Cramer Drops Mic on Deutsche Bank Bears, Calls for Accountability in Media for Spewing Negative Remarks

Yes, we should arrest them.

The voice of reason, the seasoned Wall Street veteran and exemplary statesman for all of the money changers, is calling for those who warned ‘Deutsche Bank is the next Lehman’ to be punished upon the Catherine Wheel — because it is not Lehman and nothing was ever wrong with the big German bank. Even if the bank was in trouble, Jim said he had a plan to press forward, which entailed temptatious preferred stocks being bought by Warren Buffett and maybe a Saudi Sheikh or two.

The whole idea that Deutsche Bank was having liquidity issues or that Obama would injure his best friend, Merkel, is patently absurd and those in the media, who’ve been clamoring for DB to hit the dust, should be brutally punished and maimed in the most heinous of ways.

It’s all just really cool and zen, man. Twenty five percent revenue declines and a bank with a $1.8t balance sheet and $16b market cap, whose stock is down 50% for the year, is completely normal on some far distant planets where capital structure isn’t important and the laws of mathematics are different.

The state of Minnesota have declared ‘an emergency situation’ with Obamacare, as the onerous costs to maintain the plan has placed it on the verge of collapse. Subsequently, they’re permitting health care insurers raise prices by as much as 67% in 2017.

The 67% rate hike follows a very minor 14-49% hike in 2016. Things are, progressively, becoming comical.

“It’s in an emergency situation — we worked hard and avoided a collapse.” Rothman said in a telephone interview. “It’s a stopgap for 2017.”

Don’t worry poor people out there. If you make less than 92k per annum, you qualify for tax credits to soften the blow. Essentially, the federal government will pay you to keep your healthcare. For all of you rich folks earnings more than 92k, you’re fucked.

Jonathan Gold, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, said Minnesotans would still have affordable options for coverage next year. “Headline rate changes do not reflect what these consumers actually pay because tax credits reduce the cost of coverage below the sticker price,” Gold said in a statement.

Of the about 70,000 people who had insurance on the Obamacare markets this year, 63 percent got subsidies last year, according to the commissioner’s office.

Minnesota State House Speaker Kurt Daudt, a Republican, said the rate increases, along with allowing some insurers to limit enrollment, were creating a crisis.

“The unhealthy combination of massive cost increases and enrollment caps is creating a health care crisis for thousands of Minnesota families,” Daudt said in a statement.

“Last year at this time when rates were announced, I said there was a serious need for reform in Minnesota’s individual market,” he said. “This year the need for reform is now without any doubt even more serious and urgent.” He called the rising rates “unsustainable and unfair” and said that people were being “crushed by the heavy burden of these costs.”

Pfff. Racist. He’s just hating on these healthcare costs because Obama is half black. Plus, does this person, who is so worried about thousands of Minnesotan families, ever worry about the executives at some of our big pharma corporations? Here in Princeton, a sundry of good big pharma folks make their living by ripping off fuckers in Minnesota via onerous drug prices. They need those revenues for bonuses and share buybacks to be able to afford memberships at the Jasna Polana golf club. You know, those memberships aren’t gonna pay for themselves.

It’s so great that Russia is our big giant enemy again. You must admit, the recent American wars have been boring and too small in scale. A war with Russia would reintroduce true war to America. Our democratic leaders could make military service compulsory again, in order to be racially inclusive and all. The cause will be worthwhile, stopping the Stalin of our time, former KGB head, the evil Vlad Putin (extra vampire).

Russian backed forces in Syria just retook an important hilltop in Allepo. As a result, it appears the Assad forces are on the verge of winning back the city. Knowing that Obama wants a US controlled force to win and displace the secular Assad, with some fucked up headcutter, Russia is now explicitly warning the US to not meddle.

Russian news agencies quoted Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova as saying that a U.S. intervention against the Syrian army “will lead to terrible, tectonic consequences not only on the territory of this country but also in the region on the whole.”

She said regime change in Syria would create a vacuum that would be “quickly filled” by “terrorists of all stripes.”

U.S.-Russian tensions over Syria have escalated since the breakdown of a cease-fire last month, with each side blaming the other for its failure. Syrian government forces backed by Russian warplanes have launched a major onslaught on rebel-held parts of the northern city of Aleppo.

Even pacifists are pro war with Russia these days, following a pleasant narrative being formed by the hacking cough victim, Hillary Clinton.

I don’t even feel like mocking this news story. Last week’s bond rally placed $2.2t worth of bonds out of the ECB’s sphere of fucktarded influence. As such, there are many who want to change the rules in order to permit the PSPP buy bonds deep into negative territory.

