7 Years A Slave

For seven years we’ve been having fun about the internets. You’ve seen me at my best and my absolute worst. You’ve witnessed epic calls of magical proportions and others that tasted like soured milk on a hot, balmy, day in prison.

“The Fly” is a man of the people, a person of ‘extreme caliber’, who was genetically designed to outperform equity markets. There will be periods of duress and glitches in the matrix; but rest assured, everything works out in the end.

For reasons that are a bit obvious, today is a bittersweet day for me. Nonetheless, I will persevere and thrust ahead, as nature intended.

iBankCoin was founded upon the principles that the layman, the average working man at home, swigging away, tirelessly, from a bottle of Georgi, should get to enjoy largess quantities of caviar and champagne too. The good life can be yours, if and only when you begin to obey.

I’ve been doing this nonsense for a whole 7 years now and I will probably do it for another 700. All of you will be dead, generations of your gene pool hence dead, yet Señor Tropicana will be trading in and out of Time Machine and Black Hole Energy stocks, like the space alien magician that he was born to be.

Seven years ago a group of people set out to change the financial landscape. They cobbled together a website that would mock and prey upon the readers of TheStreet.com, hoping to decapitate its leader and shame its employees into abject misery and disgrace.

The legend of “The Fly” was born, alongside The Woodshedder, Danny, VINCENZO ILLUMINATI and soon to follow Ragin Cajun.

In the early days of iBankCoin, we had great fun. We were much younger then and the markets were on the precipice of complete and utter disaster. Looking back, I never thought this site would become such an integral part of my life–sacrificing so much for so little. Then again, Le Fly’s bloodlines dates back 30,000 years to the Asian steppes, a rough and emotional people who’d rather eat their household pets than ask a neighbor for a slice of bread.

Trust me when I tell you, this is my life’s work, one way or another. It will end in spectacular success or misery. There isn’t a middle ground, for mediocrity is for plebs.

Shortly after our launch, I brought on Jakegint master of the gold trade.  Other notable bloggers who have come and gone include The Chart Addict, Gio, COACH COFFEE, RHINO, Henry Fool, Alphadawg, Kong, The Devil, Chuck Bennett, Green Writer, JASON TREU, Mr. Bilderberg, Rag, and of course Scott Bleier.

Over the past 4 years, the site has truly entered a renaissance, with the content provided by Ragin Cajun, Caine Thaler, Raul and The Option Addict. Our services have grown with our legions of followers. The site is entirely self-funded and profitable, generally spitting at all of the other finance sites who find themselves enslaved by Venture Capital masters.

Señor Tropicana works tirelessly to destroy the human race, via Orbital Space Cannon (OSC) and finds the Venture Capital community to be of a most outrageous and abhorrent group of individuals. Their headquarters have been entered into the OSC matrix and shall be vaporized when BETA trials begin.

Here are some of the site’s design changes over the years and memorable videos.

This is the video that introduced iBankCoin.

Your arch degeneracy will come to an end this holiday season. I see you selling short my GPRO, foaming about the mouth, clamoring for my demise. It’s been said for over 10,000 years that spoils will go to the victor. Let it be known, as well as evident, that I intend to claim my prize, in the form of your livers, before the year is out.

I made just 0.26% for the day, a weak day in a stupid tape. Make up your minds already. Do you like oil and gold or do you hate it?

Just 49% of stocks were higher today, spearheaded by silver. If you made a ton of money today, you are a complete jackass.

Some fleeting thoughts on the Las Vegas event:

I’d like to thank Victoria for doing an outstanding job organizing this event. Without her, we probably would’ve been throwing mashed potatoes at one another. As a leader, it’s important to know when to delegate a task and when to do it yourself. When it comes to dealing with 10,000 moving parts and negotiating with gorillas, my temperament is ill suited for such an affair. Speaking of which, if and when we do it in NYC, it will be a much bigger event. Most of our readership resides in the Northeast corridors of the United States, denizens of intelligent life forms and men of distinguished means. Las Vegas is a reprehensible city, a curse fixed upon the heads of mankind which shall be smited by the Gods before the millennium is up. When done in NYC, all of the rubes will immediately and thoroughly be dispatched from the iBC parlours by men with white gloves.

I promise you that.

Back to the markets.

It appears my largest position, GPRO, announced a secondary today, which cock-blocked the shares. This is normal and to be expected. Don’t panic, jackasses, for GPRO is destined to melt the faces of every single short seller in the world, before the year is over.

Here are my other top positions and a few thoughts.

TRN: prepare for beast mode. Needs higher oil.

ANET: I have no idea why it’s tanking. Puzzled I am.

MU: Hedge fund hotel. Will trace NASDAQ.

BALT: I expected it to drop, but not this far. I will be averaging down soon.

AAPL: Whatever.

SLCA: From diamond to dogshit. At this point, I just want it to turn into a fucking piece of coal.

GILD: Ho-hum

BID: I own this for my kids. This is a 50 year hold. Never sell it.

BX: The modern day Goldman.

LITB: Sucking off BABA’s tit.

YELP: I will never sell it.

I am a bit shot right now, having just got back from Vegas. I will have a lot more to say tomorrow. Feel free to talk shit amongst yourselves and make believe that I give a shit about your poor taste in cars, food and women.

Back to work.

It was amusing to hear some of you complain to me about not seeing The Fly, and how you wondered who he might be, to me. I ate breakfast, lunch and sat with you for the entire show. I came out to the VIP party and talked shop with everyone and heard your war stories. Some of you had nothing but kind words for Señor Tropicana and I appreciate that.

