Fly Buy: $CROX

I started a small position in CROX.

Disclaimer: If you buy CROX because of this post, Michelle Obama will be elected President on 2016. And you may lose money.

I’m riding in a space rocket, scooping up farmers in 0hio and dropping them into blackholes. According to my time machine, SWHC is scheduled to smash earnings, fueled by the resurgence of the confederacy. Do you think gun sales slowed or quickened prior to the elections and why?

Here is what RGR and SWHC have done to EPS estimates (hint: they’ve shit on them) over the past 4 quarters.

RGR

SWHC

Despite all of the bad news, AAPL losing $35 billion in market capitalization in just one day, the markets are benign. I will prove to you later why markets shouldn’t be feared in December, but instead January.

Bottom line: I’m holding SWHC into earnings because I believe in the 2nd amendment and a heavily armed southern United Steaks. Also, I’ve noticed some of you partaking in a little good ol’ fashioned Tammany Hall election rigging. Need I remind you “The Fly” sees all and will disqualify you for soiling these fine elections with your filthy fat fingers?

Cast your vote. Speak your piece.

I gather many of you are huddled up around the fireside, toking from your favorite pipes, discussing the iBankCoin elections. Well read up and educate yourselves about the candidates, for elections begin at midnight, lasting until tomorrow’s closing bell (I changed my mind on the whole midnight to midnight thing).

I will not be endorsing anyone, instead letting the people decide for me. I am sure you will not let me down.

Rhino
Maximus
Frozenman
Republicat (he dropped out and endorsed Rhino instead)
Xtrade
Raul3
Zenhunter
Young Gun
Greedfeed
Ggarbacz
Eyewall
Elizamae
Chuck Bennett (The Devil’s Advocate)
Bradjd
Dchsn6
The Letter P
Fryguy
Ingsoc
SELLsellSELL
Prospectus
Zenhunter
Fastprophet4u

BEAS (currently domiciled in South Ossetia)

NOTE: The top 6 vote getters will advance to the second and final round of elections, to take place next Wednesday at midnight.

These stupid shits thought they’d fuck with Howard Schultz, a man born in Brooklyn, because they paid for some dickass lab results that showed “high levels of pesticides” inside of Teavana’s tea. Howard Schultz pisses on your lab report. He shits on it.

Fuck a bag of rocks, Glaucus. This recent spate of stupidity has brought short selling boiler room sites like theirs to new lows. They’re now trying to interfere with mergers and acquisitions via ridiculously stupid means.

Question for Mr. Glaucus:

Do you think Mr. Schultz gives a shit about the organic properties of Teavana’s tea or do you believe he bought them for their footprint, brand and distribution?

Any ape with an IQ above 80 would agree that canceling a deal based on some pesticide report is absurd. Therefore, any reasonable person can only conclude that Glaucus, with the help of certain person(s) on the television, have purposefully issued these reports in order to recover some of their losses, following SBUX’s takeover bid. One can only assume they are working against the best interests of their readers and attempting to profit from media driven fears.

Did you really think SBUX was going to pay attention to what some stupid shit, on some unknown website, with regards to THEIR MERGER?

For that, amongst other things, Sir, you are the recipient of an Asshat of the Week award.

Listen to them prank calling Teavana stores, like Jerky Boys, thinking they’ve made some biological breakthrough.

Congrats!

NOTE: so many asshats, so little time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJqTU2Tj7Wc

Oil and gas stocks are moving higher because folks like James Cramer suggested a new wave of consolidation might be upon us. WRONG. Today’s bump is because FCX is a ridiculously retarded organization. It’s equal to going to a grocery store and spotting a rotten piece of fruit, approaching the vendor and saying “excuse me Sir, how much for that rotten piece of fruit? (taps cane)” Meekly, the vendor responds, “well, it’s selling for $.80, but I might be able to do better.” The rich and extravagant man, named FREEPORT, responds, “no need good chap. I will give you $1.50 for that rotten fruit and while you’re at it, give me that half chewed apple in the corner as well. I’ll pay no more than $1.00 for THAT, however (mumbling to himself with victorious satisfaction).”

The meek vendor packs up the fruit and gladly accepts Freeport’s money, much to the chagrin of Freeport’s family who will now go without an Xmas turkey–because the old man spent all their money on two ruinous rotten pieces of fruit.

Parables abound!

I’m not participating in this rally, just like most of you. Despite the greeness of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, breadth stands at a feeble 53%, hardly inspiring. Silver is getting poleaxed, and by extension, as am I. My largest holding is VHC and that’s holding up, but by a thread. SWHC is scheduled to report earnings tomorrow, so it’s pins and needles until then. My world as you know it is frozen in time, stuck in the amber that is being caused by an indecisive stock market–customary of the month of December.

