Oil is an Ass

Believe me, I am fully aware that every time I rant and rave about how stupid XOM is, oil stocks rip higher. Nonetheless, I must say, oil is an ass. All of you goat fuckers going long oil should be rounded up and tossed into horse stables. Seriously, Japanese exports get cut in half and you’re over there buying oil, as if you can drink or eat that shit.

We’re being vaporized by a financial murderhole, yet some people feel it makes sense to bid up the share price of XOM. I know the game. XOM is the market. All of the cheerleaders, who want the market to trade up need to boost XOM. I get it.

But, what I don’t get is how you are over there buying crude, amidst the fuckery. Soon enough, bankruptcies will unveil themselves in the oil and gas space and you will remember the cold winter days of 2009 when Senor Tropicana warned you of pending doom.

I’m still long a lot of bullshit. But it only makes up about 15% of overall assets. I’m looking for potential value plays. Doing quick screens, NTGR and KBR look cheap. As a point in fact, I have a number of stocks, trading near cash, that may be worth accumulating.

In closing, I’m looking forward to some sort of Chicago Tea Party, where I will be sure to bring my fucking boxes of tea. I don’t like stocks here and I don’t like gold. Short oil, gold and long guns is how I’m playing this market.

Gun makers RGR and SWHC are on fire, as well as cheap drug stocks, like WPI, TEVA and MYL.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing, aside from the fact that people have done lost their minds.

Expanding on this trade, it might make sense going long BGFV or CAB, due to insatiable demand for guns and survival gear—LMAO. However, I would not recommend buying BGFV ahead of earnings, due out tomorrow.

North of $8.40, I sold out of 3/4th’s of my RGR position and put the proceeds to cash. Right now, I am comfortable being short oil stocks, while holding onto some SWHC. Everything else is an ass.

Who said it was too late to analyze risk to the system? Come now, it’s been a walk in the park, regarding all of the bank non-failures. Now, in an amazing twist of events, the government is going to tell us that the banks need capital.

BREAKING NEWS.

They are going to discard their old, flawed mathematical models and invent new ones that will tell them C, BAC and WFC suck balls and need a couple hunge—billion that is.

Looking at Japanese, Korean and pretty much all Asian output, it is clear, as well as obvious, we are in a depression. A depression caused by too much debt, which in turn caused the economy to collapse inward. The answer to our problems, apparently: borrow more.

This way, when people are on soup lines fishing for idle packets of saltine crackers, the government can explain to us, via radio broadcast (tv’s will be offline) that we as a nation defaulted on our debt, effectively rendering our bullshit currency worthless. But that’s okay. In replace of those stupid green bills, we will get coupons with Obama’s and Bush’s likeness on them.

With those coupons, we will be able to acquire “government food” and “government gasoline,” as well as “government clothes.”

You fuckers will yearn for the days when SBUX charged you $5 for a disgusting cup of bitch coffee, while on a long, mournful line, waiting for the “government Doctor” to see you.

He also pledged to do other stuff, despite America being stuck in a “homo box,” due to “fucked up loans.” Oh, if you work on Wall Street, you will be plucked from your house, in order to make solar panels or car batteries, in an unnamed desert not near you.

Go America, go!

UPDATE: No more airplane rides for Wall Street. Take the bus or horse.

UPDATE II: Bush did it.

UPDATE III: Checks are on the way.

UPDATE IV: Bush did it again.

UPDATE V: The U.S. does not torture people. We just ruin their lives with CDO’s.

UPDATE VI: Try to give away your money whenever possible.

Fly Summary: The speech sucked. May the bear market resume sucking the life force from the world.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-9hJogEZxs&feature=channel_page 450 300]

I walk away from today’s tape like a fucking champ. Sure, I may have less money today than yesterday. But, I am now short your stupid gold bricks and that’s all that matters.

At the bell, I bought 2,000 DUG @ 28.30. And, 15 minutes before the bell, I loaded the fuck up on DZZ aka “fuck your gold bricks.”

