King Cock

Believe me when I tell you, “The Fly” is looking “majestic” right now, practically floating throughout his office (NO HOMO), decked out in his “monarchy clothes” crown and all. The status of his cock, via WNR, is extraordinary (NO HOMO). It was rather limp this morning. However, as you can see by the current share price, things are looking up (NO HOMO).

Reason being: crack spreads are moving higher, thanks to gasoline dropping less than oil. It’s simply a matter of time before investors sashay, in droves, into the shares of WNR with reckless abandon (NO HOMO).

As for my other shit: I am banking coin in ZSL and TLT, but losing a few in AG/EXK. But the reason why I am “King Cock” is due to my magnificent cash horde, now oversized above 50%. With the market drowning in puddles, “The Fly” stands to benefit immensely vis a vis the direct purchase of your margin liquidation, VIZ.

If you are wondering as to when that might be, I counter with a casual statement, such as “none of your concern” or “see The PPT“, in order to ascertain suchness (NO HOMO).

NOTE: I cannot believe LFT is a fraud. Avoid any and all Chinese related stocks.

Well, many of you cocksuckers wanted “King Dollar.” Enjoy it today, whilst your common stock portfolios get lit aflame and molested by homeless men. Thus far, the dollar is up a staggering 0.8% this morning, based on the growing prospects of Greek default and a potential downgrade of Italian debt.

Look you, I’ve been warning you for over a week to get to cash. You chose to act like a child and stay all in, despite the signs. You might as well spend today’s trading session on the 7th floor of Bergdorf Goodman, than execute yourself during today’s bloodbath. You’re a child and should be treated as such.

I’m expecting a mass Exodus from equities today and a strong treasury market. King dollar reigns supreme and U.S. debt is attractive, especially when compared to the cock gobblers in Europe.

Asian stocks are getting kicked into idle manholes this evening, as investors figure out the math pertaining to the world ending. I know this is hard for you to grasp and/or understand, because you have the IQ of a small goldfish. However, as sure as I am sitting here, in my Gucci designed space rocketship, Earth is going to explode, reducing your bodies into atoms.

As an aside, the dollar is roaring tonight, up 0.7%. And, to boot, oil is getting sharked, down over a buck. Naturally, silver is up, as werewolves continue to horde the idiotic metal to stave off extinction.

I expect to make some money in my TLT tomorrow and lose in my silver stocks, as well as my short silver hedge, because the world is fucked up like that. There is nothing you can do with silver, aside from host high end dinners, sending your butler away to fetch the silver tea kettle. I don’t know what people are thinking, buying silver amidst the Hugh Hendry taking place (treasury bonds up, dollar up). However, truth be told, I have more than 15% of my assets wrapped up in silver stocks, with a hedge long ZSL. The relationship between silver and the underlying stocks is completely off track, as well as the relationship between silver and gold, dollars, candy bars or UFO sightings.

Like the amazing spectaculars at Puma Punku, logic does not exist in SLV.

In closing, prepare to be evaporated shortly.

For one week, Scott is going to offer his fantastic radio show here, on iBC’s front page as well as his blog, for free. For those of you who are familiar, Scott used to do his show here everyday, until the voices in his head told him to do otherwise.

A little background on why Scott is on iBC.

Back in the late 90’s, when I was starting off in the business, Scott was on CNBC all the time. By far, he was my favorite talking head because he was insane. The market was running tits and Scott was aggressive, making bold calls with space alien magician accuracy. Correct me if I am wrong, but he was also on Bloomberg too, where he’d tell people to go “all in” on tech stocks, much to the chagrin of the old fuckers on that channel. Anyway, I was always impressed with his delivery and ability to gauge the market. I even met him once in passing, way back in 2001, when my partner and I were discussing offers from other Wall Street firms, incentives if you will to leave our place of business.

I don’t know the reasons as to why Scott hasn’t been on CNBC in a decade. Perhaps he can share that with the rest of you. I am certain it is an entertaining story. After his stint on CNBC, he went to Fox business to co-host Bull and Bears. Personally, I despised that show, but tuned in just to see what Scott was up to. After a few tweets, emails and one luncheon meeting at the Four Seasons, Scott was accepted into the premier “tabbed” status at iBC.

Do yourselves a favor and log onto the site tomorrow morning, and all of next week, for THE SCOTT BLEIER SHOW, starring SCOTT BLEIER.

Using The PPT screener, I scanned for stocks that have 75% win rates in May, coupled with deviation from the mean of at least 10%. In layman’s terms, the following stocks usually outperform in May, but are woefully sucking cock now.

