Dow Futures Through the Roof; WTI Approaches $65

Dow futures are +160. How stupid do you feel for selling last week? Also crude is approaching $65, which means we’re one step close to the $1,000 tomato.

Frankly, traffic is onerous and prohibitive. I’d like gas to spiral up towards $10.00 per gallon, in order to shuffle more normies onto public transport. At $10 per gallon, the roads will be designated for King’s only — a perverse form of auto-mechanic eugenics that expels fuckheads from the road and keep them on the rail.

Our friends at Zerohedge claim markets are most overbought in 120 years. I’m not so sure about that interpretation and seriously raise eyebrows at Mr. Hedge’s bias.

Over in Exodus, our 12 mo algos are indeed overbought; but that doesn’t mean stocks are heading lower. Your textbooks might imply ‘overbought’ is synonymous with about to head lower — but your textbooks were written by absolute novice fuckballs. Truth is, overbought is simply a condition and is data dependent. In this regard, I can conclusively tell you our overbought triggers are synonymous with heading higher.

Sometimes I wonder why most of you don’t drown yourselves inside storm drains. We’ve been doing this shit together for more than a decade. You’ve seen me talk about seasonality so much over the years, it must be ingrained into your thick skulls. Alas, here we are again, two weeks into the new year, and the lot of you are just catching onto the rally in crude.

Here, I’ll remind you again of the seasonality in crude. Take a look at the chart. It has pretty colors.

Airlines are also ripping higher, likely the of a very wealthy America combined with a weakening dollar.

Auto parts stores, investment banks, drug stores, and residential construction all higher, all doing quite well — indicative of an economy in a sweet spot. As batshit crazy as Trump is, the markets love it.

Because rates are spiking, REITs and utilities have been dreary losers. Any reasonably diversified portfolio has yielded +4% thus far. If you’re portfolios haven’t done at least that, you should be making adjustments now.

My GARP portfolio is +5.5% and Quant +4.5%. My discretionary portfolio is up too much for me to discuss here in this forum. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Heading out into the warmer climes, I expect oil stocks to increase their gains. I am targeting leveraged names, around 2-5x debt/eq — thinking market appreciation will save these companies from destruction. If you’re not playing heavily burdened oil stocks, you’re simply not a serious man and should relegate yourself to the golf course and not buying and selling equities for profit.

A few months back at the height of the North Korean nuclear showdown bullshit, CNN was teaching residents, incredulously, how to survive a nuclear attack. Today, someone in government ‘pressed the wrong button’, which led to a 38 minute long state of pending annihilation — sending out text messages to all residents warning of a fucking missile heading their war.

Here’s CNN getting to the bottom of this boondoggle, finding out that someone had in fact, ‘literally pressed the wrong button.’

Ed Dowd, former iBC blogger and resident of Hawaii, describes what he saw when the alert went out during breakfast.

I was at breakfast. 80% of Maui freaked. 20% of us did this?¯\_(?)_/¯…Oahu is 119 miles away from Maui. I finished breakfast. ? pic.twitter.com/PuNCJ5Npxu

— Ed ?? (@DowdEdward) January 13, 2018

His opinion on the whole pushing the wrong button excuse.

If you believe a wrong button was pushed I would like to sell you organic air to breath…?…a button ?? https://t.co/gojr4wZc82

— Ed ?? (@DowdEdward) January 13, 2018

Former Halloween actress took to Twitter to blame Trump.

This Hawaii missle scare is on YOU Mr. Trump. The real FEAR that mothers & fathers & children felt is on YOU. It is on YOUR ARROGANCE. HUBRIS. NARCISSISM. RAGE. EGO. IMMATURITY and your UNSTABLE IDIOCY. Shame on your hate filled self. YOU DID THIS!

— Jamie Lee Curtis (@jamieleecurtis) January 13, 2018

Kids in storm drains.

Brah @Hawaii_EMA you got fams out here putting their kids in the storm drains… Thanks a lot? pic.twitter.com/jxtxETf62M

— Nalü (@NaluRivera) January 13, 2018

And…like clockwork, the ‘deep state’ did it.

.@Cernovich on #Periscope: Deep State sends Hawaii into state of panic over ballistic missile warning https://t.co/zfbB70ppJJ

— Joe Palmer ? (@JoeSPalmer) January 13, 2018

For a country that seemingly has everything, why is everyone so fucked in the head and what the fuck is wrong with our officials/leaders? Not enough fear? Bunch of Pennywise motherfuckers out there.

I spend my days trading equities and generally winning. At nights, and now on the weekends, I trade SHITCOINS — cryptocurrencies that go higher on a minute by minute basis. I’m just getting into this sort of drivel, so I’m not entirely comfy giving picks, although I’ve done so inside Exodus on occasion.

Right now the crypto market is so overwhelmed, the major exchanges aren’t accepting new accounts. More than that, the execution is laughable. If you wanted to buy Bitcoin on Coinbase now, you’d need to wait ~12 days for said bitcoin trade to settle, meaning you’re locked the fuck in until it hits your account.

