Get Ready For Something Big

“The Fly” has frozen his funds, like some sort of twisted Sub Zero fatality move (that one goes out to you Mortal Kombat lovers). There is nothing that will draw me back into the market, both long or short, barring a fucking giant asteroid crashing into the Hoover dam. I am too busy planning obnoxious shopping sprees, than to fuck around with the Dow.

Please, if you want to go trade into this mess, wear a bib. You’ll be drooling over yourself, like an indolent idiot, in no time at all.

Believe me, I am tempted to buy more National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , but I cannot allow myself to do that, while the market is totally ignoring fundamentals. Essentially, stocks will stop going lower, when people stop selling. It may sound too simplistic, but it’s the words of a stock God.

On the other hand, the short side is completely out of bounds for me. There is a lot of shady shit going on, with all of the central banks trying to save the world and all. My money is better off on the sidelines, waiting for an opportunity to buy the blood.

If you must buy something, because you are addled with ADD, get long some [[TBT]] , which gets you short treasuries, with 200% leverage. Eventually yields have to rise. All of this flight to quality shit is a bubble, similar to ag, oil, dot coms and ‘globa growth plays,’ circa 99-2006.

What a fucking market. The commodity sector is meeting its maker today, with massive losses in everything from fried rice to oil. I am having my balls set aflame in National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] . The only good thing is my cash position, now currently at 65%.

However, the mess in NOV is really starting to grate me. The stock does not belong here. But what do I know? Maybe the CEO of the company got caught with a hooker, shooting up heroin in some third rate hotel room?

All I know is the market cannot be trusted. BIG FUCKING SHOCKER.

Hey, I got some advice for you stock market junkies: throw your money into a fucking barrel of flames. You will enjoy it more. This method of capital destruction, via the internet, is entirely asinine. At least when you can toss a few million into a flaming barrel of garbage, you might get to enjoy the warmth of the excess energy, before some homeless guy stabs you in the neck for taking his barrel. On the internet all you get is big fucking zeros.

With my money, I am not touching this piece of shit market. I have too many gains to fuck around with asshole tapes, inside a failing banking system.

However, knowing me, by the end of the day I might nibble at a thing or two.

This evening, some internet friends and I met for a ’round table discussion’, regarding the important matter of the criminality and brazen individualism of the one named Kenneth Fisher.

This man, who is world famous for his mentally unbalanced commercials on Forbes and The Street.com, is a great destroyer of American capitalism and fiat currency and/or faith in mankind.

His funds, as you readily know, are getting assailed, lambasted mind you, to the tune of 30%+ this year, yet he has the fucking nerve and gall/audacity to make public statements regarding stocks, giving advice on crisis management. Is he fucking kidding?

This man needs to be stopped and arrested on charges of conspiracy to destroy the American idiot investor, via low end, yet hypnotizing internet commercials. They are quite good, you must admit. I insist.

Howsoever, Ken is full of all sorts of nugatory data points.

Exhibit A:

In short, it’s men like Ken Fisher and Bill Miller that make Wall Street look like a place where oversized clowns, with large red noses, get fired out of small cannons into fields of stringed beans. It’s almost as if us Wall Streeters have been reduced to 30 second comedy skits on the Jon Stewart show. This vexes me to no end. I say to hell with these pikers. String them up and seize their assets. Let’s send them to Nike sneaker factories in Thailand, where they can get kaned to death for taking 16 minute lunch breaks.

Speaking of which, as many of you know, I have a bone to pick with “The Commodity King,” Dennis Gartman. I know some of you fuckers love that cretins newsletter. But, let me tell you, anyone with the cannon balls to nickname himself after an entire asset class is a fucking asshole. End of story.

That’s like me saying: “I am the King of all Dollars, master and destroyer, commander of the legions of coin and currency.”

Douchebags.

UPDATE: Speaking of douchebags, check out this new Fox business commercial ripping Cramer. Classic.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ5Grncdjlc 450 300]

I am calling it a day. I sold most of my longs, near the highs of the day and have been making errors ever since. I find myself tempted to allocate capital into The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] ; but my insanely well tuned brain says “asshole, cut it out and go home.”

So, I am taking my ball and leaving you fuckers on the field, with nothing to toss around.