The surge this week in relatively safe sovereign securities left about a third of the Bloomberg Eurozone Sovereign Bond Index ineligible for purchase under the ECB’s quantitative-easing program. The gains mean $2.2 trillion of debt in the index now yields less than the institution’s deposit rate — currently minus 0.4 percent — and is therefore off-limits.

That’s increasing speculation the ECB will have to tweak its public-sector purchase program, through which it buys 80 billion euros ($90 billion) of securities each month. The program is due to run until at least March as policy makers try to boost growth and inflation.

“It puts more pressure on the ECB to tweak the PSPP because with yields falling like that, more bonds are falling below” the buying threshold, said Vincent Chaigneau, London-based global head of rates and foreign-exchange strategy at Societe Generale SA. “That’s definitely adding pressure to make an announcement.”

The “big question,” Chaigneau said, is whether the ECB will opt for “selective buying” of bonds yielding less than the deposit rate.

While Draghi and his colleagues already appointed a committee to improve the implementation of QE, a bond selloff after the ECB’s Sept. 8 policy decision eased pressure on the central bank by reducing the amount of bonds it couldn’t buy.

Anyone have an opinion on this? Their $90b monthly bond buying frenzy has caused yields to drop deeply into negative territory, effectively disqualifying them from ECB purchase. To combat this problem, they want to change the rules, you know, in order to stoke inflation.

How’s that working out for them thus far?

The malignancy that is the global cabal of central banks, whose sole purpose is to prop up asset prices, is beginning to take a toll on the mental health of our good friend, Rickard Santelli.

It’s all so deliciously devious.

For the month, however, stocks went nowhere. The top performing industries were 3-d printers, casinos, industrial metals and biotech. On the downside were semis, food, building materials and restaurants.

In spite of today’s drop, TLT closed out the month lower by just 1.3%, not including dividends. GLD was higher by 0.42% and everyone is transfixed on DB, which ended the month down by 8% — despite today’s gangbuster move.

I do not think the saga at DB is over. It was never about the DOJ fine, but a material weakness in the underlying business. The shares aren’t down by half this year because of a stupid, fucking, fine, ok?

This is the core issue.

That’s called ‘sharply lower revenues’ due to a deleterious banking environment in Europe, in part thanks to the negative interest rate phenomenon. This whole DOJ induced collapse and then subsequent rally upon hearing of a much lesser fine is meaningless drivel — a large distraction and a three-dimensional chess move that many of you are unable to see.

Without the explicit support of the financial media to quell fears and constantly remind people that Deutsche Bank wasn’t Lehman, over and over again, I am convinced that today’s trading session would’ve ended a lot different than a +150 showing.

Bear in mind, during the financial crisis CNBC was deliberately reporting on false rumors in an effort to jack markets higher. It used to drive me fucking nuts and I am sure I’ve blogged about it more than a dozen times during 2008-2009.

NOTE: Don’t forget to check out Exodus in FREE TRIAL for today only. I have a financial contagion screen up in the blog post you should check out.

For the posterities sake.

Russian’s foreign minister Lavrov continues the narrative being painted by Assad and others in the Kremlin that suggests the United States is explicitly supporting ISIS and Al-Nusra in Syria, in their attempts to overthrow the Assad regime.

Which curve is that? I’d like to toss this olde man into an alligator pit. Yes, he’s allegedly against rigged government sponsored markets and believes the Fed is behind the curve and he says lots of populist stuff that the small people believe in. But he’s a former President of the Philly Fed, which makes him a liar — by default.

There must’ve been some cocaine in that cough drop, or maybe some heroin. As you can see, she was clearly about to stroke out and fall off the stage before popping that crack vile into her mouth.

When elected President, sick Hillary will need Dr. Frankenstein to keep her going.

Bear in mind, this was the guy who said Bank of America needed to ‘declare bankruptcy‘ in order to save itself. He was often interviewed by CNBC and BBG, offering a grisly outlook for the banks. He had quite the penchant for prognosticating doom across financial markets. I must admit, after seeing the interview linked below, I was somewhat surprised by the Whalen I saw. He appeared to be tripping over himself, trying to make excuses for Deutsche Bank — blaming the whole ordeal on politicians talking down the stock. He emphatically said Deutsche Bank was a ‘good credit’ with a solid business and was well diversified. When asked about a potential equity raise and how dilutive it might be, he avoided the question and said it didn’t matter — then he delved back into the politicians causing DB to decline conspiracy theory.

Already knowing the answer, I asked him the following question on Twitter.

Full disclosure @rcwhalen : is $DB a client of yours?

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) September 30, 2016

Whalen heads up a bond rating agency, dubbed Kroll (KBRA) — founded in 2010 and recently sold to a private equity firm named Wharf.

No answer from Mr. Quadruple chin, thus far.