Curveball

Does anyone else find it reprehensible, aside from me, that Congress is suing Roger Clemens for a second time for perjury, regarding steroids? These fucking lunatics have nothing else to do than fuck around with professional athletes, yet how many bankersters are still on the loose enjoying life? If convicted, Clemens faces 30 FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON. Also, did you know there is a bill in Congress that will restrict travel for anyone who owes the IRS money? Say hello to the full fledged, in your face, version of authoritarianism in America.

Futures are sharply higher despite weaker than expected housing data. But no one gives a shit about housing. We’re fixed on iPhones versus Androids, while laughing at the Canadians for the Blackberry.

Truth be told, I didn’t expect the market to climb today. But the Spanish bond auction went better than expected and Euro-trash shares responded favourably. It appears FSLR is laying off 2,000 of 7,000 workers. What a mind numbing decline from grace for the buttfuckers at FSLR.

Lastly, CPST caught another sizable oil and gas contract. Don’t look now, but CPST now gets about 60% of its revenue from the oil and gas industry. This is a turn around story; but none of the anal workers on Wall Street are paying heed.

Well pay heed fuckers. I will gladly accept the extra coin allotted to me this morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S-TK-AMQgc

The PPT does a lot of things right. I tend to gravitate towards mean reversion because that’s my comfort zone. But it’s also very good for catching momo trades. Case in point: AAPL

Apple has been ranked a “buy” since November of 2011, when the stock was in the mid 300’s. As of today, it is still ranked a buy and the score is nowhere near a sell rating.

However, there are some stocks that saw it’s score get smashed today. Here are the standouts.

CRM, LNKD, MA, LO, VALE, TDC, MNST, BIDU, CMG, YUM, V, PAY and SBUX.

That’s pretty much the who’s who in momentum stocks on wall street, all saddling near 52 week highs. Now there are two schools of thought at play here. Some people are waiting for these names to sell off to get in. Others are waiting for breakdowns to start shorts. Since this is all happening, ever so conveniently during earnings season, I gather we will find out who is right and who will die in fairly short order. At this stage, it’s getting harder to just buy and forget. Scott Bleier might be right about his psychopath 4/16 prediction after all.

Horrific trading action, accentuated by steep declines in tech, led by AAPL. I hated today more than any other day because it was sneaky. The gains in the Dow only masked the true carnage.

PREPARE FOR LOWER PRICES.

Regrettably, I did not lighten up this morning and now find myself melancholy from being 110% long into a shit filled tape. I need to start selling right away. If we are on the other side of the mountain, there will be an enormous price to pay for being so heavily long.

I will deal with this HORSESHIT tomorrow. Until then, watch Asian and European markets for a tell. I will only be wrong if Asian markets ignore today’s tech debacle and charge higher.

Wow, what a singular market! For sure, after this mornings sharp sell off I felt the market was in danger of shitting itself. Aside from nasdaq weakness, the Dow is now honey badgering the fuck higher–near the highs of the day. Everything is sort of whipsawing around, leaving me baffled about the next direction.

Like they say “when in doubt, eat a sandwich.” I am doing exactly that.

Shares of YELP were a buck higher; but now they’re a buck lower. If I bought 25,000 shares, it would probably move to flat. Point being: it’s thinly traded and volatile. After the housing data, MAS tanked hard; but now it’s back celebrating life again, doing lines of blow.

No one knows what the fuck is going on, just that’s it’s on and ongoing.

Until something breaks or explodes, I will remain in a catatonic state, gawking at the market in front of me.

NOTE: SSYS is merging with an Israeli printer co, lifting 3-d printer company DDD in sympathy. Fuck!

Futures are sharply higher based upon a variety of factors, namely retail sales. But Europe was trading up before our retail sales, so it’s worth noting risk appetite is alive and well. To reiterate the point from my previous post, stocks burdened by heavy short positions will benefit the most in a market like this. There are two reasons why this is true.

1. Short sellers provide liquidity and a bid in stocks due to covering.

2. When short sellers and natural buyers converge on a stock at the same time the results can be explosive, sending a stock up much more than other “non-shorted” stocks.

However, one must understand there is a reason why certain companies are heavily shorted. More often than not, short sellers have done their homework and will end up being correct on stocks they bet against. Case in point: Chinese burrito stocks. I tend to look at most stocks, especially heavily shorted ones, as short term trades. If I can make 10-20%, in a short period of time, on a shorted stock, I am more than obliged to take profits. For the love of rabid dogs, I am eager.

Last week I re-purchased RS and FORM, two old positions of mine. It appears RS guided up this morning, always a good thing. Plus, another one of my positions, JWN, caught an upgrade this morning. With Dow futures +80, I find myself 110% long into a decent rally. I need to make some headway here, after underperforming the rest of you cow-fuckers for the past month. So I will make my coin here and outstrip the rest. The next set of moves will be to lighten up on my longs and prepare for a bastard of a summer.

I’ve been to over 100 shitty homes in both New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Most of you live like pigs. Since you’re living above your means, your homes are horribly decorated and your kitchen cabinets are shit. Your bathrooms possess nothing of quality and your basements are stupid. It’s better to live in a home that is easily afforded and decorate it like a castle, than living in 5,000 square feet of squalor. For some of you younger guns out there, shopping for the mansion, feeling all hard and shit, think twice about that. Should your position materially change, you will loathe the day you decided to buy a home above your means.

