Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I’m leaving early today, taking off to my weekend hiatus.

For the day, I just about broke even, proving my ability to travel time, via a plutonium powered time machine. Keep in mind, there was nothing in Woodcheddar’s charts that made me buy [[RKH]] and [[UYG]] yesterday.

Aside from the obvious, I made money in a variety of long positions, including, but not limited to, Starbucks Corporation [[SBUX]] , Assurant, Inc. [[AIZ]] , Auxilium Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[AUXL]] , Valeant Pharmaceuticals International [[VRX]] , Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] and The Clorox Company [[CLX]] .

Conversely, I gave back some coin in my shorts in Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] and First Horizon National Corporation [[FHN]] .

Unlike everyone else, I think today’s dip in energy names present a good entry point. With [[DIG]] , I will buy down to $80, then pray to the stock Gods to prey upon short sellers.

In closing, never bet against the man in a time machine. And, furthermore, never bet against “space alien magicians,” who frequent low end eateries, just for the “atmosphere.”

Top pick: Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]]

Some retarded fund, with large natural gas positions ,is getting blown out. Hence, natty [[UNG]] , is getting mud stomped.

Other rumors of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] getting bought out has to be chicanery. My guess, they will unload their asset management division and raise new capital. This is all window dressing. However, in the event I am wrong, I am long until Monday—hook or crook.

Something is brewing with Fannie Mae [[FNM]] /Freddie Mac [[FRE]] .

Will the government step in at the equity, preferred or bond level? Or, will they do the right thing and make the bond holders take a haircut?

My guess, we will hear something definitive Monday morning.

On light volume, Mother Market has decided to stick it to the bears today. We are in a very tight, low volatility, trading range—as evidenced by a sub 20 vix reading. Should we leg lower again, the market will touchdown on 10,500, with a vix reading of 30-32.

This is all setting up very nicely for cash rich bears. Let this rally go. Come back to the table next week, to stick your claws in some doomed banks and asset managers.

Trying to get in early, I bought a small position in Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] . There are rampant rumors spreading over Akamai Technologies, Inc. [[AKAM]] —possible buyout. For my money, I’d rather be in EQIX—so I am doing just that.

NOTE: Pzena Investment Management, Inc. [[PZN]] can’t catch green, even if it were living in the open fields of Ireland.

I bought 2,000 Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] @ $77.20.

Disclaimer: If you buy EQIX because of this post, your only son will become a gangster rapper. And, you may lose money.

Developing…

[youtube:http://ru.youtube.com/watch?v=bslpmwFlJoA 450 300]

For those of you who are unfamiliar with “Costanza trading,” watch this clip.

I’m in Oklahoma City, throwing fire crackers, from the back of my town car, at the locals. This city has a certain “Great Depression” charm to it. It makes me want to give up all hope and become a mechanic or even worse: an IT consultant.

As you know, I bought Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] yesterday, based upon ouiji board advice. I covered my short, then went long. However, I will sell it, first thing Monday morning.

As a whole, my hedging moves worked to a charm, as I am going nowhere, fast. Literally, I am up like 0.10%, as you read this.

Look the balance sheets of the banks are grotesque— and make me want to punch their eyebrows off. We are getting very close to “boot stomp” territory in the market, based upon price and seasonality. My best guess: we tread water for another week then get flung into a river made from gasoline.

Oil and gold are pulling back a bit. As a result, my purchases of [[DIG]] , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]] and Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) [[AUY]] are not helping my plight for greatness.

And, as unbelievable as it may seem, morons with propeller hats are buying Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , as Fannie Mae [[FNM]] /Freddie Mac [[FRE]] die a slow death.

This is a huge miscalculation, on behalf of low IQ investors.

To close out the day, I will probably short more LM, while nibbling at some more war stocks: Lockheed Martin Corporation [[LMT]] , General Dynamics Corporation [[GD]] , AeroVironment, Inc. [[AVAV]] and Northrop Grumman Corporation [[NOC]] .

NOTE: I will sell my bank hedges, [[UYG]] , [[RKH]] , early next week.

I was too ashamed to tell you what “unnamed investment bank” I bought yesterday. Had you pried, I might have told you.

Anyway, there is one person who knows what I bought: Ragin’ Cagin’.

Aside from that, I intend to make large buckets of coin today, Las Vegas style.

Do me a favour [sic]. When visiting my Godly website, be sure to leave your retarded comments and market advice, at the last third rate blog you were visiting prior.

“The Fly” does not need, want or desire any of your ideas or “market positions.” And, he most certainly does not need the likes of you giving him financial advice.

If you are unable to read on a third grade level, this website is not for you.

If you are not able to grasp the concept of “hedged trading,” as opposed to switching a bias, this website is not for you.

On the other hand, if you are the sort of person who finds great pleasure in kicking old men down idle manholes, while banking coin—sonning this market, visit and do it often.

Just know this: I have no desire to hold your hands. I do not know you and would likely get into a fist fight with most of you, if I ever had the displeasure of meeting you in real life. Some of you are astute investors, who understand the difference between a bond and a bund. Unfortunately, many of you are regular meat loaf throwers, with IQ’s lower than my pet rock.

To make it perfectly clear, yet again, I am NOT net long of the banks, but hedged. I am net long commodities and a variety of names, that I deem worthwhile. Take my advice and talk less, listen more.

And, while you’re at it, go take a look at the percentage gains I just booked in my shorts, then get back to me—pal.

[youtube:http://ru.youtube.com/watch?v=df-eLzao63I 450 300]

I would go on vacation, if I wasn’t scared to miss out on some HUGE cataclysmic event. Instead, I have resorted to weekend trips and late night chicanery.

As you know, intra-day, I greatly reduced my short exposure, after originally wanting to short more.

This was my day, in a nut shell:

7am: Woke up to the pleasant fact of lower futures, higher crude.

9am: Eagerly awaiting to view my gains at the open.

10am: Frustrated over the tepid weakness in the tape. However, I was pleased with commodity strength.

11am: Called stock loan and borrowed shares of Comerica Incorporated [[CMA]] , First Horizon National Corporation [[FHN]] , Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , PacWest Bancorp [[PACW]] and Zions Bancorporation [[ZION]] . Sadly, I could not borrow Pzena Investment Management, Inc. [[PZN]] or Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] .

12: Went to the gym.

2pm: Increasingly angry over lack of follow through on the short side. Started to cover some names.

2pm: After covering some shorts, I bulked up on energy names.

2pm: Suddenly, I became panicked that my recent gains would wash away, like high IQ’s in N.Korea. Immediately, I made the decision to reduce my inverse etf exposure by 60% and to cover all of the little shorts on the books.

2pm: With proceeds, I hedged my existing shorts with a variety of long positions, focusing in on basic materials, like Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) [[AUY]] and Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]] . And, just in case commodities and banks were to reenter an inverse relationship with one another, I bought [[RKH]] , [[UYG]] and an unnamed investment bank—in order to “flatten out” my SKF/SRS holdings.

3pm: Seeing the market rally made me happy, for some odd reason.

4pm:What a non-event. I should have gone (thanks Jake) on that vacation.