The Truth of the Matter

After starting the year like a porn star with two dicks, since then, my approach to the market has been less than enthusiastic. Being up 20% in the first six weeks of trading made me ponder about the presence of celestial beings and how the market might react to an overbearing asshole in Germany. Pardon the phrase, but at the end of the day, everything worked out swell. The original buttfuckers got their bailout and the banks avoided going out of business, thanks to the printing presses.

Germany was bluffing all along because they are tricky nazis, through and through.

Since that time, I’ve been accumulating CPST, TIF, VXX and more recently ALJ and QCOR. Due to my uncertainty and fear of losing what I made, I invested in very small increments. Even to this day, I have about 60% of my assets in money market accounts. I dribbed and drabbed into VXX and CPST, leading to a 7% deficit in the former and a -20% hole in the latter.

I sold all of my TIF for a quick 7.5% return, only because I got GRAPED in both ALJ and QCOR today, for a -8% and -6% return respectively. My bottom line is still up 17% for the year, not due to sage investing or space alien time machines, but because I behaved like a pussy when I sucked the most. I limited the carnage when I was off my game by having less skin in the game, also known as “winning while losing.”

Now we all ebb and flow and I tend to flow a lot more than others. I’ve been paralyzed to the markets irrational behavior because it is not SHOMP. This is nonsense on a wholesale level, and I say “suchness” with a perfectly adequate amount of disdain and bitterness.

The truth of the matter is, this is nothing more than a pit-stop in the big scheme of things for me. I am taking a few baby steps back, only to prepare the grounds for war where I intend to take Donkey Kong– with flaming barrels of dynamite— steps forward in the near term future.

Speaking of success, my good friend, HOWARD LINDZON, gave a great interview the other day that you should watch. Knowing Howard and his family, I can tell you he is a winner and someone who gets things done, when it comes to the internets. All of you fuckers hating on Lindzon can choke on two dicks and a nutsack.

Pardon my abhorrent language and demeanor. Let me make up for it by introducing you to art.

First of all, fuck you, I am not depressed. “The Fly” doesn’t fall prey to human weaknesses, such as perversion, sadness or gluttony.

Just in case you waking up now, hung over from all of the low priced liquor you devoured last night, this is what you need to know.

Greece defaulted and CDS will be triggered. As a result, the Euro is plunging, down 1.15%. With the dollar soaring higher, the market is NOT trading lower. It’s up another 40 points and to make matters even more baffling, both gold and silver are ripping higher.

The dollar is soaring and so is gold and silver. Got it.

Oh, everything else is up too, across the board, with exception to all of my positions. Copper is a real standout, and corn.

The market is honey badgering higher because the bears are too busy singing the homosexual opera, instead of weighing into commodities. The market should be down, but it isn’t because we’re all scared of getting our dicks cut off.

UPDATE: I bought more VXX

So you know, I am waltzing, feverishly, to this melody.

“I’m sorry but something is really ripping apart my brains here.” (ZOMBIE, CHOMP!)

POOF!

That was me doing fucking magic, making lots of money disappear, vanishing into thin air like accountability when blogging.

As you can see by the swagger in my penmanship, I am getting cartoon raped in QCOR, ALJ, TZA and VXX today, while making a SINGULAR penny in CPST and nothing at all in TIF. All of this, despite my big, bountiful, and handsome, cash “hoard” has me sitting in the great big, tall grass, off by 1.25% for the day.

As I sit here, getting Breitbart’d by the market elements, I am taunted by a wide array of stocks bottle rocketing higher. For the love of gay giraffes driving ice cream trucks, even FSLR is up.

Sure, you fuckers are sitting there LAUGHING at my plight. Let me tell you something, as a matter of fact: if any of you cow suckers were near me, no matter how disabled you may be, I’d punch all of your teeth out like chicklets on a roller coaster. You fucking pussies don’t have the weapons to approach Le Fly. I have moats and trap doors, orital space cannons (OSC) and internet deathrays pointed at your cabezas.

I can sit here and discuss my accomplishments and how much bigger my dick is than yours, but I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING DO THAT RIGHT NOW! Frankly, and justifiably so, I am a great danger to myself at the moment. My blood is not only boiling, but curdling (if even possible). My brains are wacky, making me see mirages, like every stock I own down and all of the shit on my “IMMEDIATE BUY LIST” up. It simply cannot be the case. My eyes must deceive me.

Phantasm!

I sashayed out of TIF.

This morning the government announced over 220,000 jobs were added to this industrious economy in February, pointing to a robust recovery, allowing me to gasconade around my european friends because we have all of the jobbies and they have none.

At this point, the US unemployment rate is effectively zero. Anyone who is without a job is either independently wealthy or a criminal, who’d prefer the avocation of armed robbery over cleaning toilet bowls at the airport. Truly, we could not ask for a better President than Barracks O’bama. I realize a great many of you think he is “evil” or some sort of doped out Indonesian with a secret Koran fetish; but the truth of the matter is, he is a killing machine.

