Mysteries Revealed

Anyone who is anyone on Wall Street is well aware of “the cursed watch that can destroy nations.” It just so happens that a good colleague of mine is in possession of such a watch and is using it to advance his bearshitting agenda. At first glance, you will think nothing of the watch. It looks rather odd and grotesque in dimensions. However, if you dare to look at it for more than 12 seconds, you will see the devil himself (right above the 6).

This watch is responsible for countless atrocities throughout the world, over many centuries. Back in the medieval days the sheer sight of it sent locals scrambling for cover. Fast forward to today, it is being used to derail the stock market and cause a global depression. As you understand, this man must be stopped.

I am going to post a picture of the watch, which was taken in secret from one of my agents. Ten minutes after he snapped this photo, he was run over and killed by a errant sanitation truck (fuck recycling). In order to stop the curse, the arm that accompanies the watch must be chopped off. So, should you happen to see a gentleman with this watch, be sure to get a clean swipe at his arm, for the sake of the stock exchange. Typically, for this sort of close combat, you will want to use a hand ax, preferably with a diamond tipped blade.

BEHOLD your plague!

To alleviate some pressure, I sold out of both AKS and CENX, taking small profits in both. I am tempted to start selling some of my bigger positions, like OXY and CLF. However, something tells me to chill the fuck out. Look, this is the 10th time the world has been ending in as many weeks. There is always panic and people get flushed out when they should be buying. I am not confident that the blood letting will stop here. But, I do know it’s a low probability trade to sell when there is blood flowing through the streets, unless of course this is the beginning of something horrific.

Here is my question to you? timing horrific moments on Wall street, are they low or high probability trades?

Basically, this is garden variety bullshit, especially since everyone is keen to the news. There are no hidden dragons that will pop out and shit fire down your necks. Instead, we have assholes on CNBC, and other media outlets, telling us to “go away in May”, offering stats about how bad June is for investors. Well, the facts do not back up such slanderous claims.

Here is the performance of SPY, during the month of June, dating back to 2003.

2003 1.07
2004 1.85
2005 0.15
2006 0.27
2007 -1.46
2008 -8.36
2009 -0.07
2010 -5.18

My advice to you is the same advice I am giving myself: calm the fuck down and go eat a sandwich.

You cannot debate with a sublime harmony of mathematical precision. The PPT registered its 2nd highest score of all time yesterday.

In case you are wondering, no, I did not sell yet. I have my own reasons. Stay tuned.

UPDATE: I sold out of CENX and AKS

DJ Fly here. I just want to give a special shout out to the members of Congress for declining to raise the debt ceiling. Now we can get this party started right, bankruptcy style—whooo-hooo!

Why don’t you nerds get off the walls and onto the dance floor? We’re playing all of the greatest hits, starting with Alexander Hamilton’s personal collection. Fuck yeah, S&P futures are climbing on the good news and investor sentiment has never been better. Fuck jobs. Fuck yeah.

We have Congressional penises floating around on Twitter and more than $60 trillion in real obligations. No fucking way we even think about paying that shit off. So let’s get on the dance floor and do the cabbage patch until our fucking arms fall off and strangers start to think we are zombies, straight out of a sci-fi flick.

Free 8 balls of cocaine are located in the bathroom ash trays and heroin needles and being distributed via dispenser, also located inside of the unisex bathrooms. Note: smoking cigarettes is NOT allowed.

This first jam is going out to Ronald “fucking” Reagan aka the Godfather of egregious/fascinating military expenditures aka the shit that helped get us to where we are today. We could not have done it without that old jelly bean eating mother llama.

There are very few things Senor Tropicana cares about, one is his fucking lawn and everything on it. I tend to my lawn, as well as a wide variety of plants, like children. I feed them often and make sure they are comfortable. An egregious crime went unreported last night, at Le Casa del Fly. While asleep, some asshole(s) stole two solar spheres (green and blue) from my lawn. However, in an effort to mock me, they left the metal infrastructure in place. I want you to appreciate, for a moment, how much this stresses me.

So you know, I’ve already re-purchased the exact same spheres and will place them, ever so gingerly, on my lawn tonight. Additionally, I will sit vigil with my Desert Eagle in hand tonight, waiting for the criminals to return, so that I might snatch their lives, turning them into ghosts—upon stealing my shit. See, this is my problem with living in NY; the people here are entirely without honor. I am so out of place here, it’s like putting a penguin in a porn flick and telling him to go fuck someone. It’s not happening.

As predicted, the market went up today, as you pussies sold out near the lows.

BTW: I am launching a new and improved GARP index today, which is custom tailored to cater to long term investors. It encompasses 35 stocks, meant for long term investing aka the very best Le Fly has to offer. And, go order The StockTwits Edge; because “The Fly” penned a chapter. However, it’s worth noting, I was not compensated for my offering. Therefore, your purchase is not really mandatory—fyi.

