Morning Poppers (Nothing Can Stop It Edition)

Isn’t it funny how no one talks about the cryptos anymore? I haven’t logged into my SHITCOINS account in weeks and couldn’t care less. The way I see it, everything is lost. The entire account is destined for the shit-heap of time, a time capsule when society was enamored by the glitz and glamour of creating something out of nothing and getting rich by accident.

Early going, Nasdaq futures are +63. I intend to make a great deal of money here and will not apologize for it. You should know that you were all well informed of the future and had every opportunity to follow me into highly profitable positions. I asked that you write them down and perhaps remind me of them in the not-too-distant-future. I hope that you’re still paying attention.

Brent is above $70 this morning, on pace for higher prices into the driving season. I cannot wait until crude is above $100 again and all of Trump’s middle eastern friends are rich enough to buy his top dollar penthouses. If there’s one sector that is unrepresented in the S&P it is oil exploration and drillers. If oil is truly going back to $100, there is lots of money to be made in the group, especially in the frackers.

Here are some other headlines this morning.

LFIN -19% (continued weakness; to be removed from the Russell Indexes on March 28)
OSTK -8.7% (to offer 4 mln shares of common stock)
NVTA -6.4% (commences $50.0 mln common stock offering)
LAND -6.3% (to sell shares of its common stock in an underwritten public offering)
GERN -6.2% (cautious article from biotech blogger Adam Feuerstein)
LMRK -3.3% (commenced offering of Series C Floating-to-Fixed Rate Cumulative Perpetual Redeemable Convertible Preferred Units representing limited partner interests)
AUPH -3.3% (filed amendment to short form base shelf prospectus initially filed in January)
MGNX -3% (commences 4.5 mln share common stock offering)
BFAM -1.3% (priced public offering by certain of its stockholders of 4,606,062 shares of its common stock at $102.70/share)
GIS -0.9% (proposes public offering of $1 bln in common stock in connection with pending acquisition of Blue Buffalo Pet Products; files debt securities and common stock shelf offering )
Texas Instruments upgraded to Neutral from Underperform at Longbow
Canadian Solar downgraded to Underweight from Neutral at JP Morgan
China Unicom upgraded to Overweight from Underweight at Morgan Stanley
Chesapeake Energy downgraded to Underperform from Mkt Perform at Bernstein
Lam Research initiated with a Buy at Mizuho; tgt $250
Reuters details that Wal-Mart (WMT) plans to use Tencent (TCEHY) for mobile payments instead of Alipay (BABA)

If you didn’t cover your shorts today, you should kill yourselves immediately. Nasdaq futures are +50 and the Dow is looking like it will open up +150. You stupid fucking jackass faggots literally sold stocks because a crackhead bitch went on 60 minutes and said Trump paid for her to blow him 12 years ago.

Do you have any idea how fucking stupid you sound for doing that?

Then we have the retest the low fags, absolute morons who think charts rhyme or have reason. While you obsess over meaningless shit, I’ve digitized and built algorithms for the price memory you so eagerly crave. Tomorrow you’re gonna get fucking REKT and I’ll be blowing smoke into your face the entire time.

I just got finished eating a chicken with some cranned berried sauce, bread, avocado, and a tall mug filled with lager. Gone are my vegan days, pussified upon the altar of healthy eating. I’m an American and I am supposed to eat really bad and die from a massive heart attack or stroke, and I don’t apologize for it, and I don’t give a shit if I drop dead tomorrow — because Le Fly will live forever in the hearts and minds of millions.

Top picks into tomorrow: SOXL, LABU, long absurd quantities of SPY in the quant account until next week.

Join us in Exodus for the banter, the prestige, and also for the monies.

I bet you thought stocks were gonna give up the ghost around noon. You probably ate a giant piece of watermelon and got a borrow for some NVDA, only to get fucking rocked a few minutes later. You spent all weekend sifting through a handful of charts — and now your head is spinning on a spigot and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Stocks are careening higher because there are more buyers than sellers. We were oversold and Exodus told you we were oversold and it does not lie.