When he stepped into office in 2008, there was a “terrorist problem” and unemployment situation that needed to be dealt with. Fast forward to today, all of the fucking terrorists are dead and the unemployment rate is zero. Plus, just when you thought life couldn’t get better, we all have free healthcare and have made millions of dollars in the stock market.

If I was Romney, I’d throw myself into a lit fireplace, wrapped in pig fat.

Lucky me, QCOR reported weaker than expected script numbers this morning. Go fuck yourselves. I don’t give a shit anymore, since the money is easily made back. With these jobs numbers behind my fucking sails, I will be buying all sorts of shit today.

Now you just sit there and stay-fucking-tuned. Don’t you get up, not even for a second, you heathens.

The Think Tank at iBankCoin for Economic Studies and Foreign Relations, in conjunction with The Grande Recursive Order of the Knights of the Lambda Calculus, puts forth the following policies that will solve the global financial crisis, which is plaguing governments and citizens alike.

The current policy of plugging holes is only staving off inevitable sovereign defaults, instead of eliminating it. We propose central banks should buy ALL OF THE SOVEREIGN DEBT, through the explicit activation of the printing press, then forgive that debt in order to allow governments to spend liberally for as long as they deem fit.

If you are a bank or a sovereign government in possession of Greek debt, the ECB will buy your debt for 100 cents on the dollar, with the creation of “CURRENCY BALLS” to be shipped to your office or wherever you might be domiciled.

If you are an investment manager at Socgen or the government of Germany and receive one of these in the mail, just know it is worth $1 trillion dollars. This is LEGAL TENDER and can be exchanged for smaller balls ($100 billion, $50 billion and $10 billion increments) at any bank in the world, for discretionary usuage.The gist of this plan is to “create jobs” through aggressive monetary easing. Instead of having to deal with the annoying budgetary restraints that debt imposes on sovereign governments, the Think Tank at iBankCoin for Economics Studies and Foreign Relations strongly recommends the creation of giant balls to be denominated in $1 trillion increments to eliminate any and all debt, for as long as governments deem fit.

Under this policy, we project Greece will be debt free, and in the black, as early as next week.

I started a position in QCOR.

The problem with being in cash is the constant desire to invest for quick gains. The easiest way to fuck yourself, when trying to be conservative, is to make exceptions for “quick trades” for “easy gains.”

Here I am contemplating putting money to work and I find myself going up the risk ladder, gravitating towards highly speculative stocks for the sake of making a “quick trade.” Truth be told, it’s wishful thinking and counterintuitive to what I am really trying to accomplish. For example: I am in cash because I think the market is risky (obviously). In the past, I’ve went against my conservative bend in order to make “quick trades” only to get stuck in the back of a jam sandwich, long asshole stocks, heading for massive losses.

I am writing this so I can see the flaw in my current mindset, on the blog, for the world to see.

SHAME ON ME.

Do you want to know what stock is at the very top of my buy list?

FSLR

Why?

Because DECK is springing higher and I am thinking heavily shorted stocks like FSLR and GMCR will be “the next ones to go.” Do you know how retarded that sounds?

Look, maybe FSLR is a buy here, after getting the shit kicked out of it for the past few weeks. However, if I invested in it and the stock started to head lower again, I would likely throw myself into a lit fireplace, due to breaking my rules.

What are said rules?

Don’t invest in industries that suck dick. At the moment, I have a select few industries that I feel are to be avoided, at all costs: coal, solar, natural gas. Everything else is fair game.

Bottom line: often times, when in search for the fast money, large, slow, losses are realized instead. My advice to you and my gambling alter-ego is to sit tight and follow the rules.

I am a bit panicked by today’s gap up in futures, frankly. I see everyone else on ferris wheels and roller coasters, having the time of their lives, eating cotton candy and popcorn, and all I can think of is ” boy, do I wish I can throw those people into the gears of that ride.”

My situation is as follows:

I am long VXX tits and a TZA steed, alongside egregious amounts of TIF, CPST and ALJ. Actually, let me retract that whole, fucking, sentence. My cash position is north of 60%. Therefore, I am sitting on the sidelines, a mere spectator in the game of money changing.

However, I had grandiose designs of buying dips and taking advantage of the margin liquidations of others, like a vulture gnawing away at a corpse.

This is what I have to choose from, as far as dips are concerned.

(2 week return)

MTW -12.8%

ALJ -11.5%

EXK -9.5%

LUFK -8.4%

CREE -7.2%

JOY -13.8%

BTU -13%

TCK -11.6%

FCX -11.6%

JNPR -10%

POT -9%

CLF -8.5%

FSLR -37%

DECK -24%

TC -23%

ADTN -20%

IAG -11%

AG -10%

My choices is pretty straight forward: buy into the Chinese sensitive stocks, despite signs of a slowdown, or wait for the market to come to its senses.

Ha!

My point: there are dips to buy and perhaps this is a good opportunity to step in on some of the above names, for a trade.

All that aside, TIF is still my top pick.