Apple Will Not Save You

“Doctor, Doctor, what should we do?”

“Let him bleed out until he is dead.”

If you are heavily long today and incur some losses, try not to lament over it. You’re never going to catch the top. I’ve always made it a point to attempt to snatch the juicy middle. The rest of you bag manufacturers can pick away at the edges. Providing you are a half-way competent investor, you’re likely up around 15-40% this year. Giving back a mere 1-5% is part of the game, mere child’s play.

However, do not let your hubris get in the way of risk-management, knowing when to take your chips, and hooker, back to the hotel suite.

That’s the last you will read of me lecturing you, warning of the tough times ahead. I’ve done my duty, as a proud citizen of the United Steaks of America. The rest I leave up to the impulses of the unwashed-persona non grata class.

The CPST numbers were very good, in my opinion. You need to discard eps versus expectations and understand the anatomy of a turn around. Ask yourself if these things are present with the company and decide if you should hold onto the shares.

1. Good management
2. Improving margins
3. Accelerating growth
4. Good environment for their products
5. Do they have a technological edge?

Needless to say, I am holding onto my shares and will buy more if they dip.

Aside from that, “The Fly” will be watching the market closely, monitoring his screens– and generally– living life free and with dignity. Looking forward to the weekend, I am taking Mrs. Fly to a newly minted Michelin star restaurant, in order to celebrate valentines day. As you know, only disheveled vagrants, and the lower class, celebrate valentines day on valentines day.

Now I know some of you married men don’t give a fuck about valentines day and opt out of the holiday, mainly because you are selfish ham and eggers. Do the honorable thing and make your wife feel special; buy her a gift and take her to dinner–you fucking barbarians! It’s bad enough she has to put up with your shit all year long. The very least you can do is show a bit of chivalry on just one fucking day of the year. God damn it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJWQc_Drrm0

I just witnessed one of the dumbest creatures aka “bitch” in the world, in front of me at the local CVS store. She laid into the teenage cash register guy for not having her correct information like you would not believe. The bitch went fucking postal, Jersey Shore style, demanding to see managers, CEO’s and “whoever the fuck is in charge of this shit.” As she droned on, with her two idiot teenage kids in the background, the line grew long. As a matter of fact, it wrapped around the aisle, breaching fire safety laws, all because she “wuz helpin’ out some fuck all this time by not having my right numbah’ in the system.”

I really need to leave Staten Island, for my health and for the safety of my neighbors. I NEED THE KEYS TO ZION.

Moving on, this whole cash situation I find myself in is not unique. I’ve tried it plenty of times before and always capitulated, giving into the excesses of the bull. But this time is different because I am up nearly 20% after just one month of trade. Nevertheless, it’s going to be real hard to sit on the sidelines, watching all of you faggots banking coin.

Inside 12631, Ragin’ Cajun is on one of those unbelievable runs, bagging 20% winners like China dishes out accounting scandals. It has been sublime, watching him and Chess absolutely destroy this tape. Bar none, and I’m putting it out there for anyone to challenge, there is no better trading room on the internet than 12631.

All I want from this market is a little blood. Is that too much to ask for? I want panic and fear to hit the tape, causing a cascade of sell orders, the likes this planet has never seen before. Then I want to step in, like a degenerate vulture, and buy it all up.

Still waiting in the tall grass, albeit impatient, looking to kill a few zebras for sport.

Don’t fuck with me.

High beta stocks fuel speculation. It’s what keeps you coming to the market place day in and day out. However, from time to time, the caprices of speculators gets them tangled in a web of lies and deceit, leading to grandiose losses–as is the case with DMND this morning.

I’m a big fan of high growth, high multiple stocks, as they tend to make it worth my while when investing. For good or for worse, they offer excitement and vigor. But sometimes they make me want to slap the shit out of people with hot slices of pizza. The following list, stolen from the archives of The PPT, are names with extraordinarily high PE’s and excessive year to date returns aka “priced for perfection.”

On a good earnings miss, anyone of those stocks could fall 20% in a minute and no one would bat an eyelash in surprise over it. They’d be discarded like weak babies in ancient Spartan times. People on the StockTwits would make fun of longs, lending to the fervor and ultimate demise of the shareholder base, leading to even greater losses. In many respects, the entirety of America is in this position.

We have lots of debt and a great deal of gusto. Hell, we fight wars in perpetuity and promise to fight more, even bigger ones, in order to stop others from acquiring science. Our tanks move fast and our airplanes drop heavy munitions on backward people. But our treasury is depleted and our government is stupid. Everything is going to be all right, however, because Clint Eastwood said so. He is a great cowboy of a man and doesn’t like to compromise, especially with bad guys.

Over in Europe, they have bombastic plans to bail themselves out, even though from a mathematical viewpoint, it makes no sense whatsoever. But, as a whole, we’ve forgotten about the short comings over in Greece, Portugal, Ireland and Italy–because it is so 2011. The debt doesn’t have to be paid and the banks don’t have to honor CDS contracts and they don’t even need to recognize their losses. We can just make believe none of this ever happened, whilst watching cartoons and sloppily eating cereal with excessive quantities of milk.

As for me, a mere spectator of the market, servant to the readers of top shelf financial commentary, I humbly wait in the balance for an opportunity to buy margin liquidations.

That is all.

Shares of DMND are getting eviscerated, following the revelation that there really is a walnut mafia and the company is wholly criminal. Having said that, I am happy to report that I sold said shares in the mid-30’s a few weeks ago–all happily and merrily reported here at the time of trade. GRPN and EA are getting clocked too, while AKAM springboards higher.

