Fly Buy: SHLD, PLAB

I doubled my SHLD position.

UPDATE: I started a new position in PLAB.

Disclaimer: If you buy SHLD because of this post, you will be inserted into a mental facility for the remainder of your adult years. And, you may lose money.

I want to take this opportunity to remind my readers, especially the new ones, that I do not write on iBC for your benefit. As a point in fact, I hate you and wish that you’d go elsewhere. Do not think that “The Fly” is your personal financial advisor, not even for a solitary second. I am simply documenting extreme winship, on an industrial scale, so that future generations can look back upon these hallowed grounds and say “holy shit, that guy was ‘Gretzy housing’ it.” Like ancient catacombs or nonsense scribbled inside of pyramid walls at Giza, people will come back to iBankcoin and learn how the 21st century lived. There will be college courses designed to study “advanced history of the interwebs” using iBC as its only example.

One of you little faggots complained about X, U.S. Steel, being down $1.50 today. Full disclosure, I am down about 9% on the name and might sell it. That’s part of investing: you win some and you lose some. Thus far, 2011 has not been a very profitable one for me, aside from my personal aggressive account where I invest like an crack head. For managed accounts, I am up about 10%. Within some of my current positions, here is my unrealized percentage gains and losses:

WNR: +16%
OXY: +2%
VCLK +4%
MWW +13%
FORM +3%
X: -9%
ALJ: +3.5%
MOTR: +1%
CVI: -4%
SHLD: +4%
CY: +1%

The above names are the lionshare of companies discussed here on my bloggie. If you should happen to only own X, well then, the odds of having a “down Fly stock” is 2 in 11. An objective party might surmise that you, as a point in fact, are an unlucky jackass. To come here and besmirch this holy temple is equal to destroying ancient artifacts or BBQing near extinct animals, when we all know they should be sautéed.

I gather a great many of you were quite perturbed last night about today’s prospects. As you can see, following a slew of excellent earnings reports, things are very well indeud. My schedule is a bit convoluted these days, as I juggle the responsibilities of being a “space alien magician” and ripping down my house in order to built a new one. As the Lords of our land would have it, I have brand new responsibilities today pertaining to an automobile in great need of a tire change.

As I delve into this new task, I expect, simultaneously, to make a great deal of money in the stock market.

On a separate note, VLO posted solid numbers. However, I am expecting much better results from WNR.

As you read this, crack spreads are up another 4% to $25.30 and the stock market is on the verge of moving up another notch.

I never understood “the millionaire next door.” To live a life of frugality is equal to not living at all. In other words, what the fuck are you saving your money for? I rather live like a fucking King in my 30’s, than a comfortable senile old fucker at 70. We’re trained to believe in the notion of “saving for a rainy day.” Scum bags like Suze Orman profess selling off spare kidneys in order to increase interest income during light years. If you are saving money to build a business or buy some property, fine, that’s smart. However, if you are a sick person, like some of the old fuckers I know collecting cans out of the trash, who happen to have $20 million in savings, seek professional help.

This is the way I see it: live good and smart, die without regrets. It’s important to leave a legacy behind, something to build upon the family name through fortune. However, it’s far more important to do what you want to do. For me, having money is about not having to worry. I don’t need to worry about haggling over prices, because the difference between a $500 mirror and a $2,000 mirror is negligible. If you are still of the mindset to always get a good deal, you’re a fucking idiot. Period.

I grew up without money, living like a fucking vagabond with holes in my sneakers. Now that I have a little, I tend to not think about spending it, only acquiring more.

I bought more MOTR.

As I deal with general contractors and Italian tile guys, the market is resting after a big move up. Today’s downside action is minimal and should be bought. Amongst my holdings, I am most pleased with MWW, VCLK, X and SHLD today. As the move in oil matures, I will be allocating new money into tech/retail: hence, I have been buying CY and SHLD. I believe the move in silver is woefully idiotic. However, I was never a fan.

Ahead of VLO earnings tomorrow, I like my chances long ALJ, CVI and WNR. However, if VLO doesn’t blow out the quarter, do not couple VLO with WNR, as their businesses are entirely different. VLO focuses more on sour/heavy crude, while WNR is plain jacking suckers in Texas for “cheap as fuck” crude.