As predicted, there is obscene carnage in NYC commercial RE. I have clients who manage money for some of the biggest commercial RE guys in the country. Let me tell you, they are not interested in dumb ass NYC buildings.

From Vornado Realty Trust [[VNO]] to Simon Property Group, Inc [[SPG]] to SL Green Realty Corp. [[SLG]] , it’s bloody murder. If I was thinking fast, I would have bought 30,000 [[SRS]] . However, I was too busy “roaming” around my fucking office, reciting the words of Marcus Aurelius.

To sum things up:

I enjoyed bountiful gains today and remain optimistic. The key tell on this market will be how it responds to today’s bout of profit taking, first thing tomorrow morning.

The idiots on CNBC are so fucktarded, it hurts my brain watching them. They are too giddy over the recent rally and need to put things into perspective.

The market will not go straight up. Their incessant cheer leading, as usual, will end up deballing scores of novice investors. Even seasoned pros, like Cramer, have handled this crisis with total dishonor. Remember, that asshole was calling for Dow 4,700 by today, this past weekend, via his low end blog.

Speaking of which: why does anyone subscribe to Realmoney.com? Seriously, I want to know.

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” is rather busy playing a game of darts, at his office “of the Gods.” He is roaming around, again, in a white robe and leather sandals, while his trader/servant follows him around burning incense and carrying “The iBankCoin Standard.”

My plans, as usual, is to outmaneuver my opponents, while enriching my checking account with freshly minted fiat currency. I will not be doing anymore buys or sells today. Instead, I will commence celebrating my victory, over a nice bowl of ambrosia and grapes.

UPDATE: Despite promising no more buys/sells, I bought 3,000 The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $39.35. It’s down too much. Okay, back to my grapes.

Everyone is expecting to see a sell off today, following yesterday’s bonanza of bear barreling. Tomorrow is the pivotal day. Will we advance higher and enter a new bull mode, or revert back to abject fuckery?

Just to recap:

I sold all of my [[UYG]] . In addition, I sold 75% of National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , before I started buying it back here in the low 30’s/high 29’s. I sold 75% of my The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] positions. And, I blew out of United States Steel Corporation [[X]] , Commercial Metals Company [[CMC]] , NTT DoCoMo, Inc. (ADR) [[DCM]] and [[UKK]] , while holding onto [[M]] , [[TBT]] and Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] as if they were my balls (I know that made no sense, fuck you).

In summary, my cash position has to be north of 70%, at the present. I own a variety of names, like The The The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , [[M]] , PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation [[PCG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , but nothing of great significance.

I will NOT short anything today, no matter what. It is my belief the market will cut the noses off of those bastardly short sellers, first thing tomorrow morning. So, I will keep my gun powder dry, in order to shoot at them (bearshitters), whenever I get the urge.

NOTE: I didn’t sell any of my Deutsche Bank AG (USA) [[DB]] . I forgot about that one.

UPDATE: I have a “forced buying” situation at the office today. I am buying large quantities of [[NOV]], [[MOS]], [[M]] , [[PFE]] and The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , right now, at these levels.

I bought 5,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $30.42.

UPDATE: I bought another 2,000 @ $30.03.

Disclaimer: If you buy NOV because of this post, your blog will get invaded my mindless idiots from the yhoo message boards. And, you may lose money.

I know it is the rookie thing to do to sell right now, considering everyone is trying to do it all at once. Both my trading system and order entry system are experiencing “technical difficulties.”

Mind you, shit like this makes me want to pull my computer out of the wall and throw it, mind you, into the window of my local Best Buy. Howsoever, I was able to execute most of my trades, taking profits in [[UYG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[UKK]] , Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , amongst a variety of other names.

If this market is in classic melt up mode, it will trick the shorts into believing we are heading lower. They’ll get back in, then BAM, the “guillotine of certain death” aka the “executor of all things homo” will reign down on them, towards the end of the trading session.

With my money, it’s all about keeping it classic and real, of course. Already, I have retarded profits and find no need to over stay my welcome. So, I will sell 75% of my longs today and kick back, relax, and proceed to launch fake scud missiles at Tim Knight’s homo blog.

No, seriously, I might buy some other stuff later. It all depends, frankly. Keep in mind, the last two days have been insane.

More on this later.

Quite egregious, if you ask me.

In other news, “The Fly” has a special message for you third tier fuckers.