18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,495 Blog Posts

Asshat of the Week Award: LNN Shorts


Friday, June 22, 2007

Seriously, why would anyone short a company that makes irrigation systems, as commodity prices shoot through the roof and fresh water supplies, worldwide, dwindle?

Answer: Because they’re fucking asshats.

For the first time in “Fly history,” I am awarding the “Asshat of the Week Award” to an entire group of investors, LNN shorts. 28% of LNN‘s float is sold short.

After a mind boggling 15 point run, in two weeks, they have earned it.

NOTE: Bearshitter was runner up with his HANS pan. Oh, and Guy “toast my face” Adami did a shitty job defending the HANS story yesterday, on national television. He came in third place.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Tom Au


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

In an unprecedented move, “The Fly” has ordered an extra shiny trophy, made in China (lots of lead involved in production), to be delivered to a man named “Tom Au,” who is well deserving of this weeks “Asshat of the Week award.”

This man just took out his calculator and declared the DOW will go to 6,000.

He rambles:

But valuations since 1991 (like the 1920s) have reflected a “new world order” of American political dominance that is now being eroded by troubles in the Middle East and elsewhere, and a highly leveraged “new economy” that is looking flimsier by the day. By calling for stocks to return to prewar valuations, I’m stating my belief that the elevated profit margins, returns on equity and earnings growth of the past 15 years that supported recent valuations were a historical aberration, and that a decade (or more) of U.S. stock market progress is about to be wiped out.

Now that’s the type of market call “The Fly” respects, yet throws mashed potatoes at.

Fuck the bears who call for the average 10-20% dip. Tom Au is showing you, via elementary mathematical models, how the DOW can ‘shave off’ 55% of its value, in fairly short order.


What a wonderful world of silliness Mr. Tom Au lives in.

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Asshat of the Week Award: James Cramer


Monday, February 26, 2007

Hey, someone has to get this fucking award, why not Cramer? Last thing I need is for these asshat awards to start stacking up in my basement. I need to get these fuckers out the door.

Anyway, with the big dick-swingers from KKR eating TXU whole, someone is sure to look incredibly stupid. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that man happens to be the Mad Money guru himself– Jim Cramer.

Let’s rehash:

On November 16, 2006, Jim’s “Mad Money” opinion of TXU was bearish.

Cramer was bearish on Hewitt Associates (HEW), Men’s Wearhouse (MW), TXU (TXU), Pacific Sunwear (PSUN), Amazon (AMZN), Abercrombie & Fitch (ANF), Genesis Microchip (GNSS) and Target (TGT).

On November 9th, 2006, Jim’s “Mad Money” opinion of TXU was bearish.

Cramer was bearish on Crystallex (KRY), SanDisk (SNDK), InterContinental Exchange (ICE), TXU (TXU), Frontier Oil (FTO), Ahold (AHO), Senomyx (SNMX), DSW (DSW), Kinross Gold (KGC).

However, just a day earlier, on November 8th, 2006, Jimmy was bullish on TXU. Such “flip-floppery” is unacceptable, and frankly– very “asshatish.”

Cramer was bullish on UAL (UAUA), Level 3 Communications (LVLT), Halliburton (HAL), Genentech (DNA), Amgen (AMGN), Celgene (CELG), Quest Software (QSFT), Transocean (RIG), Bema Gold (BGO), Yamana Gold (AUY), TXU (TXU).

NOTE: TXU‘s earnings came out on Nov 7th. Therefore, if he wanted to go bearish, Nov. 8th was the day to do it– not 9th. While it’s true, such small details escape those with “goat-brains”– it doesn’t vamoose “The Fly.”

Hence, the early Asshat of the week award goes to Jim Cramer.

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Asshat of the Week Award: John Thain


Friday, March 02, 2007

I am sure John Thain aka “The American Psycho” has pristine business cards and perfectly ironed handkerchief’s. But, he also has lazy ass robots on the NYSE– fucking up trading days. In short, this man has replaced real men for internet robots. As a result, when the market crashed through the floor boards on Tuesday, the fucking robots went haywire, maybe a short circuit or something, resulting in the DOW nearly doubling its losses–in about 2 seconds. Talk about an orderly market!

Thain certainly does not give you that.

Pure asshattery. John Thain has earned this fucking trophy, with his internet robots and mechanical-like presence.

Perhaps he is a fucking robot too?


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Asshat of the Week Award: Allan Greenspan


Friday, May 25, 2007

I’ve been waiting to give this man an “Asshat Award,” ever since the internets was invented.

When Greenspan was Fed Chairman, I hated him. I felt he was out to get me– with his dire predictions and fucktarded interest rate policy.

I remember when the dot com bubble popped and all “Greendick” could offer me was another interest rate hike. He, single handedly, expedited the market crash, by tightening until everyone choked.

Long story short: Fuck Greenspan and his new warnings of pending doom in China or recession in the U.S.


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Asshat of the Week Award: Joel Sendek


Friday, March 30, 2007

This man, Joel Sendek, biotech analyst from Lazard, is just making stuff up. On January 16th, 2007, Joel warned investors the FDA would not approve DNDN‘s prostate cancer drug, until 2009. Frankly, it is rare to find someone who can be so wrong, in such a short period of time. Luckily for the Asshat trophy award makers, Mr. Sendek is out and about– making all sorts of devastatingly bad market calls.

Hence, he gets this week’s “Asshat Award.”

