GET IN THE VAULT

There are so many weird, sick, people who leave comments on this blog, most of which you don’t see because they get banned or sent to the spam folder. There are thousands of comments trapped in moderation, thanks to The iBC Internet Laser Beam, whose sole goal is to seek out and destroy the mentally insane. Speaking of which, Alec Baldwin penned a terrific article in the New York Magazine today.

RFMD and TQNT are merging.

Uncle Carl Icahn is sabre rattling again at Ebay.

PANW beat estimates.

Things appear to be going swimmingly.

Gold is higher again and I expect stocks will trend higher. The theme is inflation and everything that goes with it. I believe it’s time to embrace the yellow metal, especially since Bitcoin has all but committed suicide at the top of Mt. Gox. I am not surprised to see gold doing well at a time when Bitcoin appears to be dying. The inverse was true last year, as all of the crazy people in the world sold out of gold and belly flopped into the choppy peaks of Mt. Gox, also known as Mountain of Cocks.

I can’t say that I’ve been the hardest working person I’ve ever known, at least over the long term. There have been periods in my life where I outworked others for nothing, resulting in crap results. One of my early mentors, who was blessed with an insane gift of gab, used to brag about “working smart” instead of hard. He was the biggest producing broker at the firm and could pretty much write his own paycheck.

On many occasions I’d work from 7:30am to midnight, desperately trying to get clients–which often ended in pathetic fashion. On other occasions, I’d work until noon and get three. The world is funny like that. I truly believe achieving success starts in the mind. However, sometimes the mind paralyzes the body, resulting in a lot of nothingness.

I once knew a person who was planning and plotting for success. He had motivational quotes on the wall, listened to Anthony Robbins constantly, and always told people his plans for rapid, unprecedented, growth. We all fall into that sort of trap, every so often. The trick is to not start believing the fairy tale. I’ve always found it more fulfilling to act, instead of talking. And if I wasn’t gonna act, don’t bother talking about it.

In other words, plan less and do more. It’s better to make yourself out to be a jackass by failing instead of never trying. The worst type of regret is the one rooted in inaction, the guy with the white board and goals, pictures of the fast car and million dollar mansion on his desk, yet takes an hour to eat lunch.

S&P futures are higher this evening.

As you were.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2A7nhjdbA8

You’ve made your bed; now you’re supposed to lay in it. Unless you’re super-retarded, you have a full boat now and shouldn’t have anymore buying power. Therefore, you are supposed to, theoretically, take it easy. Let the working class find solace in knowing there are people like you out there, not hard at work, taking it easy for the rest of us (extra Dude).

After all, it’s Friday and you’re semi-rich.

As for the young punks who litter the comments section: GET BACK TO WORK (three strikes from my whip). You haven’t earned anything and do not deserve rest. Work until your brains fall out, or until you can afford to spend inordinate sums of money on the stupidest things man has to offer–not because you want to, but because you can (I just spent thousands on custom air vents).

I am up more than 1.1%, thanks to CRTO and EZPW. As I chill, I hope many in the third estate head over to their local pawn shops to borrow against stolen gold necklaces and wedding bands, preferably at EZPW.

I leveraged up, uber greedy style.

I bought IFON, SALE, BLOX and GNC.

IFON is my momo play.

BLOX is my fundamentally cheap play.

SALE is my next YELP.

GNC is my “snow will eventually melt” play.

As of now, I am 130% long.

Ciao (the most annoying form of goodbye).

FUEL reported better than expected numbers last night. Weakling competitors, TRMR and MRIN, should get some “sympathy love” as a result. But the real juice resides in France, home of CRTO. Most of you dogs aren’t privy to such a company, just like most of you didn’t know what YELP was when I first mentioned it.

Did I mention to you that I felt SALE is the next YELP? Trading at 10x sales, with a growth rate similar to YELP, it’s only a matter of time before Wall Street figures out that companies like SALE are the last bastion of hope for the tired and old brick and mortar retailers. SALE will lure them into the stores, with promises of discount. They are Grandma’s coupons, only delivered via mobile app. Plus, they offer online discounts too.

Moving on, I pray to the stock Gods every night that Citron “Research” or Seeking Alpha might pen a persuasive hit piece on YELP, smashing the shares to kibble–forcing longs the hell out, so I can get back in.

GRPN missed because they blow.

How is PCLN above $1,200? Wildly absurd.

GOGO trades like crap. But, long term, I like it–same with ANGI.

AWAY is killing it.

TWTR is too expensive and FB is a criminal enterprise.

