Bears Murdered into the Bell

How many times must I do this?

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NOTE: This was intended to be posted last week. However, as you now know, The Turkey Gods were interrupted by debt junkies from the Middle East. At any rate, here it is, unedited.

Gentleman, the Turkey Gods are here and they bring gifts of perverse language, through a space alien magician conduit.

The market trading above 10,500, on the eve of the Turkey Gods, is not an accident. Gentleman, it is by design.

I warned you cocksuckers not to fuck with me. I told you the warm tales of Turkey Gods and how they control stock prices, with their ferocious cranberry encrusted beaks and gravy covered claws, over and over again. I exclaimed with ferocious tenacity: “The Fly wins all the time, The Fly Wins all the time, blah, blah, blah,” but you chose to disbelieve my dire warnings and pearls of enlightenment, in exchange for pure goat fuckery. As a result, you ventured off like a homo in the perfume section at Macy’s, to lesser websites, hosted by men in bow ties, who told you “America sucks (dick).” On that advice, you took your entire life savings and bet against the awesome criminals in dark suits, via large amounts of [[FAZ]] in your pathetic IRA accounts.

Guess what, fuckface?

Now you’re just dead. You’re not laughing anymore, mainly because you are fucking dead. Donuts to doorknobs, your market prowess is a drag on America’s economic recovery. I bid you farewell.

I’ve been winning for a little more than 10 fucking years now. With grace and dignity, like a gentleman with a pipe, I come here to iBankCoin in an effort to show goodwill by sharing my market experiences— literally helping the stupid people make a little coin in this diabolical world. What do I get in return? I get a guy, a poorly dressed fat guy if I might say so, coming to this web address telling me his “opinions” regarding the market. ROFL!! (3 exclamation marks is a sign of insanity, not 2!!)

HELLO!! Anyone home? How hilarious is that?

Your opinions mean nothing to me, AND MORE. I don’t give two fucks and a gay mule about anything. I am “The Fly” and I will slap you in the face with a sizzling slice of pizza without warning. This is my fucking website. Like it or not, you are going to have to live with that harsh reality.

What are we talking about here?

Gentlemen, we are talking about winship—winning in business, at home, in the street or even in dreams/nightmares.

Separately, a great man once said: “fuck those firemen.” I could not agree more. All firemen really do is hang around their stupid little clubhouses, cooking gourmet food all day long—metrosexual style.  How often does a building burn down, really? The most noble occupation in America, by far, is asset management. Forget about public servants. They are nothing more than “Government Bitches.” When discussing asset management, we are talking about a job that requires vast skill sets, courage and tenacity, the sort of thing this great nation was founded on. When done properly, asset managers improve the quality of life for just about everyone out there, by creating enough capital gains to fund great national projects, stemming from bank bailouts to “reversing global warming.” On this Thanksgiving, remember to give thanks and praise to people, like Le Fly, that make America great.

In closing, you should not have bet against me. God willing, you have learned, yet another, valuable lesson and will never question my market hand again, sans the whole Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] situation. Nonetheless, something tells me you little trollops are full of shit and are plotting against me, as I write this essay. My internet life is a never ending struggle, similar to the super hero-villain relationship, only gayer.

But in the end, “The Fly” will always win.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You hear me talking a lot of shit about random names, as if I was addled with a severe learning disability. Well, like in all grand plans there is a blueprint, a method of sorts, to my madness.

My current positions:

The Dow was destined to trade above 10,500, until the fucking frauds from Dubai got all bitchy about their debts last week. With that behind us, prepare for new highs, led by the banks and materials.

Separately, GES had a monster quarter. I like that stock up to $50. And, let’s not forget the resurgence in retail sales. There are numerous ways to play it. My favorites are JAH, SHLD, WHR and maybe a little MSO.

Within commodities, I like SD, especially after today’s decline, MTL, PKX and MOS.

In my next post, I will update you fuckers on all of my current positions and immediate buy list candidates.

You are all well aware of iBC’s old age rule (no man over 47 1/2 is permitted to view the site, especially during the day time). Now, the same people who brought you old age discrimination, I present: The Young Idiot Rule.

Basically, I am sick and tired of the adolescence, especially the broke-ass college kid routine. It’s a little old.

So, from here on in, any young punk kid under the age of 25, found gawking at this site, will be tossed down the iBC “stairs of death,” off the fucking site. Your viewership is not wanted here. YOUR PRESENCE IS NOT REQUIRED. We do not need your kind, or ilk, crowding the luxury box seats of iBankCoin. Good day to you.

In closing, to be clear, this website is for people between the ages of 25 years and 1 day through 47 1/2.

Thank you for your time and understanding of this important matter.

UPDATE:

iBankCoin is better than you, on a multitude of fronts. Do not hate what you do not know, little man. I’ve been gaming this market for a fucking decade now, while you upright walking pigs hoofed through pages of erroneous charting data, fucking up trade after trade. There are many things about this market worth hating. For example: everything is a scam and nothing makes sense. But, in an odd way, that is the fucking beauty of it all. No one gives a shit!