Everyone from the site, Jeremy, Jeff, Raul and Ragin Cajun kept my secret and were almost scared to talk to me, for fear they might reveal who I was. Even Howard Lindzon was able to contain himself from spilling the beans, which I thought might pose as a problem.

All in all, and I am surprised to have formed this opinion, I truly enjoyed your company. I’m a finance guy, after all, and enjoy speaking with others about finance. Mostly everyone I spoke with were interesting, intelligent, and polite.

The Zombie was the best dressed there, fully clad in a tux. He was on the prowl from the very beginning, trying to find out who I was. However, I was hidden in plain site, cloaked under a spell of dark magic, invisible to the untrained eye.

I did, however, reveal myself to just one of you. He was cherry picked out from the crowd, a long term reader and member of our services, who would hold my secret with him until his last dying days.

All in all, it was a great show and a charming evening. I am not sure if we will host another one of these events, since it was a pain in the ass to plan. However, if we do, I look forward to tricking all of you again.

Ciao from Las’d Vegas.

You fancy me to be a liar, don’t you? I told you I’d blend into the crowd, mere peasant amongst plebs. It was a fine showing, starting off with Asshat in Chief, Howard Lindzon. He rambled on about the future and how he bankrupted himself amidst tumult, back in the early days of the new millennium. He continued to fire buckshot towards my direction, then abruptly left for parts unknown.

The Option Addict put his heart and soul into his presentation and it showed. He was a great showman and almost motivational in the manner by which he delivered his missives.

Ragin Cajun was also very upbeat and on point.

And, of course, Jeff Mack, as usual, was funny as shit, informative and gave us a stock pick to boot.

As for me, I ate amongst you and heard you complain about “The Fly” being a no-show. I witnessed The Zombie and talked shop with some of you. Pardon my demand for secrecy and anonymity, for it is in the best interest of the country to keep my identity unknown, a national security threat of sorts.

Very shortly, I will head on over to the VIP After Hours Party.

See you soon and thank you for attending.

This is the sort of title I wanted to write before heading out into the fucking sunset.

My GPRO edged higher, as well as TRN, LITB, AAPL, SLCA, BID, WFM and others. However, on the other side of there ledger, there is LPNT, HCA, ICPT, ANET: CATASTROPHE.

Even BALT is starting to lose its luster.

Luckily, I am long more than three dozen names and have heavily weighted towards just three: GPRO, TRN and ANET. The latter caused me fits today, sending me to the saloon early, down 1.1%. I suppose it could’ve been worse, ahead of our Las Vegas event. Nonetheless, I exit the week feeling a sense of doom, just ’round the corner. Then again, I am always sensing doom and sometimes I invite it.

I’d wish you all a good weekend; but I really don’t care about you enough to do it. Please continue to live and visit iBankCoin and feel free to click on the ads, for it helps finance my fight against humanity, vis a vis the ORBITAL SPACE CANNON (OSC).

I own a small position in ICPT. But it’s down so god damned much, it is having a material effect on my day. Biotech stocks are the playground of devils, both long and short. You shouldn’t ever go long any in size, unless of course you’re interested in having a triple bypass surgery at some point in your life.

Everything looks weak, aside from oil. There is something to be said about diversification, mind you. The very shares that once served as an albatross for me are now helping to stem my losses. DVN, SLCA and TRN are all higher. I own some WFM too and that’s higher. But, all in all, GPRO, ANET and MU have shaped my day, etched in the granite of vampires, and I am bleeding red today–off by 1.1%.

Believe you me, there is nothing more coveted by me than to see the faces of my enemies liquidated by the violent cults of bull market followers. But today is not the day to celebrate, but to mourn.

Last night, I’ll have you know, I won several hundred dollars, maybe about $400, playing roulette. The funny thing about gambling is I walked away feeling victorious. Had I lost $400, I would have felt the pangs of death scratching at my temple. But here I am now, in the real world, down hundreds of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands of personal money, and I don’t even break a sweat. We, as speculators, are desensitised to the fluctuations of the market and our subsequent losses and/or gains.

Why is that?

I’ve gambled before–but always have done so sparingly. I’ve never lost any money at it–because I’ve always played the odds correctly at the roulette table. At the end of the day, Las Vegas is a place built upon the bones of the mentally addled, persons spanning the continent in search for riches and sport. I, on the other hand, speculate in the stock market on a daily basis.

I create my own odds and have made a fine living doing it.

While some of you waste away at the poker tables, losing sums of money that force your wives into divorce, and yourselves into a disheveled life of wanton alcoholism and/or male prostitution, “The Fly” plots his next move in the stocked market.

After the bell, ANET reported blow out, and I mean blow out, numbers. However, Morgan Stanley permitted an early release from the lock-up period for non-executive employees. This, of course, is an absurd reason to sell stock and I need to address this now.

I see the lot of you on the internet, always citing lock up periods as a legitimate reason to sell stock. Did you know when the lock up period for YELP ended, the stock soared 30% that day? It was a short squeeze, a trap of sorts, and it laid waste to anyone who played the event. When a company comes public, employees get to cash in on their stock options. This has happened since the beginning of the stock market and is an asinine reason to sell shares in a company that is performing.

A pox on the lot of you, the ones at the pokered tables and the ones selling ANET in the after hours. “The Fly” seeks revenge of the sordid varietal and he shall have it before the month is through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPN7J369RNI

I am Santa Claus.

I added to my GPRO position out of pure, unadulterated, greed and avarice for materialistic items.