Firing Cannons into Memorial Day

I made another 1.5% today and now find myself back to normal investment levels: 90% long equities. My big bet is in the commodity sector. I’ve outlined my positions about 1 dozen times. Just know and understand I have another stock worth purchasing, which will be revealed inside The PPT over the weekend.

Speaking of which, The PPT is now warning that the market may be over heating, now registering an overall hybrid score of 3.20. When I say “hybrid,” that means the mean of all fundamental and technical scores inside of the algorithm. Scores are doled out from 1-5, 1 being the lowest or worst possible score. When the overall algo is hitting 3.2+, it’s usually time to sell. When it falls below 2.6, as of late, giddy up and get long. So you know, The PPT nailed 9 of the last 10 troughs— to the exact day.

It’s not important for you to know how I created a sublime financial tool of mathematical precision (SHOMP). Instead, just feel honored and lucky that I let you rent it from me, for there will come a day when I will vanish from North America, totally unannounced, taking my fucking toolbox with me. As you know, “The Fly” can’t be tied down to any one continent, as it is his obligation to travel the globe and slap all sorts of fuckers in the face with rocks.

Plans for this weekend entails lots of BBQ’d meat and liters upon liters of fine wine, flowing freely as if that shit was tap water. I wish you all the best and look forward to outperforming you next week.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0IKmqNIaw 616 500]

C’s up, D’s down.

I am sick and tired of these Chinese stocks raping investors. They’re like jack in the boxes that pop up and urinate in your face, just prior to detonating. As you know, I defended the CEO’s of these companies, taking issue with short sellers who targeted companies like CCME and BORN. However, when the facts were revealed, I acknowledged my wrong position and apologized to the asshats who talk shit about the Chinese parlor game.

Take a look at some of the year to date performance of the Chinese burritos:

No. Ticker YTD Return Industry
1 SBAY -77.90 Chinese Burritos
2 CBEH -74.90 Chinese Burritos
3 HEAT -71.78 Chinese Burritos
4 DGW -69.62 Chinese Burritos
5 CVVT -68.89 Chinese Burritos
6 KGJI -66.91 Chinese Burritos
7 GFRE -66.04 Chinese Burritos
8 RCON -65.59 Chinese Burritos
9 FEED -64.97 Chinese Burritos
10 KNDI -62.63 Chinese Burritos
11 SCEI -60.97 Chinese Burritos
12 CSKI -60.83 Chinese Burritos
13 CHGS -59.42 Chinese Burritos
14 PUDA -57.89 Chinese Burritos
15 XNY -56.88 Chinese Burritos
16 CNET -56.07 Chinese Burritos
17 OINK -56.00 Chinese Burritos
18 NEWN -55.76 Chinese Burritos
19 YONG -55.60 Chinese Burritos
20 LZEN -55.37 Chinese Burritos
21 CIIC -53.62 Chinese Burritos
22 CNAM -53.61 Chinese Burritos
23 MCOX -52.77 Chinese Burritos
24 HSFT -52.22 Chinese Burritos
25 SHZ -51.67 Chinese Burritos
26 SIHI -51.34 Chinese Burritos
27 SCOK -50.71 Chinese Burritos
28 BSPM -50.35 Chinese Burritos

I hope you can appreciate how absurd the above data is, with regards to why those stocks have been cut in half. Everyone believes they are frauds, plain and simple. In short, the lawyers at the SEC are dicksuckers for allowing this shit to happen.

In other news, the Egyptians are revolting again. Go build pyramids. And, MRVL posted better than expected earnings. Now that’s a fucking upright walking pig with fleas. I don’t want to be distracted by tech. I am keenly focused on getting my bow tie on, poking my finger in the chests of people who support Dr. Bernanke.

Top picks: CLF, WNR

Take any insolent asshat, slap a bow tie on him and voila: he’s a fucking genius. Someone give that pie eater with the bow tie some money to manage and fast. So you know, “The Fly” has been actively roaming the streets of Manhattan, testing out his new bow tie attire. The usual scene is me quickly descending upon homeless men and slapping them with bushels of corn, then quickly escaping the wrath of the military via 1980’s style limousine transport.

