G-Unit – I’m Bout That

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I haven’t calculated the exact magnitude of my wins; but I can tell you, with the utmost sincerity of a snitch in a torture device, “The Fly” is better than you.

I had massive wins this quarter, from short [[LEH]] to short [[MER]] to short [[CSE]]; I won.

I had unparalleled gains in my “Reverse Four Five Horsemen,” which includes [[FED]], [[DSL]], [[CORS]], [[FHN]] and [[PACW]].

To make your matters worse, I even had winners on the long side, in [[FTK]] and [[RIG]], just to name a few.

My thesis has been very consistent: long energy/short everything else. In addition, I warned you of a 2nd half collapse in equities, providing the economy did not pick up its sluggish pace.

Unlike all of the asshats on bubblevision, “The Fly” is destined for greatness. He has many plans in his “bag o’ plans.” And, he intends to “get his share” of the billions being made on the internets.

In the coming weeks and months, the Godly folks from iBC will be unveiling a variety of unearthly tools, for the average and so called “seasoned investor.”

Moreover, iBC will be greatly expanded to the point where it might make Cramer sweat.

Finally, I’d like to thank the stock Gods for blessing me with a “calculator brain” and “bionic arm,” which is often used to pepper my trader/servant with large objects.

Top pick: short [[TCB]]

As you know, today is the last trading day of the 2nd quarter. Everyone who publishes investment literature is scrambling to make believe they knew what the fuck they were doing for the past 3 months, via selling the losers and buying the winners. This way, when Joe “low IQ” Investor looks for a safe place to park his capital, he will find all of the latest winners in Mr. Window Dresser’s mutual fund packet.

Egregious to say the least.

The problem these loosers [sic] are having is the lack of available dresses for their filthy fund windows. Meaning: aside from energy and ag, there aren’t many winners this quarter. Furthermore, many of these managers are deathly afraid of top ticking the commodity names.

Look for “value” plays in the commodity sector to catch fire, especially in energy. Think [[FTK]].

During the quarter, old winners became new losers, such as [[RIMM]], [[GME]], [[NKE]], [[CMG]] and [[CTRP]].

The patina was rubbed off the Chinese sector, revealing a coat of shit. The chi-coms have been the biggest losers of 2008, thus far. Expect to see further upside in the fortunes of [[FXP]].

Also, old losers in the energy space took off. One name that comes to mind is [[GMXR]]. “The Fly” had a monstrous position in the name, several times, only to get shaken out, like a martini, near the lows.

That’s life.

One sector that has been robust is the industrials. You know, the fuckers who help build roads and power plants. I suspect, sometime soon, budget short falls will wreck them.

I may start betting against [[FWLT]], [[FLR]], [[ABB]], [[TEX]], [[ITW]], [[ETN]], [[CAT]] and [[VMC]].

Finally, anticipate numerous regional banks/asset managers/brokerages to close their doors in late 2008, early 2009. I intend to bet against [[PACW]], [[BBT]], [[CSE]], [[FMBI]], [[WFSL]], [[TCB]], [[LEH]], [[MER]], [[SUSQ]], [[PZN]] amongst many others, in the most unremitting fashion.

Anyone can make coin in a roaring bull market. All one has to do is pick up the IBD or gloss over the 52 week high list and throw a few million dollars at a name—then wait.

I’m talking about our prized asset managers, the fucktards who manage billions for pension funds and 401k plans. Most of these guys can’t handle bear markets. They get all frazzled and shit, perpetually buying stocks like a habit—not too much different than a Brooklyn crack fiend.

Take a look at the mutual fund performance sheets. If a certain fund is greatly underperforming the S&P, odds are that fund will suffer cataclysmic redemptions. Most people have no loyalty when it comes to asset management. All they give a fuck about is returns.

With that in mind, here are a few losers to shoot at (sell short):

Do your own research, lazy internet leeches. Go find out which funds have the worst performance stats, then get back to me.

Not only is NYC jacking its water/sewer rates up by 14.5%, they’re also going to break your fucking concrete and cut your pipes, in order to terminate your service—providing you’re late and shit.

This is grande news for “The Fly,” as less water for the poor, means more for my lawn and shrubs.

Also, as an aside, NYC will no longer accept delinquent accounts. In the past, if your account was past due $1,000+ for one year or longer, assholes with jackhammers would come to your house and break through your pavers, in order to seal the water pipes to your house.

Now, under the direction of the gayest man to rock Gracie mansion since Koch, Bloomberg will have those same assholes with jackhammers bust through your new slate for just $500 in the hole and 6 months delinquent.

Speaking to someone in the business, the city is getting “clown fucked” by lots of deadbeats, unable to pay for basic service.

As a result, thinking about the people who need to drink water to survive and shit, Bloomberg and his fairy friends decided to hike rates and send out the “water nazi’s” to bust through stone and hardened tar, with the intentions of turning off good ol’ fashioned H2O to desperate family’s who need it.

Fuck poor people, God willing of course.

“The Fly” is transcendental!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgj1MgmX3iI 450 300]

The quarter ends on Monday. Most “smart people” that I know are buying here, anticipating a bump next week.

I, on the other hand, have decided to take the opposite position.

The morons who manage billions of dollars will blow out of their non-energy positions, and load up on stocks like [[RIG]], come Monday.

Trading on this theme allows me to hold firm here, refusing to cover my shorts, denying the bulls respite.

As always, I offer them the “black flag.”

During this weekend, I intend to enjoy myself, poolside, sipping (not guzzling), on some “rich man’s whiskey.”

My top picks going into next week are as follows:

Long RIG, [[FTK]], [[ARD]], [[PCZ]], [[REW]] and [[TWM]].

Short [[FMBI]], [[WFSL]], [[PACW]], [[HRB]], [[LFC]] and [[TCB]].

Stay tuned for more egregious “Fly” wins.

Before I dive into the banks, it’s worth noting how incredible the energy trusts have been, namely [[BPT]], [[SJT]] and [[FDG]]. For the most part, these fuckers have been spitting out fat divi’s, while appreciating in price.

In other news, are you ready for some financial dilution?

All of these envelope fuckers are busy setting up more dilutive financing. When I say “envelope fuckers,” I mean bankers. They’re all in one big “deathspin,” with “Stuntman Mike” driving the car.

Looking into my bag of tricks and honor, I like [[WFSL]], [[FMBI]], [[TCB]] and [[HRB]] on the short side. Meaning: bid those fuckers lower.

Also, “The Fly” is knee-deep into oil. I’m just rolling on you oil bears with spiked wheels and shit. While I write this Godly post, I see Vince “the old asshat” Farrell is calling the market “bear.”

Whoop-di-fucking-doo!

Finally, I hate tech. I want it dead, in the back of a ’68 Chevy, then driven into a lake.

Top picks: REW, short FMBI, short WFSL

NOTE II: Does [[GM]] at 11 bucks worry anyone? Anyone? Remember, once the big industrials go, due to major cuts in municipal contracts, then we will really get the ol’ knife to the gut treatment. Don’t forget to short [[CAT]] when that happens.

I bought 2,000 [[REW]] @ $63.70.

Disclaimer: If you buy [[REW]] because of this post, your only son will grow up to be “Southern Dumb.” And, you may lose money.