What is FCX fucking retarded? I apologize for waking you up with such profanity, but these fucktards are bidding for a company (MMR) that was on its deathbed because their big oil project is likely a dud. Hey, but that didn’t stop the assholes over at FCX from doing ANOTHER deal, on the same fucking day. Like women in a shoe store, they decided to buy PXP too, because that’s what pimps do.

As a result, FCX is down more than $5, fucking their shareholders for pagan Xmas, like nothing I’ve seen before.

Everyone on the teevee seems to be rather “meh” about the whole thing, pointing to stupid tax advantages.

THE COMPANY JUST EMPTIED ITS FUCKING COFFERS FOR A PIECE OF SHIT and another company that is bound to suffer under a difficult Obama led EPA. They probably bought MMR because the name sounds like theirs. Stupid shits.

FCX is a short because copper and gold isn’t good enough for them. FCX is a short because the company is led by asshats.

Gather ’round the fireside for a little iBC history–youngsters.

When I started blogging, back in my government reported age of 29 (my actual age is in the thousands), we held elections all the time. Bloggers would be hired for weekend stints and they’d be fired shortly thereafter. That’s how I met Woodshedder, Ragin Cajun, Danny, Caine, Alphadawg, even my world famous programmer VINCENZO ILLUMINATI.

When iBankCoin was founded, I scouted the area for good writers. We had official elections back in 2008. Hell, we even made campaign videos for them. Have a look, some of them are my finest work.

Elections will begin Wednesday at midnight, lasting through midnight on Thursday.The top 6 vote getters will advance to the next round, where 3 will be chosen for probationary tabbed blogger status.

Thus far, these are the contestants (let me know if I am missing anyone).

Rhino
Maximus
Frozenman
Republicat (he dropped out and endorsed Rhino instead)
Xtrade
Raul3
Zenhunter
Young Gun
Greedfeed
Ggarbacz
Eyewall
Elizamae
Chuck Bennett (The Devil’s Advocate)
Bradjd
Dchsn6
The Letter P
Fryguy
Ingsoc
SELLsellSELL
BEAS (currently domiciled in South Ossetia)

I expect voters to educate themselves on the choices they will be required to make. And contestants should campaign hard for the spot, even covet the backing of current staff bloggers–if they so choose.

With TEA trading down again today, it’s a full buck below an all cash deal by SBUX. An arbitrage trade is to be had here and I might pull the trigger.

If you can get short shares of TEA, it makes sense to get long calls as a pair. A move from $14.5 to $15.5 in the stock will cause short dated call contracts to explode in price– if the deal happens. On the other hand, should SBUX cancel the deal due to a pesticide issue with Teavana’s tea, the brand will be fucking ruined for life. As a result, I expect the shares will plunge into the single digits. Should the deal close, you lose $1 on your short.

My hunch says the deal closes. Schultz isn’t buying TEA for its organic qualities, but branding and distribution. If anyone is capable of firming up quality control, it’s Schultz. If he cancels the deal, TEA is fucked.

UPDATE: Tabbed Blogger contestant, RHINO, just crushed a Pandora short trade. Well done.

After years of blogging on this site, I am always delighted to ban a discourteous reader or two. Since inception, we’ve banned thousands, countless miscreants, from even accessing the site, via IP ban. And in some extraneous cases, we’ve banned whole countries. Just like the tree of liberty, the soil of free speech must be nourished by the blood of the unwashed, every once in awhile. In this specific case, every single day.

Be careful for what you say here, as you have no idea who I am and what organization(s) I am a party to. For all you know, this site can be a mouse-trap of sorts, to build a database of dissidents for FEMA, for future extraction and liquidation projects. We all like to enjoy ourselves, some more than others. Some of you like to venture off to the Fontainebleau to get inebriated– then mow down unsuspected shoppers at bus stops with luxury sedans. But when you are here, in these great and famous halls, behave as you would inside of a church. Shut your mouth and listen, then ask questions in a dignified manner.

The Blogger Network is humming with people working hard to earn a spot on the staff of iBankCoin. As you know, it will be a probationary position, subject to the strictest minimum traffic standards, which will be monitored at the end of 3 months. To acquire the minimum required traffic of 3% share, you will need to promote your work on Twitter and other social networking sites. Let it be known, we do not allow for cross-pollination on StockTwits, so that avenue is closed for you. Also, in order to attain the minimum required traffic, you will need to post at least 3 times per day. Know this going into the elections this Thursday. If you waste my time with poor quality drivel, I’ll fire you myself straight away.