REMINDER: ALL THE MAMACITAS LOVE A MAN WITH A VERYKOOL

In light of the small pin-action in IFON, I thought I’d take this opportunity to remind you good gents that all of the mamacitas love a man with a VERYKOOL ‘ifon.’

Granted, the stock is 100% retarded and I could probably buy the entire company and turn it into a popsicle stand. Nevertheless, I like their style.

Who ventures down to the Amazon jungle to sell smartphones, based in San Diego?

INFOSONICS, that’s who.

Related: the company will likely report its 4th consecutive profitable quarter. Also, they have begun selling their wares inside of the United Steaks. With no debt and ample cash, it represents and interested niche play, deep from inside of the Amazon jungle.

Disclosure: I own a lot of shares.

I drove over to the Newtown Zoe’s to do ‘research’ on the dining experience. It’s your average, run of the mill, Greek diner with modern decor. Essentially, it’s okay. However, they tend to lather everything in feta cheese, something that Mrs. Fly despises with every fiber of her existence. This chain would do terrific if placed smartly adjacent to gyms. It’s a protein centric eatery, something hard to find amidst the rabble of WEN-MCD-YUM strip malls.

The bottom line: it’s niche and cannot appeal to the larger, CMG-like, audience.

Let the market meander around aimlessly for a while. I can go for a break now. I’m a bit drawn down from my 3 hour sleep schedule.

Sellers are making a valiant effort here, showing up in oddball, mega cap stocks. Under the gloss, there is an ugly market lurking in the breach. I couldn’t care less about any of that and know that prices are bound to go higher. In the interim, watch out for wild reversals, especially in the aforementioned chinese burritos. Don’t blame me for the sell off. Blame yourselves for not taking profits when you had the chance.

At any rate, even if the market reversed today, the sell off will be shallow and we’ll probably resume heading higher tomorrow.

Two days in a row my JAZZ gapped up more than $3, only to reverse lower–definitely a bearish sign. Then again, the biotech space is filled with surprises, such as 10,000% one day returns for PBYI Aug 105 calls.

As an aside, I’ve been doing some work on ZOES. I’d appreciate any anecdotal information you might have on this eatery. Do you slobs fancy yourself eating there often, or are you just a Wendy’s, Big Mac, Burger King type of guy?

Chinese burrito lotto stocks are ripping heads off this morning, led by SFUN, TEDU, GOMO, NQ, and LEJU. Funny thing is, most of those stocks were on my buy list yesterday, but I opted for GOGO instead. The essence of speculation is present in the market. I seriously doubt the bears can mount any serious assault on the markets today–as they are left reeling in short positions, the likes of PBYI, and they don’t have a way out.

You thought you were smart and sold short PBYI yesterday; now your account is at zero.

I am fully invested–but have a great deal of new money coming in. My mandate is to crush the S&P 500 and kick it down an idle manhole. I am going to do exactly that.

Did you hear what I said, god damn it?

Speculation is back and so are the lotto plays.

Top picks: GOGO, JAZZ, JMEI

Web poll is being retarded. Fill in the blanks.

I will discuss this later. But the internet has failed me today. It’s almost impossible to embed a good web poll into WordPress.

Fuck the internet.

Here is a picture of Bill Ackman, who actually cried during his ‘short HLF to zero’ presentation today.

I’ve seen my share of odd moments during annual meetings, but until Thursday I’d never seen a grown man cry during one. O.K., maybe “cry” is a bit of an overstatement for what happened. Still, it was pretty startling when, in the middle of his speech to Target Corporation shareholders, William A. Ackman, the hedge fund manager who had waged an expensive, high-profile proxy fight against the company, suddenly choked up and stopped speaking. He wiped away a tear.

Source: NYT

Montauk Bill Ackman embarrassed himself today. After alluding to what would be ‘proof of fraud’ yesterday, the JCP turn around specialist all but eviscerated himself and his partners at Pershing Square today, by throwing gasoline onto the shares of HLF thanks to a fucked in the head short thesis presentation–leading to an epic 25%+ one day surge in the shares.

At this point, Bill should just do his partners a favor and resign as CIO of Pershing Square. It’s bad enough he’s getting taken to the woodshed on his HLF deal. But it’s a whole different story that he’s spent upwards of 50 million dollars ‘researching‘ it.

May you remember these days for the rest of your lives. Right now is the time to grab the bull by the horns and drive it straight into your enemies chest cavities. For the rest of you, lying in the tall grass, waiting for an opportunity to present itself, I hope to dear God you are struck by lightening–at the hands of Zeus himself. Or perhaps a plague might infect the grass you seek comfort in, exposing you for the asshole that you truly are–leaving you awash in misery.

As for everyone else, pretending to be Montauk Bill Ackman, embarrassing yourselves in short positions: you’re better than that. I am sure your parents paid for your college tuition and prodded you to study hard, to become the best damned professional that you could be. Stop playing games and cover your shorts and join the orgy.

There is a god damned cocaine party breaking out and everyone is invited. Failure to adhere to my warnings will lead to catastrophic losses and personal humiliation.

Just shut your mouths and observe how a true money manager handles the market.

Gentlemen,

I am in possession of a time machine. Whether or not you believe me is immaterial. I am not attempting to merely convince of you this untenable fact: I am telling you what you need to be told.

EXHIBIT A

Oh, look at that. See how the market went up IMMEDIATELY after my algorithms flagged oversold, you stupid shits? Oh, you think it’s an aberration, some sort of parlor trick, a get lucky and duck scheme?

WELL HAVE A LOOK AT THIS!

That was my 12 month track record. Well, actually, it was my algorithms’ 12 month track record in The PPT. Isn’t it nice?

Now you’re like Dracula looking in the mirror, trying to fix his fucked up hairdo. But guess what? Dracula cannot see his reflection in the mirror because he’s invisible to it.

I am the mirror and you are the blood sucking vampire with a fucked up hairdo.

Get ready for the melt up.

The 7th annual iBC dinner is right around the corner. Well, it’s actually the 6th since I canceled the meeting last year due to being pissed off at the world. That was a mistake–because I work with great men on this site. There is never a question of talent or work ethic when managing this group. Believe you me, it used to be harder than this. But enough of about that; now let me tell you what has to happen now.

The July lull presented itself and has to go, else we’re going off course. The rally must commence now, as in immediately. The buy list might include your usual suspects: high beta oil and tech, mixed in with a little biotech. There are plenty of names that are cheap. Here are a few.

Stocks listed with 2 week returns

PETX -28%

EOPN -28%

MOBL -28%

NLNK -25%

INFI -25%

LL -25%

CHUY -24%

DRNA -23%

RUBI -21%

There are others and I do not condone holding any of the above stocks into earnings. But something has to give. Either we squirrel our way back down the sewer pipes into hell. Or, we resurge, leaving short sellers dead in the streets by the billions.

May the Gorilla Run commence now.