Hedge More

I bought a few blocks of FAZ ahead of tomorrow’s FAZtarded employment data. It’s not like I give a fuck about the numbers. However, if they are SD-like horrific, the market will fall 300, no more, no less. With the sale of SD, my cash position is back above 40%. I will likely leave it around these levels, until I get back from my La Jolla trip in late August. As I get older, my appetite for risk is abating. Plus anyway, with stocks like SD publicly traded, I’m better off parking my cash in money markets.

Did you know U.S. money market funds have nearly doubled their exposure to European debt? How quaint.

I understand, from an inside source of mine, the engineers at SD are all she-males, each and every one of them. On Halloween, Sandridge is represented quite extravagantly in NYC’s “village Halloween parade” aka “Gay-Day.”

Back to business:

I am hoping for the market to pullback in a significant way, so that I could allocate some cash. If it doesn’t, I guess I will have to accept the fact the Jakegint was right and I was wrong, sort of like that GMCR versus GLD battle, but in reverse.

NOTE: I added to my SWN position.

I sold all of my SD and feel a lot better since doing so.

Off to buy the CEO a burial plot.

Do you really think I give a shit about advertisers? Wait until my ad guy takes a look at this title; he will stroke the fuck out. Frankly, as opposed to being entirely disingenuous and a bold faced liar, I do not care. While it’s true, the ad revenues from iBC affords Woodshedder and Co. with shiny new fiddles and turkeys for Thanksgiving, my heart is as black as coal.

Let me give you school girls a fucking lesson, at my expense, regarding stocks and how they can rip your face off. NEVER EVER hold a stock that annoys you. Forget about percentage loss/gain. If the fucking stock pisses you off, sell it 10 ways till Sunday. Call the CEO up and tell him to go fuck a fire hydrant, then sell the shares twice over. Hell, short the stock, then take out full sized ads in the NYT’s exclaiming the undeniable facts about the CEO being a full blown transvestite.

I am talking about my “super-sized” fuck you, you’re dead position in SD. Good ol’ Sandridge did it again.

Everything was going fine, until those motherfuckers decided to tell the world how fucking gay they are. Instead of wearing pants to their asshole oil/gas wells, those bitches should wear dresses and spend their days kicking each other in the scrotum. I am done waiting for those lying cocksuckers to get it right.

Aside from that, everything is just peachy. My VXX is made of ice. It doesn’t move anymore. And, GLW, SWN, WTI, FTK are on siesta.

I sold out of MMR for small gain.

“I was right today. You were wrong. Ha, ha, ha!”

That’s the life of an internet stock swinger. In the real world, if you said that to someone in the real business, they’d either look at you up and down, or offer to break your jaw for you. Don’t think you are doing anything special, just because you called the market for a day, or a week. For the love of car bombs and arsenic cocktails, I’ve been banging down doors for over a decade now, both professionally and personally. So, before you offer counsel to yours truly, put things in perspective.

Most of the top hedge fund managers are down for the year. Some of the CNBC favorites, like Einhorn or that Pershing Square fucker,are swinging their small dicks across single digit gains.

Put things in perspective.

Are you in this for grand slams, or to build wealth over an extended period of time? Moreover, if you chose the latter, do you have contingency plans to protect gains? Or, do you paint yourself in the Ned Riley “bullish as fuck for 30 years and counting” camp? Wipe the fucking smirk off your face; you’re not that good.

Commentary is not necessary. You know where I stand. I sold out of TZA, due to shadows near my favorite urinal. However, it’s worth noting, one of those shadows did look like Jakegint. And, I added to WTI, in a pretty big way.

Be well, or not.

I’ve been partaking in this experiment in finance, quite successfully, for more than 13 years. Actually, I made my first investment when I was 10; but that shit doesn’t really count. I can safely assume, none of you put in more work than me. Investing money is not only something to do, in between dips in the pool; it is a passion. While some of you may be passionate, you’re also very dumb, no offense of course. It takes a certain kind of person to work inside of a fucking meat-grinder everyday and like it.