My losses on my YANG position were small because I bought it early on Friday and had some gains. After it’s all said and done, I lost 3% in YANG and made 4% in FAZ. Now I’m long SOXL and have 5 points in the bank so far and counting.

You can write all of these things down on a piece to remind me what I said next week. Stocks are going to trade higher, inexorably. And there is nothing that you or your faggot friends can do about it.

Instead of shorting stocks are losing vast sums of money, why not listen to some 6ix9ine rap music and enjoy this generation’s Run DMC?

I sold FAZ for a 4% gain and YANG for a 3% loss. All in all, they helped me sleep better. With stocks up nearly 500, I am 100% confident that every single fucking bear will die today. These words will not come back to haunt me. Write it down and make sure you follow up on what I am saying now.

Because Exodus was oversold on Friday, I am obligated, whether I like it or not, to allocate my 20% cash horde into SPY. I did so this morning at $262.43 and will hold this until next week Monday, win, lose, or draw. Remember to write down everything that I just said and be careful not to trip on your shoelaces and fall eyeball first into an upright standing pencil.

The bigger picture is the breakdown in the dollar. This is a total breakdown and anyone traveling overseas this summer is completely fucked. I mean, it’s gonna be really expensive.

Over in my trading account, I bought some SOXL. The Trump administration has a loaded gun to the heads of China, forcing them to buy more of our semiconductors. I like this trade and I am buying it below my recent sale prices, which was purchased during the previous oversold cycle.

Dow futures are +415 for a variety of reasons. The news creators are attributing it to the fact that China is willing to negotiate terms with the US in order to normalize trade relations. This is retarded group think concocted by shills. Of course China is willing to negotiate. With the US markets, their entire house of cards will collapse.

CNBC:

The U.S. administration last week sent a letter to Chinese economic overseer Liu He seeking a tariff cut on U.S. autos to help cut China’s trade surplus with the United States, the Wall Street Journal said, citing unnamed sources.

In the letter, U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer said China should also buy more U.S. semiconductors and give U.S. firms greater
access to the Chinese financial sector, the Journal said, quoting sources with knowledge of the matter.

In the past few days, fears of a trade war have mounted following U.S. President Donald Trump’s announcement on Thursday of plans for tariffs on up to $60 billion of Chinese goods.

Firing a retaliatory warning shot in response to separate U.S. tariffs on steel and aluminium, China declared plans to levy additional duties on up to $3 billion of U.S. imports.

There is another report that China is eager to divert purchases of semiconductors away from Taiwan and S. Korea in favor of US firms. Too bad S. Korea can’t do shit about that. Also, Chinese officials are frantically trying to finalize new regulations that will permit foreign entities to take majority stakes in Chinese financial firms. One way or another, Trump will have his way with China — Stormy Daniels style, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Nasdaq futs are +151.

Pet peeve of mine incoming.

You faggots need to start using fair value when quoting the futures markets. Many of you seem to do this for a living and to this day do not know the difference between fair value and regular futures prices.

Dow futures are +170. First thing tomorrow, I’ll be closing out my hedges and allocating money onto the long side. Exodus members will get the scoop in real time, while the rest of you ham and eggers will receive the tiny morsels afterwards.

What we have here is a disconnect between reality and perception. The perception, mostly crafted by the corrupt media, is that Trump is being impeached tonight by a fucking porn star. Apparently, a billionaire in his prime fucked a famous porn star 12 years ago, while he was married. This could very well be the first time an elected President cheated on his wife and because of that, CNN is predicting Robert Mueller is going to bite his cock off.

The reality is Trump just bribed a fuckload of people with his bloated $1.3 trillion omnibus budget, bending the knee to Neo-con scum by appointing Bolton, and has ratcheted up the drama against Russia. If you stopped viewing this mass of borderless land as a country and only as a business, you’d feel a lot better about the dystopian society we’re drifting into. Best way for you to hedge yourself against this slow decline is to increase your power by building your net worth.

When in doubt, BUILD YOUR NET WORTH.

