FALL BACK SON

We’re diligently working on the first annual iBankCoin conference. It appears the date of 11/8 meshes for all parties involved. I am sure many of you will seek me out, trying to attack or kill me. But just know this: I will be shadowed at all times by my security apparatus and will poison your cocktails with cyanide if I deem you to be a threat. To top off the event, which will occur during a premium date (saturday) in Vegas, I am hoping to do something special for VIP sign ups. I intend to spend most of the additional monies raised on said gathering, in order to make sure that it is done in the manner by which this site conducts itself.

As for the markets: BRACE YOURSELVES for lower prices. The Option Addict and I are on opposite sides of the equation here. He’s a much better short term trader than I am. Frankly, I’ve never seen anyone in all of my years who could hold a candle to him. Nevertheless, I reckon he will be wrong this go around. Do not start feeling bad for the lad, just yet, as I’m sure the gazillion dollars he’s made in the market this year will sustain him during the dry months of September and October.

I want to be long utilities, treasuries and cash.

However, longer term, I still own 31 stocks, such as YELP, MU, HAIN, JAZZ, SGEN, GOGO etc.

A dip is coming. I can feel the warm breeze, from a volcanic eruption, across my chest passing by—as I survey the field. If you stay too long, you will be burned.

Warnings have been made. Do not say that I didn’t try to help.

[youtube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAHL5oPXOD0 603 500]

It isn’t all that bad, tucked away in dividend paying utilities and treasuries while the zebra runs about the prairie in search of sustenance and play.

With some of my cash, I added to my boring utility holdings, buying GAS here.

When I release said GAS from my possession, I intend to make waves with it.

The market is certainly proving me wrong, defying the ominous twists and turns that is september. But can one be truly secure in his/her holdings over this ordinarily long, treacherous, weekend? For all we know, General Stalingrad Putin will invade Poland and annex Eastern Germany.

Everything is awesome. Stocks are flying in the face of abysmal data. It’s laughable, really. The ordinary folk, the third estate, the zebra, have no idea that Wall Street shits on them, rather poetically, on a daily basis.

Bad news is good news and good news is even better news.

As a member of what I consider to be a unique group of intelligent life forms, I have to believe all of this nonsense will come to pass one day, no? Then again, I’m just going through a risk off phase, so don’t mind me. We’ve seen this story play out for the past 5 years and it always ends the same.

Bears in a bodybag, with a bull dancing atop of it, drinking jugs of ambrosia, high off of life.

People are buying this pathetic, languid, number. Do you know why they are doing so? It is because we are programmed to enjoy the bid that the Federal Reserve provides us with. Understand something, with nearly $20 trillion in national debt, the United Steaks of America cannot possibly allow its interest rates to head higher, while looking at you with a straight face, saying “we’re not trying to purposely default on our obligations.”

I appreciate the candor of the billionaire hedge fund manager, who operates out of the Short Hills shopping mall, who told us to sell short treasuries yesterday. He has a mighty fine track record and I could only hope to enjoy 1/10th of his success over the course of my lifetime. But he’s fooling himself, or you, with the idea that rates are done going lower.

A great man, who once walked the halls of iBankCoin and screamed at you from his office every morning, once said “we are Japan.” That we are my friends and I’m not bearish on stocks because of it. I am simply hesitant in the month of September. Call it superstition or “gut instinct”; but I want no part in this phase of debauchery. I’d rather just sit here and watch you have all the fun, while I think of ways to entertain myself.

There are a lot of names that are down 30% over the past 6 months. However, those stupid bastards are still trading 17x sales. How in the world do you expect me to buy that?

Using the robust screener inside of The PPT, I’ve been scouring for stocks that I can purchase–after the coming decline. A few names that aren’t on the list, but will always be purchased by me on dips are:

YELP

SLCA

JAZZ

All in different sectors, those three names represent the main drivers of this market, the things I am bullish on–long term.

Social Media

Oil & Gas

Biotech

The problem with my favorite stocks, all of which I still own, is that they’re near new highs.

But here are some stocks that have been crushed and represent true value. Keep in mind, more often than not, stocks trade lower because fundies suck. So what appears to be value may in fact be a trap. Alas, the perils of speculation.

POST (WTF!, people hate cereal)

SINA

YOKU

SOHU (who knows  if these burritos are worth anything?)

FUEL

CREE

SALE

CBI

WFM

SFM

If you have any ‘cheap’ stocks, post them in the comments.