Despite the rally in bonds (see TLT), the dollar is going to zero. You just need to be prepared to deal with European fuckery on a large scale, which can get in the way of a good rally or two, prior to seeing it. Since my plan to focus on commodities, I’ve regained more than 5%, helped by some of my legacy positions climbing higher too. But, bottom line, I am now trading with the confidence of a starved lion trapped inside of an opera house filled with obese people in wheel chairs.

The current portfolio is long CENX, CLF, WNR, AKS, ALJ, CVI, KOG, OXY, ATPG, just to name a few. All of my positions, with time stamp and price, are found inside of The PPT. Fuck you to anyone who says I am not transparent. If I was anymore transparent, I’d have you assholes looking under my door when I am in the lavatory (creepy).

Look, you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. Get your fucking bow ties out and wear them, okay. Do not feel as if you are some sort of special olympics spastic fuckstick (really weird guy) for donning it. Simply explain to people “this is the uniform one wears when bullish on inflation and long commodities.”Once you tell them that, they’ll leave you alone and you might even get a date or two out of the ordeal. I am sure people who like commodities have been wearing bow ties for thousands of years, if not billions. Quit starving your family of beluga caviar dreams and get with the program, else you will be shining my shoes, extra shiny, in no time at all.

NOTE: Former iBC tabbed blogger and current equity holder in iBankCoin, Danny aka Spydercrusher, has been nailing the market using his system. I should’ve linked to his blog a long time ago. I am terrible at linking and should go two days without beluga caviar, as a penalty, for this heinous crime.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDCQmVAnclY 616 500]

At the end of the day, life is about gambles. I’ve tried my hand at thousands of bets, some went awry, most to my favour [sic]. As it pertains to the art of propeur [sic] money management, I’ve made my bed in WNR and now I intend to sleep in it. I shall sleep while bombs drops around me. I cannot be wrong, since this specific pick comes from the depths of the most distinguished urinal shadow known to mankind. He smokes cigars and cuts the penises off of people he doesn’t like, with a box cutter. I will have you know, he and I are friends. We chat it up, discuss current events and toss pinless hand grenades around for catch.

For the day, I was up a lot, as the stock Gods blessed my date of birth. I stepped in hard, buying up commodity related shares without regard for bear raids or homosexual Greek protests. I am on the path of winship and I will plant my black flag in the faces of all of you who doubt me, inside of 2 short weeks.

Look what algorithm nailed the bottom again.

I bought KOG, personal, for the win.

UPDATE: I put 10% of assets in CLF.

In an age where the news is propaganda, Mark Haines gave it to me straight, nearly every business day, for as long as I’ve been watching CNBC. I relied on Mark to cut through the bullshit, shoot down idiot guests, and comfort me during turmoil. He was a great anchor and will be missed immensly. I am especially appreciative of his work immediately following the 9/11 tragedies and during the financial crisis. No matter how bad things were, Mark was there, albeit dripping with sarcasm, to help me through the day.

I am saddened to share my birthday with the day of his demise. But, unfortunately, we all have to go sometime. It just sucks to see him depart so young. My condolences go out to his family. May the memories of him help get you through the pain.

How ’bout a late day rally?

I added to the above names, without regard for your opinions.

My trusty birthday thief and fellow iBC blogger, Senator Gint, has been right all along with the precious metals, despite the multitude of mini-horrific-financial car wrecks he has endured, which is part and parcel of commodity investing. Do not let the bullshit from the banks or tech sector distract you. Silver and gold is telling you exactly what you need to know: inflation is on the way, in earnest.

Hopefully, in my lifetime, I will be able to eat a $100 tomato and drive throughout NYC rush hour, without having to honk my horn.

Listen to me very quietly and never question me again: the western money changers want to remain in power. To do this, they will debase western currencies. As a result, stocks and commodities will soar. The leaders will be found in the commodity sector. Quit trying to find the next AAPL and position yourself to benefit from the dilution of the money inside of your K-Mart jeans.

Top picks: OXY, WNR, ATPG, CENX, AKS, CLF, CVI