Friday Fuckery

Don’t pay attention to the spending data. Americans saving money is like a fat kid on a diet, living inside a chocolate cake factory. Any and all saved coin will eventually be spent, binge style, on $500 tennis shoes and $5,000 purses. Providing we do not melt down, Nagasaki style, today will serve as a consolidation day, digesting yesterday’s gains.

If it wasn’t for my Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] sand raping me, I’d be enjoying today’s sell off, as if the market was up. Look, look, look, I have [[ENTR]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , Atmel Corporation [[ATML]] , [[CNXT]] , GameStop Corp. [[GME]] and Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] higher here. Allow me to rationalize today’s losses, so that I may feel better about myself. In case you were wondering, I’m not buying anything. Fuck that.

I have my cigars in line and my position sheets full with equities, some of them are mustache-less bastards, always taunting me with downticks.

As for hedging: I am not convinced we are due to swan dive into concrete pools yet, so I have very little hedged. My hedges consist of legacy FAZtard and SRSucker positions, that make up about 1% of my holdings. Even with today’s dip, both [[FAZ]] and [[SRS]] are aimlessly running along the bottom. Fucking disgrace they are!

If anything, I like the action in [[ERIC]] and Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] , not because of their euro-trash qualities, but for their divine power.

More on this later.

Thanks to Jeremy and his staff of Finnish elves for working, slavishly, in order to reintroduce and relaunch the New iBankCoin on this glorious day of child molester deaths and stock market melt ups. As some of you know, reading my missives via The PPT, I made more than 3% during today’s trading session. However, this blog is not about me, but iBankCoin in general.

The new site is blessed with a PPT widget, that will give access to the average fucktard (you) to know how my brain aka The PPT is ranking the entire market, at all times, for FREE. That’s right peasants, “The Fly” is gifting you fuckers with a little taste of mathematical precision. Second, “The Fly” has inserted over 200 videos, of all genres, into “the iBC database,” for amusement and educational purposes. Next, we inserted a poll widget, which will be used to gauge market sentiment on a weekly basis. As you know, I enjoy betting against most of you. So, this new tool will give me access to your wrongness, 24/7, a true gift from you to me.

In addition, we improved upon our “recent comments” widget. Check it out; it is insanely splendid. And, I added the Stocktwits widget, which should be on every blog/financial website in America. If you are not familiar with Stocktwits, then you have been living in a cave for a long, long time and do not deserve the luxuries of the internet. In short, it is a place where stock ideas are shared, in real time. Some of the ideas are flat out idiotic. However, Howard and Co do a great job at filtering out the yahoo message board-esque noise, while keeping the discussions lively and relevant. If you are not a member, go sign up; it’s free.

Finally, we have changed the entire look of iBankCoin for a reason. That reason is plainly explained in a quote: “It’s not a game anymore.” We endeavor to be the #1 financial site known to mankind. To do so, I will need to throw many old fuckers down rusty sewer pipes, while besmirching and defeating thousands of natural enemies (by natural, I mean fucktard with a mustache). For those of you who have been here from day 1, reading my posts, you’re welcome. Without a doubt, “The Fly” has saved and made the people from the internets millions of dollars. With some luck and a little hard work, I intend to make you fuckers zillions.

UPDATE: The iBC IT department is fast asleep, after working 24 hours straight, without rest. First thing tomorrow, we will hook up blogs to front page. As of now, only my blog is updating to the front page. We will adorn the PG box to the front page and also fix the font fuckery taking place in there. In addition, I understand The PPT module is creating an issue with some corporate spam guards. We will address that too. And, finally, we will affix the headers back onto the blogs. If you notice, they look quite bare without them.

UPDATE II: Chart Addict has a fresh post up.

Too bad none of you generic, Lee jeans wearing, rejects will ever know what one (depression) feels like. I contend, unless you are living in a cesspool, like Detroit or Flint, there are zero anecdotal signs of depression. For the love of black molds and staph infections, people are rich as fuck in NY, despite the melt down on Wall Street.

Sure, people are getting flushed out of their homes; but those losers should have been renting in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I do not think the economy will roar back, leaving bite marks on the faces of bears. However, I spit on those of you who put forward the notion or idea that we are heading towards a 1930 style depression.

You dick suckers eat too many hamburgers.

Regarding the market:

It will disappoint, crush, elate and mesmerize, for as long as it is allowed to trade. It is the great casino, where fortunes are made and lost, where men build careers or ruin them. The market is the engine underneath the economy, fueling services and innovation via capital gains taxes and good old fashioned wealth creation. I will be wrong with some of my buys and sells, every once in awhile. But, as most of you know by now, scientifically, I cannot lose. My market hand is too heavy for 99.9% of you ball jugglers.