Listen to me as if your entire torso was one giant eardrum, hear me with your entire life force: we are not done going higher. Fuck Syria and everyone in the middle east. We will tomahawk them all and strip them from their natural resources.

The United Steaks of America is an empire in decline, buoyed by a space aged military, which makes us quite dangerous. Before we give up the mantle of world dominance, we shall endeavor to burn your cities to the ground, then salt your lands. This is not a joke, but an assured outcome. Our tanks will shoot holes into your factories, sending your unemployment rate to triple digits.

Nevertheless, before our machine of war operates with impunity inside of your finest cities, our stock market will rise, based upon the desperate attempts of our Central Bank to save the financial system from an inevitable and most horrendous collapse.

I added to my CY position based upon the predictions of my Voodoo Doctor.

A few months back, while speaking on the phone with Senator Jakegint, he told me “AGQ is going to $400.” At the time, I was long silver, specifically EXK, AG and even a little AGQ. I thought to myself “that would be ludicrous” if that should occur, not so much different than a truck falling off the Empire State building. To be fair, Jakegint has been saying these crazy things for a long, long time. During that time, I’ve been all over the road, like a drunk driver in a bumper car. I’ve gone through many fashionable phases since then, from HUGH HENDRY deflation to JIM ROGERS “fuck your face with a bow tie” inflation. However, Jakegint has always, and I mean always, said “gold and silver are going substantially higher.”

You should read his blog sometime: he has only turned a massive family fortune into a gargantuan one.

By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare 4/25: JAKEGINT is GOD day (JIG), in order to preserve the memory of such a mammoth win, now that silver has gone unicycle retardo to the upside.

Have the kids and your stupid grandparents acknowledge such an egregious day, forever.

So they broke the bathroom wall open and it appears the contractor who did my bathroom many years ago did not cap one of the fucking pipes. As a result of an egregious clog, the water backed up and started flowing liberally, mind you, throughout the entire first floor of the house. The mystery lies in “where the water went?” as their is no telltale evidence of water damage, aside from a singular loose tile. It’s as if God himself sucked up the water with a giant straw and used it as rain throughout your community. Frankly, I was hoping the water made its way to my neighbors house, as he is well deserving of raw sewage flowing throughout his brand new kitchen. Sadly, as of now, this is simply not the case.

One thing is for certain, upon opening the wall: I have a most horrific case of black mold. I’m not surprised, frankly, I surmised it was all of that “black smoke” emanating from my mug last year that caused this, or the fact that water has been hanging out in my walls for over a month. Nevertheless, Mrs. Fly went into full panic mode and ordered men with HAZMAT suits to literally cordon off the bathroom, sealed and shut, as it should be. There are dehumidifiers running and a hygienist is en route, in order to test the air quality of Casa del Fly. No matter the outcome, I don’t care about this house: it is stupid and I want a new one. I’ve been looking to get rid of it for quite some time and would have no problem razing it, in order to build a small amusement park. I am sure the neighbors would love that. Or, I might turn this shit hole (an accurate description, no less) into a homeless shelter, where crack fiends and car thieves would be accepted with open arms.

Demolition of the bathroom and adjacent wall next to it, which just so happens to encompass my fucking kitchen, begins May 2nd. I’ve taken the liberties to order supplies and I am quite pleased that my personal life is in flux, as that ALWAYS leads to extreme winship in my stock holdings. Should I ever get shot in the face with a howitzer, I am certain several of my holdings would be acquired for monumental premiums.

I will update all as needed. Happy Easter Bunny day.

Year to date, my personal/aggressive account is up 36.4%. Following a staggering 875% return in 2010, “The Fly” is somewhat comfortable with his position. You might ponder, as any normal person would, “how the fuck is that possible?” The answer lies within a superior IQ and much greater set of balls on my person, compared to yours. Last year I made over 250% in FTK alone. This year, my WNR is leveraged to the max, fucking everything in its path. I told you this would happen, as I am performing great feats of magical spectaculars right in front of your very eyes. I have nothing to hide, other than who I am.

Into the bell, I bought some CY and I slapped three homeless men in the face with hot slices of pizza. They thanked me for the donation of warm food.

Enjoy your holiday and be sure to watch for God’s son coming back from the dead. For this time, as I understand it, he is interested in killing off all sinners, before the Romans chase him off with stale Italian bread.
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