For the second time in a month, I’ll be allocating my cash reserves into SPY — thanks to a systemwide OS signal. Ideally, we get a morning slide — but don’t count on it.

Imagine you’re Yahoo and no longer relevant. The last time you had an impact on social media was in 1997 when the Yahoo finance message boards were used, ferociously, to pump and dump penny stocks. Now imagine the largest social media company in the world got caught redhanded selling personal data of 50 million people for political purposes.

Now read about a poll done in Reuters that describes Yahoo as the second least trusted social media site online for no reason other than the fact that you’re Yahoo and people instinctively hate you.

According to that poll, people trust Amazon the most, followed by Google — which is a mistake, but whatever.

Plans for the day entail eating grotesque amounts of bloody steak with the fucking grizzle on it — a large jug of whiskey, and bountiful amounts of coffee, in between jugs of whiskey. I intend to watch the futures markets like a movie and will possibly pray for both carnage and mayhem.

In case you’re wondering, placing sugar inside your coffee does in fact make you an intolerable faggot. Coffee should only be consumed black, just like smoke.

When can impeachment proceedings begin?

Remember all of those people you pissed off because you supported an Orange Gorilla for President, a man who openly said he liked to grab women by the pussy and a variety of unsavory things about race and SHITHOLE nations abroad? You swallowed Trump’s black pills because you wanted the red one — hoping to see an end to FUCKERY at the DOD and their endless wars and you really wanted illegal immigration to end because, well, heroin was being ferried into the country and the border states were being overrun by Mexicans who’d work for donuts — pushing down working class wages.

GOOD NEWS FAGGOTS: Trump got funding for a border wall, only it resides in Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Egypt and Tunisia.

OMNIBUS BEATDOWN

SEC. 9011. Up to $500,000,000 of funds appropriated by this Act for the Defense Security Cooperation Agency in ‘‘Operation and Maintenance, Defense-Wide’’ may be used to provide assistance to the Government of Jordan to support the armed forces of Jordan and to enhance security along its borders.

For the ‘‘Counter-Islamic State of Iraq and Syria Train and Equip Fund’’, $1,769,000,000, to remain available until September 30, 2019 …

Via Raytheon 2015 report, boasting about border wall contract.

“Our team has delivered on that model supporting [U.S. government] DTRA border security contracts across the world in Southeast Asia, Eastern Europe and in Jordan.

“In total, the systems we have installed protect 4,500 miles of borders.”

More

That these funds may be used in such amounts as the Secretary of Defense may determine to enhance the border security of nations adjacent to conflict areas including Jordan, Lebanon, Egypt, and Tunisia re- sulting from actions of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria: Provided further, That amounts made available under this heading shall be available to provide assistance only for activities in a country designated by the Secretary of Defense, in coordination with the Secretary of State, as having a security mission to counter the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, and following written notification to the congressional defense committees of such designation:Provided further, That the Secretary of Defense shall en-sure that prior to providing assistance to elements of any forces or individuals, such elements or individuals are ap-propriately vetted, including at a minimum, assessing such elements for associations with terrorist groups or groups associated with the Government of Iran; and receiving commitments from such elements to promote respect for human rights and the rule of law

In all, the bill funds border security abroad to the tune of $9 billion, whilst DISALLOWING Trump to use a single dollar on any of the Homeland Security designed walls on our southern border. It only permits a fence or two, perhaps perform maintenance on existing infrastructure in San Diego.

Rand Paul disgusted by it — but he’s a powerless loser.

Sen. Paul actually read the entire two thousand+ page bill and tweeted his thoughts, which spends a record $1.3 trillion in American tax payers dollars. Here are some of the lowlights.

Well here it is, all 2,232 budget-busting pages. The House already started votes on it. The Senate is expected to soon. No one has read it. Congress is broken… pic.twitter.com/izvJlUEgUM

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

Page 430 of “crumni-bus:” Good news. The government is going to “earn” $350 million by selling oil from Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

Bad news is the $ won’t go to reduce the $21 trillion debt. The $ will be instead be spent elsewhere by the Federal government.

