Mutual Fund Mondays!

Hey folks, it’s that time of week again: Mutual Fund Mondays. Bask in the warmth of your local mutual fund manager, as he pisses down your neck, allocating new money into equities.  Using this logic, the market shall never go lower again, since there is some sort of fucked up, insidious, never ending flow of bullshit dollars pairing up with stocks.

Back to the argument of jobs: we don’t need them. End of discussion.

Back to the debate over to QE or not to QE:

It appears Bernanke is prepared to partake in a little “zero hedging” by way of  “not really giving a fuck” about the downside risks associated with monetizing debt. If you step back and really look at the Fed, you have no choice but to say “how the fuck are they allowed to get away with that?” But it doesn’t matter. Just be sure to pay your taxes and never mouth off to anyone in power, else find yourself checked into a mental institution, against your will.

Stocks will large short positions are sprinting forward, like SHLD, FSYS and SPWRA. Once again, you cannot help but to laugh at everything, for its simplistic poetic parallels are all too confounding to rationalize. Nevertheless, I remain obtuse in my bullish positioning, opting for the “do nothing” over “do something and regret it later” mantra. Granted, had I cast my doubts aside and levered up on some TNA to the tits, I’d be praising my superior IQ and dick size over yours, right about now.  But, it was not meant to be, just like Matt Simmons was not permitted to live, after betting against the New World Order, via BP.

I am being FORCED, mind you, to look at long positions. I do not want them at all. As a matter of fact, I want to be 1,000% Direxion stupid, head tilted far to the left, retard short, going into the Fall. I will say, in my estimation of course, there is 100% chance of a sharp decline this Fall. The only issue is: will it dive from 10,600 or 11,200? That is the question that must be begged and answered!

All of the “stuff” that people point to as reasons to own stocks, I spit on them with grave disdain. There is nothing in this market that pleases me, from asshole low rates to the stupid new nature of the yen. Yes, I understand quantitative easing and I am keen to the fact that the market may go up on more free money news. But, it’s all bullshit. We are simply spinning our wheels in the mud, all the while digging ourselves a deeper hole.

Nevertheless, it is my job to protect accounts and adhere to the laws of market forces, instead of bowing to ideology. I’ve pulled back by about 10% in recent weeks, due to a flurry of anomalies, all to do with “The Fly” being wrong. I am not surprised or “taken aback” by my recent set-backs. Betting against me is like pushing up against a 6 foot coiled spring. Eventually you are going to get tired and I will push your weak ass into outer-space. As time goes on, the odds of Le Fly being exactly right rise, exponentially.

When I do claim victory and subsequently piss on your heads, you will remember to never bet against me. Most of you are waiting for my downfall. You figure all good things must come to an end, Senor Tropicana included. See, that’s where you’re fucking wrong pal. “The Fly” is like an energy force that cannot be quantified or contained. He is wild, out in the open, “mushroom clouding” friends and foes alike. Admittedly, I am behaving like a spoiled brat, who is throwing a fit because someone just shit on his favorite GI Joe toy. However, rest assured, I will have my revenge.

In closing, I am biding my time; but I need to add one position to the mix.

More on this later.

It looks like we’re back to small daily melt-ups, a world where good is great and bad is good. Complacency is back in force, as evidenced by the low readings of the Vix. And, commodity prices are through the roof. It’s an odd mix, really. We have record low yields and soaring commodity prices. Am I missing something here or does that make sense?

Today’s big standouts are the retailers. Stocks like JWN, BKE and CONN are punching mustaches off. I find myself in a difficult position, on one hand waiting for a pullback. However, on the more obvious hand, trying to participate in this summer rally. I will likely add one more name to the mix today, in order to further enhance my long exposure.

NOTE: Mark Hurd is still a fucking pervert.

The annual iBC equity partner meetings have concluded; I expect all to go back to their “blog-stations” effective immediately. It’s worth mentioning, Woodshedder has a tendency to partake in “ghetto workout routines” at odd hours of the night, while inebriated.

It was a blast and I look forward to doing it in the future: now get back to work!

NOTE: iBC’s west coast annual meeting will commence in late August. At that time, I expect to teach brother Danny all of my skateboarding tricks.

I am done playing magician for your people, at least for today. Sifting through the comments section of my blog, I can see why you look for advice: you have no idea what you are talking about. Believe me, it’s okay, since most of you are young or too old and stupid to understand how this market works. Over time, you will begin to see things clearly, or come to the realization that you need to hire someone to manage your money for you, else lose it all.