I say this without hesitation or regards for your feelings: many of you will lose all of your money in the stock market, if you are not careful. I’ve seen millionaires file for bankruptcy, after losing everything (business included), due to stock market losses. As much as it appears to be Off Track Betting, it is not. The stock market can be decoded. It is nothing more than a few sinister robots fucking with the emotional shortfalls of humans, all for profit of course.

Back to the message:

I bought some SWN and WTI today, just so that I could hang out with the cool inflation crowd during this weekends banquet. Without some inflation plays, well, “The Fly” might be a tad out of place. You all know how Senior Tropicana loves to conform. I am in the names for no more than 2 weeks. One is a short squeeze play. The other is a natty play. Go figure it out.

Today’s action is very good, following yesterday’s dip. Because of this, I find no reason to reduce long positions. And, due to VXX stability, I have no incentive to buy more.

UPDATE: I sold out of TZA. Sticking with VXX as my sole hedge.

In for some dumbass moves, one way or another.

I bought 10,000 WTI in the $9.70’s and 10,000 SWN @ $37.90.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the Devil will give you bad stock tips (inside joke). And, you may lose money.

Can you please stop pretending you know what’s going on? Wait, let me rephrase that, since some of you are really dense. Can you shut the fuck up already?

One month ago, everyone was predicting the end of the Euro as we know it. The dollar was charging higher and the market was sucking horse balls. There was a record short position in the Euro and the funeral arrangements for the EU was being coordinated. Then, something odd happened. Holy fuck, a short squeeze! People got fucked inside of their smart cars, short Euro, amidst a historic run in the bullshit currency. As a result, the dollar has declined by about 10% and the market has increased the same amount.

Hmm, that’s interesting, isn’t it?

It’s all bullshit people. Just as the Euro was dead in the water last month, as we speak, the same people are making funeral arrangements for the dollar. Pleasssssssssee, shut the fuck up. Thank you.

There have been some very interesting cross-currents, especially in oil, yen and gold. However, for the most part, the run on the dollar is all related with risk being “back on.” It’s as simple as that; go ask your local European banker for confirmation. Now, if you want me to believe, after a 1,000 point rally, the market has a lot of room to run, you are kidding yourself—for I do not believe in anything, especially sustainable trends. We are in the final month of the summer. Most big traders are on vacation and the junior guys are coked out of their fucking faces, acting all retarded and shit. It is my belief, as I am entitled to have opinions, the market will pullback in September. Actually, this is quite funny, me having to beg your pardon to voice an opinion.

Also, it’s important to note a point I’ve made here 10,000 times: I am not short stocks. Although I may bitch about how overvalued they are, I have more longs than my singular downside hedge, VXX, almost by a factor of 2. There is a big difference between airing an opinion and taking action. I hope some of you will continue to offer counsel and subsequently fuck a bag of fresh clams.

“The Fly” does things with panache. He is making a list and will be sure to eat everyone’s livers, before the summer ends.

Jump off a steep cliff.

That is all.

Gradually,

Fly
Head Lemming, Chief of Cliff Jumping Operations, iBankCoin

“The Fly” has been preoccupied for the last two days expanding his investment horizons. When investing, it’s almost second nature to default to the same old names. There is a certain comfort one finds when trading a familiar stock. However, the downside to that is lack of fresh, innovative ideas. I’ve been very busy, utilizing the insanely incredible tools of The PPT, to identify growth at a reasonable price. For PPT users, you can see my screen criteria here.

The goal of my research is to toss in a few new names into my investment rituals. Moreover, I am designing a long term portfolio, for perusal, inside of The PPT. I am cognizant of the fact that some of you work as slaves for a living and do not have the time to trade like a degenerate OTB guy. You will find my long term portfolio to be, shall we say, “up to the highest standards known to God.”

As for today’s tape:

How gay do you feel now, making wild assertions about the market going up forever? I live to prove you cocksuckers wrong. Into the bell, I am quite comfortable with my positions and shall cut this post short, in order to get back to the important business of improving my financial life.