I hope you appreciate the concept of negative rates in Europe. This is a continent struggling to employ and produce, using draconian methods to encourage growth–5 years removed from the Great Recession. Here in the states, we are winding down QE operations–but still have zero percent rates, which has not really buoyed new homes sales in any large degree. The desirable areas are in demand and Detroit is still Detroit.

Can the market go higher without a Fed intervening? More importantly, if the economy is still struggling now at 0% rates, can we seriously raise them?

To the latter, I say no, positively. The only reason why you’d raise rates is to stoke another market crash.

I’m not as bearish as this article makes me sound. I am simply asking some serious questions that will one day need to be answered. Until that day of reckoning comes, we have this–the never-ending melt up. Pullbacks are always met with buyers and short sellers remain, indefatigably,  in the ‘fag box.’

Top picks: ETR, EXC, TLT and cash.

Today was the first day of school in New Jersey. I went to the morning ceremonies and then took my wife to breakfast, to celebrate in advance another long, arduous, year of making sure our children do not grow up to be idiots. Truth be told, school is an excellent day care centre and I am grateful for the tranquility around the house when they are being educated.

For me, the summer is over. It’s time to get back to work.

Draghi is the new Bernanke. As we end QE, Europe begins. This isn’t a coincidence and the euro has been sliding because of it. The dollar has been on a rocketship and our yields are at record lows. The US dollar is up almost 1% today. This is the macro trade that every Tom, Dick and Harry are piling into now. It’d be interesting to see how much profit taking in TLT can persist, while UUP heads higher. My guess, our bonds will be sopped up soon.

America is the place to be–the venue of choice for money managers. We have the safest currency, best technology and strongest military, next to the feared beards of ISIS of course.

Again, and I hate to bore you with my boredom, but I need at least two more weeks to see if my topping prediction will be correct. It’s very early September and the market is making new highs. Thus far, there is nothing but blue skies ahead.

I don’t care about Ferguson police plays, like MAGS, DGLY and ISNS. They will be faded and late comers will be crushed. I don’t give a damn about chinese burrito stocks or the biotech du jour of the moment. Right now, all that matters to me is allocation and how XYZ might fair in the coming correction. I expect to lose money, being that I have plenty of money still invested. However, I expect to lose less than everyone else, and perhaps take a profit or two in several of my defensive positions.

But the ultimate goal here isn’t to bury my head in the sand and/or migrate to Romania–live out my days as a naked goat herder. I intend to, as is always my custom, to buy your margin liquidation.

If you recall back in March-May, I was in fact liquidated and you bought my margin call. It was an odd twist of fate, a karmic reversal of sorts, since I was the one who was bearish a few weeks earlier and had predicted that very correction months in advance. What happened then could only be described as destiny. I was supposed to endure the pangs of horror, loss, and absence of respect from my peers and underlings–because it made me better for it.

As I speak to you now, I am a man filled with confidence, a chest filled with pride, a person who understands the plight of the disenfranchised. I thank Mother Market for this gift every single night before bed.

However, all of these lessons, the vagabond tales of iniquity, have led us here–to a cross roads where you and I shall parlay again–to sort out our differences.

I will not lose this time around–rest assured. On Jupiter’s Stone and all that is valuable in the ancient scribes of Alexandria, “The Fly” will have his revenge and the first course is going to be gazpacho.

Aside from that, I wish you good luck and happy hunting!

Apple computer is dropping today, just two days after perverts around the world united around the mammaries of young celebrities. But that is only the tip of the iced berg, mate.

All of you woke up this morning to lies. You ate those lies and now you are shitting out losses.

General Stalingrad Putin didn’t sign a fucking cease fire with The Ukraine. That’s the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard. After all, how could Putin sign a peace treaty when he hasn’t done anything wrong?

Indeud.

The tumult around the world will continue. US treasuries will serve as a beacon of freedom and safety from the treachery of equity markets. You’ve been very spoiled, haven’t you? All summer long you’ve been playing about the chinese sanded box, making money in all sorts of unsavory names.

THE DAY OF RECKONING fast approaches and those who surrender will be executed on spot: the Black Flag, sir.

As for me, I have 15% cash, lots of boring utilities, and a load worth of TLT. You mustn’t worry about my prospects, for I am in possession of a God damned plutonium powered time machine.

You may now continue playing in the gutter, throwing equine feces at one another.