FALL IN UNDER THE UMBRELLA OF WINSHIP

I don’t mean to chastise any of you. Like a father cares for a child, sometimes it’s important to be authoritative with guidance, otherwise the child runs off to get ran over by automobiles.

“The Fly” is of ‘supreme intellect’ by far above your layman capacities. You could live for another thousand years and not come within 25% of my intelligence quotient. It’s not because you were born stupid, or anything like that. Very simply, I was built better.

The market is off to the races and I am making moves again. I sold out of LVLT and bought CENX, a seasonal trade in a stock that has been battered to pieces. The company is making plenty of money and falls in under my umbrella of discounted free cash flow companies trading at distressed levels–off by 40% for 2015.

You can try to beat me and suffer the pangs of miserable failure. Or, you can simply fold tent and behold the winship that shadows Señor Tropicana, a designation that has been abundantly clear since the early days of adolescence.

That dip lasted all but 9 minutes (thank you Raul for tracking it for us!).

This isn’t a game, never has been and it never will be. “The Fly” is like a fencing master, only he fences with nuclear bombs. If you’ve come to battle me, by attempting to take my coin, I will Nagasaki you.

I don’t need to rehash my top stock picks. Cut it out already. I don’t want to know about your position in stupid things, like gold. All that is important, at this juncture in time, is that the short sellers get their heads chopped off clean.

It’s time, gentlemen, to bring forth the gimp, officially known as ‘Le Gimp’ in France, and bask in the glory of sharp upside reversals.

NOTE: Bluestar’s funeral has been scheduled for tomorrow.

For current subscribers and interested parties in Cain Thaler’s Income Investment Report, the quarterly report has been posted and up for your analysis. If you’re interested in dividends and need a resource to generate ideas, backed by sound fundamental analysis, this is for you.

Happy Easter everyone, non-christian heathens included. Futures are off by around 1%, thanks to Friday’s jobs report. The Atlanta arm of the Fed is expecting flat GDP, which is going to stoke the flames of recession through the community of fucking assholes. You have nothing to fear, but fear itself.

I’d like to wager dollars to donuts we close up tomorrow. The fact that the jobs number was soft only lends to the idea that the Fed will not hike rates. With that off the table, the free money camp should run wild…naked…in the daytime.

The dollar should go down, gold up, stocks the fuck higher.

If not, fear not, the dip will be short lived.

Over the past two weeks, biotechs have softened, while residential construction and chinese stocks surged. The market is rotating out of one hot sector into another. But you know which sectors don’t give a shit about hot money? How about companies that are banking coin, generating tonnes of free cash flow?

I have an idea for you tonight, straight from one of my Exodus screens: Ralph Lauren, ticker RL.

Year to date, the stock is off by 26%. Yet, at the same time, the company is generating more than $200 mill in earnings per quarter. The PE is absurdly low and the price to sales ratio hasn’t been this low since 2007. I don’t like RL here, I love it.

NOTE: We might send emails to a limited few tonight to begin The PPT Exodus beta trials. If not tonight, soon.

We all know about The Shining or the one retarded film that Stanley Kubrick made called Space Odyssey 2001–thanks to horror fan buffs and acid addled hippie bastards. However, how many of you have seen Barry Lyndon?

After watching this movie, I became transfixed with Kubrick’s work. It is by far the most innovating, crisp, and creative of his era.

This film in particular, Barry Lyndon, is a personal favorite. Every single scene is a work of art, literally. You can screen shot any part of the film and it will look like a classic oil painting.

As for the content: dark, dry, comedy, mixed with sarcasm– my favorite type of funny. Mrs. Fly watched some, at my request, and didn’t find it funny, not even in the least. Then again, she can sit through an entire Eastbound and Down episode, complain about all the profanity being used, and not crack a smile once, not even a little.

This is a classic film, one of the best ever. Watch it!

I’m just trying to keep up with the psychotic minds of the people who pull levers. A few month’s ago, good jobs numbers sent the market spiraling, for fear that the Fed would use this new found prosperity to fuck the country. Using the same logic, now that we see people unemployed again, manning soup lines, shouldn’t that mean that rate hikes are entirely OFF the table; therefore, QE is a real possibility, which will jack prices–the fuck–higher?

One thing is for certain: the status quo of watching the economy plod along in the midst of a commodity rout cannot last forever. At some point, the economy needs real stimulus. It’d be nice if the fuckheads in the White House and congress actually gave two shits, and a few camels, about growth and passed some tax cuts/stimulus packages, instead of having to rely on Dr. Frankenstein at the Fed.

We’ve reached an accord with the good people of Iran. They’ve agreed to cease making weapons that will annihilate large swaths of earthling population; and in return, we’ve agreed to let them make more money. Those centrifuges got awfully expensive. I am sure the Ayatollah was sick and tired of all the “nuke Jerusalem” rhetoric and simply wished to live out his days near the coast of Monaco.

You were tricked earlier today, when the markets gave it up, weren’t you? I was delighted to see that you were 200% retarded, instead of merely 100%. It makes for a much greater demonstration of entertainment for yours truly.

The weather is beautiful and I have no reason, whatsoever, to be here talking with the lot of you. My money management business is at fresh highs, the web business is as depraved as ever, and I am aggressively expanding, not to mention that I am also roasting the stomachs of my enemies in hell.

Exodus is coming, gentlemen. You needn’t have to worry about the future of your digital lives any longer. Go out and knock on your neighbors doors, call your friends and family, have them email me at [email protected] for a beta trial. We have one hurdle left to complete and then you’re in, for a limited time of course. After which, I intend to lunge at you and evict you from the premises of gentlemen.

Enjoy the extended weekend. I’ll be doing my Saturday cinema, as scheduled.

I kicked out MUSA for a small gain. With the proceeds, I rolled (no Humpty) into AMGN, GTN and YY.

GTN is my oversized position out of the three. I’d load up heavy on YY here, if it weren’t for the fact that is domiciled in a ruggedly corrupt nation of liars and dog eaters.

What can I say? I like television and feel we’re in the golden era of content, super bullish on NFLX, AMCX and GTN.

Your pencil dicks are being snapped in half right now. Do you hear that sound? It is the reverberations of your own demise.

Crucifixion is too good a sentence for you. Instead, you get to sit there, nailed to your bullshit pleather chair from staples, watching your net worth drift…away.

The jobs numbers are tomorrow, an off day for Wall Street. So get ahead of those numbers now. The winter winds have subsided. Very soon, you will be at the beach, spastic retarded drunk, gawking at women while your wife isn’t looking. These dark days of indecisiveness will end. With its end goes Joe into the middle of the flaming volcano.

This is it. This is your time. Get out there and start chopping some dicks off (no homo)!!!

Top pick: YY

Gimps fashioned in leather clothing, hidden in boxes, awaiting to be unleashed onto the world to short stocks and drive down the prices of fine American companies. We, as a people, must manage these gimps, contain them at all costs, and make sure they never see the light of day.

Imagine a world filled with Bluestars. We’d all be lost, flaming in volcano lava, completely fucked forked radish.

Tomorrow being the last day of the trading week, make it a good one. Get out there and swing the bat, son, and stop throwing like a girl.

Just a little FYI on The PPT Exodus beta trials: we have hit a minor delay due to external forces beyond our control. We should be in touch with you lads soon. In the interim, it’s important that we get it right and we really need your feedback and the opinions of those in the asset management field. If you happen to know anyone who might be interested in trying out the software in about a week or so, please have them email me right way at [email protected].

I am limiting the trials to 500 people, so email me as soon as you can–else be fucked for eternity.