My winship can only be matched by an inverse NY Met ETF. Last I checked, that fucker ( inverse NY Mets ETF) does not exist.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imbwn6iVryQ&feature=related 570 480]

Let’s just burn it all down, shall we? The Nasdaq strength will not be able to negate the absolute fuckery taking place in the broader markets. Thanks to a variety of issues, the market is knifing lower. Some people say it’s due to “dollar strength” or “Bernanke is going to jail soon” sentiment. However, I am in the camp that believes Joe Terranova has jinxed the market for good.

All of the bullish commentary, coming from Joe, has resulted in great disdain for equities, sending stocks down the sewer pipe into large vats of feces.

We’re doomed again, gentlemen. Today’s early optimism has morphed into an outright “fuck you, you’re dead” rout. I was wrong for siding with the mentally ill, believing in a never ending rally, due to “green shoots” and golden shit.

Unfortunately, I must deal with the consequences of my stupidity, via capital losses. Just so you know, I’ve gone “suicide Joe” on this market, not giving a fuck about intra-day warning shots. I am hell-bent on seeing my positions trade higher and refuse to concede to the obvious signs of pending doom. For those with greater flexibility, you might want to heed my warnings, prior to entering new positions.

Fuck the Dow. The Dow is a storage facility for future “too big to fail” names. Today’s tell can be found in the friendly confines of the NASDAQ. Tech stocks are ripping today, led by Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] , Intel Corporation [[INTC]] , Oracle Corporation [[ORCL]] , Juniper Networks, Inc. [[JNPR]] , just to name a few.

Truth be told, if you are selling stocks now, afraid to lose money later, you are a pussy and do not deserve the privileged of managing money. Instead, you should take up a gig as a cold caller, getting leads for some mid-level broker, living off of a $400 per week salary.

What’s important to remember, and keep in mind if you will, the market does not dance to your music box. It doesn’t give a shit about your vacation plans or your fucking schedule. If I had a nickle for all of the times I gave up on a stock, only to see it triple in value, I’d have like $10.

If I was buying stocks today, aside from the usual names, I’d buy a little Aurizon Mines Ltd.(USA) [[AZK]] , Ingersoll-Rand Company Limited [[iR]], Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] and maybe a little Patriot Coal Corporation [[PCX]] . For the record, I own IR.

In short, despite the recent pullback, the trend is still up. Hence, my bias will remain in lock-step, until I am motivated to deviate against the sheeple.

Immediately following “The Fly’s” mental breakdown, declaring “We’re Doomed,” the market ripped higher to the sweet tune of triple digits. It’s important to watch what I do, not so much what I say, with regards to matters concerning money. According to the ancient laws of Jupiter’s stone, it is my right and duty to bank coin, at a profuse rate, despite not trying or even wanting to. It is my curse, my burden; it is my life.

Just yesterday, I was making preparations for the apocalypse, thinking the market was at the precipice of “shitting the shower,” yet here I am making you trollops look like headless shrimps, long stocks, in an egregious way.

The point: “The Fly” always wins, even when it seems some rogue version of the apocalypse is sure to suck him into a vortex, spitting out only his NY Mets cap.

With my money, I am emphatic about the prospects of OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , [[ERX]] , Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] and yes Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . Despite today’s melt up, I will likely bore many of you to death or worse, since I have no desire to change my portfolio or add new names. Plus anyway, with only 10% cash, there’s not much that I can do, barring going balls on the guillotine “all in”, while screaming “fuck the world.” As inviting as that sounds, I will likely roam around my office all day, slapping people with ham sandwiches.

Everyone get their rulers, heroin needles and graph paper out and head on over to Wood’s blog. He promised me he would host a fantastic soiree, with lots of charts, guns and Southern paraphernalia on display— for your perusal and liking.

He also posted some pretty kick ass statistical data.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADcFQ-pxBRw&feature=related 570 480]

That’s it folks. We had a chance to take the initiative, but blew it. Blowing today’s opportunity is equal to not asking out that girl you liked in High School. Hell, you could have married her and had kids—lots of them. Instead, you’re just some schmuck watching the computer box, filling out eharmony questionnaires. Now we get to feel the wrath of assholes who profess a “15% correction is necessary.” It’s as good as done.

Following yesterday’s thumping, it was imperative for the market to punch higher today. Yet, at the end of the day, all we got was milquetoast.

Fuck green shoots and fuck all of the inventory corrections. The market has failed and will now resume getting APE RAPED, until old crickety men, like Warren Buffett, rescue the markets, via one-sided financing deals.

Oh well, it was nice playing pin the tail on the bearshitter. Now get ready for fire and black smoke.