As a matter of fact, they are entirely useless. I challenge you to ponder what I am about to tell you, a great deal. Imagine you are over there, reading my missives, contemplating a rebuttal of sorts. After thirty minutes of carefully crafting a comment, one directed to insult yours truly, you are told to “fuck off” and banned from ever reading the site again. Think about the absurdity of that grandiose waste of time. I do not write things for your benefit or even for your occasional amusement. Everything typed onto iBankCoin is done with purpose, whether you know it or not.

This is psychological warfare on a micro-scale, fucking with the dog brains of thousands, in order to help billions down the road. Many of you are what we consider to be “test subjects,” easily annoyed and dispatched with choice phrases and/or a series of verbs suited to trigger chemical reactions inside of your pedestrian brains. Ironically, the fact that I am revealing certain truths to you now is causing you to become quite irritated, which will eventually result in untoward comments and eventual dismissal from the site.

It’s a never-ending loop, one that would last millennia if given the chance.

With regards to the market, the early spike has been met with fierce profit taking. We are most likely set to endure a sell off, prior to a “nuclear meltup.” I’ve established a thesis and will stick to it. However, on occasion, I will deviate and attempt to stave off set backs. It’s my opinion that right now is not the time to transform from a super robotic overlord into a pussy, scared of minor sell offs.

In short, I am staying the course.

Rudely, I am typing this blog from my iPhone, in the middle of a boring meeting. I do not care about the sensibilities of these creatures; therefore, I am blogging.

I see many stocks are selling off, following a robust open. For me, selling at these levels is not an option, despite the possibility of a near term sell off. Frankly, anything less than 12,750 is pure fantasm and should be treated as such.

I want more cake, Barbara, and I want it now.

There is no need for me to pen a new blog, for I already predicted today’s events last week (think time machine). Go ahead and prittle-prattle amongst yourselves. I will be attending a business brunch in the a.m., which incidentally means I will not be around to walk you dogs to the nearest fire hydrant. Feel free to piss all over Senator Gint’s blog, as he curses the software geniuses from WordPress.

Prittle. Prattle.

This is one question, broken down into 27 parts.

1. What level will the Dow hit first, 14,000 or 10,000?

i. At what level does the price of gasoline become comedic and if the answer is $19.99 per gallon, other than me, who else will be driving a car here?
ii. Is there a correlation between advanced degrees in economics and capital losses?
iii. Will DEVILDOG ever reappear?
iv. If gold is to hit $10,000 per ounce, will Jakgint share his pot of gold with friends and family, or live out the rest of his years at the backend of a rainbow?
v. Does ChessnWine play chess and/or drink wine?
vi. Who is the Analyst Bomber bombing and why?
vii. Why does Caine Thaler reside on the 13th floor and if the answer is cinematically based, why does he watch so many movies?
viii. Is Scott Bleier really that aggressive in real life or is he somewhat laid back, surfer style, sifting through clams by the Jersey shore?
ix. Who’s more southern, Ragin Cajun or Woodshedder and if the answer is Woodshedder, does he enjoy eating pork fat sandwiches and why?
x. Why does “The Fly” drink so much wine and why does he tweet pictures of his stupid bottles?
xi. Why did Moober change his name from Boomer and why does he give up trading for lent all the time?
xii. Is Quint really cranky or is it all a facade?
xiii. Is Marc David buff naturally or does he “enhance” his lifting through alternative means?
xiv. How is Zombie always first to Fly posts and why?
xv. Does J from Australia really hate the website Zerohedge or is he really a closet fan?
xvi. Who’s more bullish: Bullish or Po Pimp?
xvii. Why does someone post under the handle “Testicules?”
xviii. Who the fuck is Steve the neighbor and how does he know so many things about me?
xix. The Trading Nymph isn’t serious right? All a gag I presume. Please enlighten.
xx. Why has Blind Read Ant tasted desserts from convicted felons inside the DA’s office and does anyone else find that strange?
xxi. Has The_Real_Hmmm planted tracking devices on all of the readers and bloggers of iBankCoin yet, or just half?
xxii. Does Trader Caddy trade anything other than SMH in the morning?
xxiii. Who would win a fight to the death: Drummerboy or Flyaway18?
xxiv. Why does HuggieBear have a bunch of X’s around his name and does he play a lot of video games?
xxv. Has Mushroomz’s WNR come full circle yet?
xxvi. Does Jeremy the IT guy and Vincenzo the IT guy get along or does Vincenzo throw stale bread and vats of olive oil at Jeremy for telling him to “stop leaving your fucking bowl of gravy on the server rack”?

UPDATE: xxvii. How could I forget MrkcBill?

Happy BBQing and getting drunk.
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