Hence, get drunk; buy stocks.

You can buy stocks in your socks or with a clock. You can buy them sitting in a chair. For the love of womens’ underwear, you can buy them sitting anywhere.

I bought some sitting on a drum. I bought a lot singing “fuck you, you’re dead,” to an old homeless bum. I bought a little when I was mad. I bought a fucking truckload, even when I was sad.

I bought some with a mouse, in a house,  arguing with my spouse. I bought a bundle while on the phone, alone or even punching the shit out of cumbersome styrofoam.

I bought many while throwing rocks at cops with glocks, eating ham-hocks. All the while, you were doom and gloom, and most definitely gay, while “The Fly” was awfully quiet in his office whispering “fuck you, leave, please don’t stay.”

Top picks: Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] , Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] and W.W. Grainger, Inc. [[GWW]]

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I can see the headlines now: “Market Raped on better than expected retail sales.”

This market has been very difficult to game, over the past 6 weeks. Even though the indices are within striking distance of new 52 week highs, several sectors have been derailed, namely commodities and tech. Based on Santa Claus alone, the market should be shooting higher today. Yet, here we are getting swallowed whole by asshole whale eating bears.

In my head, I have lots of ideas, with lots of predictable outcomes. However, it’s “hard as fuck” to accomplish anything when the market is stuck in “stupid amber,” scared to shit of going down. We need some sort of earth shattering news to get jump started again. Otherwise, we might slide lower to 10,000 Dow, before regaining the initiative.

In an effort to avoid fucking myself into the New Year, like I have done before so many times, I will attempt to remain calm, by way of holding a large cash position (25%+). The truth of the matter is, the only way I can guarantee my patience is by leaving the office and going for a walk or a drive to undisclosed locations, where I can do no harm.

Off to Toys R Us.

I really hate to keep throwing acid in your face, but some of the comments left on this site are downright ridiculous. Do you people think “The Fly” is stupid, like your fucking local plumber, or something? You throw out comments, like “OMG, FTK is so fucked if Fly sells.” What do you know?

Answer: Nothing.

No position constitutes more than 10% of my assets, so shut the fuck up.

I’ll tell you another thing. I am a HUGE CNBC fan, with all of its bells, whistles, Kneales and Cramers. Over the weekend, for a brief second, I thought about how hated CNBC has become, particularly on the internet. Then it dawned on me: I fucking hate bloggers. If bloggers hate CNBC, “The Fly” likes it, or vice versa. Wherever the wind blows, Senor Tropicana is going the other way, into the storm. To be honest with you, as opposed to outrght lying, CNBC bears the brunt for a lot of bullshit. Think about how difficult it must be to sit there, under the bright lights with make-up all over your face, entertaining a bunch of malcontent bloggers/misfit investors.

Fuck that.

That’s why “The Fly” will never do radio or make special guest appearances on the teevee.

As for the markets:

It appears the Dubai crap is behind us, regardless of how big the debt is. The rich fuckers from UAE will absorb all losses. Take that to the bank, jackass.

Nonetheless, the market is behaving weird, as if people are scared to allocate funds. Just know, should retail sales come in better than expected, this market will go nuts, like a hungry monkey in a fucking banana tree. Despite the lies being disseminated by certain Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] haters, I like the shares and will continue to add to my position, into the $50’s. Also, I like Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]], SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] and U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] . For the most part, any new funds invested on my behalf will be allocated into foreign related stocks and selective niche plays.

I am very done with the whole US of A thing. It’s fucking played out.

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 [[GMCR]] @ $62.50, unafraid of what the dark abyss may look like, since I have been there before, many times, under different guises.

It’s official. Before 2009 ends, “Santa Fly’s” biggest position will be Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] . The trend is undeniable and the technology is second to none: America loves “The K-Cup,” despite what you blue collar fuckers say inside of filthy Dunkin’ Donut hell holes.

The eps estimates are wayyyy too low, considering they (GMCR) make the hottest electronic device in America, aside from the Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] line of products, and control the supply of coffee, via Tulley’s, Green Mountain brands and now [[DDRX]] —all owned or soon to be owned by the makers of the Keurig.

Retail sales are on the mend, people; America wants their fucking coffee served fresh—fuckface. It’s the perfect gift, aside from The PPT (naturally).

On a separate note, foreign markets are ripping higher this evening, as people remember that those fuckers from Dubai really are rich, especially their brothers in UAE. Oh, by the way, The PPT told you to buy on Friday.

Don’t ever say “Santa Fly didn’t get me jack shit for x-mas.” That would be a fucking lie and you know it.

You don’t have to wait on line, inside of some cesspool, germ infested toy store. Instead, go to the internets and shop there. For example, instead of buying Dad a new LED-LCD teevee, buy him an annual subscription to The PPT. The kids wants video games? Forget about that. Get them a lifetime subscription to The PPT, with a special message under the tree “go get ’em kid.”

Life is all about out-gifting other family members. Nothing says out-gift more than an annual subscription of The PPT.

This message was paid for by The Really Egregious Union (TREU).