

For the love of dirty dogs and greasy tires, I want to buy stock. It’s not fun, holding a cash position north of 40%. I want to run the fields of Ireland, like a leprechaun, bragging about my wins, while throwing empty beer bottles into the windows of my Irish neighbors.

As an aside, lithium battery maker, AONE, is coming public today. It may or may not bring attention to another lithium play, Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] .

Finally, with my money, I will continue to build my list, while waiting, ever so patiently, for a decline in the general indices. I don’t have much more to sell, so my activity in the market is going to be limited.

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