No. Ticker Seasonality – # Months TOTAL Seasonality – % Months UP Seasonality – Average Monthly Return Seasonality – Month Seasonality – % pts deviation from avg. return (current mont
1 MELA 6.00 83.33 21.19 May -32.51
2 AG 5.00 80.00 14.79 May -31.90
3 DCTH 9.00 77.78 10.26 May -27.66
4 GLDD 5.00 80.00 8.60 May -22.96
5 XEC 9.00 77.78 4.59 May -22.11
6 LQDT 6.00 83.33 20.21 May -20.11
7 MFW 16.00 81.25 6.25 May -18.05
8 UFI 21.00 76.19 8.47 May -16.74
9 OXY 29.00 75.86 4.16 May -16.33
10 SGU 14.00 78.57 8.58 May -14.53
11 RBA 14.00 78.57 2.69 May -14.18
12 EGBN 12.00 83.33 4.44 May -13.30
13 TACT 15.00 86.67 14.73 May -12.74
14 UEIC 19.00 78.95 6.29 May -11.52
15 VRNT 9.00 88.89 11.23 May -10.49
16 HNT 20.00 80.00 6.02 May -10.17
17 UHS 21.00 76.19 8.15 May -10.02

Aside from the asinine moves in silver, volatility has screeched to a halt. I find myself looking at my screen, wishing I was somewhere else. For the first time in a long time, I am speechless, with nothing of substance to offer. I am not selling or buying. I can’t stand arabic revolutions and I believe President Obama is Rosemary’s baby. There isn’t much more to say, other than “don’t short a dull market.”

Fuck you if you believe I am ripping off cliches and calling them my own. I invented it, prove otherwise else feel the force of a pinless hand grenade under your bullshit pleather chair from staples.

I haven’t shaved in about a week and I am carrying rambo knives again. I dare anyone of you little fast food eating bitches to fuck with me. I will cut your arms and legs off and toss your torso into the heart of Chinatown.

Speaking of which, Chinese lottery stocks are behaving bezerko. Did I spell that right? Is bezerko even a word?

The daily swings of the Chinese listed shares make me sick. I just want to drive to Long Island, find the CEO’s of these companies, and vomit on their faces—exorcist style. That’s all, moving on.

Despite the pullback in crack spreads, I hope you homos understand 321 spreads @ $23+ is still insanely lucrative. The refiners, without a doubt, are buys.

Unless you had insider information on GPS, this market is almost impossible to short. There is too much cash on corporate balance sheets to sleep well at night holdings shorts. Look at BKS. That company was having all sorts of problems, yet here we are now with a $17 buyout offer.

Barring calamity, I expect the mergers and acquisitions to continue, which in turn keeps me honest with regards to short positions: I don’t have any.

Instead of shorting, I’ve opted for the easy lifestyle of buying dips. My super aggressive posture in treasuries is not all that dangerous, considering the low beta of TLT. Essentially, holdings treasuries is just like holdings cash, with an outside chance of making 5%.

As the clock ticks, futures are improving. We will likely run higher today, led by oil and gas stocks. Nevertheless, I am still not buying.

Scores change all the time. These were the top 10 names, out of 4,000+, based on technical and fundamental factors.

1. TNAV
2. IPGP
3. WTW
4. TMK
5. MDCO
6. SDRL
7. TSU
8. FFG
9. CSH
10. EZPW

The dollar dumped out today, lending to strength in stocks. Despite downgrades in the tech sector, the market managed to hang in there, as the clown fuckers from LinkedIn “oohed and ahhh’d” everyone with their fantasm of an IPO. Personally, as opposed to some other guy writing here in the first person, I think LinkedIn is a retarded website, dedicated to socially inept nerds.

Moving along, precious metal stocks have sucked balls for weeks now. I am getting tired of holding AG/EXK. I should have sold them higher. Hindsight is 20/20.

All in all, today was a very, very boring day. Sometimes boring is good. It gives you time to think, as opposed to being flipped around in hot oil all day long.

Top picks: refiners

Not only am I not buying anything, I am not looking for ideas either. As my 35th birthday approaches, my risk appetite is not what it used to be. Back in the old days, I’d throw 8 balls at people while buying shares of LNKD with reckless abandon, at the fucking opening tick. Fast forward, I am here talking to you midgets with half of my assets in cash.

Crack spreads are lifting today, which means refiners should trade inverse to their profit margins. That makes lots of sense. It’s like a company announcing they sold the company for $35 per share and the stock trades to $20 on the news. I am not mad at the stock, for it did nothing to me. It’s just interesting to see how people respond to rational news. We are living through very irrational times.

By the way, QPSA is gapping higher off the LNKD fuck fest.