As of now, Senor Tropicana will be homeless by summer, roaming the country in his mobile execution vehicle, trading stocks from his fucking commode.

Futures are soft and Asia is down. But I don’t give a shit about that. As a matter of fact (and this is true), I hardly care about anything at all, aside from my family. Nothing you can say or do will make me feel sentimental, as I have spent inordinate hours planning your demise instead of friendship. I can very easily declare war upon you and drag you into the mud, like a scalded dog in China. But I am generous and would like nothing more than to simply outstrip you from now until death.

But my favourite thing in the world is not any of that. I’ve decided, after careful debate, I enjoy short squeezes more than anything else. To put it plainly, a successful short squeeze not only equates my grande success, but the heart wrenching defeat of some other fucktard, likely clad in a grease stained tie and rubber soled shoes.

Therefore, as of today, “The Fly” will be fixed on short squeeze opportunities, obsessing on the mechanics of how one might emerge and why certain bearshitters deserve to be punched, royally, in the nose with jelly donuts. Hell, I might even launch a hedge fund directed at this very thesis, striking fear into the shallow hearts of those positioned wrongly.

According to The PPT, the following stocks are in classic short squeeze pain trap mode.

I didn’t have my daughter’s ears pierced when she was a baby because she wasn’t a toy to be decorated based upon my whims. I could never look at her in the face and willingly impose pain upon her for something she didn’t want or need, superficial nonsense. So I waited for her to age and ask for the earrings on her own. Two years ago, when she was 6, she got her ears pierced and was thrilled to do it. In my opinion, people who decorate their babies are vile animals.

I am not going to turn this story into a stock market lesson because it isn’t. This is a reminder about deportment and how to comport oneself when in the presence of others. If you want something, give something. If you can’t give something, make that person feel welcomed and accommodated.

My clients never leave me. Do you know why? It’s not because I make them money. They already have money. It’s because I treat them with respect by being straight forward, no bullshit. Also, it’s important to discern the difference between “being honest” and being a fucking dick. Just because you are thinking it doesn’t mean you should say it. There are ways to get your point across without insulting others.

Now yesterday I canceled out of the StockTwits QnA session because of feeling slighted about “website decor.” I’m afraid by doing so, I offended some people with my brazenness, which was construed as inappropriate. If I offended anyone, aside from the IT goon squad, I apologize. I just like things a certain way. It was not a very professional course of action on my behalf. However, it was funny as shit. Sometimes I can’t help myself.

Moving on, stocks are respecting the ferocious appetite of bulls, stabilizing, drifting higher. Both TDC and YELP are flat to up, so that makes me happy.

Wishful thinking.

Nevertheless, my two biggest positions, consisting more than 50% of my assets, are higher.

Okay, now this is getting a little pervasive. I like how they are trying to blame weakness on China; meanwhile, Asian markets had no problem lifting higher. This has much more to do with the asshattery of Europe than anything else. Their indexes are dropping 2% at a drop of a hat, making us as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.

Today GOOG and AAPL are getting the business. But our markets are holding up relatively well. Frankly, I’ve been sort of paralyzed by the volatility and have done very little but add to positions. I cannot and will not believe Spain is gonna tip the scales over and lead to a European collapse. We’ve been down this road before and I will not be tricked again.

Nevertheless, facts are facts and Spanish 10yr yields are at 6%. I will not get concerned until French yields start to shoot higher again. As of now French 10yr yields are still under 3%. Should they get above 3.5%, maybe just maybe, I will start to freak the fuck out a little.

Until then, I will be eating sandwiches at a frenetic pace.

With enormous regret, I report to you that I will NOT be hosting the StockTwits QnA this evening, despite wanting to a great deal.

It all started when they reserved a room for me, meant for peasants– something straight out of the “how to redesign your home to look famished and in squalor” handbook.

Here is the place they tried to confine me to, like a prisoner, hungry for scraps of meatloaf.

So, being the diplomatic gentleman that I am, I approached this subject with sterling honesty and candor.

All I bargained for was the minimal furnishings that any gentleman in my position should have in such a venue. I did not ask for a lavish throne room or anything like that. I only asked to be treated as a person with a dignified air and with the appropriate care and seasoned alacrity that any host is expected to perform under such important circumstances, such as this. This humble request for humanity through proper decorum was dismissed. This was the room decorum requested, which was denied by the StockTwits cognoscenti.

Negotiations went back and forth all night, until I was dispatched an outright repudiation by a member of the StockTwits IT goon squad (what a surprise).

After being admonished in such a public fashion, I had no choice but to take a more serious course of action. Any man in my position would do the same. I am sure if you were bedeviled by my predicament, you’d do worse!

Several text messages were exchanged, all along the same obnoxious vein, effectively treating yours truly as a second class citizen, a financial servant designed to sit in squalor answering questions tossed carelessly at me by ordinary misanthropes.

I furthered my discussions with a much greater belligerent tone, in closing.

So there you have it. I refuse to abdicate my responsibility as a gentleman of society, just so others may have a laugh or two at my expense, humiliating the readership of fine men and women here at iBankCoin. Once again, 10,000 apologies to everyone who was looking forward to the session. I will, however, be more than happy to answer your questions here.