The Shoe is on the Other Foot, For Now

For the first time in iBC history, I am requesting you give me a market update. Where I am, there is no such thing as iPhones and normal carriers, only roaming shit that makes the transfer of data cumbersome. My only outlet to information, or a phone, is via the apartment I am renting.

I request the following:

Full market update, not just the bearish stuff CRONKITE has been posting lately. And, I want to hear all of the lovely rumors being purported by the dicksuckers on Twitter.

As for me, I am getting my conch and George Hamilton on. By the time I leave here, people will think I am native. Shit is so expensive out here, you’d think it was exclusive for rich folk only. Oh, wait, it is reserved for rich folk only.

For the day, I shed 2.1%—mostly thanks to DECK and WNR.

You guys should all gather around the fireside tonight and concoct some brand-fucking-new SocGen rumors. Or, you can make some shit up about MS or C, both stocks suck. As you know, rumors are only lies if proven so.

It appears I am off by 2% at the moment.

Back to the beach.

If you choose the path of risk aversion, there is nothing wrong with raising cash here. We’ve had a nice run over the past week and a pullback is expected. However, if you’re like me, against any and all bearshitters, you look at this and say “PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF”, we’re going the fuck higher.

I have every reason to believe the Dow can decline by 100-250 points from here. Moreover, I expect to give back 5% of my recent gains. But, again, fellow plebs of the interworld, this is part of the game. Losses must be absorbed in order to achieve supreme winship.

As the clowns fire themselves out from carnivale cannons, “The Fly” will remain calm and collected and impose his will on the markets, whenever the opportunity presents itself. For example: GSVC.

Remember, the basis of the panic stemmed from Italian and Spanish 10yr yields. When the market started dropping, fuckers started making up rumors and outright lying and/or guessing about things, begetting more panic. Human emotion is ridiculous, especially when trying to make rational decisions in the stock market. However, eventually, the good guys win.

UPDATE: I bought KBH.

If you were up 16% prior to the collapse and now have a 10% gain post crash, book it and buy yourself something new.

As for me, I’m not done pushing the envelope. However, that might change with the tenor of the news.

You’ve already inserted your ironworks into the hearts of your foes. You have nothing more to prove, other than outer celestial supreme winship. But let’s face it, your DNA isn’t built for that. Please, leave that shit for SENOR TROPICANA, as it is his destiny to live large over all the little, itsy, bitsy brained plebbed out money managers. No one is better.

As you know, “The Fly” cares not to share his vacation details with the likes of you, for fears many of you will swarm my complex with autograph requests. I intend to unwind a bit here and the market is certainly making life easier.

Ladies and Gents,

The panic is over. I told you to get back to getting drunk and buying stocks again. The ruling elite will have their way and there is nothing you or your idiot friends from Zeroedge can do about it.

As for me, it appears I regained another 2.4% today, led by gains in WNR, BEE and EMN—putting my YTD gains above 10% again. Without being smug or rubbing in my winship into your losership wounds, I sincerely hope you learned a lesson from this debacle. Many of you got mudstomped out near the bottom, only to see the market humiliate the bears in the most amusing and whimsical way possible. The sky is never falling. It’s your fucking brains on drugs and you need to get off them.

Believe you me, I try my best to direct you without overstepping the line between benevolent dictator and authoritarian. However, should you fuckers keep losing the way you do, I will have no choice but to intern you or banish you from “The Island of Fly” for eternity.

Blessings from some place with lots of bullshit sand and water.

You know how I know we are going higher? Because you’re unable to answer the fucking question. From baker to faker, everyone is doom and gloom. It’s so easy to tear down a house, much harder to build one. “The Fly” is not a permabull; he just likes to bet against you. I am a fucking dragon, breathing fire down on your trading systems, burning your anatomy to a cinder.

I depart for an undisclosed Caribbean island tomorrow for the explicit purposes of having a face to face meeting with my VooDoo Magician Physician. Fuck around with me this week and end up on the receiving end of needles in your head.

While there will be many goats, pigs and chickens sacrificed, in my name, for the benefit of my purse (NO HOMO), many of you can hitch a ride onto my coattails, for they are very long. I know exactly what I am doing and have full control of my near term destiny.

Instead of offering ideas and specific actionable investment picks, I will leave you with a poem of sorts. These words shall live with you forever and ever, then kill the enemies of your great, great, great, great, great, great grandson, many centuries from now.

The stock market is nothing like a stupid chart,
Filled with bullshit dots and lines;
It yanks on your balls and a stabs you in the heart
And it will make you write poems with rhymes.