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

Page 376 of terrible, rotten, no-good budget busting bill:

I found it! I found it! Border security, what President Trump wanted!

no . . .wait a minute section says Defense can spend what funds it determines to enhance the border security of Jordan, Lebanon, Egypt, and Tunisia

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

o $12m for Scholarships for Lebanon
o $20m for Middle East Partnership Initiative Scholarship Program
o $12m in military funding for Vietnam
o $3.5m in nutrition assistance to Laos
o $15m in Developmental assistance to China
o $10m for Women LEOs in Afghanistan

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

o $1m for the World Meteorological Organization
o $218m for Promoting Democracy Development in Europe (yep..the birthplace of democracy needs promoting)
o $25m for International Religious Freedom
o $10m for disadvantaged Egyptian Students

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

o $1.371bn for Contributions to International Organizations
o $51m to promote International Family Planning and Reproductive Health
o $7m promoting International Conservation
o $10m for UN Environmental Programs

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

o $5m for Vietnam Education Foundation Grants
o $2.579m for Commission on Security and Co-operation in Europe
o $15m to USAID for promoting international higher education between universities
o $2.696bn for International Disaster Assistance

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

Here are a few more highlights:

o $1m for the Cultural Antiquities Task Force
o $6.25m for the Ambassadors Fund for Cultural Preservation
o $20m for Countering Foreign State Propaganda
o $12m for Countering State Disinformation and Pressure

— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 22, 2018

This guy nearly stroked out. Congrats to Trump for reassuring our hatred for all elected officials.

And of course Ann the horse Coulter says this bill will lead to Blohnald Drumpf’s impeachment.

My only solace is the FAZmobile and the YANGuitar that I’m playing here. I got real small earlier and am now eagerly awaiting an Exodus OS signal.

Dow is off by more than 300, Nasdaq -132 — not because MUH Chinese trade war — but because of fear.

WTI and gold are bucking the trend. If I was spitballing here, I’d say the market is pricing in war at a high level. The appointment of Bolton to Trump’s cabinet, in addition to his other recent moves, such as protecting the steel industry, is indicative of American militarism.

Top picks: FAZ, YANG, cash

Listen to me. All of this talk about China retaliating against the United States with tariffs is a scare tactic. We literally send them seeds and fruits and machinery that they cannot make on their own because they’re too fucking stupid. Let them slap tariffs on soybeans and see what happens. I will tell you now: their people will starve to death. The soy is used to feed their 700 million pigs, which is then used to feed their billions of people. So go ahead and stop accepting our soy, fruits, and motherfucking seeds — you’ll only be turning your fat pigs skinny.

This fawning over a totalitarian regime, one that restricts the sale of knives when a stabbing occurs or disallows its citizens from using Google and assigns each citizen with an internet score, is absurd. It reminds me of golden aged thinking or ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ faggots. These people have a sickness. Their unhappiness is on a macro level and they demean anything America does — because in their head the Chinese are better.

Why?

Because when they were in school the Chinese were smart. This is how low level thinkers these Chinaphiles are. They cannot even begin to grasp the idea and the fact that America brain drains the entire world. We draw in the best bloodlines from every country and those students outperform — because they come from good stock. Go to China and I promise you there are more idiots there than in America — sauntering around like drunken fools.

Here’s Cramer, a life long Chinapile, sucking Chinese cock, saying Trump is out of his league handling China — because they have a MUH list of products they can tariff. Maybe it’s easy for them, because WE DON’T SEND ANYTHING OVER THERE — fucked face. Our trade deficit is $375b per annum, growing 8% a year.

CHINAPHILES FUCK OFF: Here’s Cramer sucking China’s small dick pic.twitter.com/YQMQH0yFFA

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) March 23, 2018

Botton line: If China was so formidable, we’d be stealing IP from them. Everything they make is absolute shit. They’ve made theft an institutional attribute and are pretenders who inflate their power and scale because we let them do it. They are not as smart as the Chinaphiles tell us, starting with their totalitarian regime. Without American ingenuity, they’d be pushing rickshaws around like the absolute faggots they are — killing off their prisoners for body parts.