Will Someone Please Punch the Dollar in its Face?

Jim Cramer, Halloween disguise, 2009

The market is dislocated from reality and is trading EXCLUSIVELY on dollar volatility. Check [[UUP]] for reference.

Additionally, today is the final day of the year, tax-wise, for most mutual funds. Thus far, its been a great year and most funds are up big. Despite what Jim aka “Simple Jack” Cramer said (end of year buying spree), we are enduring a severe sell-off, which is entirely logical. After all, if you are a fund up 35% for the year, it makes no sense to bid your stocks up now. What makes sense is preservation of capital. So, God willing, on Jupiter’s Stone, the market will rebound on Monday, following today’s broken elevator action, and resume punching the dollar in its face.

Think about it. Quit having a boring dollar. Quit having a boring life.

Sell the dollar; it’s stupid and worthless. We should all become gold miners and kill each other for gold dust. Amputate your neighbor’s arms and legs, so that he will be unable to mine. I feel it in my bones: “The Fly” is destined to have that sort of life.

To hell with my aspirations of being some big shot Wall Street fat cat. I will travel west and discover gold. And, with my findings, I will “settle” somewhere south of the Black Hills and farm, until the Sun bakes my Irish face black—sort of like Guy “Eggplant” Adami.

As for the market, I am scared of it and will not look at the darned thing. Exercise some caution and don’t buy today’s dip: that would be plain ol’ vanilla stupid.

“I should have sold yesterday” are infamous words passed down through the generations. I regret not selling and now will lay in the bed that I have made. Many of you should save yourselves from the horror, known as “the other side of the mountain.” As for me, I shall stay here and endure the tidal waves to the face, while stuffing my face with chocolate bars and throwing candy corns at stock brokers.

“The market is the gay,” is another famous phrase, coined by an insane Egyptian stock broker, which none of you would know. But, those words ring true today. Believe you me, my losses are rather extraordinary. My emotional state can be categorized as “catatonic.”

As I sit here, like a mannequin, I am filled with regrets—for the battle has been lost and I am holding the stick. From POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] down to that bastard of alphabet disgrace Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] ; I’ve been sacked. My cash position is a touch above 15%; but that does not matter. THE HALLOWEEN HORROR befell upon me. My losses can blot out the sun.

My advice to you is to run. Run for the hills with grills. Eat beans out of a can that are no frills.

The bull run is not over. However, the tone of the market is different. One day can make a huge difference. Thus far, today is one of those days.

More later.

Congress (Can anyone spot something “off” about this photo. Winner gets a set of steak knives.)

It’s classic warfare out there people, which is why the iBankCoin armies are on the offensive, sacking cities and burning citizenry to the ground. Instead of listening to obnoxious British people on CNBC, hear what I am about to tell you.

Back in the pre video game war era, strategists would trick opposing armies into making bad moves, through clever rouses. The best form of deception is to fake weakness, in an attempt to lure your over confident opponent into the proverbial “jam sandwich.” Well, that is what the market is doing to the bears. We get 3-4% dips and all of the bears come out of their filthy caves to promote negativity. Believe you me, there is no one as negative as me. I hate most things, save my family and good friends. But, I draw the line when it comes to making money. I love it.

My drive to be right and make money forces me to study harder and do more than the lazy guy in the boardroom, dialing for dollars. Many of you read iBankCoin just for the entertainment value, which is the primary reason why I blog—to entertain/have a little fun. But behind all of the whimsical commentary there is a message. Some of you get it. Some of you could care less. To be honest, it really makes no difference to me. However, if you are one of the weird people, who like to visit the Gods’ site just to heckle, understand something: “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER aka Dr. Fly is watching you.

With a little help from iBC’s advanced IT department, I know who you are and can remotely activate your webcams, in order to see your stupid faces, from the luxury of my “medieval-esque” —neatly decorated— corner office. So you know, “The Fly” is watching you.

In lighter news, the market looks great. I did not buy or sell anything today, for I am intent on participating in the continuation of the current melt up.

Top picks: POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] , Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaII3kUn5ug 616 500]

I am making a killing in Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] today. Getting long before earnings is always a gamble; but this was one of those low risk plays. Reason being: before JAH reported, I got to see how many retailers, in the same space, were doing. Companies like Whirlpool Corporation [[WHR]] and The Black & Decker Corporation [[BDK]] did okay. Moreover, apparently, the retards at Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]] are not imploding anymore. So it made sense to buy into JAH, based upon the resurrection of the dead consumer.