Never fret what you cannot understand,
And remember to never call in sick;
For that bitch of a whore Mother Market might command
All of your money, hair and your dick.

Fly- 2011

Well, the annual iBC meetings concluded this evening and it was a pleasure hanging with the iBC staff. As much shit as I talk about “only weird cretins deriving from the internets,” these guys are a solid bunch. Alongside Chess, Ragin Cajun, Woodshedder, JEREMY THE iT GUY, CHUCK BENNETT, Cronkite and Scott Bleier, Phil Pearlman from Stocktwits joined us for a quality dinner and good wine.

After dinner, CHUCK BENNETT led us astray to the darkest corners of NYC, where transvestites and miscreants ran wild. It was classic Bennett, bouncing from one dive bar after another. Along the way, I got to learn some interesting things about Woodshedder, such as his “trick” of placing tape on the bumper of his pickup truck and driving it through a field of crops (or some shit), in order to catch bugs. Wood says these big ass bugs make for “great bait” when fishing. Frankly, the whole idea of catching a fish that just ate a big ass cicada is somewhat reprehensible. Nonetheless, I am a hardened Yankee who doesn’t have the slightest idea of what “real country is all about.”

All in all, the people you read here on iBC are terrific people, as well as their beautiful wives, and I am not just saying that because I want them to post more in the news section. However, it’s worth noting, I would not be against them posting more in the news section—fyi.

As an aside, the iBC board has determined several of you (readers) are “underserving to live” and will be terminated “just prior to Halloween.”

I depart for an undisclosed caribbean island on Monday. I’d like to apologize to all of you banana grippers for missing out on Monday’s crash. I know most of you will be positioned perfectly, especially Mr. Devildog. However, do not fear, as I intend to uphold the office of Blogfather while beachside. The very notion of neglecting the site, in exchange for conch cocktails, is reprehensible to me, despite the wishes of Mrs. Fly.

You should know by now, “The Fly” has a responsibility to all, due to iBankCoin’s dominant position atop the highest of the high echelon of financial sites in America and the universe. Before I depart, the iBC staff, and shadowy figures, will meet for dinner and drinks tomorrow, where the fate of your lives will be decided. According to the constitution of iBC, ALL READERS shall be under 23 hour surveillance and will be terminated upon the explicit and unanimous decision of the iBankCoin board, if said person is charged with crimes against iBC logic.

Finishing off the week, it appears I’ve returned from the dead, once again. Although I say a lot of cocky shit, I respect the market and do not intend to dive back into waterless swimming pools again. I started a new position in BEE today, due to my belief that John Paulson’s stocks have been targeted by short sellers, trying to break John’s back. John is a pimp and will survive this mess.

At the moment, I have a few super sized positions and they are performing okay today. I say “okay” because both WNR and GSVC are lower. DECK, EMN and CLF are buoying my portfolios today. I am looking to position into both LNG and WLT at some point. However, since I will be on a white sand beach next week, I’m guessing new positions are not in my near future. If you’ve been badly damaged over the past two weeks, this is your chance to reduce risk. Remember, “The Fly” thinks outside of the box and is a contrarian at heart. As most people get scared out of the markets today, I am staying long due to my belief that there are too many people leaning short. We’ve already crashed and now these people want to crash again. It’s nonsensical.

The gluttons shall be slaughtered as they eat chocolate cake with their bare hands.

In my estimation, we have a 2-3 week window of opportunity for greater upside, before more shit hits the fan. I intend to push the envelope here, make back all of my gains, then switch to cash and/or short in the Fall.

Rest well over the weekend and prepare for winship next week.

I bought 50,000 BEE.

Disclaimer: If you buy BEE because of this post, horrible, horrible things will happen over the weekend, leading to a crash on Monday. And, you may lose money.

Gentlemen, the squeeze is on. The catalysts that led to this collapse no longer exist. In short, they’ve been eliminated from the equation that is the stock market. As the bears press their bets, the level of pain increases exponentially, as the market spirals higher.

Remember, the very essence of this “dilemma” was very high Italian and Spanish 10 yr yields. The S&P downgrade of American credit was never an issue and it never will be a topic of importance.

As the iBC cognoscenti prepare for their annual summit in NYC, “The Fly” is ripping towards his annual highs. As you read this, I am +1.57% today, pushing my gains to 8.6% for the year. Just prior to collapse, I was +16%; watch me get there in no time at all—fuckface.

As for my bearish colleagues, DO NOT fuck with me today, as my arms feel as if they are made from cocaine, involuntarily punching plebs in the face without provocation. You were foolish for pressing your bets and will now roast in your own private hell for fucking with the ruling elite.

In short, get drunk; buy stocks again.