I quote (Via Briefing):

“Firm believes that the complicated nature of the application, including secondary statistical analysis, may require a longer review period at the FDA. They continue to believe that the FDA will require data from the ongoing D9902B trial, prior to approval. Firm continues to expect approval in 2009 contingent upon survival data from D9902B, a trial that they view as more straightforward in design than previous studies.”

To make matters worse, Joel had a fucking “buy” rating on AGIX, prior to this swan dive.


Also, it’s worth noting, after AGIX fell 60% in one trading day, Joel decided to downgrade the stock to “hold.”

Double Asshat!

Finally, I have to mention, DNDN‘s prostate cancer vaccine was approved yesterday, nowhere near Joel’s 2009 target date. What the fuck? And, the stock is up 300% today.

Triple Asshat!

NOTE: Liisa Bayko of Next Generation Equity Research and Paul Latta of McAdams Wright Ragen both downgraded DNDN, prior to the FDA approval and deserve an “honorable” mention– when discussing important matters, such as “Asshat Awards.”

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Asshat of the Week Award: David J. Lesar


Friday, March 16, 2007

Without a doubt, the CEO of HAL deserves one of my Asshat trophies–for taking his oil-bitches to Dubai from Texas.

I mean, without getting into the political ramifications, is he fucking retarded? If the Democrats take the Presidency, they will skin this man alive. As far as I am concerned, he is Lord Supreme, Commander of the Asshat Legions–destroyer of the GOP marketing campaign.

Basically, Davey boy is a tax evading-fucktarded-oiltard. I spit on Davey boy.

Using his logic, all U.S. corporations should just move the fuck out of the country, because shit is cheaper elsewhere.

I’ll have you know, I was thinking about moving my family to Zimbabwe, in order to avoid NYC’s sales tax. Then, my wife found out, and cracked a ceramic salad bowl over my head.

Enjoy the middle east King HAL.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Herb Greenberg

Friday, April 27, 2007

The “Asshat Award” was invented for people like Herb. This man is King of the Asshats, with his fucktarded bear picks. I don’t know where to begin.

I mean, this man got his ass kicked by a fucking donut store (KKD) and was wrong on just about everything, with the exception of OSTK.

Furthermore, Herb’s bear picks don’t just go up a little. They fucking explode to the upside, with 1, 2 or even 10 baggers.

If this man ran a hedge fund, he would lose 99% of its money, within year one. That’s how bad he is.

From NTRI to HANS to AAPL to JCI or ISRG, Herb is always wrong. He makes the “Suck my Nasdaq” guy look like a fucking guru.

So, the next time you hear Herb trash a company, just go long. You are almost assured of making truckloads of newly minted cash.


Feel free to congratulate Herb aka “BearShitter,” via a message on his blog, of this crowing achievement.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Nicole Miller Regan


Friday, February 16, 2007

Congrats to Nicole Miller Regan, from Piper Jaffray (aka Piker Jackme), for winning the first ever “Asshat of the Week” award. Not only did Ms. Regan get bearish on BWLD, during the “holocaust of chickens” quarter, she attributed her bearishness to “higher chicken prices.” It never dawned on her that BWLD could pass those costs along to the inebriated, fat fuckers–who wolf down their “expensive” chicken wings, while watching their sport of choice. For that, “The Fly” (3rd person format was triggered last night) is thankful, having bought a nice block of shares in the high 40’s. The stock is now trading at $55. Hence, “The Fly” would like to present the “Asshat of the Week” award to the beautiful Nicole Miller Regan aka “calculator-less brain.”

Bravo. (applause)
Meanwhile, chicken prices, she wrote in a note to investors, are skyrocketing. After struggling with an oversupply of chickens earlier in the year due to avian flu fears, chicken producers have restricted their production which has led prices to climb, particularly in the last few months.

Regan noted that prices are up 20 percent in the year’s first quarter from the same period last year. The increase, she said, could mean the cost of sales may rise to 32.4 percent of restaurant sales in 2007.

For the current fourth quarter, Regan said she expects the company’s cost of sales to be 30.9 percent of total sales, reflecting lower chicken prices earlier in the winter. She added she expects earnings to miss Wall Street’s estimates by 1 cent at 52 cents per share when the company reports its fourth-quarter earnings after the market closes Thursday.


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Asshat of the Week Award: Guy Adami

Friday, April 20, 2007

Does this man even go on the internets? I mean, he went out on national t.v. and said “YHOO is going to have their best quarter ever.” When “The Fly” heard that statement, I knew he would be getting the “Asshat of the Week Award,” sometime very soon.

Granted, Guy is my favorite character on Fast Money; which is, by far, the best financial news program in all the world. Plus, two of his other cohorts, Timmy and Jeffy, both were fucktardingly bullish on YHOO too–and probably egged Adami into saying such gay things about the stock. Nonetheless, Guy still said it.

But, still, I don’t think Guy even owns a computer, being stuck in the 80’s and all. Yet he is throwing out comments, such as: “this is going to be YHOO‘s biggest quarter ever.” What the fuck!


Personally, I’d rather own 1 Yoohoo chocolate milk, than 1 YHOO share. They fucking suck, don’t you get it? Their website is garbage and their search technology “Panama” was created by many over paid asshats. It sucks too.

Look, GOOG is Godzilla and YHOO is Japan. It’s that simple.

There is not room for both and YHOO already lost the search wars, mainly because they fucking suck.

So, with YHOO‘s disaster of a quarter, coupled with the fact that Guy suggested buying it (to millions of people), prior to the disaster, “The Fly” is giving Mr. Adami a fucking Asshat Award (I have to get these things out the door).


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