Yesterday’s balls on the kitchen table, while cutting carrots, expedition into a black market paid off in spades today. I must admit, it was pretty scary, buying POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] and Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] into the teeth of the decline. However, my guiding light, The PPT (aka a sublime harmony of mathematical precision) has nailed just about every short term selling climax, since I invented the damn thing.

Below is a table, displayed yesterday on The PPT blog, showing all instances of Overall Hybrid scores below 2.30.

With strong GDP numbers in the bag, look for the market to close near the highs of the day. For the record, privately, I predicated a 200 point run today and a 5 point move in Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] . In other words, feel free to get drunk and buy stocks.

Hat tip: RC

After little deliberation, the Teutonic armies of iBankCoin, led by 7 batteries of catapults, sacked the city of York and burned its citizenry to the ground. Much to the Duke’s surprise, his head was removed from his person and shipped south, as a warning to those opposing our rights and freedoms. We have been studying the “arts of magic” and have concluded that the controversial and widely debated Babe Ruth infield homerun cannot be substantiated, nor disproved. Because of these findings, we have gathered our armies, led by General ‘Gint and Major Mercury and their band of inbred foot soldiers, with God’s will and the Devil’s work at heart.

Our “selectees” have orders to capture and burn all enemy outposts, within the vicinity of York, regardless of socioeconomic background. All men shall be treated equally and ever so badly.

NOTE: All local magistrates shall be given safe quarter to our lovely Duluth prison/torture facilities.

Developing…

Oh the agony of painful sword blows to the “crock.” Mother Market, yet again, has smacked the chicklets from my mouth, with her rolling pin of pure evil. The bears have emerged victorious and here I am dressed like a lunatic, in a Golden Teutonic Knight costume.

So you know, Mrs. Fly will not be pleased with thy armor and will assuredly cause a ruckus. I will be sure to approach my neighbors, with great vigor, and invite thee to a joust.

At the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of stupid hamsters chasing the elusive block of cheese, outside of the cage. The illusion of the cheese actually being inside of the cage is always present. We all have dreams of sacking cities and burning ancient artifacts to the ground. Howsoever, we are just men with limited time lines.

With my time, I intend to make others looks stupid. It is my life-force; therefore, it shall be done.

As you know, into the bell, I cried whole rivers, while buying moronic stocks, in an effort to throw sand in the face of my colleagues, who are of the bearish variety.

UPDATE: For PPT subs, Backtesting the Overall Hybrid Scores in the 2.20’s.

Bought lots of the stocks above.

May the Good Lord smile upon me.

“The Fly” is adorned in his favourite [sic] Halloween costume, solid gold Teutonic Knight Armour [sic], with matching sword. I stand upright, looking at my stock monitor, exclaiming “Woe upon your person, for thou art LYING to me with such fallacious quotes. I do not believe such said prices and will strike upon thee, in the name of Senor Tropicana. BEHOLD.”

I know what you are thinking. “He has lost it God-smackly pow-wow, chimmi, chimmi bang bang.”

I will see your accusations and raise the stakes with an invitation to a jousting contest. Just looking upon my golden mask will strike the fear of 1,000 Persian cowards inside of you. I will defeat you and sack your city for all of its treasure.

The PPT is now registering a 2.25 Overall Hybrid Score, which is a very, very low reading, one only seen in extremely oversold markets. On this news, I endeavor [sic] to step in at these levels, into stocks with lying prices affixed to them.

Wish me luck!!

We’re in the midst of a down leg and it feels like the world is about to end. It’s always so damn hard to sell at the top and buy at the bottom. That’s why you are supposed to raise cash when times are good, in order to buy when things are bad.

Despite the market cracking lower here, I am in no rush to buy more stock. As a matter of fact, had I exercised a little more caution, I would not be “enjoying” the broken elevator action in both Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] and Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] . Nevertheless, this is exactly what the dip buyers have been begging for, a damn dip.

I have a short list of stocks on my buy list, including Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , IAC/InterActiveCorp [[IACI]] and [[MWW]] .

Essentially, if you are going to play this game correctly, you must stick to a thesis and a strategy. At the moment, my strategy is long only, focused on Foreign and Technology stocks, with trading exposure into the commodity space. In addition, due to the recent market run, I have made it a point to hold a 20%+ cash position, at all times.

I will begin relinquishing such said cash as soon as The PPT gets into the 2.20’s, which should be shortly.

NOTE: Consumer staples are very strong, check Colgate-Palmolive Company [[CL]] , The Clorox Company [[CLX]] , Church & Dwight Co., Inc. [[CHD]] and The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] .