iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,309 Blog Posts

Go Ahead, Keep Betting Against Me

See where it gets you, fuckface. I’ve been doing this shit, quite successfully, for a number of years. I do not lose.

Even the fuckers who I employ on this site, Woodcheddar, Danny, Alpha and RC, are bullish. Help me out here, I’m fucking surrounded by maniacs.

It’s “The Fly” and Gunners versus the rest of you “door bell fuckers.” Watch closely, over the next three weeks, as I punch off your mustache and steal your purse, bitch.

Aside from that, I gave back more than 10% of my hard fought gains this week. Those aren’t “oh, gee, I messed up honey” type of losses. They’re man losses. I take losses like a fucking man.

However, I am confident a few things will materialize, over the next week or so.

For one, I believe the faux euphoria of 19 billion dollar writedowns and egregious job losses will fade, enabling the sellers to regain control. Also, if most believe the total number of writedowns will exceed 600 billion, I am confident that being 1/3rd out of the way is not grounds for a bottom.

Finally, I planned the Final Four contest with precision. I shorted [[WM]] because I felt a confluence of events would cause a dramatic loss in shareholder value. Thus far, I’ve been right. Come Monday, “The Fly” will be even more right.

Top pick: short [[FED]]

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Late Day Thought

Is cocaine an “ag play”?

The farmers of cocaine need fertilizer too, no?

Poor coke suppliers must be getting squeezed.

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The Final Four Contest Winner…

…will be some guy named “Matt,” who picked [[FSLR]].

However, from what I can discern from the rules, should Matt fail to claim his prize by 5:00 pm, he will be forced to forfeit, effectively awarded the “prize” to the runner up.

Odd, no?

“The Fly” wins, even when he appears to be losing, badly.

UPDATE: The contest will end on Monday. I did not know RC scheduled it for that date.

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Let’s Trade From the Lunatic Wing

Might as well go long here, following a thousand point run. Why not?

With the weak dollar, we get to sell all of our bullshit appliances and stocks to disoriented foreigners. Naturally, this is a big win for [[BDK]] and [[WHR]].

Quit being a dick, buy them!

With our stocks down huge, when factoring the dollar decline, everyone must get long [[MER]], [[MS]] and [[GS]].

Regarding housing:

Nothing goes down forever. We must stop jibber-jabbering about the decline in home values. Don’t you get it? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. The way to get home prices up is to stop talking about them.

My picks are [[BZH]], [[HOV]] and [[PHM]].

Don’t be a dick, buy them!

Also, who can resist feeding billions of people? I mean, we all need to eat. It’s safe to buy [[MON]] at any price. They have seeds that magically turn into food. No kidding!

Also, farmers no longer throw cow shit on their crops. They use fertilizers. Buy [[POT]], [[MOS]] and [[CF]] forever, even when you’re dead. Just leave orders in your will to buy them. Trust me, your family will love you for it.

Finally, steel prices are going to the moon. Look around, steel is everywhere, except cars. Cars are made from plastic. But, aside from cars, everything has steel. Plus, there are billions of people who need it, around the world. And, don’t forget, we are in a war.

To fight a war, you need to buy steel.

My favorite steel stock is [[X]]. X marks the spot, get it? (geekily laughing)

I’d buy X at any price, even $500. I see no slowdown in anything, except jobs. But, people don’t need a lot of jobs, just a little.

Everyone I know has a job. Shoot, even I have a job. I don’t understand why everyone makes a fuss over jobs. If you lose your job, go look for a new one. It’s that simple.

Might as well buy [[MNST]] off of that news too.

More later.

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Emergency Updated Alert: Switch Back to Hot Coffee

As you well know by now, ever since “The Fly” switched from hot/scalding coffee to the iced variety, the market has went up, much to his chagrin.

So, in an emergency meeting this morning, “The Fly” and his staff have agreed to endure hot/scalding coffee, during the warmer months of the year.

In other words, they’ve decided to “take one for the team.”

This, as you now, will confuse many on Wall Street and may cause extreme volatility, as traders jockey for position—reacting to this breaking news.

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More Good News For the Good Guys

For the record, I am not short [[MOS]]. In an odd twist of genius, I covered it all, below $95—a few weeks ago.

If you’re a bull, you have to be fucking thrilled with today’s non-farm payrolls. Think about it.

Who gives a shit about U.S. jobs, when there are plenty being created in China? After all, the U.S. stock market is no longer dependent on the U.S. As a matter of fact, big companies, like [[KO]], [[PEP]], [[CL]] and [[CAT]] urinate on the U.S., while taking advantage of the “global growth story.”

Fast forward ten years, the whole country will be one big “shanty town,” but [[X]] will be at an all-time high, thanks in large part to the wonderful emergence of China.

Regarding steel stocks:

Is anyone remotely interested in knowing why they are raising prices? I guess people think it’s just another “global growth play,” right?

How about sky rocketing iron ore and coking coal prices? Does any of that shit resonate with you?

As you can see, “The Fly” is a very sore loser. He is not pleased with recent losses, including his inevitable defeat in the Final Four contest.

Taking a step back, I can tell you, it is natural for the markets to rip higher in April, following an abysmal first quarter. Go ahead and look back at your stupid charts. I’ve already done the leg work.

However, typically, these April respites do not last. I would bet my head, that by May 11th, the market is lower than where it is today.

If the market were efficient, they’d meet today’s payrolls number with a fucking mountain of sell orders. However, instead, the bulls are running around, high on excess cocaine, acting like a hungry mountain lion on the floor of the exchange, just biting people’s arms off and shit.

More on this later.

Bad guy UPDATE: [[FED]] to zero, motherfuckers.

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Vegas Time

I’m leaving my Romanian mountain home, after getting into a fucking fight with one of the “illegal Mexicans” over here.

I’m now flying over to Vegas (Romanian Vegas), in order to play tomorrow’s jobs report.

Developing…

UPDATE: Goldman sacked Bear.

GOVERNMENT UPDATE:

The above story is an absolute lie. If you read it, you will go blind. Keep buying the banks, else we’ll kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Government Bank Rescue Department, Goldman Sachs

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Special Emergency Message From Your Government

the fly is dead. This website has been seized by the U.S. Government.

Appreciate my candor. Quit being a dick and buy the banks, or we’ll kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Government Bank Bailout Department, Goldman Sachs 

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