Frank Sinatra – Fly Me to the Moon

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rAsoLm1Ges 450 300]

Had you listened to Cramer’s bottom call yesterday, you were “ape raped” today.

Listen to me. I know you have a naturally bullish disposition. You want flowers to line your white picket fence and champagne to flow from your garden hose. You want things to go your way, while absurd misfortune strikes your neighbors.

I know. Believe me; I was once like you.

I remember buying stocks into the 2000 meltdown, with reckless abandon. Vividly, I recall losing a personal fortune, all the while Larry Kudlow and Ned Riley were telling me “everything is alright.”

Things aren’t alright. As a matter of fact, things are entirely fucked, stemming from the debanking of America.

Not just the consumer, mind you. The country is broke, like a crackwhore in a prison cell.

This is what I want you to do:

Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the pros and cons of the economy and stock market. Then, take that list and recite it to your wife, since she is much smarter than you and does not think with her anatomy. She will give you cogent advice.

As you know, “The Fly” took off his bank hedges, with precision. He is now net short the banks and a variety of other names, like [[LVS]] and [[VMC]].

My only regret is holding commodity stocks, since they are being “ape raped” too. Nonetheless, I remain steadfast in my belief that I will be right, while everyone who bets against me is wrong, naturally.

Pile on NOTE: Check out Cramer fav [[PH]], part of his group ‘new technology’ plays, around $90.

UPDATE: Mr. Mortgage on the Wamu non-event, which was hyped by CNBC.

I sold short 5,000 [[VMC]] @ $64.10.

Disclaimer: If you sell short VMC because of this post, Cramer will call a “top” on your favorite stock. And, you may lose money.

I sold out of my [[LAZ]] position.

It is the best of times….

…and the worst of times.

You decide.

I bought 2,000 [[SKF]] @ $120.25.

Disclaimer: I now have a full position. I will not be buying anymore, unless it dips under $105.

I sold out of my bank hedges.

I was just joshing around when I said: “time to buy stocks.” I hope some of you lower IQ types detected sarcasm in my syntax.

The constant peppering by Cramer, calling bottoms and shit, is so perplexing; one would think he was some sort of coked out heroin addict. I mean, there is zero upside in calling bottoms, particularly when he has been so wrong on everything from gas to cash.

I, on the other hand, have no problem with making outlandish statements, such as: “we will hit new 52 week lows by Labor Day,” partly because I have a “calculator brain” and drive a plutonium powered time machine.

As you well know, there is no valid catalyst for being long equities, other than shorts being forced to cover. Now, if you sit back, light up a cigar and sip on some aged whiskey, you will realize how fucktardedly incompetent you are for espousing such a specious argument.

As far as I’m concerned, we have 500 points of potential upside and 2,000 points of downside.

How do you like them odds?

To play this looming disaster, I am looking to overwhelm buried bulls in bullshit bank stocks, via shorting them. At the moment, I happen to be long [[MS]], [[STI]] and [[UYG]]. However, they are hedges; bought to protect myself from mental instability.

On the short side, I really do like [[LEH]], [[TCB]], [[PCBC]], [[FED]], [[FHN]], [[PACW]] and [[LVS]].

Or, you can take the lazy man rout and go long [[SKF]], [[SRS]] and [[FXP]].

NOTE: iBC’s new blogger will be making his debut by tomorrow.

Cramer says we have bottomed, yet again. However, don’t pay attention to one of his favorite stocks: [[HOLX]]. After all, those guys rock. And, the CEO is a “money maker.”

Nothing can keep this market down—not even HORRENDOUS jobless claims.

We’re supposed to be down around 250 points by this time, considering the recent run up, coinciding with the GDP and jobless claims data. Instead, we’re heading up baby, Vegas style.

Yeah the banks are broke, so what! They’re all buys again, mainly due to the fact that they have gone up 60% over the past week.

Luckily for me, I am long [[MS]]. On the other hand, with a bit of unlucky flavour [sic], I bought a bunch of oil stocks yesterday.

Ask me if I care. I fucking dare you.

As I watch [[SKF]] go from up $4.50 to negative, all I can think about is what’s for lunch. I can go with the meatball hero or maybe some pussified salad with fancy herbs and other shit in it.

As an aside, I wish death to those who are high fiving each other right now, as they buy bank stocks. Scratch that. I wish you get fired from your job, and as you’re packing your bullshit belongings—some jacked up jerk off comes over and punches your eyebrows and mustache off.

There, I feel better.

Top pick: [[SKF]]

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heXFhY7y1EI 450 300]