iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,408 Blog Posts

I’m Looking For My Balls

I have visions of great personal anger in my head. I can fathom some sort of Government bailout, followed up by HARDCORE CNBC cheer leading—resulting in a massive melt up on Monday. They might even pull that old fucker, Vince Farell, out of the woodwork to call another bottom.

I covered my shorts, excluding my 200% inverse ETF’s, because I had the wrong stocks. Typically, I am pretty good at identifying my “wrongness.” Right now, I am sitting on mountains of cash, borrowed stock, but zero trades.

I’m thinking: “why should I short more here and risk my balls, on a Monday fuck you”?

But then, I think: “asshole, you sound like some pussy. Do it. Don’t think too hard, your balls will fall off. Do it.”

These are the thoughts that are racing in my head, at 2:26pm, July 11th, 2008.

NOTE: Irish bank, [[AIB]], looks like a fucking empty treasure box.

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I Covered All of My Shorts, Again

Don’t worry. I had the wrong stocks. I am now in the process of redeploying capital, with great vigor, to names that are sure to win.

Developing…

NOTE: I am still short [[HRB]] and [[PACW]].

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Circling The Wagons

I have been busy, over the past 72 hours, looking for new banks to sell short. [[WABC]] was on the top of my list; but that fucker is already swan diving. However, it’s worth noting, it is still richly valued.

Some other names that pop out are: [[HDB]], [[PCBC]], [[BXS]], [[HBHC]], [[ONB]], [[CVBF]], [[FTBK]], [[TCB]], [[AF]] and [[VLY]].

Regarding “The Five Reverse Horsemen” of agony and profits, I am retiring four of them. I am claiming victory, if I may be so bold.

[[CORS]], [[DSL]], [[FED]] and [[FHN]] are now retired. Enjoy life in Florida or some shit.

The lone horseman is [[PACW]]. However, over the next week or so, I will add another 4 names—giving me a full cast of “horsemen.” Just like Saturday Night Live changes their cast of idiotic comedians, “The Fly” does too.

Look you, I don’t have time to teach you everything. I will give you some fucking shortcuts.

Don’t bottom fish dead institutions, like [[FRE]], [[FNM]] and [[LEH]].

Just-don’t-do-it.

“The Fly” knows all, while you’re just some asshole who reads the poetic scribblings of an internet genius,

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What the Fuck is Going on Here?

[[FNM]] and [[FRE]] need to raise Dr. Evil type money. There’s no fucking way they can do it. Therefore, the American taxpayer will foot the bill. No fucking problem. Who cares about moral hazard? We are the United States of Bailouts.

On top of that, [[LEH]] is ready to fold up tent. [[PZN]], [[FED]], [[SOV]], [[SFI]] and [[RF]] too.

I swear to you, we live in interesting times. Everything I see is horrid. I try to think of a way where we can get out of this mess intact; but then I get distracted by the ice cream truck outside.

However, “The Fly” is not on fire, at the moment. As a matter of fact, those fucking engineers from [[JEC]] are giving me the business, thanks to a dastardly Goldman upgrade this morning. I can’t believe it. That other stock, [[MXB]], never goes down—despite its ridiculous valuation.

In short, I have a problem. I need to take control of these losses and execute a few good trades.

In general, the market is trying to bottom, like it did with the BSC collapse. However, it cannot.

Oil is pile driving guys like “Donny,” and major financial institutions are on the precipice of failure. Do not try to catch a bottom. Trying to catch a bottom in this market is equal to stepping up to Mike Tyson and punching him in the face. Not a good idea.

Top pick: [[FXP]]

UPDATE: My short exposure includes: long FXP, long [[REW]], long [[TWM]], long [[SMN]], long [[DUG]], short [[PACW]], short [[CAT]], short [[TEX]], short [[VMC]], short [[JEC]], short [[MXB]], short [[HRB]] and short [[CATY]].

Some of my longs include: [[AIZ]], [[RIG]], [[ARD]], [[PCZ]], [[CLNE]], [[DGP]], [[FTK]], and [[BAP]]

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A Special Message From Your Government

Hank Paulson, U.S. Government Fannie/Freddie Buyout Team, Goldman Sachs

Hey assholes. I’m over here getting the stuffing knocked out of me with these banks. Help a Government brother out and buy some already. Will ya? By the way, Fannie Mae is well capitalized; but we’ll buy them out anyway and stick the shareholders with donuts, or just kill them.

Good talk.

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