Fly Sells: MS, UYG, STI

I sold out of my bank hedges.

I was just joshing around when I said: “time to buy stocks.” I hope some of you lower IQ types detected sarcasm in my syntax.

The constant peppering by Cramer, calling bottoms and shit, is so perplexing; one would think he was some sort of coked out heroin addict. I mean, there is zero upside in calling bottoms, particularly when he has been so wrong on everything from gas to cash.

I, on the other hand, have no problem with making outlandish statements, such as: “we will hit new 52 week lows by Labor Day,” partly because I have a “calculator brain” and drive a plutonium powered time machine.

As you well know, there is no valid catalyst for being long equities, other than shorts being forced to cover. Now, if you sit back, light up a cigar and sip on some aged whiskey, you will realize how fucktardedly incompetent you are for espousing such a specious argument.

As far as I’m concerned, we have 500 points of potential upside and 2,000 points of downside.

How do you like them odds?

To play this looming disaster, I am looking to overwhelm buried bulls in bullshit bank stocks, via shorting them. At the moment, I happen to be long [[MS]], [[STI]] and [[UYG]]. However, they are hedges; bought to protect myself from mental instability.

On the short side, I really do like [[LEH]], [[TCB]], [[PCBC]], [[FED]], [[FHN]], [[PACW]] and [[LVS]].

Or, you can take the lazy man rout and go long [[SKF]], [[SRS]] and [[FXP]].

NOTE: iBC’s new blogger will be making his debut by tomorrow.

Cramer says we have bottomed, yet again. However, don’t pay attention to one of his favorite stocks: [[HOLX]]. After all, those guys rock. And, the CEO is a “money maker.”

Nothing can keep this market down—not even HORRENDOUS jobless claims.

We’re supposed to be down around 250 points by this time, considering the recent run up, coinciding with the GDP and jobless claims data. Instead, we’re heading up baby, Vegas style.

Yeah the banks are broke, so what! They’re all buys again, mainly due to the fact that they have gone up 60% over the past week.

Luckily for me, I am long [[MS]]. On the other hand, with a bit of unlucky flavour [sic], I bought a bunch of oil stocks yesterday.

Ask me if I care. I fucking dare you.

As I watch [[SKF]] go from up $4.50 to negative, all I can think about is what’s for lunch. I can go with the meatball hero or maybe some pussified salad with fancy herbs and other shit in it.

As an aside, I wish death to those who are high fiving each other right now, as they buy bank stocks. Scratch that. I wish you get fired from your job, and as you’re packing your bullshit belongings—some jacked up jerk off comes over and punches your eyebrows and mustache off.

There, I feel better.

Top pick: [[SKF]]

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heXFhY7y1EI 450 300]

What kind of shit was that?

Oil ripped the nex [sic] off of those who like to sell it; and the market applauded then circle jerked higher. To be honest, as opposed to intentionally lying, I am all over the place.

The one thing I learned, over many years of making egregious errors, is this:

When you are unsure about the market, do nothing or do everything.

Meaning: if you are confused because common sense isn’t being translated into market gains, sell everything and go to cash. Or, if you are more experienced and have access to vast amounts of capital, buy everything.

Yesterday, I took a fucking cannon ball to the face, as the banks melted my head off. However, noticing how much risk I was taking, quickly, I went long a variety of names, including [[MS]], [[STI]] and [[UYG]].

Then, early this morning, I bought size in [[AGU]], [[OXY]], more MS, [[UPL]], [[SU]], [[ARD]] and [[RIG]], as oil turned the corner and fucked shorts.

The end result was a +1.5% day. I accomplished this because I disobeyed my brain and went with my gut.

Sometimes it pays to think less and just do.

UPDATE: Wall Streets #1 analyst, Meredith Whitney, just stuttered when Maria “the *****” asked her if [[LEH]] “would make it.”

Someone get me that clip.

UPDATE II: Great read on Merrill’s balance sheet move.

I bought 2,000 [[UPL]] @ $73.65.

Disclaimer: If you buy UPL because of this post, the next time you visit a gas station, someone will punch your eyebrows off. And, you may lose money.

This spike in crude can stick. If it does, kiss your fucking rally goodbye. However, most energy names are so oversold, they will coil higher, on a whisper of higher crude.

Today the whole energy complex is exploding to the upside. I told you fuckers to make your list.

Over the last hour, I bought [[OXY]], [[SU]], [[ARD]] and [[RIG]]. In addition, I am already long [[NOV]].

Other names that look interesting include: [[EOG]], [[DVN]], [[DO]], [[SWN]], [[TXCO]] and [[FTK]].

In other news, the Godly folks at iBC have retained the services of a new blogger, soon to be tabbed. Just know, he has a great hand for picking stocks and has been blogging for quite some time. He is one of the few blogs I visit, on a daily basis.

More on this later.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSbXEmCIqO4 450 300]

Everyone is dazed, unable to discern which direction the market is heading. While everyone fumbles around searching for clues, I will bank egregious amounts of coin in [[AGU]].

See, investors are scared of oil. However, there still is fervent demand for commodity plays. As a result, I believe all of the commodity bound money will pile the fuck into ag names, like AGU, [[POT]], [[MOS]] and [[CF]].

Now, I am a big believer in the fact that [[OXY]], [[SU]], [[RIG]] and [[NOV]] are absurdly cheap. At the moment, I am long NOV. However, because of the stupid paradigm we are in, where the entire fate of the market is reliant upon cheaper oil, I like ag here better than energy.

Look you, I have no time to explain the intricacies of money management. Take my word for it; ag goes higher.

Now, separately, I must admit being heavily long [[MS]]. I’ve been buying the fucker like a drunken OTB guy. Moreover, at the same time, I’ve bulked my [[TCB]] short to unnatural levels.

In short, I am long ag, long the brokers, while short the big money centers, via [[SKF]].

NOTE: In the event my ag thesis is wrong, I am long [[VSE]] too.

I bought 10,000 shares of [[AGU]] @ $87.28. And, I bought 2,000 [[SKF]] @ $119

Disclaimer: If you buy AGU because of this post, the next time you are in a gunfight, you will run out of bullets. And, you may lose money.