When economic collapse besieges you, your stupid gold coins will be used as decoration, outside your mausoleum.

In adddition, I blew out of my EEV position, early this morning and I bought more guns, via SWHC and RGR.

My best guess: the market sells off tomorrow, following Obama’s campaign speech. However, in the event I am wrong and we blow higher, I have a 43% cash position to remedy that.

Grandpa Fly used to say, in a very belligerent tone: “I’ll pay that much with confederate money!” As you know, he was not a big fan of “southern aggression,” nor am I a fan of buying stocks ahead of “The O.”

As expected, the market is rebounding, following 6 straight days of unrelenting selling. Once again, clowns with large noses are piling into XOM. Just so you know, XOM is the stock they (conspiracy theory) use to jerk the market higher.

Banks are ripping to the upside. I rather watch you make money in them, than have a heart attack going long. Whatever longs I have left, namely LNN and JRJC, are bouncing a little.

Bottom line: I’m not buying stocks ahead of President Obama’s speech. Fuck that. This guy is like one big hoax come true, in a very weird science fiction way. Cramer, and his jelly beaned friends, are trying to save their jobs, via goosing stocks up. I’m just trying to avoid having my brains scooped out of my skull, by roaming homeless men.

Towards the end of trading, I will nibble on a little DUG/ERY.

Fuck Gold: I bought 20,000 DZZ @ $20.35.

Early this morning, I sold out of my EEV position. As you already know, I added to both SWHC and RGR positions.

Look, I am trying to get long, without feeling a sense of misery about doing so. I can’t sit here, with a straight face, and buy AA or BAC and tell you “they are possible bounce plays.”

I’m done trying to catch idiotic bounces in shitty names. I am up for the year (12%), while everyone else is near death. I was up nearly 60% last year, while people in my industry got annihilated. I must be doing something right.

I am starting to see some real anecdotal evidence that the economy is in trouble, from a NYC perspective. Business owners that I know are unable to get loans, despite having millions in collateral. And, good people are being laid off.

By the way, in case you were unaware, the yen (FXY) is getting cremated today, which in turn is helping stocks. Call me a banana salesman if you must, but if it’s not gun related, I’m not buying stocks.

I have approximately 55% in cash and loathe the notion of being fully invested. As a matter of fact, I may never go “all in” again.

For fuck’s sake, old fuckers in wheeled chairs lost all of their retirement savings, investing through Bill Miller at LM. I’m over here, like a fucking Saint, doing the Lord’s work and for what?

I get to enjoy the pleasantries of DEVILDOG and other losers. The life of a Blog Father.

In short, I have many tricks up my sleeve, with regards to commercial Re. So you know, tonight, I will be posting an article, exclusive to PPT (fuck you it took time and money to build it), on the cre market and what names can—go—all-the—way.

I bought 20,000 SWHC @ $3.20 and 5,000 RGR @ $7.50.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, ironically, you will get shot. And, you may lose money.

Aside from SWHC and RGR, CAB could see some further upside, as people get their guns and hunting equipment ready.

Look, I love shit like this. It doesn’t take much to get me in a store, shopping for “survival gear.” We all know, deep down, it’s a crock of shit. But fads die slow.

Anyway, I can’t get behind gold here. The very notion of buying something with a gold brick is very, very foreign to me. If someone tried to buy something from me, using a gold brick, I’d punch his mustache off.

Just saying.

Today will likely be a bounce day, ahead of Obama’s big speech. Nonetheless, I am not really motivated to go long in any size. I might buy a little CAB, only because it’s insane and I like shit like that. And, I still like SWHC and RGR.

Bottom line: quit trying to catch bottoms, fucktard. All of the banks and basic material stocks are too hot to handle. If you want to play the long side, delve into “non-toxic” sectors, like guns or drugs.

NOTE: If oil stocks go lower again today, I may cover my shorts.