In short, this is a market that is unable to handle the order flow, which is also completely filled with rank amateurs who don’t know what they’re doing. But that’s the wonder of it all — a bunch of retards chopping each other’s dicks off and not even knowing it.

Enjoy the long weekend and try to avoid visiting SHITHOLE countries that are actual cesspools. As for me, I’ll be toiling away, improving myself, making a mockery of my competition.

Crypto market cap is over $730 billion again. Share whatever SHITCOINS you enjoy buying in the comments section.

Who’s the coolest nerd in biotech?

Damn right, it’s Randall ‘Fucking’ Kirk — the man who’s gonna make sure your apples never brown and your fucking hammed burgers never spoil. He’s going to genetically reengineer the world, weed out racists and nazis, concoct a utopian society free of bad salmon, because all of the new ones will be perfectly engineered for exquisite eating.

At any rate, I’m in a touch above $14, looking for a near term move above $17.

Everything you knew about order and the ways things are supposed to be has been tossed down one gigantic fucking shithole. You’re over there in your bullshit suits, shined up shoes, getting your bald head annihilated by a market that never goes down.

Add another 200 on top of the 21,000 we’ve gone up since 2008.

All the while, inflation has been non-existent. Quite honestly, this is the very best economy of all time — even better than the 20’s.

When was the last time we had technological innovation on this scale, with no inflation, roaring markets, super low rates, and a God damned President who tweets stock quotes?

Having said that, it’s important for you to be “in the market” and not only on the fringes. While I’ve been crushing trades in crypto space, it is not the market. Those stocks could go down 50% from present levels and the market would never know. If you’re playing along, do yourselves a favor and take 70% of your money and invest it in a quantitative strategy, like the one I have in Exodus. I’ll be trading that Quant account once per month, which is designed to position in the very best growth companies — spread out across sectors.

Back to the cryptos, my SRAX is the only stock that looks promising. Other than that, especially with today’s IPO — LBRT — I like frackers.

I sold two piece of shit swing trades, both for boring ~10% profits (RCON, SOGO) and have placed the proceeds aside, awaiting new opportunities.

I can’t stop thinking about oil stocks. It has always been a desire of mine to walk the oil fields like a true man, spitting on the dirt, wearing cow’d boy boots with spurs on them. Now with oil in the mid $60s and all of those literal FUCKHEAD Princes in Saudi Arabia in prison, we might truly get higher crude — thanks to a sundry of SHITHOLE nations around the world.

There are many other irons in the fire — but I’m not feeling it today. Perhaps my mood will change later on; but for now I am risk averse.

Don’t tell me the TIPs faggots aren’t tuned into the market, understanding of inflation. That’s all the TIPs fags do, worry about inflation. Yet, here I look at the 2yr treasury breaking 2% for the first time since 2008, accompanied by headlines that speak to some sort of rampant inflation that no one can actually see with their own two eyes.

Here’s the chart on TIP, inflation protected treasuries.

Raw commodities? Hardly any traction.

Let’s stop pretending there is some inflation genie dying to pop out from some fucking lamp. Truth is, rates are jimmy-rigging higher because the Fed wants them higher, so they could lower them later, when this all falls apart.

As for inflation, only the wealthy are enduring its deleterious wrath. Everyone else is shopping at Walmart.

Are you ready for another day of blissful trading, equivalent to free money? Dow futures are +100 and I’m sure the news is truly important, but I couldn’t care less. Whilst drinking my morning glass of coconut cream, I saw from one of the corners of my eye something ado regarding S. Korean balking about banning cryptos and also JP Morgan’s earnings.

What’s important to know is that markets prefer higher and that if you’re long — you’re indeed smiling right about now.

Ripple is +20%, Bitcoin is +3.5%.

Here’s some MOAR news.

JPMorgan Chase beats by $0.07, misses on revs
PNC beats by $0.09, beats on revs
Energous prelim Q4 revs $0.03 mln vs $0.45 mln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; entered into a distribution agreement pursuant to which Energous may offer and sell, from time to time shares of its common stock for an aggregate gross proceeds of up to $40 mln
eBay upgraded to Buy from Hold at SunTrust
FuelCell Energy upgraded to Buy at B. Riley FBR, Inc.; tgt raised to $3.50 — Multiple opportunities not fully reflected in the stock
Etsy downgraded to Equal-Weight from Overweight at Morgan Stanley
Mosaic resumed with a Neutral at JP Morgan; tgt $26

Bitcoin and the whole kit and caboodle are getting ravaged tonight — off by ~10% or so. Truth is, and this cannot be debated, the crypto currency asset class has been dead money for weeks. At the same time, we’ve been making inordinate sums of money long crypto currency equity proxies.

Observe 7 day returns in cryptos, spearheaded by a 40% drop in Ripple.

Meanwhile, we’re cranking out 100% winners inside minutes in crypto land, blessed with actionable news events that cause stocks to spike without pause, and are having a generally great time during a period of distress in the crypto-currency correction.

Wall Street wins again.