iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,545 Blog Posts

CNN Offers Citizens of Hawaii Advice on How to Survive a Nuclear Attack

Following up on last night’s broadcast from deep within a nuclear fallout shelter, CNN doubled down on their fear mongering today — offering advice to the citizens of Hawaii on how to survive on a nuclear attack.

Here are the important bullet points.

Hawaii is the first US state to prepare for nuclear attack from N. Korea.
Everyone CNN spoke to in Hawaii assumed that in the event of a nuclear attack, they’d all die. THIS IS NOT TRUE (fake news).
N. Korea possesses a nuclear bomb like the one we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki — 1940s grade garbage.
Tens of thousand of people die on the initial impact, but many more died of radiation poisoning.
CNN reports Hawaiians have 15 minutes to ‘take over’ for nuclear impact, should N. Korea launch a missile towards them.
Seek shelter and find out where your local nuclear bunker is located. Oh, and have 2 weeks worth of supplies to survive the nuclear holocaust.

Utterly absurd.

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9 comments

  1. matt_bear

    the irony of today is we have threat of world war, markets are down…yet gamestop is green. Good ol Joe must be furious right now.

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  2. natehois

    Maybe after they bomb us, congress will approve that infrastructure spending we voted for. Then again…

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  3. sarcrilege

    Scared peasants will always give up freedom for ‘security’. I guess nobody wonders why (((MSM))) in general and CNN in particular make mountains out of molehills lately.

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  4. bushwacker2

    We don’t want to scare anybody from coming to Hawaii because we need your tourism dollars. Regarding that silly nukular bomb, “Tens of thousands of people die on initial impact….” But it’s the radiation that gets ya! Oh that’s nice.

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  5. hattery

    News:Here’s some anxiety and depression and now a word from our sponsors…

    antidepressants and antianxiety medication!

    and we’re back thanks for listening, here’s a story about a puppy being saved to reward you for watching and so you leave feeling just enough relief to come back and watch again.

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  6. hattery

    Hey, I know, let’s practice the Steve Bannon position” where we tuck our head under our legs under a desk because that will protect us from nukes and totally isn’t designed as a fear campaign to sell war bonds.

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    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"