Into the weekend, my largest position is VXX. My largest long is GLW. Believe you me, I can hold my breath a long, long time, you fucking sea urchin.

You fuckers are out of your minds, getting long ahead of a June jobs number. Didn’t you assholes see the crisis unravel in May and June? Logic dictates, as business owners read the headlines coming out of Europe, they were tentative about bulking up the work force. Now that we have reengaged sanity, I expect the market to do nothing less than shatter into one thousand different pieces aka “fall by 1,000 points” from yesterday’s close. It’s not that big a deal, in the whole scheme of things. Plus anyway, most of you are hardly managing any money at all. You certainly will not miss it when it is gone.

As for me, I harbor a high level of disdain and resentment for this market. When I look at my screen, I do not laugh or cry. Actually, aside from the occasional sneer, I am emotionless when it comes to investing. My wife calls me catatonic. I believe I am preparing for the after-life.

On a personal level, I am making some money today; but expect to make a great deal more in the  days and weeks to come. Let me remind you how awful the month of September is for investors. Could you imagine how befuddled investors will become, following a 1,000 point rally—when the whole cake starts to crumble—during the time of year (Fall) when stock market crashes are most prevalent? Why, it’s almost worth paying to see.

I hope you understand now: the recovery of the U.S. economy is nothing more than a sham. While it’s true, earnings are robust and commodity prices have risen, there are counter-balances, such as your house, your electronics, clothes and other discretionary items that are enduring margin erosion.

In closing, you should all rejoice, for Senor Tropicana did it again, despite all of your ill wills and flagrant comments; I spit on your person.

You were going for a stroll, talking on your iPhone to your fucking faggot friends, while sipping on a cup of hot latte, when some guy ran past you and snatched your fucking chain off your neck—sending you face first to the ground,  jaw first.

That was Mr. Market, if you are curious to know.

Off to fuck with my yard.

I am about to mock you, so be on-guard.

Now that we got the ol’ jobs thing out of the way, we, as a nation, can now focus on quantitative easing, part II.  This way, we can shovel even more money into the banks’ vaults that will boomerang right back into Treasuries, keeping rates at historical rates. The unfortunate caveat to those low rates: you can’t have them. Look but don’t touch. Taste but don’t bite.

Nevertheless, the stock market has other things to focus on, other than stupid jobs. Who on Wall Street needs a job anyway? Hell, last I checked, I was still working. So what some guy in Detroit is living off a bag of rice per month. All that matters is quantitative easing, part II. Do you think I give a shit about some hobo fishing for food out of the Harlem River?

QUANTITATIVE EASING PART II, you cocksuckers.

It’s no surprise to me to see stocks rally off the lows, thanks to all of the fervor built up for QEII. As soon as I saw the jobs numbers, which by the way confirms we are nowhere near recovery, I was tempted to dump my longs. But then I got to thinking about how no one gives a shit about poor people without work and how this would be a pleasant excuse to help the banks out a little more. So, I decided to keep my longs.

Whew, that was a good idea.

As we speak, the market is down 30 and my VXX is flat. My overnight hedge, FAZ, is up 20 cents and sinking. However, none of that shit matters, people.

In all seriousness, the recovery is dead, regardless of what people tell you. The stock market should drop like a stone here; but I am afraid people are thinking band-aids cure cancer. With my money, I still like the hedged approach, especially on a slow Friday in August.

UPDATE: Buying FAZ on dips.

I bought another 20,000 FAZ in the $13.40’s

Poof! You’re fucking recovery has vanished!

-Merlin

I am calling it a day here, having had my fill today with horrendous losses in SD. Aside from that, the market is frozen here, ahead of tomorrow’s numbers. Aside from dumping SD, I added to SWN today. That’s it. My VXX, GLW, WTI, FTK ensemble of stocks are busy playing “Red light, Green light 123,” stiff as a dead beaver here. And, the rest of my positions are throwing out false signals and retarded head fakes. Essentially, the stage is set for some serious volatility tomorrow.

Once again, just to impersonate a broken record, I believe the risk is decidedly to the downside, which is why I bought FAZ. Buying here for a quick 30 points is pointless, since you can lose 270 tomorrow. So, do yourself a favor and be happy with the bed you have made and lie in it.