Typically I hide names that I am researching for fear that some of you pikers will front run me and force me to pay up. But then it dawned on me: we’re in a bull market and you have your own stocks that are ripping higher. You are much less likely to buy mines now than at any other time in the history of the market.

I’ve discovered some very interesting small cap names, most of which are growing rapidly, thinly traded, and filled with promise.

First let me start by saying, I am most bullish on CRTO and SALE out of all of my positions. I believe SALE is in its infancy of providing value to retailers, unlike GRPN. Should SALE trade down tomorrow due to GRPN’s swing and a miss, I will be buying.

Here are the new names.

PRCP- Devil pick
MRIN
SILC
RENT
SMT
STRT
ADEP
CUI
ATTU
NLST
SEV

I am in the beginning stages of research, sifting through reports, listening to conference calls. Right away I am attracted to SEV and STRT for their automobile exposure. Do you know that ignition, lock and key for your car? Odds are it is made by STRT. SEV is a play on electric cars, sans TSLA. They provide parts.

These are all potential home runs; that is the purpose of this exercise. I am not looking for small 20-30% winners. I am looking for a small cap name that I can put a few million behind and let it ride. Sometimes group think helps. Let me know if you like any of them.

To hell with you and your negativity (irony abounds!). “The Fly” is into fast cars (no more than 75mph on the highways) and married women (been married for a long, long time). My largest position was caught masterbating and sent to its room without lunch today; but everything else did swell.

I bought IFON with some start-up speculation loose change, the type of currency found in between the pillows of your couch–no less than $100,000. They have a burgeoning smart phone business in South America, where they trick the indigenous folks into believing their phones are cool. As a matter of fact, they tell them it is Very Kool.

I like this play for the win.

While the market was celebrating in its decadent perversion, no one visited my pawn shoppe. As such, EZPW slid lower. That’s quite all right. I took that opportunity to offer out loans to hard pressed people at absurd interest rates, using their wedding bands and family heirlooms as collateral. With gold inching higher, MARK MY WORDS, the pawn shops are going to win and BIG.

Other than that, I produced a spartan gain of 1% today, laughing all the way to the bank.

BTW: Did I mention The PPT nailed the OVERSOLD signal to the exact low point of the market again?

Indeud.

NOTE: The NSA is unable to access Apple iPhone text messages, because they are encrypted. They do not have such problems with What’s app.

I started a new position in IFON and added to EZPW.

This rally goes out to all of the brick-brained chaps loitering about on Twitter, hoping and praying for a decline. Some of you chastised me for giving up hope on a lost cause, opting for the more optimistic approach to life and industry–getting long stocks and big. Now you understand why I did it, only now it’s too late. Your Zeeco accounts have all but been eliminated from contention– approaching zero in disgraceful fashion. The margin clerks will finish you off this afternoon for good.

You barbarous animal.

Here are my top 5 positions, according to size. Please do not ask me about MVIS, as I no longer follow the company. As far as I’m concerned, they are 7 years too late.

EZPW
CRTO
SPLK
SALE
MA

Other positions of note include EGO, NUS and UNXL.

I realize EZPW is underperforming on this fine day and I do not pretend to know all. However, as sure as I am sitting here, inflation is creeping, like a pervert in the trees. Gold will upswing and losers will frequent EZPW’s shoppes at alarming rates, in the coming months.

Everything is a buy. Text messaging is a $19 billion proposition. Therefore, as logic dictates, BBRY is undervalued! I believe one is able to send text messages via antiquated Black’d Berried device. Also, one might do the same with AOL “instant messenger.”

Last I checked, there was a rudimentary form of communication taking place on the “Yelp” mobile app, where users would leave commentary regarding their favorite pizza parlours. Surely, that too should be worth $20 billion, or 5x what it’s trading for now.

Forget about the “old economy” names. We are into making “bold” moves, made by even bolder men of industry. Throw away your chocolate bars and bowls of Campbell’s soup and embrace the idea that Angie from Angie’s list is your new role model. Buy her shares and toss away your Ralph Lauren wares.

Need I remind you, old chap, that you are reading this commentary from the luxury of the internets, whether it be via desktop platform or even one of two of our mobile apps? What would a person, such as yourself, fancy our app is worth? We have a large community of rich investors, worldwide, perusing our domain, in search, desperate almost, for stock advice. They travel from very far to beg The Option Addict for “new picks” like crack fiends seeking a fix–almost to the point of offering blow jobs in exchange for an idea. Surely, such a place of industry is worth at least a few hundred million, a mere pittance for bold men like Mark Zuckerberg.