If you are new to the market and playing the earnings guillotine game, just know you are gambling, not investing in anyway whatsoever. After such a huge run up, shares of companies who disappoint will be annihilated. If I were you, thank heavens I am not, I would avoid all earnings plays, unless the position is so small it is immaterial to your position, similar to my CPST position.

Of course I did not like to see CPST down today; but it’s been up over the past few days, hasn’t it? Ahead of earnings, weak hands will sell; but that has nothing to do with inside knowledge of what to expect from CPST. If the stock went straight to zero tomorrow, I would lose 5% of my assets under management, entirely immaterial to my position.

As you scurry about looking for a roulette table to gamble your small fortunes on, “The Fly” waits in the tall grass, moonstruck by the meal ahead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57FG5vBLKvc

I woke up to the sound of my alarm, playing Bach. Immediately, I threw my music device across the room, onto a chair, in preparation for the afternoon ahead.

As I prepared to sit down, with plunger of Earl grey tea besides me, honey and milk, never any sugar, Mrs. Fly rudely interrupted me with news of immediate departure.

To make a long story short, I am drivin Miss Daisy now, unable to complete God’s will, having me at the computer, banking coin like a criminal with a sawed off shotgun inside a Citibank vault.

Okay, that was a bad analogy.

Regrettably, I am writing today off as “day non grata” and will pursue my efforts tomorrow with renewed determination and zeal.

By the looks of it, the market isn’t interested in trading lower. Quite bizarre.

I’ve been up since 6am reading reports, conjuring up wild ideas, arranging meetings for both my business and personal life. As you know, I am trying to find a new home. But now it’s time to go to sleep, as I have nothing to do or say here, for the indefinite future.

By no means will I sit here for you, slaving over a computer, flinging out stock picks like bean pies. I am a mere observer, fan of the markets, owner of nothing but CPST. My cash is held in money market funds, focused on US treasuries, with zero exposure to European sovereign debt. I make it a point to clarify this distinction.

After a hearty breakfast and a good chuckle or two at the people on the teevee, Le Fly will take a “power nap”, whereby rejuvenating himself for the arduous day ahead.

As you punch cards and deal with the monotony of being a line factory worker or municipal hack, find solace in knowing “The Fly” is resting on his 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. If you are unfamiliar with thread counts and how it pertains to comfortability, you are a rancid rube, undeserving of quality.

See you in the afternoon!

“Yes, hear the sounds of flawless glory, you small tailed rodent from hades!”

Just in case you’ve neglected to keep track, “The Fly” hasn’t lost money in 2012, not even on a solitary trade (well maybe just one, a rather small one at that). While it’s true, the market’s frenzied power-fuck higher has helped a great deal, that doesn’t mean jack shit.

What I am about to tell you will shock and ground many of you fuckers into dust. I can literally take your skeletons, if I wanted to, and drop them with my hand into my high-end Blendtec blender and drink you. That’s right, your skeleton would crumble into a fucking smoothie at Le Casa del Fly. You are all cordially invited.

At any rate, pardon my violent distraction; I truly meant no harm by it and do not intend to participate in outright cannibalism. I am fixed on this market like no man on Earth. I apologize to all of you who enjoy my trading loss stories, as they tend to illuminate a great deal about my person and how to deal with adversity. But, I do not intend to lose money, at all, in 2012–so the lessons of adversity will need to be learned elsewhere, Sir.

What the fuck is this person talking about, you ponder?

In the boldest stentorian tone you’ve ever heard, one that rattles the foundation of your bullshit trailer home, I am declaring that I will not lose money on a single trade in 2012.

How am I doing thus far?

14 for 15. My only loss was in the bastard of a stock, MWW (but that doesn’t count– because I wasn’t ready).

May the fires of hell take me into its wrath if I lose money on another trade in this glorious year of 2012, the year when the world is scheduled to end aka “The Year of The Fly.”

I’ve been taking advantage of my new unspoiled condition, inhaling the aromas of conquest, practically floating about the office, dressed in a Roman robe (all white like a senator), clad in wooden sandals (like a fucking warrior). The incense is burning with ridiculous intensity, much to the chagrin, if I might use such a word, to the indomitable Mrs. Fly.

She tells my person, with direct firmness “hey you, put out that smoke, it is causing me to die of suffocation.”

As always, I retort “woman, thou shalt not talk about the holiest of smokes with such a tenor. Go bake me bread, unleavened if you will, seasoned with rosemary and sage, doused with the oils of olive and rose, pal.”

The answer to any of your questions or criticisms is the same: “I’m up nearly 20%, year to date, bitch. Thanks, now go shoot yourself out of a cannon, off of a bridge, pal.”

But you will soon.

There is extreme complacency in this tape, the type of laziness that gets people dropped into hidden water wells or eaten alive by demented sharks, whilst sun bathing on a fucking raft. NFLX is trading north of $130 and the world is chockfull of cash, even though it is heavily burdened with debt.

We’ve become believers in the idea that Ben Bernanke controls the market with his beard. When he trims it, the Dow goes lower. When he lets it grow, the NASDAQ screams to the upside. So you know, that fucker is looking like Merlin right now.

The term “long in the tooth” comes to mind, while observing this tape. As such, I’ve taken profits on the entirety of my SODA position today, leaving me with just CPST. I will be holding through earnings, scheduled for 2/9.

Today’s tape is mixed; but I see more weakness than hardiness. As a matter of fact, if I was a betting man, I’d bet on a late day sell off, graping all of those who haphazardly tossed life savings into the market today.

I am about 95% cash, keen on acquiring the opportunity to buy your future margin liquidation, as bored as a vending machine inside of a blockbuster.

NOTE: We have more than 100 slots left in the March Madness contest, where I am gifting $1,000 to the winner. For some reason, members are being lazy and haven’t bombarded the comments section inside of The PPT. Contest submissions will most likely be closed by tonight.